Bored Space

Ampiita

[heyampiita]

100 Awit Para Kay Stella

(With Spoilers)

Maganda ang pagkakalatag ng mga awit sa pelikula. Maganda ang pagkakwento, malinaw. Magaling ang mga artista; medyo nagcringe lang ako sa mga pa-pogi ni Clyde Pelayo.

Limerence. Para sa akin, limerence ang natagpuan ni Clyde Pelayo kay Stella. Sabi nga ni Stella, paano magiging sila kung hindi naman sya sinubukang kilalanin ni Clyde.

Ang hindi ko matatanggap ay kung tatawagin ding limerence ang naramdaman ni Fidel. Maraming emosyon— kilig, pananabik, takot, uncertainty. Kilala nya si Stella at nais nya pa sanang kilalanin. Ang naging problema lang ay kahit nabigyan na sya ng pangalawang pagkakataon, hindi pa rin sya naging handa harapin ang pag-ibig na nararamdaman nya. Paano nga naman sya iibig sa iba ng maayos kung hindi nya magawang mahalin ang sarili nya?

Ang symbolic ng ulan; ginamit ito para ipahayag na malaya na si Stella sa madilim nyang nakaraan. Na pinapalaya nya na ang kanyang sarili.

Rating: 8/10

[heretherebedork]

And if we kissed under the rainbow flag? And if we loved each other no matter what the world said? And if we were loved by the people around us so much that we had the strength to love even when people tried to stop us? The Marahuyo Project is absolutely glorious and you should all watch it.

[heyampiita]

Lately, I am finding myself looking for something that I do not know. I get excited about an idea; I act on it, then get bored. It is a pattern, I noticed. And I am getting tired.

[heyampiita]

Grit. That is the only thing I have while I traverse in my career journey. I have never had a specific dream. I grab any opportunity that comes my way. I do my best. And I try to learn more about myself patiently. However, it has been eight years since I started working, and my path still seems undefined. Podcasts and videos related to self-awareness and career development are what I am currently consuming, hoping that they would help me see things clearly. Here are some of the few things I have learned so far:

Always persevere and be ambitious. You are maybe unaware of your own path, but someone may possibly see it for you. It is called sponsorship.

Grab opportunities. You never know, maybe what you have in the present is what you need. Just make sure that you do your best because every task given is a chance to gain new skill and knowledge.

How do you know if you are an individual contributor? You like finishing your tasks at your own phase.

How do you know if you are a leader? 1. You seek for ways to help other people grow. 2. You understand that your time is not yours.

Look for a mentor. However, before doing that, make sure you know your purpose; it is for you to get the proper guidance that you need.

Your mentor does not have to be someone above you. It can be a colleague who’s more experienced. Someone who is highly skilled. There is always something to learn from other people.

[heyampiita]

X.O. Kitty (A Late Mini Review)

Created by Jenny Han

10 Episodes

Though I bashed this series hard, I’d still like to commend it for showing what young love means— fickle and idealistic.

I’d say fickle because of Min ho and Kitty. Min ho is obviously flighty for liking girls and for having overlapping relationships. Kitty for liking Dae, then Yuri, then at the end of the season, she showed a glimpse of reciprocation of feelings for Min Ho.

Idealistic, because of Kitty going to Dae. Imagine crossing the world for someone you like while you are in high school. Impossible. Then, we have Yuri and Juliana’s you and me against the world type of love. Lastly, Dae for doing anything to get back with Kitty. (That I no longer recall because it has been a while since I watched this.) This series shows the meaning of young love. That it is about grand gestures. It is about big emotions, so vivid, and it feels like it could swallow you. It is about the feeling of being the center of everything.

[heyampiita]

We are All Poems Waiting to be Read

Marius Black

Art and poetry combined.

Marius’s artworks are heavily influenced by Japanese animation. The drawings and their hues remind me of Ghibli. Expressive and moving.

Though I admire his art, I did not become fond of his poetry. His are free form which look like fragmented sentences to me. Most poems feel like lazy writing; phrases in shards. But there were few poems that left impression — Lola Q, and Digger. Both tackled about life and how it may end.

I recommend this book to those who are exploring art and poetry, and to those who are curious about the lives of ordinary people living in a third world.

[heyampiita]

Colorful

A novel by Eto Mori

This is a narrative about a soul given a second chance to live on earth. To fully grab the opportunity, he lives in a boy’s body and was tasked to recall the greatest sin he committed from his previous life.

The story focuses on how the soul grows to understand the people around him and how they value his host. At first, for him, everyone seems pretentious and unreasonable. But when he has taken his time to listen to them, he realizes their battles and the reasons behind their actions.

I like the author’s approach in life that manifested in this book. It’s hopeful, yet it dwelled in truth— the world can be cruel. That we may see ourselves as nothing. But there are things that we can control and take lightly. And there are people around us who want us to live. They are there to help us— lift us up when we’re weary, listen when the burden is too much. Certainly, they are not perfect, but so are we. And it is okay, as long as we have them, and they have us.

[heyampiita]

The Life of a Stupid Man

Essay collection of Ryunosuke Akutagawa

I find his essays perplexing and sad. Not easy to understand. But if carefully pondered upon, you will see a glimpse of his life in each writing. Dismissive avoidant. Someone who consciously did not try. Someone stupid.

[heyampiita]

Death Register

A short story by Ryunosuke Akutagawa

Three deaths. Family members gone in three different times of his life. Distinct experience and distant void.

His mother was a madwoman. She died before her actual death.

His older sister did not experience getting any older. Suddenly gone.

His father died a natural death. Influenza.

Through blurred memories, they are remembered. They make the living feel a definite type of sadness. They are the type to occupy and leave a space that could not and never be replaced.

[heyampiita]

In a Bamboo Grove

A short story by Ryunosuke Akutagawa

It is about a murder of a man in a bamboo grove taken in different perspectives. Beside him, they found a comb and a rope.

The way the story was told was multifaceted — from a witness who is not in any way related to the case, from a religious person, from a family member, police officer, suspect, another victim and the man who died. These angles are relevant as the author shows how people react to someone’s tragedy depending on the proximity of their relationship.

The woodcutter narrated what he saw on the surface. The religious man added sympathy. The family member was empathizing with the living victim. The police officer was interested in the suspect. The suspect, with full of pride, told the story with grand. Trying to rationalize his actions, or maybe, trying to look like he is the main character of the story. The second victim described the events filled with her emotions. An almost another narcissistic point of view. Lastly, the victim, through a medium, told his truth.

[heyampiita]

Top Three Things I Learned from 2022

1. People sound more dull when they speak more.

2. A lot claim to be eloquent but really has no brains. Do not believe what you hear. Continue observing.

3. Even when you ask directly, when yes or no is unsaid, it means the answer is at your disadvantage.

[heyampiita]

My 2022

December 31

After almost two years of working from home in the province, on March 2022, I had to go back to Manila because our company required us to work onsite.

On May, I lost hope in our country. Filipinos lost to fake news. Our country’s president for the next six years is another useless person.

On December, I learned how communication is not working in our company. If you speak, you’re perceived as someone who’s not mature enough to understand business. If you choose silence, you are at fault for not expressing your thoughts and disrespectful for making some people feel uncomfortable. Therefore, act as if you understand every management decision, and keep your arguments to yourself. Nod.

But there were also good things. More, actually. I just realized it when I browsed my IG stories.

I was promoted from Level 1 to Level 3, and moved to a different line of business on February. For three consecutive quarters, I was the top team member. I bagged the Top Team Member of the month award multiple times, too.

For the first time, I supported candidates on elections and went through a lot to vote for them. Though they lost, Leni-Kiko, it’s undeniable that they made a big impact in the lives of the Filipino people who truly believed in them. Volunteerism became a thing.

It just scarred my heart that the elections also confirmed that most Filipinos deny History, and are ignorant. Critical thinking, naught.

On June 30th, I participated in Pride march! 🏳️‍🌈 It was just a mini march, since it was only organized by our company. However, it was fun and warming. Hoping to participate in bigger Pride events soon. Pass SOGIE Equality bill!

Got inked with my boyfriend on August. The design was kind of mine. I combined two symbols. An arm band for mourning; it’s for my father. And an eye for seeking knowledge. I still have few designs on my mind, and I might get more tattoos this coming year.

November. After more than three years, I got to travel again. My friend, sister, and I went to Buscalan on a three-day travel. We got our first batok tattoo from Apo Whang-Od, the legendary mambabatok artist in the Philippines. It was also a plus that we got to interact with nice and interesting people during our trip.

December:

First time to have a quality time outside our house with my siblings: we went to Pinto Art museum. And ate at a barbecue place.

First time to watch a theatrical play performed by known artists. It was also my first random day with my sissy, Ying.

First and last time to see Banna Harbera perform. Best gig ever! 🥹

First random night with my mom and sister on Christmas day. We walked. Took hundreds of photos. And ate ice cream from Baskin Robbins because as of today, all stores in the PH are officially closed.

There are more things that I want to add to the list:

- first time to live in a studio apartment (improving lifestyle lols)

- first time in the firing range with my boyfriend’s family

- first time to receive books from co-workers without giving something in return

Now, I see, there are a lot to be grateful about in 2022. And I am hoping for more in 2023. Thank you!

[heyampiita]

It was my mistake to hope for fairness. I should have listened to the unsaid words.

12 ‘22 Lesson

[heyampiita]

Greg Gaines tried hard to keep a low profile high school life while making mediocre films with his friend, Earl. Until his mom forces him to befriend an almost lover who's dying.

This book gives both familiar and unfamiliar feeling. This is the first time that I read a YA character that acts, speaks, and thinks his age. The protagonist was so random and spills truth about being young and clueless.

After putting the book down, I was thinking hard about the lessons I learned from it. Any thing life changing? None. However, it gives a couple or three realizations:

One, people can be too self-absorbed, at the same time, see the world in a hideous lens: they cannot live the way they want to. They are too afraid of how the world will view them, when in reality, no one cares. Everyone is too self-absorbed.

Next, people are not responsible of other people. I mean, in a lot of ways, we affect each other. However, as what Earl have said: 'I'm surrounded by family members doing stupid shit. I used to think I had to do shit for them. I still wanna do shit for them. But you gotta live your own life. You gotta take care a your own shit before you get started doing things for everybody else.'

Last, people think they try to exert effort for other people, but during the act, they forget that they are doing it for other people. It becomes about them. And it is sad. And most of the time, it is already late when they realize.

There you go. Give it a read.

[heyampiita]

Timawa by AC Fabian

A Filipino novel written 70 years ago and published in 2019.

To be honest, when I started reading the book, I was wincing hard and I did not want to finish it. However, Andres, the main protagonist, grew on me. I do not know if the story was supposed to be funny, but I just started laughing off the parts that made me cringe. It reminded me of my Wattpad days, at the same time, of the Filipino television dramas that were overly dramatic: The protagonist was impossibly almost perfect. The plot was full of twists that could be aired on TV for four to seven years.

I believe that art is a depiction of reality. But this book made me feel confused. I have no closed old folks with me that I can ask if some of the scenarios of the book are possible. I wanted to confirm if those people who lived around the second world war really think and speak like the novel’s characters. I wanted to know if it was really possible to be a med student/university boxing champion/dishwasher at the same time.

Anyway, it’s fun reading Timawa. Behind the grand main character and plot, lies the real life Filipino stories — The discrimination experienced because of color. The way how Filipinos look up to America and its people. Being great at the sports boxing. Exploitation of poor by rich. Poor people being content of their dreadful life. Even the behaviors and attitude of the characters are true. However, what is saddening is, the scenarios depicted in the novel are still true to this day. Filipinos are still poor and exploited by rich and powerful people. Even with the rise of Information Age, most are still naive and ignorant. Filipinos are still frowned upon.

The novel written 70 years ago still, dismally, resonates.

10/22/2022

[heyampiita]

I miss writing and drawing. I should go back. And stop being preoccupied by too much sleeping. Lol

[heyampiita]

I watch the moon.

Let it run my mood. 🎵