you're gross, my darling- no, i'm rock n' roll.

welcome to the vent blog. sol. he/him. there will be blood, bruises, and possibly occasional slight nsfw. heavy shit happens here. reblog whatever you want. read my about.

[hidingunderflesh]

just had a motherfucking SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE listening to this song stoned holy shit it’s so good https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui9d2RcczSs

[hidingunderflesh]

oksy i knoe this is my blog where i come to be sad and shit biut i’m really fucking stoned and i’m having like the best time of my life. i don’tn usesally bring up this type of shitt to my freinds cause i’m always afraid they’ll think i’m like bragging about being high or whatever but god i love weed so much

[hidingunderflesh]

i have a small discord server with just me and six of my friends and it feels like me and one other person are the only ones on there anymore. like i know two of the people barely ever come on cause they have internet issues but like it used to be that the other five of us would talk all the time and now it’s like me and my one other friend will send messages to various channels every few hours or so and no one will respond to them. it really sucks cause this was the first space i ever had to talk about fandom stuff after being in fandoms for years but being too socially anxious to make internet friends and then boom two of my irl friends got me into one of their fandoms and i actually had people to talk to who were as invested in a thing as i was. but now neither of those people pretty much ever message me back when i talk in the channel devoted to our fandom. and the one other person who talks in the server isn’t into it. i don’t know what to think. i joined this server right before quarantine and school getting cancelled and all that stuff and we would talk literally all night long but now that restrictions have been lifted and we can actually go outside and hang out with other people in person it’s been dead. i feel like everyone was only talking in the server because they had nothing else to do and no one else to talk to during quarantine and me, being the dumbass that i am, got used to all of that communication and attention. and now that there’s other options, everyone who has actual shit that they can do is going off and doing that and i’m just here rambling about playlists and giving fic recs to an empty audience. i think what makes it worse is that one of the people who’s in the fandom with me and never messages me back is permanently online, and i’m sure that’s just because he keeps discord open on his computer 24/7 or something like that but it feels like he’s seeing all of my messages and just choosing to ignore them. it sucks because i’d never had a space to talk about my hyperfixations with people that i knew were actually interested in them, and it was fucking phenomenal cause my anxiety always prevented me from talking about them beforehand cause i knew nobody was into what i was into but suddenly i had two friends to hype me up and now it feels like neither of them care anymore. i know i’m probably being overdramatic, i know one of them has work now that things are opening up again and that’s probably why she’s never online, and they probably don’t mean to ignore me it just sucks. i’m thinking of trying to find a server devoted to that fandom but also the idea of entering a server full of strangers is fucking terrifying to me so i’m not really sure what i’ll do.

[darlingsummertime]

[gothboiskinny]

until i bleed out.

[endlesslifeinpain]

[ojibwa]

[exhaustedborderline]

[sgeoffa]

[stupiddangel]

how does this happen?????

[hidingunderflesh]

which god or devil’s dick do i have to suck to get a functioning human body jesus fucking CHRIST i just want to be normal i’m sick of taking pills that don’t work like they should and i can’t even complain because it’s such a “mild and basically harmless thing” and everyone else has it so much worse but it’s affecting me in my day to day life it’s frustrating and uncomfortable and sometimes it hurts and i just want it to STOP so that i don’t have to annoy everyone else with my subpar ways of dealing with it

[hidingunderflesh]

i’m not TRYING to be disgusting, it’s just that i can’t fucking HELP IT.

[sk5p4qqqqqqqqq]

[cybrhoe]

20 (intrusive) questions

put a # in my ask

1) how would you describe your relationship with your mom/dad

2) when was the last time you cried and why

3) whats your favorite/least favorite quality about yourself; why

4) do you smile at strangers

5) how often do people (not family members) tell you they love you

6) how is your life different now from two years ago

7) would you ever cheat on someone 

8) are you a jealous person

9) whats the worst pickup line someone has asked you

10) do you believe in ghosts

11) what are your ambitions

12) 3 deal breakers in a relationship

13) what is one thing you’ll never do again

14) whats your most bizarre pet peeve

15) what is your favorite memory

16) whats your zodiac sign

17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you

18) do you like your laugh

19) have you ever stalked someone/been stalked

20) do you feel loved

[o0o0o0o0o0o000o-deactivated2021]

i should have known better than to be mentally ill in high school

[r-siken-deactivated20210531]

[hidingunderflesh]

i think i am going to start making a queue so this blog is not just flurried reblogging sprees from the hours of one to five am every other day or so. queued posts will be tagged #sol.auto.