I’m better at existing in the fall

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I’m better at existing in the fall
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© plutoxoxi via x/twitter
by hobbitontours
You ever sat back and realized how much you allowed yourself to suffocate at one point in time because you were too kind?
The people in my life make me miserable. Every time I share something going on in my life, they take it as an opportunity to absolutely dump their shit all over me.
It’s exhausting. I’m saying, “Hey, my hands are too full,” and they say, “Oh no! Can you hold this for me though?” It makes me sick. My nervous system is so overwhelmed.
i desperately need to just sit by the water
When I was a kid my parents got upset because I said I wanted to be a waitress when I grew up. I used to think it was because I saw balancing a tray on one hand as a talent.
But then I remembered, waitresses were the only people I saw my dad be routinely nice to
My body is tired but my mind is unworried. Listening to audiobooks and getting paid. Eating well. Sleeping well. Really it’s not so bad in autopilot
My life changed drastically when I decided I was put on this planet to drink tea and hug my dog. I don’t want to accomplish anything. I don’t want to be anything special.
I want to be flowers in a parking lot.
Having an, “everything is falling apart around me,” week. But I have peanut butter toast, a snuggly puppy, and a book. So it’s going to be ok.
I’m tired of striving. Tired of being told I should want more.
Today I got out of my car and this perfect little bud was inches from my face and that’s plenty, more than enough for me.
Find me in the forest, abandoning all attempts at feeling understood
How lovely it would be to not be perceived. To not have expectations or failures. To let existence be enough
My body is slow, my mind is heavy, and I don’t know if I should tell my coworkers I’m sorry my depression is causing short term memory loss
If I work full time, I fall apart. There’s no room for a home cooked meal or freshly done laundry within capitalism.
I wish I was born to a place that builds in time to sip some tea and appreciate the day