[hi-hello-it-is-me]

We were over as quickly has we had started, at least that’s the way it felt. You took everything from me, made me doing things I never wanted to do, but that is also my fault as well because I could have went against you, but I was scared that you would get mad and leave. I risked and gave up so many things for you. And I couldn’t even get basic love and affection from you. I don’t regret being with you. But I would also do so many things differently if I had the chance. Thank you for teaching me myself worth. And for teaching me that I deserve so much more than what I was given.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

You’re the one person who knew what I was going through without me having to explain, you just understood. And it’s so hard starting over with someone new who doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get that some nights I’m bawling my eyes out in a pitch black room without a reason except I just need to cry. I love this boy, but he doesn’t understand that side of me like you did, and I don’t know if he ever will, and that might possibly be our downfall

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I’m not cutting you off and leaving you here because you’re the problem, I truly believe that I am the cause of our issues and I know that you’re not going to be the one to leave this, so I want to help you by removing myself. I love you so much, you mean the absolute world to me but I am not okay and that is not helping either of us. So, I am saying goodbye to my person, my best friend, the only person who could pull me from the depths of myself. I love you and I wish you nothing but the best. Goodbye.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

You are my best friend but I know you would leave me to be with her in a heartbeat. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted so I don’t blame you, you’ve wanted to be with her for so long. I just don’t understand why she wants you now after not wanting to be with you for so long. I wish I wouldn’t lose my best friend in the process. You said you’d always pick me over a girl, but I guess there’s always an exception and she’s that exception. I miss you but I honestly hope you’re happy with her.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

My mind is blank, not a single thing is running through it. I feel at peace, like I’ve finally been able to catch a break and swim up to the surface for a breath of fresh air. I don’t know how long it is going to last for but I’m going to take it in for as long as I can before I sink back down. Or maybe I’m still under and I have reached acceptance of knowing I will never be able to swim to the surface and inhale that fresh air again. At the moment I’m not sure which one is occurring but I do know I am at peace.

M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I called you last night after months of not speaking because I was drunk and I wanted to check in because I do genuinely love and miss you. When I called you at 10pm, I had completely forgotten about the different timezones, you still answered even though it was 6am for you. I felt so sorry for waking you up but I also didn't want to hang up because I knew that we wouldn't speak again after that phone call, and that's exactly what I told you. You promised you would text or call, you did but all you said was hi and I never heard anything back. I shouldn't be surprised or hurt but all wanted is to hear your voice and speak to you again. We are not good for each other. We never were, but I would do anything to go back to how it was. Why is it that I feel like we could work out even after everything that has happened? Does that make me naive?

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

If I'm being honest you were the last person I thought that would stick around after graduation, yet you were the only one who did. It kinda surprised me because I always felt as though we were mainly friends because we saw each other nearly everyday at school and occasionally hung out sometimes with a group of our mutual friends. I always thought I considered you more of a friend then you did me, but after being out of school for a little while now I've come to realise that you have become my best friend and I have become yours. Sometimes it seems like we are the same person. We’re able to talk to each other about so many things and I am so grateful that we were brought together because we both lost our friends who we had thought we going to be around for a life time. Instead you and I are the ones who were meant to be in each others lives for a life time. I truly cannot wait to see us both grow up and have our own families and careers, living our life just how we have wanted for so long.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

Do you know why I was so scared to commit to you? We had been talking and in each other’s lives for at least a year, yet I still felt like I was being hidden, I was a secret that you would never let anyone find out about. But on the other hand I made you such a large part of my life, I told my family about you, you became friends with majority of my friends. I made you a priority in my life, and I fell for you. How come it wasn’t the same for you? You never told your friends or family about me, you only called on your way to and from work or if you were drunk. I was never a priority, you just knew how to use your words to make me think I was. You hadn’t fallen as hard or much as I did. And you’d ask me why I didn’t want to make it official, why I was scared to commit. That’s why, because deep down I knew I wasn’t a big part of your life, like you were mine. I knew either way my heart was going to get hurt. So this is why I didn’t want to go further then we already were because that would have ruined me.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

No. You do not get to come back into my life after you walked out. You do not get to come back after you left me absolutely broken. You knew exactly what would happen when you left and did it anyway, so I do not want to hear excuses or apologises for any of it. You don’t get to walk out and expect me to let you back in. I’ve done it too many times before and I’m not doing it any more, it’s done. We’re done.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I honestly never thought I’d hear from you again; and I was just about to hop in the shower when I got a call from you, you were drunk and I asked why you called me and you said, that you knew I would pick up. You know that you still have a hold of me and still had even the smallest of space left in my heart. Any other time I would’ve been happy that you called even when you were drunk because that meant I still crossed your mind, at least sometimes. Except this time I didn’t want to pick up because I was finally starting to move on, I had started to catch feelings for a new guy but I also didn’t want to ignore it in case you needed help. One thing I asked you was how many times are people supposed to fall apart before they stay together? And you didn’t have answer, because we have done this too many times, and I think we both know we aren’t going to work, we are just comfortable with other, we know that we’ll always have eachother to run back too. But we won’t always be there, we’re going to find someone new. This new guy I’ve started to like, he actually listens, he remembers things, he cares and he’s also not in the other side of the world. But with you there’s so much history, we’ve both been there for eachother when we were at our lowest. I also told you last night, I know I’m never going to hear from you again after this call and that’s fine, but you kept denying that, you said you’d message or call but you still haven’t, I was a little disappointed at first, but then I wasn’t surprised and now I’m fine with that. I think it’s best for the both of us to just move on and stop hurting eachother, because this isn’t helping either of us.

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

My friends and I are 32 days away from graduating, 32 days away from finishing 6 years of high school, 32 days away from figuring out the rest of our lives. We’ve lost friends that we thought would stay around for a lifetime, and then found new friends that are around for the long haul. We’ve made memories that I will never be able to forget. We’ve been through an unbelievable amount of struggle this year, from learning a new school system, to experiencing a global pandemic that pushed us all to our limits. But we’ve stuck by eachother and helped eachother through it all. I will forever cherish those moments that I know I’m going to miss so much once we leave. The scary part is, how many people say that you don’t stay friends with those you went to school with, I don’t want to lose you but I also know people move on and live their own lives and I just want to say I’m glad that I met every single one of you, because you’ve had such an impact on my life that I will never be able to get rid of or forget, you guys built me up from when I had been torn apart. I will also miss the teachers who never gave up on me, who always encouraged me to keep going and not give up and who knew I had the potential to go so far. They are the reason I stayed, they’re the reason I did so well, and for those teachers who acted as parent figures to me, I will never be able to thank you enough for helping me through everything that has happened within those 6 years. I’m glad that I can finally leave this place. But I’m going to miss it just as much. But we have to grow up eventually, and move on to biger and better things. Some of us will move away, some of us will stay right where we are, but that’s apart of life, we each will have a story to tell, and it will be our own. So thank you for shaping me into who I am today. Goodbye and goodluck to the class of 2020

-M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I think we are over, and not like the past few times we have said that and then have ran back to each within a month. This time it feels real, like there is no option of running back together. And I don’t know how to feel honestly. I miss you so much, you were the only one I could really talk to, but I also feel relived and I don’t know if that’s because if we do run back to each other I won’t have to worry if we’ll take another break and leave each other. So whether that was the last time or we still have more to conquer in the future, I wish you the best of luck, and I love you so much you have absolutely no idea, best of luck xx

M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I look in the mirror and I don’t recognise the person I see staring back at me, the person that I see is a stranger. Someone who is broken, someone who lost themselves along the way, and I don’t know how to get that person back, the person that was happy, that loved life more than itself, that wanted to accomplish so much to this. How do you get that back from someone who is so unrecognisable to you now?

M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I know your happiness should never rely on other people because they can leave at any moment. But you made me happy and that changed my outlook on every aspect of my life. Now I lost that, but it was my fault because I was still not ready to commit, and I don’t know if that’s to do with my past, and our past before we tried to start fresh again. Or it could’ve been the distance because a 15 hour time difference can take a toll sometimes, and on occasions we would only talk for a max of an hour a day due to us both being busy. I genuinely think we could’ve made it work though, but my own insecurities ruined what could’ve been our forever. I hope you know that I never regretted any of the time I spent with you. We did have our ups and downs but I loved you, I still do, but you deserve someone who is willing to put their all in to you and someone who is sure of what they want. I realised after I lost you what I had, and if I could go back I would do it in a heartbeat and I wouldn’t have given up so easily because maybe just maybe me fighting for us, could have saved us. But I just want to thank you for everything.

M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

I find it strange that those who you surround yourself with can’t see you. They can’t see the you that stays up crying all night, or the you that sits in your room during the day breaking down and sobbing because you feel as though you only ruin the good and amazing things that are around you. That you can only cause things to break and leave. The you that wants to give up so badly, the you that is ready to leave the world before the pain gets any worse. Because right now the pain is excruciating, and you don’t want to find out how much worse it can get. Except the one thing stopping you is from passing this unbearable pain onto those around you. You never want to make those people you love so much feel the pain that you dealt with and felt for so long.

I’m hoping it gets better, everyone seems to say it does, but does it really? I know the pain will never go away, but will it eventually subside? Will it only resurface every now and then? How long is it going to take before I don’t have to fake a smile? How long until I don’t have to pretend like I’m okay? How long before I can finally be happy? I know that no one holds the answers to those questions, although I really wish someone did, no one does. It just a matter of pushing through yet again.

M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

For 6 years we’ve been stuck in a place that we all wanted to escape from. A place where many of us spent our happiest and saddest memories, we experienced so much together as a group and individually. We’ve experienced a year that none of us saw coming, we were forced into online schooling, and if we did return to school the atmosphere was something I am unable to put into words...it was scary, yet somehow empty. Many of us forced to be inside stuck with nothing but our overpowering thoughts, that we hoped wouldn’t get the best of us, unfortunately we all didn’t make it through our last year together. I have lost bonds that I intended to make last a life time, but we’re young, we are still growing and making mistakes. And with growing comes a time where some of us grow apart. We may reunite, or we may not, but that’s all apart of growing up. With losing friends there’s also gaining new friends. I have found friends that I never in a million years thought I would come to love, but I have realised I would do absolutely anything for them and they will forever hold a spot in my heart. High school is an experience that will stick with us for the rest of our lives, whether we had the times of our lives or the most miserable times, they will forever be apart of us. And I know we haven’t been able to make the most of our senior year, we missed out on our last cross country, our last sports day, our grade 12 assembly, where we all get to put on dances to farewell each other with our time in high, our last harmony day, and the farewell ceremony from the rest of the younger students. And we may even lose our formal and graduation but for that I’m still unsure. We missed the parties, the group camping trips, the road trips, the lazy sundays, or the late night drives to get ice cream with our friends. Yes, it may seem unfair and the previous graduates before us may not understand why this hurts us so much, we are losing a rite of passage that the ones before us got to experience. However, we need to stay hopeful that change will come and we can make up for all that we have not experienced, and we can’t let us not experiencing these things get the best of us, because there is so much more that lays ahead of us in each of our futures. I am just happy to say that I am graduating by your side through everything we have been through together as a cohort. 2020 has been a ride that I won’t forget (at least anytime soon).

M

[hi-hello-it-is-me]

Last night, I called you but after the third ring, I hung up. I knew what I was doing was wrong and that I shouldn’t of done it, but I did, because I still love you. You ended up messaging me back asking if everything was okay, and now we seem to be rekindling what we lost the first time around. I don’t yet know if reaching out was a mistake, and I don’t know how long it will take to figure that out, but I’m willing to take the journey with you. I haven’t been able to connect with anyone like I connected with you, in a really long time and to think that we lost what we once had hurts, but if what we have can make each other happy for as long as this may last, I’m willing to risk getting hurt just to spend a little extra time with you.

M.