I'm Sure I'll Come Up With A New Title Soon

21. STL. Missourian by choice, Texan by the grace of God. Hockey Fan. My goal is to post more original shit. Viewer's discretion is advised.

[hiimamber]

Everyone keeps saying they just want me to be happy

But I'm pretty sure my mind is not capable of letting me be happy. I keep putting myself in fucked up situations and it just causes more pain

[memewhore]

[hiimamber]

So, back story. My best friend's wedding is Saturday. She's marrying a guy I hooked up with in her bed with her in the next room while we were in college.

We're getting hit with some snow tonight and she's not going in to work tomorrow, so she picked me up a day early and I'm staying with her for 2 nights instead of 1 to help make sure she stays sane leading up to the wedding, because y'know that's what friends do.

Anyway, it's been snowing for about 3 hours now and Tim looks out the kitchen window and says the snow is at 3 inches. I look out the front window, and Courtney asks if it's a true 3 inches, or a man's 3 inches. He steps outside and comes back in and asks what the determination was. I responded with "we determined it was a man's 3 inches." He snapped back with "man, fuck both of y'all."

I never knew how much will power I had until the moment I had to keep myself from saying "you already have" as a response to that.

[griffys]

What's wrong with grandpa??

he lied in bed for thirty years or whatever the fuck. while his daughter struggled to put food on the table. but then!!!! ohhh then! charlie gets a golden ticket and all the sudden that jackalope is hopping around the shack like he’s fuckin simone biles. i hate him i hate that free loader i hope he busts a hip and falls into the chocolate river

[cheese24k]

[hatelyn]

I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE FOUND OUT SHE COULD EVEN DO THAT

[favabean05]

[just-shower-thoughts]

Deadpool should have leaked a fake version of the film where it’s just Deadpool playing with action figures reenacting the entire film.

[pleatedjeans]

[pixiebootsana]

*After announcing the three champions that will compete in the triwizard tournament, Dumbledore grabs a fourth paper that just came out of the goblet of fire*

Dumbledore: Harry Potter

Harry:

Ron:

Hermione:

Ginny:

Fred, George and Lee Jordan:

Cedric:

Fleur:

Victor:

Draco:

Gryffindors:

Hufflepuffs:

Slytherins:

Ravenclaws:

The Teachers Table:

[hiimamber]

Rant.

A text saying "Hey I'm very sorry" isn't going to pay my tuition that is the only thing my job funds OR reimburse me for the hotel that I couldn't get my $$ back for that I booked because you can't communicate about your fucking wedding. The equivalent that I'm giving up for having to miss a day of work and the hotel is Rudy's tux. He's not paying for it, and if you have any problems take it up with me. If your best man isn't going to give the groomsmen the proper information, then you need to. It's your wedding. -rant over- P.S. All of your friends hate your fiancé because she has 0 good qualities to her. The only one we've heard you name yourself is that she's a squirter. That should say something about your relationship.

[sardonicznie]

[hiimamber]

me: *opens Facebook app*

facebook: you tryna show everybody this slideshow of your titties?

[dork-iplier]

We are all humans

[therealjacksepticeye]

We’re all trash at the end of the day! :P

[normalshrimp]

[nerdgul]

Your average pineapple, peeled and cut makes about 4.5 cups or 36 ounces of pineapple chunks. Cans of pineapple come in a variety of sizes the most common being 20oz and 46oz. Meaning a single pineapple generally won’t fill up a single can perfectly, wich also means everytime u eat pineapple from a can somewhere someone else has the can that has the rest of that same pineapple. Meaning u can share a single fruit with a stranger from hundreds of miles away and I think that’s beutiful

[weirdfandomchick]

How much sleep are you getting?

[nerdgul]

Not enough my guy

[hiimamber]

[jortsprincess]

if you wanna be my lover you gotta reblog my text posts

[hiimamber]