A Christmas Story (1983) meme
____ says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaskiâs candy store!
Hey ____! I bet you never guess what I got you for Christmas!
They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!
Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? Thatâs dumb!
NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a âtriple dare youâ? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen where only you and you alone stand between your tiny, huddled family and insensate evil.
Only I didnât say âFudge.â I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the âF-dash-dash-dashâ word!
It was⊠soap⊠POISONING.
Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts.
He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!
Aaah! âFra-GEE-leh!â It must be Italian!
A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch.
Tonight! Tonight! Itâs coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight!
Will you eat? There are starving people in China!
Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
All right, Iâll get that kid to eat. Whereâs my screw driver and my plumberâs helper? Iâll open up his mouth and Iâll shove it in.
Tell mommy⊠how do the little piggies eat?
I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
Youâll shoot your eye out, kid.
Donât want to waste electricity!
You used up all the glue on purpose!
Jealous of what? That is the ugliest lamp I have seen in my entire life!
The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher.
Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of âTapsâ being played, gently.
Iâm sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, donât you feel terrible?
Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
Darn thing looked like it was made of green pipe cleaners.
Listen jerk. When I tell you to come, you better come.Â
What are you going to cry now? Come on crybaby. Cry for me, Crrrrryyyyyyyyy!
Something had happened, a fuse blew. And I had gone outta my skull.
Of course. Santa. The big man. The head honcho. The connection. Ha, my mother had slipped up this time.
The line ENDS here. It begins THERE.
Donât bother me. Iâm thinking.
If he thinks Iâm working one minute past nine, he can kiss my foot.
My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.
Daddyâs gonna kill _____!
We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.
Youâre lucky, those icicles have been known to kill people!
_____had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.
He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.
He looks like a pink nightmare!
SONSOFBITCHES, ________!!
The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!
Yes. itâs a beautiful duck. It really is. But itâs⊠smiling at me.