Empty Space

[himynameisntben]

Every Night

I fall asleep with the ghosts of every drink I ever swallowed or every cigarette I ever smoked and every love I ever lost

[himynameisntben]

I see you in people who are a little too far away for my myopic eyes, and when they get closer you disappear, a stranger takes your place, and I feel alone again. I tell myself not to hope not to feel not to drink not to smoke not to indulge not to weaken and not to hurt but I never listen. You know that.

[himynameisntben]

Four Weeks

Your absence has made me start talking to God in the middle of the night. I reread your letter almost every day, still unsure of who was wrong. You left me alone after I trusted you not to. I needed you to be on my side when I was fighting my demons. And I don't know how, but I forgave you for leaving, for making me fight all alone. I'm much stronger than you.

[himynameisntben]

I'm loved right now but I could be forgotten, or at most, a painful memory, in just a few years' time

[himynameisntben]

your world and my world

[himynameisntben]

On The Road

I'm on my way to fully realizing that I deserve love and happiness. It's not necessary for you to join me now, but it'd sure be nice if you did. I don't have time to wait for you. Come now, if you are, for I must be going. The car is running, my sweetheart.

[himynameisntben]

everybody else is falling in love,

     so why can’t we?

[himynameisntben]

You made me start writing again How dare you Why would you do that to me

[himynameisntben]

I put the plant you gave me on a window sill in my living room so I could watch it die day by day

[himynameisntben]

I've written a love song For each night I've spent alone And for each time I drove past your home

[himynameisntben]

Do you remember that picture of us, the one where we look ...happy? It sat on my desk. I would look at it each day. It now sits face down because that is how you left us.

[himynameisntben]

Unhappiness Drinking alone Falling asleep on the couch Letting things get away from me Eleven in the morning Wilting houseplants Where is the dog? Broken picture frames I made myself vulnerable Last night I won’t let you in again But I will Damn.

[himynameisntben]

I’m not sure about me I forget things that everyone knows I don’t know what to do And I expect too much, I guess

I’m not too sure about us I don’t feel important to you Though you are a priority And I expect too much, I guess

You don’t have to say the right thing Just don’t say the wrong thing Please.

[himynameisntben]

You fell asleep. I can’t.

I’m awake with all my demons again.

Hello, all. Would any else care for a drink? Just me?

[himynameisntben]

Burden

I can’t share my happiness with you because I don’t have any myself. I can’t buy you things because I don’t have a job and still need to eat. I’m living for you because I want to die for anything else. Right now it’s all about me and what I can’t be But it should be about you and all you can do. I guess I’m telling you to leave. You could be happy out there without me.

[elvedon-deactivated20151126]

light breaks off where you opened the sky in my chest

[himynameisntben]

Both my hands, right and left, and palms especially, are bruised and scratched from falling down so often.

To remedy this, I have decided to stop bracing myself for the impact.