曼珠沙華 🎴

🍥 🍜 🍡 /18

[sadallthedamntime-blog]

[diphyllia-grayi]

there is a point in your depression where you just give up on getting better but you still won’t kill yourself. you just float around in this state of nothingness and don’t notice anything around you because you’re just so numb and you just don’t want to do anything about it anymore

[ha-roro]

[konoko]

[narcoticoutsider]

When I say “I hate my body” I don’t mean “oh I’m a little insecure about my belly” or “I could lose a few pounds” I mean I have physically repulsed by it. It’s horrifying and upsetting to see. I wanna crawl out of my skin.

[0x00009f]

do you ever feel embarrassed to be in your own skin like please just dont look at me i wish i didnt exist sometimes like i want to disappear because i cannot handle being me 

[higanlea]

ੈ♡

[higanlea]

29 agosto

Mi sento vuota. Niente ha senso o niente è abbastanza importante per avere un senso. Il tempo scorre velocissimo anche se non muovo un dito tutto il giorno. Cerco di provare piacere facendo qualche disegno ma tutto quello che faccio non viene bene o semplicemente non ha abbastanza senso per farmi provare anche un briciolo di emozione. Quindi si, welcome to my life.

[thinxxpo-blog]

Getting real about Ana

I’ve been doing this for a while so I’ve decided to share a few things I’m going through. There are both positive and negative points and I don’t want anyone to feel motivated to start because of me This is simply to record this experience.

I used to feel bad about thinspo, manly because I didn’t look like those people and desperately wanted to. Now when I look at it I feel somewhat inspired to go on.

I’m worried about going too far and becoming one those people who sees a picture of a girl who is nothing but bones and actually believes that is healthy and/or acceptable

I can do more with my body without the extra weight holding me down. I run faster, jump higher and feel like I’m stronger than before.

I feel cold. Always. Whenever the temperature drops, I can feel it. My blood pressure is also lower, so sometimes I feel lightheaded and/or nauseous

I can fit into places. I don’t have to dodge people in doorways or on the street, I slip right through without effort.

Mah hands. So pretty, so delicate. Before, people used to comment on my nails, how they’re always nice etc. But I always had chubby fingers. Now people constantly tell me how my hands are beautiful and “elegant”

I can buy anything I want. There’s no more of “will it fit me tho?”. Basically all the clothes look good, which also motivated me to try different styles.

I spent more money on clothes lately because my old ones didn’t fit anymore.

I’m dating more. I used to stay at home and never do anything. Now I go to parties and have been with a few people , so I’m enjoying this a lot.

Overall, how people are nicer to me. Don’t know how, but I’ve noticed how I’m treated differently now that I look good and in shape. People smile more and give me freebies at diners and shops.

Something important keep in mind is:

It’s working because I don’t obsess over it.

I don’t count calories

I don’t avoid eating junk food and

I do not purge. Ever.

But how, then?

I drink A LOT of water. Always have a bottle on me. Always sippin

I eat twice a day. EVERYDAY. The secret? Eat a regular portion of food but with a shitload of salad on it. Avoid anything fried/industrial, and DONT DRINK DURING MEALS. Btw, I’m vegetarian, so no meat.

Exercise like a hoe. But I don’t go to the gym cause I’m poor. So, I walk a lot everyday (about 12km) and also run when I can and do yoga. I mostly use the Nike Training Club app and it’s awesome. My stomach is flat so now the six pack is coming through

Eat once or twice between meals. But again nothing industrial so fruit, grains and if I really crave something I make it myself so I can make sure it’s healthy.

Now, the absolute nail in the coffin: vitamins. Be smart about it, do some research to find the healthiest choice. Also, use your brain and don’t fall into those scams on Instagram. It doesn’t work.

Why the vitamins? Well, my hair looks great, and also my skin. My nails are strong af and I don’t “look sick” or “feel weak” throughout the day.

NO appetite suppressants. They don’t really work and will wreck your body

So, why do you do things differently?

Cause I’m a smart bitch and y’all should be too.

I know I can only push my body so far before it breaks down and takes me with it. I wanna enjoy being skinny, ya know? I wanna live and be pretty and feel good about myself. I wanna look like a model and smile and take pics and go places and meet people. I wanna live.

Also, I’m a biology student so I KNOW the science behind all of it. I know how much it destroys your body.

I’ve studied real corpses and body parts and cells and the whole process of metabolism. I know shit, not because I saw it on a blog and believed it. But because I did actual research and read books on this whole thing.

The catch?

What I do still isn’t healthy. Really. I still get lightheaded and starve myself. I know it’s doing awful things to my body.

And why do I keep doing it?

Cause I’d rather do minimal damage to myself than be completely destructive. That’s all.

[minstrivia]

stay gold introduction

vid cr. qdeoks | trans cr. twt. gram_for_

[desiretobeselfdestructive]

Why I’m loosing weight…

I’m loosing weight so I can be the boy that wears anything and gets away with it. I’m loosing weight so I can wear kpop merch in public without feeling like that one fat western fan everyone judges. I’m loosing weight so I can curl myself up into small spaces. I’m loosing weight so people want to be seen with me. I’m loosing weight so when I get subby it’s endearing not strange. I’m loosing weight so my footsteps don’t sound like elephant stomps. I’m loosing weight so I can be that one pretty boy. I’m loosing weight so perhaps one day I’ll be someone’s baby boy. I’m loosing weight so I feel like I’m in control of something! I’m loosing weight coz I’m sick of my brain reminding me I’m not good enough. I’m loosing weight so I can have a jawline. I’m loosing weight for collar bones and rib cages. Most of all I’m loosing weight because I am utterly sick and tired of feeling fat, worthless, insecure and unhappy with myself.

[higanlea]

Guardare le foto di jimin che sorride mi fa sentire bene e forte! 🥺

[higanlea]

Sono stra in panico ed in ansia perché sta sera devo uscire fuori a cena con delle mie amiche ( e non posso rifiutare di andare) e mi mette male mangiare una pizza intera... Non so nemmeno perché ci sto così tanto a pensare, nel senso, è solo una pizza (?) è solo una sera (?) non dovrei essere così fissata...

E che non riesco a pensare ad altro, ho una tremenda paura di prendere peso di brutto. Questa cosa mi distrugge. Inoltre ho letto su internet che una pizza margherita può avere anche 800 cal (???!!) e una sola fetta dalle 200 cal in su, mhh perché questa cosa mi spaventa molto? perché ho paura di mangiare troppo?

Inoltre ho smesso di mangiare pane perché ritengo che sia un po' pesante e gonfi un sacco la pancia oltre a farmi ingrassare in 2 secondi le cosce, E LA PIZZA È FATTA DI PANE. :(

Se devo essere sincera mi "scombussola" un po' e mi sento spaventata al tempo stesso. Odio questa sensazione...

non capisco perché ho TUTTE QUESTE PARE!! Dovrei restare più calma mio dio, se potessi prendermi a pungni in faccia in questo momento lo farei di sicuro, mi sembra così tutto esagerato, IO SONO ESAGERATA e anche troppo melodrammatica ugh..

Perché sono così complicata???

[mysharona1987]

[higanlea]

2AM

Nessuno:

Io: 👇🏻👇🏻

Ovviamente poi piango perché mi sento una schifezza così dal nulla 🙃

[higanlea]

Queste foto mi danno un sacco di forza per continuare la mia dieta e arrivare al peso che voglio.

Per una volta nella vita voglio sentirmi bene, bella e apprezzata voglio potermela tirare haha e voglio anche fargliela vedere a tutte quelle persone che non credevano in me o che mi hanno trattato male per via del mio fisico, o che non mi hanno mai voluto perché non ero abbastanza bella e magra per loro.

Arriverò al mio obiettivo e riuscirò a fare tutto quello che ho sempre voluto fare ed avere il fisico dei miei sogni.

[pretty-girls-eat-air]

Cravings and what they mean

If you crave carbohydrates, your serotonin levels may have dropped. Eggs, cheese and pineapple are good for raising them again.

If you crave sugar, you may be dehydrated. Drink some water or green tea.

If you crave red meat, you may be deficient in iron. Eat dried fruits like figs or prunes, or beans and legumes, or take iron tablets.

If you crave dairy, your blood sugar levels may be low. Eat foods naturally high in glucose, like oranges or strawberries to raise them.

If you crave chocolate, your magnesium levels may be low. Eat brown rice, whole grain bread or spinach to raise them.

If you crave salt, your blood pressure may be low. Eat salted nuts, whole wheat pretzels, or drink salted water to raise it. If that doesn’t work, you may be dehydrated. Drink water or green tea. 

If you crave bread, your nitrogen levels may be low. Eat turkey, black beans or brown rice to raise them. 

If you crave fried foods, you may be fatigued. Eat slow energy releasing foods like bananas or whole grain bread, or take a nap.