[huhsmile-the-artist]

when will you swallow your pride? 🌱

[hiitsartemis]

TYL

YAY. Sem's over!!!!! I passed all my subjects!!!! I have a lot to share but for now, let me celebrate. I'm on my way to legarda station, i'm going to celebrate with my hs friends, i passed this sem and they're graduating this month. Too much blessings for us. TY, be back soon. 💙

[hiitsartemis]

Last 2 weeks for this term. I hope all of us will get through. 

*plays Exploration No. 5*

[hiitsartemis]

you are allowed to say "no"

Obviously this is about me being honest so bare with me.

I don't get it when people ask you if you're okay with something and pag sinabi mo na "hindi", you still get to be blame na you have so many issues in life or you always make it a big deal.

Fyi, answering "no" means you're not comfortable with that "something". No means you're giving yourself some love by not getting yourself involved in that situation.

Well, sorry not sorry, but if i'm not comfortable with something, i ain't doing it. Respect that.

[hiitsartemis]

Went to my happy place before 2018 ends. Damn, this beauty never fails. 💚

[hiitsartemis]

super late

Another year has come to an end. Thank you 2018. You gave me so much to remember. I learned MANY things this year and i'm grateful for that. Wow i can't believe it, i survived 2018. Haha. Well, i knew i can finish this year (wala naman ako choice) but i didn't expext to finish it with such a grateful heart.

I also wanted to say that i am now leaving 2018 with an accepting heart.

To my "old" friends, thank you for being a part of my life but i guess, people come and people go huh. Idk if i am too arrogant to say this, but i'm not sorry for leaving you guys. The only thing i'm sorry for is i don't get a chance to talk to all of u on why i am leaving our friendship. But aside from that, i am very happy and contented. I hope you'll learn to love yourselves too and i am really thankful for the experiences that i learned from all of u. Thank you.

AGAIN, THANK YOU 2018. YOU GAVE SO MUCH TO REMEMBER. FOR NOW, LET US WELCOME 2019 WITH A GRATEFUL HEART.

[hiitsartemis]

Arki related

I don't know how to start this. Haha.

Habang tumatagal mas nafifigure out ko na yung mga principles ko sa life. Like this, we're having our annual architecture week & i was assigned to be one of the heads for the seminar event. The theme is about culture & philippine architecture.

Idk if ako lang ba or mas gusto ko na ang guest speakers ay from state universities din or yung concern sa normal people like us. Idk if ginegeneralize ko lang or what pero pag kasi galing private universities, sa sobrang privileged nila di na nila naiisip yung nasa lower class.

Never talaga ko naging interested sa mga architects na sobrang goals yung life nila. Like travel everywhere, from sikat na firms, topnotcher or from sikat na schools. I would ALWAYS prefer ARCHITECTS na kino-consider yung lower class not just higher class. Yung nagca-care talaga sa minorities & mga filipino, hindi yung busy pagpapaunlad ng sarili lang nila.

THAT'S WHY, ayaw ko umaattend ng anthology & other seminars na ang mahal ng bayad. Tapos ang binibida pa is international architects. Don't get me wrong, magagaling naman talaga sila plus ang dami rin matututunan. Pero come to think of it, siguro eto na yung time para magfocus tayo to our fellow Filipinos.

I am hoping na sa susunod na generation ng architects & professionals, huwag tayong magfocus sa ating sarili lamang.

Mas gugustuhin ko pang maging arkitekto na tumutulong sa mga pilipino kahit mababa ang sweldo kaysa sa arkitekto na "goals" kuno pero walang pakialam sa pag unlad ng kapwa pilipino nya.

[hiitsartemis]

YAY

Shit, realization hit me. I should be enjoying this college life with my friends. Narealize ko na di ko dapat nili-limit yung sarili ko sa iba. I was so busy making my circle of friends small.

Well, its not too late to experience new things. See new perspectives. Appreciate different people. LETS GO.

- I'm so tired of being problematic. Bawasan ko, wait.

[hiitsartemis]

just let it go.

I am now letting go. I'm tired. :(

Nakakapagod. Bahala na. I will just let fate decides. Whatever happens, wala akong choice kundi i-accept yun and move on. Kung maayos pa, okay. Kung hindi, okay lang din. I don't care anymore.

I'm afraid na baka yung next na post ko dito is goodbye letter na. I hope not. Sana it will be a coming back letter.

Sorry, kaya ko naman hindi mapagod pero gusto kong makita yung choices nyo, yung happiness nyo. We'll all be better.

"Hanggang dito na lamang

Ang iyong mga luha

Tama na,

Tahan na.

Nandito lang ako

Umaakay sa'yo

Nandito lang ako

Naghihintay sa'yo. "

Tahanan x Munimuni

[hiitsartemis]

I bet you're tired from a long hard week.

I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.

And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

And I just wanna tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you.

And I wish I could run to you.

And I hope you know that every time I don't

I almost do,

I almost do.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.

I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you

And risk another goodbye.

And I just wanna tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you.

I bet this time of night you're still up.

And I wish I could run to you.

And I hope you know that every time I don't

I almost do,

I almost do.

[hiitsartemis]

skip this.

Ang lungkot naman ng simula ng sem na 'to. Sana wala muna magklase na prof.

Para sa lahat ng friends/classmates ko.

I am so sorry if di ako sumasagot ng maayos pag kinakausap nyo ko. Sorry if di ko magawa yung works sa'kin na dapat ako yung gagawa pero nirereject ko. It's just that di ko mafeel yung existence ko ngayon. Hindi ko mahanap yung sarili ko. Sobrang lungkot. Andito na ko sa point na sumasabay na lang ako sa agos ng buhay. Bahala na kung ano mangyari.

Sobrang thankful ako na nagstay yung iba kong friends kanina sa skul tapos nakapag usap kami. Tho hindi about sa problem ko, pero about sa life and friendships, in general. Di man nabawasan yung dinadala ko pero atleast may nakausap ako ngayon. Ang saya rin makinig sa kwento ng iba.

Pucha, i am so close to crying kanina. Gustong gusto ko na umiyak pero pinipigilan ko kasi late na, mag uuwian na rin tayo. So baka mag alala pa kayo sakin. But thanks talaga kanina.

Proud din ako sa sarili ko kasi nakakaya kong hindi magbreakdown. Sobrang hirap. Yung problema ko na yung sarili ko tas biglang dumagdag yung problem ko sa "friend" ko. Yung trust issue ko sa kanya. Tho, okay naman na ko. Tanggap ko na. Okay na rin na maging close kami ulit, naintindihan ko naman na. Ayaw ko lang na ako ulit yung mag approach sa kanya. Sobrang hirap, tangina. Hinihintay ko lang naman na ikaw yung maunang lumapit.

Ayaw ko na nung napipilitan ka. Kaya pinapanindigan ko yung "try mo muna humanap ng iba tas pag narealize mo na kami talaga, balik ka na lang." SOBRANG PINAPANINDIGAN KO TO KAHIT ANG LUNGKOT :(

Sobrang hirap kasi pano pala kung makahanap ka ng mas okay na friends. Parang di ko kaya. Sobrang nag invest na ko sa friendship natin. BAKIT BA KASI SOBRANG ATTACHED AKO, KAIYAK TANGINA. Pero kung ganun nga, wala ako magagawa. Need natin mag grow as a person para sa sarili natin & if ever na mangyari yun, wish ko lang naman is yung happiness nyo. Okay na ko dun. Atleast naging part kayo ng life ko. Sobrang tini-treasure ko yung memories na yun. Sobrang thankful ako dun.

- bakit dito ako nagbreakdown :'(

[hiitsartemis]

song dedication pt 3

This is it, the last part. I am just really wishing for your happiness.

"I hope you find a way to be yourself someday,

In weakness or in strength,

Change can be amazing.

So I pray for the best, I pray for the best for you.

I wish you could be honest, I wish you could be honest with me."

honest x the neighbourhood

[hiitsartemis]

song dedication pt 2

When that issue happened. It's like fate is playing with me. Songs are playing randomly.

"I thought I saw a man brought to life. He was warm, he came around like he was dignified. He showed me what it was to cry. Well you couldn't be that man I adored. You don't seem to know, don't seem to care. What your heart is for.

No, I don't know him anymore.

There's nothin' where we used to lie. Conversation has run dry. That's what's going on. Nothing's fine, I'm torn.

I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel, I'm cold and I am shamed. Lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed. Into something real. Wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn."

But i heard one song that made me realize what i should do (i think). This song strikes me. It's just amazing how a song could tell words that i can't voice out. So here it goes..

[Verse 1]

When the morning comes. When we see what we've become. In the cold light of day, we're a flame in the wind. Not the fire that we've begun. Every argument, every word we can't take back. 'Cause with all that has happened. I think that we both know the way that this story ends.

[Chorus]

Then only for a minute. I want to change my mind. 'Cause this just don't feel right to me.

I wanna raise your spirits. I want to see you smile but know that means I'll have to leave

[Post-Chorus]

Know that means I'll have to leave.

Lately, I've been, I've been thinking. I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier.

Damn, this song totally got me. On the "Part 1" post, i'm talking about being hurt, sad and betrayal but still, i can't changed the fact that you are so important to me. You gave great impact in my life. U know, i only have 2 best friends in college and i'm thankful that you're one of them. You're always there. I always appreciate your presence.

But because you're one of my best, I only want what is best for you. I want you to be happy and carefree. I want you to stop pretending to like my trips or what am i doing. You can now stop pretending. It's just, it hurts that i find true friendship in you but you don't. BUT, IT IS TOTALLY OKAY. I understand that. You need to find your own even it means without me.

I don't want to be that friend who will limit you to know yourself. I hope you can read this. I am writing this because you're so important to me to the point that i can't imagine my college life without you. But you know, i realize, i still can. I just have to distant myself.

Happier x Bastille

[hiitsartemis]

song dedication pt 1

It's funny that our life could change in a snap because of one person.

"Friends can break your heart too...

Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix.

Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing, Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance."

Here it goes, i have a very very very close friend and things got out of hand? Idk. But someone told me that this friend doesn't really like me. "Just going with the flow of this idk if true friendship". Part of me totally gets it but the other me is breaking. I just, i got too attached.

I still can't believe that this is happening. I always thought that we are for keeps. Tho, i know we are SO DIFFERENT in many things but I still can't believe it, damn. I just can't accept the fact that you choose to tell it to someone else instead of telling it right to my face. You know that it will break me but still, you did.

Maybe i need to breathe for now. I need to think straight because my other self would totally understand you but this is me, the overdramatic-clingy-best friend right now.

"This hurts like hell

But I keep telling myself

It's gonna get better."

[hiitsartemis]

I hate myself for needing assurance that i can survive this. I also hate how i couldn't write my feelings out. Everything's falling apart. And now, this is me dealing with myself.

I'll get back to this later. I can't deal with it right now.

[hiitsartemis]

Just when i thought i'm not having breakdowns anymore....

Writing is the best medicine, i guess. Huhu. I'm not feeling well plus acads requirements are stressing me out. Dito na naman tayo sa point na pwede bang tumigil muna lahat.

Actually, i don't care kung marami ng reqs kasi given na yun. I'm on my senior year eh. BUT, having a group plate, ugh it sucks. You just can't go with the next step because your groupmate is not yet done with his/her assigned work. Huhu. Pls guys, be responsible naman. Ang hirap maghintay ng outputs esp. malapit na yung deadline. Pare-pareho tayong mahihirapan.

On the other side, maybe naiinis ako kasi sumabay yung sama ng pakiramdam ko. Hoping to get better tom. :')

[hiitsartemis]

Hey friend, it's been a while. I miss writing here. The reason why i've been so MIA lately is i forgot my password. Uh. Also, too busy to write here. Architecture demands more time now.

But the good thing is, now, it's not just a course for me. I am actually loving architecture again. My interests are coming back and I AM VERY HAPPY. I'll try to explain it next time. For now, i just wanted you to know that i am okay. I love what i am doing and i am thankful i didn't quit.