𝙤𝙞𝙠𝙖𝙬𝙖 𝙩𝙤𝙤𝙧𝙪 // 𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙧𝙮
warnings: themes of inferiority complex, mentions of injury, i try to describe how i view oikawa in my eyes and it might be bad so i’ll place it as a warning (</3)
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☁ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
sometimes, you can’t help but wonder why you’re dating your boyfriend.
for starters, he’s dating volleyball, the sport and the ball, and then you on the side. you understand, however, that volleyball is his passion and he’s grown obsessed to the idea of finally beating his rivals, the so-called “geniuses” he so desperately hates and envy at the same time.
next to your small list of problems is his very dedicated fanclub of his, seemingly increasing in number with each passing day. they’re not stupid enough to do anything that’s considered “too much”, but they are brave and diligent enough to send oikawa and you “love letters” every few days… yours is just a little bit special.
and lastly, is time. his schedule is full for today, tomorrow, the day after, till the whole month after. the only evidences of your relationship with oikawa at this point are the random, but somehow still endearing texts you receive every few days, notably from eleven at night till five am, right when he gets up at bed, and the short conversations you hold at school grounds when he visits you during break time.
clearly, the world is against your relationship with oikawa tooru; but sometimes, you also can’t help but remember why you’re dating your boyfriend.
“i can’t do it,” he admits after a short period of silence. you’ve recently started waiting from him to finish his practices at night not because you were angry that you haven’t spent time with him or anything, but rather because you knew of his tendencies to overwork himself, most notably being his right knee.
iwaizumi had no idea what happened, and even you don’t know when it started. you just remember asking him why he’s wearing a white brace over his right knee suddenly, and all he could tell you was “don’t worry about it” as his form of reassurance. you remember feeling like a failure because the least you could do was keep him safe.
“why aren’t my serves improving?“ he huffs as he drops to the floor.
“why aren’t i as talented as tobio-chan?“ he shouts and places his right arm over his eyes.
“why aren’t i special?“ it breaks your heart, but you let the sound of his tears reach you before you said anything. you’re worried and slightly expecting him to misunderstand you, but your desire to help him make it understand is far greater.
“don’t give me that pity shit,” he immediately snaps, throwing his arm to the floor in anger as he looks at you with mix of rage, resentment and disappointment.
“shut up and let me finish.” quietly and gently as you can, you step closer to him, the sound of your feet against the floors not even reaching your own ears as its buried under the loud, rapid beating of your heart. you’re nervous about everything, his reaction, your words, how he’ll take it and how you’ll make him understand.
but instead of thinking critically with your mind, you let your heart speak in hopes that it’ll reach his.
with one last exhale, you sat down.
“you may not realize it, but you have talents of your own that kageyama doesn’t have. you’re a person who the team can rely on completely. you’re a person who the team believes in and trusts. you’ve catered yourself to be the ideal setter,to be the ideal teammate that any player would dream to have beside them.
you’re a person who, despite having the world against him, continues to fight against the tide.
you and i both know that it’s inevitable, but one day, the tide will swallow you and pull you down to drown you. when that happens, choose to learn something from it. you can be scared and sink to the bottom, but you can also swim up to the surface, see how the world changed around you and improve yourself once more.
i can’t say much because i haven’t been in your position, but in my eyes, you’re already done so much. you already are a person who can do so many great things, and i really mean it when i say that you are special. the universe might’ve closed its doors on you, but the people around you do not.
tooru, don’t give up, okay? don’t push yourself too hard either, but don’t forget why you’re fighting against everything in the first place.
i’m proud of you. i’ll always be proud of you, and i’ll always support you. you’ve done well, you’ve done everything you can, and you can continue to do everything that you can. it may be difficult, but your journey always has been difficult. don’t be afraid to call out for one more, okay?”
the air is silent. your heart is loud, but you don’t hear it. the sound of his crying is there, but you don’t listen to it— instead, you focus on looking at his eyes and hoping that your words are enough to spark a light in him.
“okay.“ he sits up and hugs you tightly; the sound of a heart beating loud and hard and fast returns, but you can’t decide if it’s yours or his. oikawa then stands back up on his own, his hand rubbing his injured knee and checking if his support brace is still properly attached.
he hastily wipes the tears from his eyes with the back of the sleeves of his team jacket, and mutters two words that light the fire from within.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☁ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
