Do you know me?

You don't know me. You only know what I allow you to know.

[heyapricity]

Some memories aren’t worth to be kept.

[heyapricity]

Bigger sea for a little fish

Mountain things to do, I almost forgot what my dreams are... The reality kicks in, I lost my way... 

I think it’s the right time to write down all my dreams again. I always like what I’m doing, it’s the people who make it look bad. 

Set sail! We’re gonna go to a long, long journey. 

[heyapricity]

Have you ever felt like the boat you are currently in going into different direction? And you want to jump and dive in to the ocean instead, but can't swim either.

- End of Feb, 2019.

[islamic-art-and-quotes]

It will keep hurting you, until you let go and there remains nothing in the heart but Him. Once that happens you will no longer love for your own sake. Everything you want, love, or hate will be for, through and by Him.

Yasmin Mogahed (via islamic-art-and-quotes)

[heyapricity]

They asked my why couldn’t I like him. He doesn’t seem fear God, even tho he said does. That makes me scared. How could I like a person who’s not even trying to love God right? I don’t even wanna think about any other possibilities of us. He will find the person just right for him, and that person is not me. He is kind, yes I admit. But, I need more than a kind person. 

[islamic-art-and-quotes]

When you have a bad suspicion about a Muslim in your heart, you should increase your consideration toward him and make dua for him. This way you will infuriate Satan and will be able to drive him away. Because of this, Satan will be reluctant to put evil thoughts into your heart, afraid that you would increase your consideration towards your brother and will make dua for him again.

Abu Hamid al-Ghazali (via islamic-art-and-quotes)

[heyapricity]

Why am I doing what I am doing?

[quraners]

Kamu tau apa yang paling aku suka dari kata menjaga? Kelak jika memang sudah tiba waktunya, akan ada rasa manis saat kita saling bercerita, bertukar kata tentang apa yang selama ini ada dalam benak kita, tentang cita-cita dan apa yang selama ini kita sematkan dalam doa. Seperti halnya buah yang tumbuh dari pohon yang baik, begitu juga dengan semua yang tumbuh dari hati yang dijaga dengan baik. Kamu percaya aku kan? Jadi mari saling menjaga dalam ketaatan.

©Quraners (via quraners)

[kurniawangunadi]

Lalu Bersama Waktu

Ada perasaan-perasaan yang selesai dengan sendirinya dengan berjalannya waktu, juga masalah-masalah kita yang lain. Perasaan-perasaan yang dulu seolah-olah tidak pernah selesai, berlalu begitu saja.

Saat tiba-tiba kita berdiri dan menyadari, bahwa semuanya telah selesai.

Barangkali, semenjak kita tidak lagi sibuk memikirkan juga merasakan. Saat kita mulai menjalani kehidupan yang riuh, menenggelamkan segala sesuatunya ke tempat yang tidak kita duga. Tempat bernama masa lalu.

©kurniawangunadi

[heyapricity]

London... I've never thought would be a place I visit a lot.

[heyapricity]

One day you just wake up and feel at peace with yourself after headache haunted you for weeks. Knowing you can't control things, but God know how.

[heyapricity]

God put ease to everything seemed so hard for me.

[heyapricity]

I put lemon in my wound.

[heyapricity]

I don't wanna work. I have to work. I need to work. No, I don't wanna work. But I can't do anything but work. I feel like...

[eye-know]

[heyapricity]

and...

I just booked a ticket for going to the attraction. I just realised how much I missed things so-called fun ever since I was in primary. Back then, I always detached myself from my friends, because simply I was afraid they would gonna leave me alone somewhere while we were playing. I couldn’t trust them enough since they did mocking people disguised as joking. I would prefer my grandma taking me to her hometown and spent my holiday there while exactly doing nothing. We did walking and stuff with another adults I barely remembered. When she got sick, she even barely moved her whole body, she just lied down in the bed. Time passed by so quickly, and she’s just gone. I didn’t find any reason to visit my grandma’s house after that. 

Junior high school was not that easy too. Students from the top primary school cornered me to the point I hate being stupid. Speaking about group, they didn’t even want me - a girl from just a small neighbourhood school. I pushed my self enough to be in the top three student in the class. Things turned after that, they considered me to befriended with, even copied some of my tasks and notes. I hate being spotted on just because they could benefit something from me. Though, my consciousness wouldn’t let me off my guard, I tried my best to remain smart as I could. I hate failure, I hate it even more if I, myself, is the reason of that. I spent my whole holiday just to re-writing my notes. Till I graduated of my university, I didn’t play around enough. I spent my breaks to get intern or work somewhere. Why? To get experience as much as I could, so I wouldn’t have that time of regretting the job I do. Soon after I graduated, I got accepted in the parliament, which turned my idealism upside down. I decided to move overseas to study. Luckily universe conspired to make that happen. At that time, I started liking spending holiday because I never had one. Yes, I never had one.... not until I was 22 yo. I changed a lot within this 4 years. I traveled land and sea, I visited countries I never thought I would. Now I am 26 yo and....

[heyapricity]

I've taken my train, flight, buses, by my own, many times. How many more this road has no company? I've seen bunch of family taking care of each others. I have only God. And that's enough actually. Sometimes, I want my mom. or my dad. or my brother. or them altogether. with me. This kind of journey, somehow is too lonely. I'm getting sad. Oh, bad.