Shark Week

It's like "Jaws" but it's your period.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

A queef cost me my panties.

Blood went everywhere except on the god damn pad. You know how babies have a diaper blowout...yeah, so basically me, but with my period.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

So, in other news, I sneezed so hard my tampon almost came out -_-'

[heyhoitsauntflo]

i keep buying potted plants and kill them by forgetting to water them for weeks and my uterus expects me to have a kid ??? 

[heyhoitsauntflo]

Friendly reminder to not forget your dildo on the sink, in case your dumbass SO gives the neighbours a house tour.

We need to move asap.

I want to bury myself somewhere.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

Ah, yes, the moment my workplace decided to switch to white uniform pants, my period decided to hit me like a train.

Good job. I already ruined a pair.

Fuck my life.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

That awkward moment when you go to the ER thinking your appendix exploded only to find out you're constipated.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

TMW you're so horny that your tampon just slides out...

[heyhoitsauntflo]

People!!!

Please, for the love of christ, wash your goddamn genitals!!!

[heyhoitsauntflo]

This month's highlights:

not even one day late, but unexpectedly slow start for my period

ah it's just very slow

maybe it's just because I'm stressed all the time

remembering that my dumb husband gave me a surprise 2 weeks ago

was also ovulating 2 weeks ago

Fuck

is this insemination spotting

AM I PREGNANT

What

Panicking

I uh want a baby but I don't want a surprise baby

Hubby jokes about it

Hubby realises what he's done

we gonna need a bigger house

planning and brainstorming

my wedding dress is never gonna fit now

I'm due 1 month before my wedding, should we cancel

baby names

god parents????

it's gonna be okay

realise I've been drinking quite a lot in the past month

oh fuck

hubby is scared of babies in general

He fReaking out

we can't afford a bigger house

he apologises a lot

I consider having an abortion

I might never be able to have kids after

he doesn't want me to go through any of that

we kind of want it...but the timing is shit

more apologising

I need a pregnancy test tho

WHAT DO

???

T~T

nevermind I got my period

And all of this happened in a span of 2 days.

Condoms. Use them.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

I woke up in pain and felt generally miserable today. I've got a stiff neck since 4 days ago and I'm all out of painkillers.

Now my lower back is hurting and I'm cramping like hell.

I checked my tracker and lo and behold, I'm due in a couple of days.

PMS is a bitch.

I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

Me: oh shit, what if I'm on my period on my wedding day? How am I gonna change my tampon??Oh fuck, should I try a cup? AAAAAHHHHHHH*stressing*

Corona: I gotchu, fam!

[heyhoitsauntflo]

Me: I want baby.

Bf: No baby.

Me: But...baby.

Bf: Nope.

.

.

.

Bf: I want baby.

Me: Well, now I don't want it.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

Him: so, what do you want for your birthday?

Me, jokingly: uh...a baby...?

Him: okay, let's get to work, then!

Me, internally screaming:

[heyhoitsauntflo]

If anyone asks again wtf am I doing so long in the bathroom, I'm gonna start throwing tampons at them.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

"You should have a baby. It's not like you have something better to do."

Excuse me, what fresh hell is this ? Is this the 1600's? Since when is a woman's sole purpose in life to have a baby?

Having a baby is not a goddamn accomplishment! It's not a goddamn prize you get to rub in other people's faces. It's not a toy. It's a human being.

You have a baby because you want a baby...not because you have nothing better to do. Or because you're pressured into it.

And also, it's no one's goddamn business when and if I decide to have one. The only ones that matter in this particular situation are the people actually having the baby. No one else.

I cannot believe I had to witness that abomination being said to me in 2020.

What the fuck is wrong with people.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

My dudes, I realized how much of a shut in I am with this pandemic.

I sincerely hope people don't hoard tampons like they do toilet paper.

Because I haven't bought shit in like 3 months and I'm all out of tampons.

[heyhoitsauntflo]

Why did I even expect anything else. There was honestly nothing left. No pads. No tampons.

I had to stick with the last pack of whatever I found.

Meanwhile, the lady in front of me bought the entire stock of wet tissues and diapers. That's...well, quite unfair, because there are people who can't buy so much at once. And I know babies need quite a lot of diapers, but do you really need to buy all of them ?

No, this is honestly insane.

For the love of god, don't be that person!

[heyhoitsauntflo]

My dudes, I realized how much of a shut in I am with this pandemic.

I sincerely hope people don't hoard tampons like they do toilet paper.

Because I haven't bought shit in like 3 months and I'm all out of tampons.