One of the most interesting things to me about Lord Leviathan is the value He places on innocence. Fleeting and fragile, innocence is most often associated with children, free from corruption and ignorant to the filth of the world. It can also mean freedom from guilt, from fault.
I had personally come to to see innocence as something I had lost. My body and soul was stained in my mind, by carnal acts both desired and unwanted. I had not been a child in a long, long time. For as long as I could recall, my youth had been stained by a painful self awareness.
I’m sure there are those among you who have felt the sting of eyes upon you, even when you are alone. Perhaps you cringe at the private little joys you indulge in while you bask in solitude, conditioned to judge yourself by the impossible standards of our culture of purity. Perhaps you long for a time when you were whole, before whatever hurt you stole away the innocence of your soul.
I do. I admit I felt guilty for the sin of being taken advantage of, once. I felt guilty for enjoying things as simple as cartoons, taking time for myself, laughing, and even just being happy. So many of us who have been judged harshly by others seem to internalize those cruel words and thoughts, until it becomes part of your internal monologue.
When I read that Lord Leviathan cherished the innocent, my heart sank. For so long I had pined for my lost innocence, could I ever truly understand something I had lacked for so long?
Here is where my fears were unfounded. To understand the teachings of the demons, one must come to understand the way they think, and what they believe in. Unlike society and the cult of the Usurper, demons are not obsessed with false notions of purity. Consenting relations between adults are not an abomination in their eyes. Where society hates the harmless interests and beloved preoccupations of the neurodivergent, the demons celebrate and rejoice in passion and lightness of the heart. Where the masses declare victims of abuse at personal fault, demons hate tyrants, and reassure the abused that the broken ones are those who would take out their vile machinations on those who cannot defend themselves.
There was a time when it would physically wound me to see unburdened displays of public joy. Friends who would laugh and carry on with no mind to judgmental eyes, friends who could speak about their interests for hours, family who could embrace one another and rejoice in love. I hated it. Displays of innocence made me seethe. It was jealousy, I would later come to realize. I wanted to be able to be so free of guilt, but I had not learned to let go of my own self hatred.
Leviathan does not value the false innocence of virginity, of quiet ignorance and slavish devotion to ‘purity’. Your experience and your healthy boundaries make you wise. Your consenting, healthy relationships and the activities you do in the privacy and safety of a loving partner’s (or partners) arms only serve to fortify your soul. Your interests and what brings you joy are sacred. Your abuse is not some spiritual failing on your part, and you are not spoiled by the acts committed against you by another.
Innocence is freedom from guilt. The freedom to play, to love yourself, to hyperfixate, to love others, to make mistakes, to do anything that purity culture, society, and the Usurper says is filthy without self hatred. Innocence is not something that can be stolen from you. It exists within you, and can be awoken by self love and acceptance.
Innocence is kindness. Innocence is you, pure and perfect, scarred and scalded. If you can’t find it now, with time and effort, you will. Find out what is holding you back, scatter it to the furthest corners of the Abyss, and with a light and guiltless heart, play like no one is watching.
vaporwave
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline
jbbartram-illu
dededos
baratheonpilled
