moonshine

[isabellaofparma]

But the horror… The horror was for love.

[highbornmage]

“And would’ve pulled it off if people knew to stay in their lane,” Unlike Jeremiah Justus had never wanted to come back alive, he was fine being gone. “Yeah, I guess you are right,” When push came to shove Justus was still a family man and that was not going to change, this time it happened to be Thea before that it had been Felicity and Alejandro and Preston – they had all taken their turns of when Justus came and did his best to protect them, that was his innocence at the end of the day. Believing that with everything as fucked up as it was with the Adolphs there was still a family to fix and now he was involved in two fucked up families – it was the gift that never stopped giving apparently. “I’m dramatic? Funny because I swear last time I saw you, you were doing the drama role about your powers and you’re still in that act,” Watching Jay panicing somehow brought him some laughter in his life, it probably was not a good sign for their relationship – their nonexistent relationship. “I’m glad I can help you appreciate the small things. Lord knows you need to be more humble and thankful for shit,” he concurred as he cracked his knuckles, “It never goes out of style.”

“Well if you try it now, you’ll have no interference from me.” That was the worst thing about being without his magic. Not the darkness he could feel creeping through him as the other side of his heritage took over but the lack of power to do anything about it. Jay loathed being at the mercy of others. But even this took that unpleasantness to a new height.  “Fancy that. I never thought I’d hear you admit I was right about anything. I knew the world was ending but you didn’t have to drive the point home quite so hard.” The world was ending, or his was ending. Jay wasn’t sure. It didn’t exactly matter either way, all things considered. The only bright side was that when he was powerless and without his humanity, he couldn’t bear any kind of responsibility for whatever stupid shit Justin got himself into. He could take the blame, he’d take that over the actual burden of responsibility. “Oh you mean the last time when you were lying to everyone about knowing your brother was alive? How did the sister who accepted you with no questions asked take that?” He never should have gotten involved in the mess of trying to keep Justin safe from Jeremiah again. He should have let him get possessed. That way when Jeremiah came back either which way, he’d still have his fucking powers and could kill him properly. “You wouldn’t know style if it kicked you between the legs.” Jay had never been humble and it had been a very long time since he had anything to be thankful for. Except maybe for the fact that soon none of this would matter anyway. 

[highbornmage]

“You really need t work on the insults,” Justus added to the conversation, he knew that Jay was frustrated but there was nothing more that he could do for him. “I hear myself perfectly. And I know what is going in that head of yours,” He wished he could make sense of everything for everyone so they could stop acting like he was some sort of traitor but people were allowed to feel however they wanted, Justus was not here to tell anyone how to feel. “Thea is my sister. My baby sister and I am going to protect her. Just like I do with everyone in the Adolph family, because I protect the people I love. Even when they’re wrong because if people only loved people when they were right – well everyone would’ve walked out on me,” He wasn’t perfect, he was pretty sure the only person that could really love him was Tabitha at least she had been aware of the demons that he was fight and still choose to love him. Justus couldn’t deny how much he missed that but he was content with how the chapter had ended. “I know you won’t,” No one was going to go down without a fight, that was why the war was going to start. Justus knew that actions were going to take place and consequences were going to take place, “Well I’ll make sure to go get my funeral suit ready to be used. Because we all know someone is going to die here so we might as well start getting ready for this,” If he was lucky then it would be him and he would be done with this bullshit, but he was learning not to voice his suicidal tendencies out loud.

“That wasn’t an insult, you’ve come closer to dying more than any immortal I know.” Justin had never pulled it off but he had come close many, many times.  Jay rolled his eyes at Justin’s words. He was starting to think that Justin was so stuck in the past he would never see what was in front of him. “You know it’s almost funny because before all of this, you were still on the ‘I’m not an Adolph’ train. Interesting how you’re suddenly back on.” Jay had always known that Justin was an Adolph and a Clark but Justin had lost sight of it. “I chalked it up to you being dramatic, not the fact that you didn’t have your younger sibling in town. You make me grateful for my father being cursed.” Jay was an only child because his father had been exceedingly stupid and getting himself cursed that he’d never have more children. Which was perfect for his mother who had seduced his father in order to get his wealth and power. Jay had betrayed his family, his friends, everyone he ever loved. It was good he was an only child, all things considered. “Is that different from your regular suit? All you ever wear is black anyway.” 

[highbornmage]

“Make sure you leave plans for someone to do just that,” Justus had been trying to track down who had decided it was a great idea to bring back Jeremiah, especially right now. They should have waited for Juliette to give birth or something like that. “I am not going to be spilling anything out. You made it very clear last time that there is nothing to spill. But right back at you I don’t want some cheap ass death bed confession from you.” Not that Jay was going to die any time soon but if he told him that then he would connect the dots and that was not something he wanted to deal with. The fact that Jay was annoyed with him was a normal that he was okay with and didn’t want to change it. “No, she has her own life to live and it’s not like we’re sharing secrets. She just needed to see who she could trust.” And have someone on her side since everyone just got their things and left. “Shouldn’t you be trying to hide and not be open to threats or are you still going on with your suicidal moods? I can tell you Jeremiah has about twenty things to do before he gets to you.” 

"Yes because you’re the death expert,” Jay snapped. The closest he had come to dying had been when he had become immortal. All the other times he’d just lost his physical form or his humanity or his entire memory. In combinations and sometimes as all three. Justin had come the closest to death. Justin on the other hand just kept deciding he was done with being alive and coming close to death until Jay intervened. Usually against the other hybrid’s will. “I’m not dying lying down,” Jay bit out. In another world, at another time, someone had tried to make him die on his knees. It hadn’t ended well for them. If Jeremiah was back, there was a chance they were as well and that was not something Jay was looking forward to facing. “You’re not sharing secrets?” Jay repeated, “do you not listen to yourself?” Jay asked. He didn’t understand how Thea could come back and suddenly have Justin back on her side without anything. I twas insulting. But then again Jay was used to feeling insulted by Justin. It was one of the thing he couldn’t stand about the younger hybrid. And it made him wonder how the hybrid could have had so many women falling over themselves to marry him. They could have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they had considered they would never compare to his family. “No because I’m going to figure out what happened and find my magic. I’m not going to throw myself into the mountains somewhere or lay down and die. Jeremiah can come after me. I'd rather die than live like this.”

[highbornmage]

The last time that Justus had talked to Jay they had ended. Ended everything that could’ve been for sure, to be fair to Jay Justus had been aware of that the moment he found out that Jeremiah was alive and he didn’t tell him. Even if the petty side in him truly did believe that this made them equal, he knew that his choice would end up being the last blow, Yet everything changed when Jay told him that it had always been done, so then in reality he never owe Jay anything. No one was going to see his perspective, Jeremiah being back put him in a pickle because it had been Thea that had told him and it had been Thea that had told him not to tell anyone. Juliette was pregnant and the news alone would’ve been enough to get her to miscarriage not to mentioned that he hope that Everett would come up with a semi decent plan to keep a-bay all the pitchforks that the townspeople would  soon build up. That was what happened when you told the mass people something and fear took over them, they all ran around like idiots. Sitting beside’s Jay he placed his hands in his jacket’s pockets, “Jeremiah isn’t going to finish you off,” Not for lack of wanting but because that had been the deal he had struck with the monster and Everett. If everyone was going to hate him as it was he sure as hell drew his fucking lines and had his own back up plans. “But if you are welcoming death with open arms then suicide is always an option. I am sure you can also find someone else that you have fucked over to kill you too.” looking straight ahead he took in the sunlight and glanced over at Jay, “You’re going to cut me with words if I say we’re squared off now, right?”

“If your brother pulls off killing me, I will bring myself back and kill myself out of shame,” Jay snapped. He was absolutely not going to let that stand. Of all the enemies to polish him off, an enemy by proxy was not how he was going to go down. He wouldn’t let it be that way. He could stomach the idea of Justin killing him. Not Jeremiah. “To be completely honest, I really don’t want the last thing I hear in this world to be you dialing back your feelings out of guilt,” Jay said. He couldn't;’t stand the idea of them making up in any way because Justin was feeling guilty. He may have known the reason that Jay had lost his magic, but that didn’t make things any different. And if Jay was being completely honest, it was the fact that Justin knew and didn’t tell him, it was the fact that he didn’t care either way.  Anything past that and what the hell did Jay care if Justin didn’t tell him the truth. Did they really owe each other anything like that after all that happened. “Shouldn’t you be with your sister? Sharing secrets and braiding each others hair and shit?”

[highbornmage]

The failure hurt worse than the betrayal. Jay knew how to deal with betrayal. He knew how to navigate those waters. His entire fucking life had been built on betrayal. Some could say he deserved every betrayal that came his way. That and ten times more, for all the things that he had done. But the worst betrayal was the failure of his own abilities. Jay had always clung to his self reliance. Even in the face of losing his magic, his status, even his very humanity. Now he couldn’t even rely on that. It had been taken from him. Jay had never loved the hybrid side of himself but something about Justin had given him a glimmer of pride in the species as a whole. Maybe the faintest spark of hope, breathed into his cold dead heart. Maybe he should have listened when Justin said he was just a man. That all he ever wanted to be was normal. Instead Jay had chose belief. Belief in someone other than himself and he had paid the price for that. The only thing that had ever truly mattered to Jay was his magic and he had sacrificed it willingly for Justin twice. To have it taken from him because the hybrid couldn't figure out his brother was evil was a bitter thing. Jay had done a lot to keep Justin safe and failed spectacularly in every way. Including the most egregious. He had let Justin become something far too close to him. The world didn’t need another thing like him in it. That was for damn sure. “If this is your attempt at sneaking up on me, it needs some work,” he said, folding his arms, “either finish your brother’s job or piss off. I’ve got better things to do.” @grootrps​

[chimepunk]

Then, welcome Monsieur Shakeshaft. I predict your stay will be profitable.

[highbornmage]

“It wasn’t your fucking choice to make!” Justus followed Jay’s line of sight, before their eyes met. “It wasn’t your choice. It wasn’t your secret – what are you not getting?! If you want to hide behind the fact that it was your duty. Fine. But don’t expect that lame ass defense to make me pardon you.” Because it wasn’t going to. Justus had broken his orders a million times for Alejandro; specifically when it came to Christal – so yes someone could break the protocols and the regulations for someone that they loved. If it was important to them they would find a way otherwise they would locate all the excuses. Maybe he would’ve had a worse childhood or maybe he would’ve stopped bending as far back as he could and breaking himself to look for the approval of someone that was not even his father. Why would he even expect for Jay to understand that? Even his own brother hadn’t understood that and kept that promise from him all these years. At least Justus was was treating both of them equally when it came to this. “Then my mistake Jay, I should’ve listen. Right toss it onto Alejandro I am sure when I get the lovely chance of talking to him he will toss it over to your side. It’ll be a great time I am sure. My bad, Jay. I should’ve listened to you, but don’t worry I will never trust you again. Won’t make that mistake twice.” And it was because of that, that he was going to just keep the fact that he knew that Jeremiah was alive to himself. Why would he walk back into another trap and expect a different solution. Jay had said it himself he had warned him, it really did fall onto Justus for putting faith in him. For allowing for his emotions to gather up expectations for someone that had no intent to every living up to them or wanting to carry that burden. “Alejandro knew and didn’t tell me shit – how the fuck do you expect me to treat him? Preston and Thea have been gone and sadly with them I am alright with and have a decent communication skills with and the issues that Felicity and I have are far more troubled than the simple fact that we do not share DNA. Yeah, it’ll be easier if everything was because I believe DNA makes family but it doesn’t – but the family I grew up – they’re all too self invested to be a family and the other half who I share DNA with well my morals don’t particularly align with them. But I am doing due, Jay. It’s what you have missed while you’ve been gone. That isn’t the issue.” Like he had told Felicity he wasn’t angry anymore. Rather there was a peace that he had – could call it. He didn’t know – maybe it was a somber sadness, was that even a thing? He had talked to Felicity about this, He didn’t know how to get through life anymore. Though the anger was gone so was the drive and push that had managed to push him through. “It wasn’t just that I am half Clark that fucked up my family or made me leave them. It’s the fact that I was lied by my older brother and you – two people Ithought I could trust – but you even said it,” He paused as his lips smacked against each other, “You had warned me and I guess Alejandro’s behavior should’ve told me better – so yeah. I just suck at choosing who to trust. At least Tabitha would’ve told me,” That he could stand behind one hundred percent. At least he had managed to have one person that he knew had his back no matter what. “Again go back to the first fucking point I made about it not being your choice. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, you should make it your damn motto.” He wasn’t even go into the fact about how he was physically beaten by his father, emotionally fucked by the years of not knowing and how everything had managed to come undone had managed to fuck him over ten times worse than if he had just been told the truth. Or how if it had been about his protection he clearly should seek up a new job because the only person that ended up with cuts was him – did his siblings fucking care that they were all fucked? No. Was Alejandro dying? No and his whole self loathing state he was in wasn’t a new development. Thea and Preston were surely fine. Juliette had accepted him with wide opens and Jeremiah was dead. So yeah – the only one that had gotten damaged had been he, “I really would hate to see what not being protected by you looks like,” he added referring the to protection comment. “You didn’t create me, Jay. My mother being a whore managed to do that. Guess she had more power than you. You know what? Thanks Jay.” He ended, knowing that perhaps he was just delaying the only outcome that could happen from here. “You’re right. I am stuck in the past because I know there is no present or future for us.” Because at least in the past he could think of a life that this - that they would’ve ended up differently, “Guess it’s just a closure thing. Sorry about your magic. Really.” After all he wasn’t going to get it anytime soon with how the cards were laying down but he knew Jay would fine a way because he always found a way to look after himself and now Justus had to do that as well. “There is nothing to discuss and there never will be.” Mostly because this time it would be Justus that would betray Jay. “I’ll get out of your hair, Thea has a place for me.”

“Actually it was,” Jay said, “it was my choice to make and I chose not to tell you what you were. You or anyone,” he continued, “my duty? My duty was to tell the Council that you were a Clark and that we shouldn’t make you originals. My sacred duty, my highest duty, was to protect the balance of magic. That is what I was sent there to do. To find a way to set things right.” Jay had been sent there because he was capable and talented, but the stain of what he was, that was never forgotten. Worst came to worst, in the eyes of the Council they would just lose the member who never should have been there in the first place. If killing him would have righted the balance Jay knew they would have tried. “I broke every oath I ever made, any vow I took I cast it aside when I hid what you were. When I kept hiding what you were. If I told you then everyone would know. The Council does not have secrets from each other.” He rolled his eyes, “well they didn’t until my father fucked my mother and had me. Then my grandfather lied to them for a few decades which they weren’t thrilled about. I cost him everything in the end and they made sure no one could lie to them again,” he shuddered at the memory of that particular spell, “or so they thought.” Jay wasn’t here to tell the same old sob story he’d told parts of to Justin over the years. Justin didn’t care about his past and Jay couldn’t say he blamed him. He’d never cared about his father’s reasons for his mistakes either. Then again Jay had always made the mistake of thinking he and Justin were peers, not just new faces slotting into familiar roles. He’d never really thought he would be on the other side of this. “So it was my choice. Duty or protecting you and I chose protecting you. So don’t say I hid behind duty because I can assure you, nothing is farther from the truth. I turned my back on my duty the second I decided your life was worth something.” He couldn’t bring himself to say he had chosen Justin, that wasn’t a response he was feeling masochistic enough to hear. But Gods help him he had. In a terrible way, in a way that had cost everything, in the wrong way, but he had made that choice. Even though in the moments leading up to it he hadn’t had much intention of doing it. “You share DNA with them! Do you not know how genetics work, you have the same mother! And you disowned your sister way before you knew that you didn’t have the same father so don’t pretend these issues all arose from that.” His protection comment stung. Jay would have given anything to have someone protect him when he was young and vulnerable. To give him a chance to be something other than the hybrid freak or the person who had to keep his family’s secrets. “This,” he said, “this dead feeling you have, all these families fighting over you and you never feeling like you belonged--the feeling of being scraped so thin you don’t know how you’re supposed to think about anything but how much work goes into your next breath--this is what being a hybrid looks like. This is what not being protected is like. I thought the centuries of time you had would give you a chance but it looks like I was wrong. And for that I am more sorry than you will ever know.” A failed experiment was what this was, but only in how hurt Justin had gotten. Even a successful one would have wound up with them in the same place. Jay couldn’t have forgiven his father, he didn’t expect Justin to ever forgive him. “You’re stuck in the past because it’s easier to live there than to risk anything for the future. I spent years there until I found you. I get it. But you’ll find nothing there. I just hope you find whatever shakes you out sooner rather than later,” he shrugged, accepting that this was never going to go anywhere. Not like this. And there was nothing he could do about it. The damage was already done and whether or not Justin had any desire to repair it, ever, was completely out of his hands. “Don’t bother,” he said, “I haven’t been sleeping there anyways. Just put up protection spells if you do, most of mine are gone.” he wasn’t able to sleep there knowing how vulnerable he was. But having to go back to living with someone was infuriating, mostly because once again he was helpless and reliant on someone’s good graces. Never an ideal place to be. “Have fun with your sister,” he said, “glad you two have patched things up. Tell her I say hi, if you've told her we were still talking,” Apparently all of his earlier comments on the family being broken were water under the bridge, which was almost laughable. But then again Justin had always forgiven his family. Sometimes his lovers. But always certain members of his family. Jay wouldn’t be surprised if Alejandro got a pass on all his lies soon as well. The old stink of hypocrisy was back. The only thing he was sure of was that Justin would never forgive him. So there was no point. And until he had his magic back there was no way of him to be of any use. Which of course was all irrelevant considering his time as a human was going to run out in the very near future. He wasn’t sure if the smugness of the Council or the fact that they both knew the reason why his magic wasn’t coming back was worse. So Jay picked the Council’s smugness because it was easier to deal with. “Good luck,” he said to Justin, “I’d say be careful but,” he shrugged, “just good luck seems better. All things considered.” 

[highbornmage]

There were subjects that two of them avoided and clearly right now with the state that Jay was in those subjects seemed to be coming up like fastballs. Completely unexpected and taking him blindsiding him. “You’re a couple of centuries late with that one,” He turned his body away from him ready to physically exit this conversation because it was best for both of them to do that. What was the point in voicing truths when both of them were not going to agree? Justus was not ready to go down this road hell he had just come to terms with the fact that this was never going to happen and yet against every instinct in his body he turned around and looked Jay dead eye center, “Yes. We were not together at first because of my father and yes I was a coward and I just wanted to be a man that he could be happy about. I didn’t know what to do or much less feel about this,” his finger wiggling between the two of them, “And yes I settled for Tabitha and sure i learned to love her and then I put duty over love. You can list all these crimes against me but you want to know what I didn’t do? I didn’t betray your trust. I didn’t keep a secret that I knew would actually heal you versus the pain. Jesus fuck the Clarks Jay? The fucking Clarks? In what fucking way did you expect that to turn out good for you? For us?” His frustration and anger were laced with each questioned he threw at the other man, he had opened the door to all this so might as well deal with it because today it wasn’t going to be Justus that was going to walk out and ignore this, “You want progress? Take this – I have loved you since the day I saw you and ever day. Nothing and no one has even come close. It’s fucking easy to go bed to bed when you’re heart isn’t in it. Tabitha was a duty; an obligation but love? Well fuck – that’s just been you.” Might as well get as honest and straight to the point as he could with the clock that was on them once again. “We’re not together because I don’t trust you and because I don’t do the whole forgiving shit well. Especially not from the one person that was suppose to have my fucking back. You were the last person I thought would do what you did. I put my entire family on that list before i put you so before you get on your fucking horse on how I should get over get the fuck over yourself and take a step back and see how much I love you that I am fighting it. I actually have chosen to fight with you instead of getting you out of my life. I have lived with you forcing myself to see you even if I just wanted to avoid you. I have actively inserted myself in your life the past couple of years and your solution is for me to just get over it. Well fuck you.” he spat at him as his signature empty laugh escaped his lips as he wiped his chin with his knuckles, “It wasn’t about the fucking supernatural. My family was my fucking humanity, how dense can you be? How fucking dense can you all be? My entire purpose was my family; Alejandro, Felicity, Thea and Preston. My humanity was knowing I shared blood with those idiots – that my father and my mother had raised us to place some order in this fuck up world. My family was taken and the best you all could do was tell me to get over it and get in line with magic – oh look at Justus being an idiot for not being one with his magic – what a fucking idiot. I heard it all.” The floodgates had broken, “I lost my humanity, I lost a sense of who I was, I gave everything to my family – to the fucking witches – and learned everyone was in the fucking joke – and the fucking icing to all this was the one person that I had made my safe place was a lie. What if it happens again? We’re in a war. What if you have to choose a side again? Eh? Me or them? We all know which side you are on – and that right there is why we’re not together not because my old man is stuck in my head. Don’t belittle me or us to that level. We’re not there anymore. We’re in the major leagues right now.” He cracked his knuckles as frustration was relived through a sigh, “So yeah get over losing your humanity Jay because you basically watched me lose my and made it seem like I was just some desperate teenager. And make all the fucking comments you want but don’t say shit like that – I love you, Jay but I refuse to turn a blind eye to your actions.”

Something in his words made Jay pause. A simple truth that he was fairly sure Justin hadn’t meant to say. He knew that Justin would never forgive any of them for the lie, he had known that even when his mother had hope that one day he would understand. Jay had drunk the poison willingly but at least he had known what he was doing. Not lived in the hope that one day things would improve after the dust had settled. “I’m sorry, heal you?” Jay repeated, “you think that growing up as a hybrid, with the Clark magic coursing through your veins while your father beat you and your siblings would have helped you?” Jay had very little sympathy when it came to ruined childhoods and less when it came to parental issues. If it was up to him, the man that he was, the man who had grown up as he had, would have stayed hidden until the end of his days. Jay didn’t let his past rule him because he got over it. Simple as that. He’d still like to dig up and kill every member of his family himself but that was a passing fancy. Nothing he would actually do. “One of the beauties of being an adult is not having to depend on your parents and their opinions for your survival,” he said. Jay rolled his eyes at Justin’s words. “I told you not to trust me. I told you I wasn’t as I seemed. I tried to warn you,” he said, “in every way that I possibly could. Your truth wasn’t mine to tell. You spent centuries glued to Alejandro’s side. I figured he was waiting for the right time, that he would tell you and your love and trust of your family would be enough to get you through it.” What a joke that had been. Alejandro had never told him and Jay had been forced to make peace with the fact that the oldest Adolph would rather have saved his own side of the relationship than reveal the truth. Family had wound up telling Justin, but not the family that Jay had thought would get him through it. Ironically it seemed less of Justin’s anger was directed at the brother who had ripped the bandaide off than the one who had tried to keep it on. “What everyone wants is for you to see that the only person who thinks of that family differently is you. You are still more wolf than witch. You still share the same amount of genetic material. The same past experience. Logically you know all of that. I’m just not sure you wish it was the case.” Even before all of it, he wouldn’t have called the Adolph’s the picture of a happy family. Or even a particularly well put together one. All being alpha’s from the curse, they constantly fought for power and to be in charge. But for some they seemed to want the pack to be together on an almost genetic level and others refused to think of another as the leader. Wolves. “Oh come off your high horse. You may hate me for what I did, but you know I was trying to protect you. Do you think the magic counsel would have let me create a super charged Clark hybrid? Someone else would have gotten that curse and you all would be bones in the ground. I turned against the only place I ever felt I belonged because of you. I spent a millenia lying to everyone so you would have a chance at--at being a person. Having a life. Being ready when you got your magic so you wouldn’t immediately turn into your brother. Not the lying one the murdering one. I am not saying what I did was right or that it turned out the way I was trying to make it, but I was on your side. I am on your side which is why I have no fucking magic at the moment and spent the past decade as a housepet.” That was his issue. When his demon side came in full he didn’t lose his humanity in the light, loose sense of the word. He lost his physical form. “There is no us to belittle, why can’t you see that?” the hybrid demanded, “I don’t want to be with you anymore than you want to be with me. You’re stuck in the past and I have no interest in joining you there.” Jay hated the past and Justin was wed to it, maybe that was their fundamental difference. Jay could and did move on. Constantly. He took what he wanted and needed and discarded the rest. He could hear his grandfather’s disapproval and he reveled in it. The past had been the justification for Jay to lie to the world. His life had belonged to the past from the moment he was old enough to understand the concept of a lie and the necessity of it. Worst of all he had believed the words. Believed the past and history was worth more than his own life. And now that past was nothing but he was still here. “ There’s enough to deal with in the present and a hell of a lot more in the future. But until you realize that, then there’s nothing about us to discuss.” 

[highbornmage]

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jay.” Justus was already missing the anger that made these talks escalate so quickly that both of them would just walk out of the room. Instead here he was taking the rather passive avenue in life. Jay had done what he had thought was right and Justus truly did believe that people could do whatever they wanted but they also had to deal with the consequences that would come out of those choices this just happened to be theirs. “I am not the one that selected this topic for conversation you decided to,” Dear lord they were already doing this dance, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to understand what was going on here. People were coming back from the dead; people from the past were rally up and yet both of them were doing this god damn dance that Justus had no intention nor desire – yes for the first time – he did not want to do this fucking dance. The longer his frustration brew he could feel the anger wanting to slip back in. “Don’t want you dead. Trust me if I did you would’ve known.” Even Christal who he was never allowed to kill knew that he wanted her dead; at least back then he had now he just wondered how she was doing. Alejandro had managed to lose the love of his life and at the same time their bromance. That had never been an ending he had ever dreamt nor Justus. He had always thought no matter the bs and lies that happened between the two of them that they would always come up on top. “There is more to life than your fucking magic. So you got no magic. so you feel fucking exposed and naked welcome to my fucking life. That’s how i feel with magic. You go on. You make the best of a shitty situation isn’t that the hallmark bullshit you were all feeding me? Or do you need more pity parties for yourself?”

“That’s why potions exist,” Jay snapped, “and besides, I make it a point not to lose sleep over things I cannot change,” he looked at Justin, “we both know that even if I didn’t block your power and hide you away, if I let you be everything I kept you from being, we still wouldn’t be together.” There was no world where Jay outranked the voice in Justin’s head. The voice always won, when it was someone like your father if they were the one whose approval you chased. It usually went one of two ways. Either you fell in line with your family or you forged your own path. “I think that’s why we never get anywhere with this topic. My lying goes hand in hand with the fact that you can’t stand that you feel something for me.” Jay had never dared lump the two topics in with one another, never wanted to open that door. But fuck it. If he was determined to rip the band aide off then might as well actually do it. “Unlike everyone else, I am very aware of what you are and how that feels,” Jay said, “I don’t pretend to be in the right, but I’ve never told you that you shouldn’t be angry. Not until now and I’m getting the sense that isn’t your problem at the moment.” Maybe that was the other difference between them. Jay was angry. Infinitely angry. The kind of anger that was a poison under your skin and took over your entire heart. Justin may never have been able to allow himself to be with him, but Jay knew that if that was different he would have found a way to destroy them anyway. That was just who he was. “You know without your magic you were a wolf. You were cursed and stronger, but you weren’t human. Without my magic, I’m not human either. That’s the unfortunate part of being a hybrid. The longer I go without my magic the worse things will get because of what I am. So excuse me if the idea of losing my humanity and turning into my bitch of a mother doesn’t fill me with glee. But I would like to fix this before I have to give whatever’s left of my soul over to a very old demon whose been salivating for it for a thousand years,” he shuddered at the alternative, “or have to go back to being a fucking cat again.” 

[highbornmage]

“Since when has what I think ever mattered?” It truly had no dent in Alejandro or his father. Then his sisters had been to preoccupied thinking about their love life to put their family – him first. There was no need to even get into Preston and he wasn’t even going to do it. Let’s just wrap it up in the notion that Justus was used to not truly getting his two cents appreciated. At this point he was annoyed with the conversation and how it was going. “I really don’t know.” Lie. But hey when everything was done and said then they could consider each other equal, right? He had lied to him about his entire existence and now he was not telling him why his magic was all fucked up even though he knew why. “Well I will put it this way. If I blame you it doesn’t get better and if I don’t blame you it’s the same result – at least this way I can placed the blame correctly, don’t you think? I mean aside of you I could blame my dead parents; which I do. Every other week I go to their graves and curse them. Then Alejandro – well I just pretend he’s dead and haven’t talked to him within the past decade. So I guess you just got the semi decent deal, would you not agree?” He ended up processing his entire life mess and the fall out. “Jay if I wanted you to die I think I would’ve taken the act a couple of minutes ago. So no I don’t want you dead. And no it doesn’t make me feel better. Any other fun questions you want to throw out at me?” The question was left in the air as he made a fist and and allow his chin to rest upon it, after all, it had been a while since they last played 20 questions.

“To me? Always,” Jay said shortly, “and for the love of all the Gods do not say what you’re about to say. Hiding you from your family did not mean I didn’t care what you thought.” He’d done it for that precise reason. He’d let Justin live his life however he saw fit. Every cliff he went over, every stupid choice, Jay hadn’t done what he did to keep Justin from living. He’d done it to give him a chance before the Clarks got him. Not that Justin would ever see it that way. It was the hard knot of truth surrounded by the fluff of lies, his intentions in the end mattered no more than Justin’s thoughts. Jay snorted at Justin’s reasoning. “Well unfortunately of all those people you’ve decided to talk to the one who learned his lesson about silence when it comes to you,” Jay said, “I’m not having this conversation again if we’re going around in circles. That’s the price for standing there while I died.” It was a selfish thing. Jay probably shouldn’t have been drawing lines like that but he couldn’t help himself. The disconnect with his magic was bringing out an ugly side that he hated showing. There was a damn good reason that Jay took comfort in his illusions and without them he felt exposed. And feeling exposed was never a good thing. Exposure was being a freak, leaking all of his secrets to people who had no right to know. Even though it was Justin and Jay had spent a millennia more or less in his head. Throughout all of this Jay had trusted him, even when Justin couldn’t stand him. Now he felt none of that trust as he looked at him. He felt the same way the entire world had felt towards him as the hybrid freak. “Maybe you should try to kill me,” Jay said, “of course that might be doing me a favor so I can see the reasons not to.” He’d become immortal because he had lost everything and someone had tried to kill him. It was necessary. It probably wouldn’t work a second time but hell anything was worth a shot. “No,” Jay said rolling his eyes, “i don’t want to ask you anything else. I don’t care.” 

[highbornmage]

“Then change your actions, you don’t want other people getting the wrong idea.” If Justus stayed in the angry stage for the rest of his life he would be fine. There wasn’t anything that he was missing truly. His relationships with his siblings were beyond destroyed, any effort he tried to fix it he was just reminded that he wasn’t an actual Adolph; and the impossible had actually taken place. Now whenever he saw them he could constantly hear his father yelling how he was not good enough. His relationship with Jay was perhaps at the moment the most civil it had ever been but it wasn’t like it was a solid foundation for anything; and how many centuries or years it would take for him to get over that little action was beyond his possible knowledge. So being angry – well at least it kept the conversation moving. “Just think about it as a payback – you know the whole losing magic. Maybe this time you don’t fuck someone else over.” It was a petty shot. One he knew he didn’t even want to take but whenever Jay ended up starting something Justus always had to go a step further and try to win a pointless fight. “You’re the one that came here and addressed me. Next time do you want me to just ignore you? I can do that. I got no trouble here. If you don’t want to talk then we can resume silence.” 

“Who said anything about other people? I was talking about you,” Jay said. It had been centuries since he’d cared what other people thought about him. Actually of all the billions of people in the world he could count on his fingers the people whose opinion actually mattered. And Justin was on there, even though at the moment Jay wanted to wring his neck. Especially for the comment about his magic. “Well I did, or I imagine your bother would be halfway to making the world ash by now--probably with my magic and yours to bolster his.” If Jay were looking to take over the world that would be how he would do it anyway. That was the problem with being in someone’s head, or tied with their magic. “What’s the point in us continuing to address each other? Aren’t you bored with the same old fight?” A chuckle left his lips, “no, of course you’re not. Let me ask you this instead. Are you getting anything out of continuing to say how I ruined your life? Does it make you feel any better?” He was curious even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer. Maybe deep down Justin did too. Yelling at Jay would never undo what was done or make his parents and his sibling be honest with him. Jay knew he didn’t matter much in comparison, but he was here which meant that he was the only one who Justin could blame to his face. “Do you want me to die again instead? It should be easier now. Fewer complications. Though it'll be far less useful." 

[highbornmage]

He could hear the time running out – Thea was in town which usually was a sure sign of the world coming to an end. He knew he should probably say nicer things when it came to his youngest sister but he knew not to take signs lightly. Perhaps in some twisted way that was why he had allowed for Miller to actually teach him and gotten him to actually try versus fight what was running through his vein but he knew he didn’t want to share that news with anyone else he didn’t have to. Do not get him wrong he would’ve loved to go to Jay and tell him all about it but in a twisted way Justus still was not done punishing him for what he had done; which was funny considering how in so many ways he was punishing himself more. But if till this day he could still not tell Felicity or Thea about the emotions he held for the witch in front of him then perhaps it was best to keep this distance between them – then again would he ever be able to truly honestly forgive him? “And here I was thinking that you had grown a backbone and were actually ignoring me. Imagine my disappointment.” He laced each word with sarcasm before he threw the white rag over his shoulder as he brought his forearm across his forehead wiping the sweat before his eyes landed over at Jay, “So besides being busy and avoiding me – what else have you been up to?”

“Contrary to the impression my actions have given, my life doesn’t revolve around you,” Jay snapped, “it revolves around my magic which, I repeat, is missing.” It was messing with his head, not having it. He’d never been without it this long without knowing where it was. The last time he’d even come close was when the magic counsel found out he’d hidden a Clark for a thousand years, but at least they had the grace to take his consciousness with it. Now he was standing there powerless, without any of the illusions that let him function day to day. It was torture. “I know someone in your family has something to do with this and we all know what side you fall on when it comes to that.” Family man, through and through. Sadly Jay had once been a family man. Family above all. He’d just woken up to the cruelty of them. Justin was still asleep, probably always would be. Let him have his ignorance. Jay was in no position to protect anyone at the moment. And Justin would never accept that from him. “I’m sorry, are you trying to make small talk? Why don’t you just skip to the part where you tell me I ruined your life. I can fast forward to the part where I try to justify it. You ignore me and then we go our separate ways. There. I just fast forwarded the whole conversation and saved us both a lot of trouble. You're welcome." 

[highbornmage]

Jay & Justin

He had been determined to keep his distance. To do the right thing for once when it came to someone he had nightmarishly inconvenient feelings for. He’d failed with anyone who truly mattered before, let his own selfishness get in the way. This time he was determined that things would be different. Which, of course, meant Justin was systematically derailing every plan just by the art of breathing. He’d give him that. Jay thought he was unparalleled at creating chaos. Then he met Justin Adolph. He had his own issues to deal with considering the ongoing absence of his magic, but it was only a matter of time before they ran into each other again. He just thought maybe there would be more time, enough time so he could get his magic fully restored and not be in such a fucking vulnerable position. But the gods had always had a twisted sense of humor when it came to his fortunes, that was why he never trusted any of them. Liars, all of them. “I’m busy,” he announced, because manners were overrated when it came to the person you were trying to put distance between, “if you called for me I didn’t get it. My phone is, well, in an alternate dimension. This is a weird coincidence. That’s all.” For some reason it was important to make sure that was clear. That it was time for both of them to get on with their lives. At least until he could stop being a liability. Though at this point he would settle for not being so vulnerable.. @grootrps​

[highbornmage]

Justus wasn’t upset or disappointed by the words that Jay spoke. In many ways he had already known that they were going to come out. You played this game long enough and you found yourself knowing every move that was going to take place. In his entire life the only thing he had never seen coming was the fact that he himself, had been a bastard. That his own mother hadn’t had the guts to tell him about the truth and that his brother had justified himself for keeping it to himself all these years. Just like Jay had. In his mind his mother, Alejandro and Jay were all in the same level. The only difference was that Justus did love Jay,  no one could ever know the pain of going from not being able to love someone because you still could not accept yourself to accepting yourself and not being able to love someone because they had a cross a line that you did not know how to forgive. So for the rest of their lives Justus and Jay would be playing this bickering game and flirt with the line. In the back of his mind he hoped that he would become a better man and learn to forgive Jay – but that would mean he would have to forgive Alejandro and his mother and well if anyone knew anything about Justus it was that he didn’t do that too well. Not when a line had been crossed, he had rather died from the cancer than come back to his family and ask them to cure him. Perhaps he was a selfish prideful dick, but at least that was done on his own choice. “I don’t think you would be standing in front of period if things had not played out the way that they did.” He didn’t care about the physical exterior, he had known Jay’s soul. At least he had thought that they had. “Or maybe she will and no one will be able to save her. But who cries over a Clark, right?” This town had the habit of wearing their asses like hats for way too long. “People die all the time Jay, how many have you killed that were innocent? Even better who made you judge? The elders? A higher magic board? Your blood – sounds like pretty fucked up reasons but what would I know, just a hybrid too scared to reach my magic.” Maybe if people were honest with each other and spent a little less time judging others and more on themselves they would be able to see all their wrongs and fix what they could actually fix. “You can owe up all you want and people will still talk shit and think they actually have a idea of what you’re going through. Got an entire lifetime experience so you can fuck off with that logic. Don’t touch any of my family members Jay, you’re already on a thin line with I as it is. So if it means anything hopefully you’ll do the right thing.”

“Actually, it doesn’t,” Jay said, “I’m sorry to say I’ve had a dying man’s moment of clarity before I didn’t die and I’m done with the thin line thing with you. You will never forgive me and honestly, even if you did, what then?” Jay shrugged. Even if they got in a good place, they were never going to be friends. And it was clear that them having any kind of romantic entanglement was going to be useless. “you want to know who made me judge? Myself. I made myself judge and jury and, yes, executioner. Elders? Do you think your family structure is the only one?” Jay chuckled, “you can hate your magic all you want, but you should probably consider how little you know. Instead of assuming that all magic works like your incredibly corrupted brand of it.” The younger hybrid never failed to make Jay’s head throb when it came to discussions of magic. Jay had been sacrificed by his family for their secrets and the truth as he would do it all over again for his magic. It being dormant was making his patience significantly shorter. Jay drummed his fingers together, “the right thing. The right thing would be murdering all of your coven. There’s a handful of them left, their magic’s spread thin--great houses are wiped out all the time. We almost did it with the Millers a few centuries back, until someone figured out how to correct their course.”  He shrugged, “fortunately doing the right thing has never been much fun and I gave that up a long time ago,” he waved a hand, “at least when doing the wrong thing it’s usually worth the blow up.” He’d done the right thing for so long it was exhausting just to think about. It hadn’t made his life any better and he wasn’t sure it was the right thing anyways. Maybe that was a question for someone more philosophical than he was. “Things played out the way they did because I knew you were going to stand there and watch me die. I planned for it,” he said, “bet on it, actually,” he added with a twisted smile. He had known it would happen that way and he had planned for it. So why it still made him feel bitter was anyone’s guess. Maybe deep down he was still too soft. “But hey if you had helped maybe you would have gotten your wish and never had to see me again.” 

[highbornmage]

“I’m amazed you were able to narrow it down the top three since your life just appears to be one giant joke after another.” As much as he loved to take note about how this entire relationship came undone Justus was not one to actually say I told you so. Now that Thea was back in town that didn’t help cases. The only person that they needed in order to make it is a home run was for Preston to come out of the woods and say that he was alive – though he had to be. Surely they would have been able to tell if it was otherwise. At least that was what he was banking on, “I have no opinion on my sister’s love life.” Which he didn’t. What was he suppose to say? That Everett was an asshole? What room did he have? Justus was known for playing the field as well. He would want to say he wasn’t a manwhore but he did go from Hannah to Bridgette to – well by this point they all managed to just blur all in. So in reality he was the last person to pass any judgement on the man. Felicity’s horrible choices were hers as well. All he could hope for and actually wanted was for his sisters to actually make up and be siblings, was that too much to ask for? “Hey if that is the opinion you have about yourself and you don’t like it, fix it.” And just like that they were back to the Jeremiah debate; one that he did not even know his own position. “I think the final say goes to Juliette. As much as you love to flaunt your power and all that shit that is her brother and only reason she has not turn the world upside down on Everett is because he is somewhat of a family limb.” And even Juliette as much as she proclaimed to hate Everett and that one time she almost did kill him at the wedding, she didn’t. “Telling you to think twice of your steps that’s all.” Justus was barely getting over the fact that Jay had lied to him all these years. Sure in the name of his protection – but lying nonetheless.

“Oh you three are far prettier than I am,” Jay said, “makes it easy to remember.” He’d always had a weakness for beauty. He shared it with his father who’d been stupid enough not to check what he was sleeping with. Played right into a trap and then Jay had come along. There was a reason his name was ‘victory’. “Of course you do. Family always has opinions on each others love lives. I’d figure out your feelings about it if you haven’t, since there’s a good chance your brother and your cousin are going to try to kill each other in a more permanent fashion.” They kept trying and kept coming back. It was an endless cycle. At least Jeremiah put on a good show and really went for it. He wanted to punish Everett. Everett didn’t seem to have any idea what he wanted. Or maybe he was afraid to want. “If I ever feel like trying to find love again, I’ll keep that in mind. For now I like using it as a deterrent. It’s my own form of emotional contraception.” He’d done his damage to Justin and that was done. And he’d finally just accepted that other people didn’t hold his interest. He hated loving Justin, but he couldn’t change how he felt when it came to him. He deserved the weird limbo he existed in with him. But hopefully Justin would meet some nice girl soon and depart. Maybe it would even stick this time. “Well not right now I’m not powerful,” Jay muttered, “you think I’d be standing here showing you my real face if I was? Can’t power illusions without magic and I’m temporarily without.” He liked his illusions when it came to his appearance. It felt wrong to be showing Justin what existed under the layers of it. Naked without being naked, though he’d prefer the body he faked for himself. “Well we know Juliette’s not going to kill him. Too bad because that probably means the end of her marriage. Jeremiah’s not going to let Callum just get off after he stopped him from taking over Juliette’s body,” he shoved his hands into his pockets, “but yay family. Maybe you all can go at it again and have the ultimate Clark battle royale. Or just let your brother murder everyone.” Jay had no illusions when it came to family. As much as he wanted to keep it, he knew it was probably time to shut the door firmly on any hope of reconciliation and accept someone was going to have to shut Jeremiah down. “it takes twice as long to explain why you’re doing something wrong as it does to just do the right thing. It’s whether or not you can accept the consequences of your actions.” 

[highbornmage]

“Isn’t that funny?” Justus always imagined that he was the only one in the world with such a terrible twisted humor that somehow had some honor mixed into it but Jay had to come out of his closet and trump him at moments. He was aware that half – if not all of their issues came out of everything that they did not talk about. Which was not something that should be tackled right now; not when Juliette was probably expecting the actual spawn of the devil and Felicity was walking around missing her heart and everyone ready to jump to say I told you so – not to mention if Everett was back that meant there was another cluster fuck waiting to happen which triggered Jay’s returned to just do something that he should not do. It was a fucking rabbit hole that Justus had to stay at the edge and watch. Or at least give his reasonable effort to do just that. “Everett loves Felicity,” And there was a sentence that he never thought he would utter; the disgust could not be hidden from his face. Instead he just shook his head as he did his best to forget that this was the same man that had been with his younger sister, “It’s just a classic example about why you should not get into a relationship if you’re not ready. – I am sure he will be fine. What can I say? I take joy in being consistent in all my spots.” He knew it probably should’ve rubbed him the wrong way; but after centuries of being the black sheep and joke nothing seemed to actually do any damage to him. “No. Jeremiah is family and perhaps instead of us all jumping to murder we should think twice. – Jay don’t get involved. Just don’t.” Not till Juliette actually figured out what the fuck she wants. 

“Probably the third greatest joke of my life,” Jay said. Of course the first and greatest had been hiding Justin right under the Clark’s smug fucking noses. Second had been Mael. So missing Justin after all of that was a nice and tidy second, “don’t tell me not to become a comedian,” he added, “I already know.” His sense of humor had always been shit so at least that was the same. Jay’s affection for Felicity came because he had a soft spot for people as stubborn as himself and a werewolf showing up to defy the universe was something he could support. Even a thousand years later. “I thought he was smarter than that,” Jay said, “it’s not his fault. Your sister's like me. We’re poison to those around us, to be taken only in small doses,” he shrugged, “the sooner your sister realizes that the happier she’ll be. And Everett can find some nice normal girl. It’s not all bad, maybe you’ll even get your siblings all back, wouldn't that be fun?” Jay didn’t believe for a second things would go back to the way that Justin’s rose tinted glasses said they were. But he knew Justin wanted that. Well four out of five wasn't bad. Maybe he could be content with that. “Oh I imagine he’s ready for a relationship, he just doesn’t want it with her. It’s not a crime to not love someone you know? Feelings are not guaranteed to be reciprocated.” Jay sighed loudly. He knew Justin wouldn’t let him murder him, even though he really, really wanted to. The man had undone his spell and was responsible for so much of what was wrong. “I think I should at least get to undo a spell--a big spell. That’s fair, since he undid one of mine. And I’ll even let him keep whatever brought him back to life.” Jay was aware that he was being hypocritical, but the truth was it wasn't an issue. When he got his magic back he could decide what to do with that. In the meantime who gave a shit what he promised? “I’m already involved,” Jay pointed out.