Hey Jenny

Hi! I'm Jenny, a 27 year-old dreamer working on her career and personal life, and finding ways to amuse herself.

[heyjenny]

Now, where am I?

[heyjenny]

03-Oct-2021

Today we watched around 18 episodes of Yowamushi Pedal, a Japanese anime about the journey of high school cycling athletes as they prepare for the Inter-High Cycling Contest. The main protagonist, Sakamichi Onoda, is a lonely high school freshman hoping to find friends through the manga club. Instead, he made friends with the other freshmen cyclists and joined the cycling club. I like the story. I can relate in that I wanted to belong and find friends when I entered college. I made friends but I was a toxic kid then who was full of insecurities and lashed out at other people. I lost those friends now and I hope they are happy. We may communicate in the future but I don't think they are open to welcoming me back to their circle. Anyway, I am seeking therapy now. My therapists and I will deal with it soon and I hope to be a sociable happy person. :) In the anime, the athletes gave their best in their training and qualifiers. It made me realize that I have not been giving my best for the past few years. I know I can do things and research about them but I haven't done my best. Or I don't give my best. I missed giving my all in something like studying, running, or anything I want to do. I lost my motivation. I don't have final goals. I am self-internalizing and finding myself right now. It is something I want for my self- to know what I really want and do my best to reach them.

I have been dealing with self-doubt and insecurity for all these years. It's time I love myself, trust and continue to work on my capabilities and give my best in everything I do. I lack consistency and discipline. Let's correct that.

P.S.

1. I want to go home and take pictures of plants and post them.

2. I want to draw. I will buy notebooks and colored pencils soon. I would like to try and draw again. I know I'll be musty but so what. I'll just enjoy.

[heyjenny]

Hello Wonderful October!

This October will be full of love and progress. October is also going to be full of blessings and good energy!

I am manifesting peace of mind, more money, happiness, and good health.

Career: I am going to get more growth opportunities. I am going to get hired at ICON as a CRA. I will have a great manager who is kind and will guide me in my growth. I will also have kind, helpful, and wonderful coworkers. I will get a good salary which will support me in my financial goals- FIRE and traveling. I am still open to other opportunities and will not reject them. Self: I will practice manifestation, gratitude, and other acts of self-love. I will take care of my mental health. I will be better. Finances: Money comes to me easily. I have good finances. I will attract more money.

[recoverr-deactivated20220605]

i am so proud of you!!!! look at you go!!!! you’ve survived 100% of your bad days!!! you’re here!!!! your life is not over and you have so much to discover, to create and to experience!!!! i am so so proud of you, friend!!!! you’re doing much better than you know. i hope you remember that - and i hope you have people to remind you that you’re loved, wanted and cherished. regardless of where you are in life right now, you are so so worthy of so much!!! maybe you can’t see it, or maybe you don’t see it. but it gets better. it gets so much brighter and happier and lovelier than this!!! i love you.

[heyjenny]

So timely. I'm learning to love my self which I lacked and ignored these years. There are times that I love my self but I leaned on the negativity causing all my mental issues. This month, I am focusing on my self- in loving my self more and more. I have survived bad days and there will be more in the future. However, there will also be good days and I hope to focus on those days and reflect on my bad days. I love you, Jen-Jen! You are beautiful, smart, independent, resourceful, kind, fast-learner, and savvy. You will grow more and be a better version of your self. You will reach your goals. I know it <3

[heyjenny]

Low balled self

I think I just low-balled my self on my salary for the CRA role. I need to find ways to adjust it.

[heyjenny]

#JenCRAAug2021cutie #NewcareeropportunitiesSep2021cutie #Financialstability2021cutie

[heyjenny]

02-Aug-2021

I am grateful for:

1. My family. They're healthy and supportive.

2. The weather. The continuous rains stopped and it's not too warm today.

3. The opportunities I have. I am able to apply and grow from my career. I have a stable job and source of income.

4. Health-wise, I'm doing well. I need to be more pro-active.

5. Financially, I'm well. I have enough and more opportunities are coming.

I plan to:

1. Do my job from 3 PM to 12 AM

- Check emails, number of cases, reprioritize work

2. Read on the CRA Drive. Talk with manager tomorrow if plan to pursue.

3. Research, research, research.

[rainfromheaven]

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”

— Carrie Fisher on pursuing dreams despite mental illness [X]

[law-of-attraction-central]

You WILL eventually become what you think. Whether you succeed or fail is determined in your mind long before we see it play out in real-time.” ― Mandy Hale

[heyjenny]

01-Aug-2021

Dear Jen, I read a story in which the main character wrote letters addressed to his future wife. I thought about it and I want it to be addressed to my 30 year-old self. That's 3 years from now seeing that I am 27 this year. It would also my way of manifesting, practicing mindfulness and gratefulness, and being a better person in a whole.

So I manifested goals I want to achieve this 2021. I know I can do it and I just have to believe in myself and work hard. I wanted change in career, being more financially adept, and better psychologically.

I'm going to read now on law of attraction and gratitude and maybe other helpful stuff, too. I'm also to review my CV, finalize the list of companies I am going to submit it to tomorrow, and read a little on interview questions.

I know I'll accomplish them today. So let's start.

Just to add, tomorrow I must fix my finances: Crypto and stock accounts, and continue to learn while working.

[heyjenny]

Do not fall into old patterns just because they're familiar.

[heyjenny]

Manifesting for the rest of 2021

1. New clinical research role this September 2021!

2. Better mindset 2021!

3. Mastering crypto and stocks this 2021!

4. New side job this Aug 2021!

5. 1 million pesos savings this 2021!

[heyjenny]

Lost

Hey. I'm feeling lost right now. I don't know what I want, what I want to do, what I'm feeling. I should be applying for other jobs now but I seem to drag myself. I need help.

[heyjenny]

Losing the pandemic weight gain

Prior the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdowns, I maintained a 46kg- 48 kg weight range and was able to maintain this a few months after the lockdown in March 2020. However, I slowly gained more and more weight mainly due to overeating and living a very sedentary lifestyle (eat, sleep, work, eat, etc.). In June 2021, I was already reaching 53-54 kg, a 5-8 kg difference from my previous weight range. All my work clothes and other home clothes were also not fitting me anymore. So, I decided to lose weight and live a more "actively.”

I started with moderating my food intake. I don’t restrict my self much on what I eat so I still eat fatty, dairy, sugary products but of course in moderation. I’m also trying to walk 10, 000 steps a day. Studies show that it doesn’t do much to lose weight, but I rather do it because it gives me a goal and pushes me to stand up and walk around even for a few minutes. Sometimes, I incorporate jogging around and I plan to run around SM soon. I also downloaded a 30-day workout app which include whole body workouts, resistance training, cardio, etc. which I will start after my period ends.

As of 11 July 2021, I am 51.5 kg, which is an achievement (Lost almost 2 kg!) . At the end of July, my target weight is around 49 kg- 50 kg. I’m just 5 ft so my overall target weight is 44kg- 45kg, which I should reach around September-October 2021. Of course, I will continue to exercise after my reaching my goal. There are many benefits of exercising and frankly, I don’t want to have diabetes, hypertension, and other lifestyle diseases and I want to minimize the risk of other diseases like cancer, which I am genetically predisposed to. So, I will moderate my food intake, choose healthier options, and continue to exercise for my mental and physical health.

[heyjenny]

Life at 27

So we just watched the Korean variety show I live alone wherein they featured one of the main host's day as he created the last episode of his web cartoon which has been going on for 10 years. It was eye-opening I suppose for lack of better term. He thanked his supporters for allowing him have his passion as his source of income. Now that he is finished, he does not know what to do next. It made me think at want I want to do in the next 10 years or where I see myself to be at 37. Sometimes, I feel jealous of seeing other people on vacations or just going out. I know I can do it and I should do it sometime but thinking about the expenses makes me doubt if it is worth it. I know I will go out sometime just maybe after this pandemic. But really, what should I do? Where do I see myself in 10 years? What are the things I'm doing for my self or how I can love my self more? - I don't really know. And it's giving me anxiety. Suppose, I should take one step at a time.

[heyjenny]

And here we are again...

Hi Self,

It's been a while since I made a blog post. Life's been well I suppose. I have a stable job. The parents and sisters are healthy. Parents are now retired and farming, gardening, and doing housework. Despite everything and this pandemic, there are lots to be thankful for. I'm not sure why actually decided to post again. Maybe it's just another spur of the moment decision that I may abandon. But I do want to express my thoughts right now.

I feel lost. I know I should do things but I can't decide what to do first then I feel lost. Maybe by writing these down I can actually act upon them.

1. Career

Should I change company? Should I change my career entirely? I do know I want I higher paying job but I don't know what I want. I'm fairly okay with my job now but I'm not entirely happy either.

2. Financial Investments

Tried to invest in PH stocks and trading did not go well. I have more losses than gains so I decided to just buy Blue Chip companies and hope they'll perform well in 2-5 years. I also decided to open a US trading account in January but still did not do it. I know I should but I don't know where and what to actually buy. I'm currently learning about cryptocurrency. It's risky but hey I believe it will do well in the future.

I just opened a new MP2 account. Hopefully, I can pursue it. I just need to print, sign, and pass it to a PAG-IBIG office.

3. Personal Development

I told myself that I should read at least 2 books a month but it did not happen for February. I have time I suppose but I'm just lazy and not used to it. I also need to exercise and lose weight. I've gained 5-7 kilograms from my pre-COVID weight. I've been walking for a few minutes, stretching a few times a week but I don't think that's enough. I'm also inconsistent. Some days, I barely do anything at all. I also need to watch what I'm eating. Listing them down may help me be aware and stop binge eating.

4. Plant Life

I'm already caring for plants. Yey! Hopefully they will survive. No, they will survive and thrive. I'm really worried about the sili though. It has bloomed and all but it still has no fruit. Must kill all the pests/ ants. I should also buy a blooming/ grower supplement for them. We have an issue with the building management though because they might ban the plants. So I don't know. Just the time that I am happy caring for them and planting more did they say that. So let's see and hope for the best.

Hmmm... I think this is were I'll stop for now. It's cathartic writing my worries down. I know I have a journal and I can push myself to habitually write on it but I still don't. So here we are. :) P.S. I also wish to win the Mac Air raffle in Shoppee. I'm really really hoping to win that.