The trailer park smelled of dirty dogs, pot, and random burning items. Burning cloth, hair, food, and plastic. The smell was faint but after you’ve been away from this place for so long the smell feels like a punch in the face. You can almost taste these things. The gravel paths and driveways crunched beneath my now grown feet. Broken glass everywhere in a variety of different colors; green, blue, black, and clear. Cats and dogs covered in dirt are skin and bones. In a pile, by my old bus stop, bullet shells are scattered. The memories wash over me. The gunfire, drag racing, and trains were my lullabies. There I stood in front of my old home.
“Kate!” a thick southern, hillbilly accent yelled from the next trailer over. I whipped my head around to be greeted by a blonde flat chested woman. Her hair was in a ponytail. She was missing teeth, in a tank top and ripped, acid washed jeans. I smiled as big as her,
“Mary! Is that you?” I knew it was her. “You look so good.” by that I meant her hair was brushed.
“Yeah, it’s me!” “look at you, miss Ivy league!” I went to the University of Alabama.
“What about me?” I asked. Mary was finally standing in front of me. She huffed and looked me up and down.
“Such soft, long, brown hair.” she touched my hair. “Big white teeth. And your clothes! … “Who do you think you are?” she questioned.
I laughed. “I know…I don’t wear those overalls anymore.” She laughed at the comment. She kept looking at me and then…finally hugged me. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m just visiting. I’m here for 3 days, then I have to fly out. I wanted to see the old place.”
“Nice. Well… who have you seen?”
I laughed nervously. “I don’t know.”
Mary grabbed my hand and ushered me towards her trailer. “I married that man. “
“Don’t hate me. You left, to go big time.” I’m a principal in D.C
“It’s fine. Has he changed?”
“Not really. He works construction now.”
“I’m the local nanny. Since you left I’m the smart one.”
I just smiled and nodded. As we approached the broken screen door. The smell of nicotine filled my nose. “Nath! Guess whos here?” Mary yelled, walking in.
“Who?” I could hear him get up from his seat as I walked in. He looked at me, stumbled and blinked his eyes clear. His drunken state was upsetting. “Cat?”
“Kate. and Hi Nathan.” I answered with seriousness.
“Wow,” He nodded, and gathered himself. His eyes slightly roamed my body. “I can’t believe it’s you.”
Nathan had a beer belly peeking out from a tattered shirt. Had shaggy untamed hair, and hairy arms. He’s aged but not as bad as the other residents of the park. Mary and I have emailed each other and written letters. She’s told me Nathan was still a good guy all in all. He didn’t beat those he loved. He wasn’t a cheater. Although he drank and had no motivation. Granted practically everyone here had those two things in common. Mary was the only one I stayed in contact with over the years.
I looked at Mary. and we both stayed silent. “Cat, how’ve been?” He cleared his throat.
“Good,” I explained why I was there. How I was there to visit my dad and see the old place.
I was raised mainly by my dad. My mom disappeared when I was little. My loving father died in a car accident. He was picking up food to celebrate my acceptance into The University of Alabama. After that, I was 18 and alone. I rented out the trailer until I graduated. I brought my suitcase to the graduation. I was ready to make a clean break from everyone I knew. The second I stepped off that stage, a degree in hand, I got on the next Greyhound to Birmingham. Not looking back, I left my boyfriend, Nathan, and my friends in the dust of that bus. I didn’t even change my clothes until I was in my new dorm. I had money from my dad and went out to get a mirror, mini-fridge, and some food. I unpacked and looked at myself in the shiny mirror. I saw the dirty, white cap and gown flow over me. Under that, I had dirty jeans and my dads’ favorite shirt on. I shook my head and changed into my new University of Alabama sweatshirt. I folded the shirt nicely and placed it in my new dresser. I changed into some sweatpants and threw the jeans away. I looked at myself in my new mirror and smiled. It was the first time I was genuinely happy since I got my acceptance letter. Finally… I’m out. My roommate was a wealthy southern debutante, who took particular interest in my “hillbilly lifestyle.” She’s my best friend to this day.
I snapped out of my flashback.
Nathan and Mary were sitting on the couch eager to talk to me.
“So. Kate.” he patted the spot on the couch between Mary and himself. I sat down and looked at him. “Yeah?”
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m a principal, in D.C”
“Wow. bet you have a nice house?”
“I have a pretty nice apartment.”
“Apartment? Not too different from where you grew up then?” He laughed and nudged me. I laughed at the joke too. “You know, we were all worried after you left.”
I looked down at my feet. “You knew where I was.”
“Yeah, but you could’ve said goodbye? I haven’t seen you since then.”
“I wrote. I wrote to you and Mary, explaining where I was and said my goodbyes.”
Mary laughed “We know. It’s ok.”
Mary looked at the microwave for the time.”I have to go and get the Rollans kids.”
“Collin Rollans?” I questioned.
“Yup. with Lilly Poppers.” she cooed.
“Where are the kids?” I asked.
“Bus stop. I’ll be back after. Lilly gets home.”
“I guess I should go too.” I began to emerge from the lumpy sofa.
“No. No. You gettin dinner with us and the gang.”
I huffed. “I should get to my hotel. I’m getting tired.”
“Come on!?” The two begged for me to stay. So I did. For dinner out with my old friends.
“Great. we’ll leave when I come home. I’ll call the old gang too.” Mary left me and Nathan alone to talk. Once Mary was out the door, Nathan looked at me shyly.
“Before everyone goes crazy about the news that your back…I need to ask you something.” He smiled.
“What happened to our plan in high school? We planned to visit each other. Then after I got a job in construction and you got your fancy job, we would move into a big house together.”
I laughed awkwardly. “I don’t know…I guess I moved on.”
“I visited you. But when I found you. You were mingling with the high and mighty. And hitched up already. When I wrote you, never wrote back.”
“That was months after I started school. I was moved on from this place” I gestured around me and outside. I continued, “I didn’t need anyone pulling me back.”
I became annoyed. “Remember what?”
My memories went back to that day. I was outside of a cafe waiting for Nathan. Chrissy, my debutant roommate, and Bruno, a Football player were there with me. They were my closest friends. Chrissy wore a light blue designer dress. Bruno, in jeans and a T-shirt. I was wearing a dress with black converse. Once I left the park, I tried many different styles. Girly with an edge seemed to be the one that was most like me. The three of was waited for maybe an hour before a southern boy with thick curly hair appeared. He had a jean jacket on with dark blue jeans covering his cowboy boots. I smiled and stood up.
“Nathan.” I greeted him with half excitement
“Cat, you look…different”
He looked over at my new friends. I followed his gaze and eagerly introduced them.
“Bruno, Chrissy this is my old friend Nathan.” The two popped up and shook his dirty hand.
“Uh..hi” He retorted. The four of us sat down. Chrissy, bless her heart tried to smooth out the silence. In her distinguished, southern belle accent she spoke. “So, you lived in the trailer park with Kate?” I put my head down in embarrassment.
“Chriss?” I cleared my throat
“Oh, my…sorry If that was rude”
“No,” Nathan said. “You just sound fancy as hell.”
“I’m not.” she laughed. She lowered her head closer to the table, and looked at the three of us, and whispered, “I’m not even religious.”
We all laughed. You can count on her to break the ice. Bruno looked at Nathan.
“Damn dude. You could be a quarterback.”
“I was in high school.” Nathan shifted his tone to annoyed, “Guess not good enough for this shit school.”
Bruno laughed awkwardly. That brought another wave of silence. We began to talk about classes. Which Nathan could be apart of.
“I hate biomechanics.” I laughed.
The three others chuckled as well. Nathan still giggling, asked, “why?”
“I’m so bad at it..” I exaggerated while rolling my eyes.
Chrissy lifted her eyebrow, “Even with the help of Ethan?”
I turned red and then abruptly looked at Nathan.
Bruno tried to stop Chrissy’s word vomit but failed. “He’s a guy Kate has been seeing.”
Nathan became annoyed but shook it off. He stared at me with anger and eager.
“Cat, I came here to bring you back.”
“No, listen…” He interrupted me.
“You belong with us, at the park, Not with fancy princesses and football players.”
I furrowed my brow. “No.”
“No, You are not here to do that. I know where I’m happy and it’s here.” I’ve forgotten that Bruno and Chrissy were there as I ripped into Nathan. “I know where I belong, and it’s here. People here are smart and they challenge me.”
“You don’t need that. I need that and you!”
“No. I’m not going back.”
“Stop being a bitch.” Nathan barked. Bruno sat up with frustration.
“Don’t talk to her like that. You should go now, dude.”
“Fuck you.” Nathan barked again this time directed toward Bruno.
“What!? You’ve become another person!”
“I’ve become a better person.”
“I beg to differ” He slurred
“I left the park. I know where I’m from. I never fit in. I finally feel like I belong. You have no right to make me feel bad or take that from me."
Nathan stood up and stormed off. His chair flying behind him, and leaving me and my quiet friends alone.
I looked at the aged version of my high school boyfriend. He looked at me in my sundress and boots almost like he was remembering that day.
“I didn’t mean to act that way.” he retorted
He looked at me with sad eyes.
“You still with that guy? The classmate.” Nathan asked with a gleam of hope.
“No. but I’m happily married to someone else.”
“Would he be angry or jealous if he knew you here with me?” he asked, lifting a seductive brow.
“California. That’s where I’m headed. We’re moving there, for his career.”
He shifted his body. “Why not here with you?”
“He’s coming tomorrow so we can fly to our new home together” I was still annoyed and uncomfortable with his behavior.
“So, you have it all figured out then.” He became annoyed with me and my answer.
“No. What’s with the twenty questions? You’re married. And happy right?”
“Yeah. Just wondering.” He said in a unconvincing tone.
I stood up smoothing down my dress.
“I’m going to visit my dads grave before dinner. I’ll meet you guys at Buck’s Diner”
“Fine. Buck is going to be there. He’s out of the park too. You’ll like him.” I rolled my eyes in response.
I got in my rental car and drove to the grave site. I parked and pulled back the bushes and a small closed off clearing appeared. A sparkling lake was in the middle of the small yard and a willow tree draped over half the clearing. I stared at the grave under the massive tree. Nailed in the truck was a sign. I slowly wiped my hand over the sign. Bean Lake: dedicated to my daughter. I used to read under the tree and swim in the lake when I wanted to get away. Only the two of knew about this gem. Just me and him. I stepped up to the gravestone.
“Hey, Dad,” I said kneeling down. “I’m in town for three days. I’m also finally visiting the park after ten years.” I smiled and imagined his response. “I know…’about time.’ I just couldn’t see the place. It’s not filled with good memories for either of us. I’m glad I get to see everyone today. I want mary to move so I can visit her without…” I started to cry. “Without crying.” I cleared my throat. I visited his grave so many times before, but this time it was filled with reminders of the people I left behind. I took my dad with me but left the park behind. “I’m glad Mary is happy though. I’m happy, so I want her to feel how I feel…Oh! Derek and I are moving to California. He got a job in Hollywood. I have a job set up at a charter school. I’ll finally be able to lead without the common core..” I laughed. I can almost hear his laughter too. “I know you would be proud of me. You’d probably move next door to Derek and me, and of course, I’d buy the house for you.” I could hear his laughter again. “Buck owns his dad’s diner. Or so I heard. He lives in a suburb near here. I’m thrilled to hear that. He was the second smartest person there, after me of course. I can’t wait to see the others. I know everyone is happy…at least according to the emails from Mary. I’m so happy to see you dad.” I put flowers and nuts for the animals by his grave…he loved animals.
I took my boots off and hiked my dress up. I started to walk to the lake and dangled my feet in the warm sparkling water. I watched the squirrels gather around the nuts. The smell of flowers, fresh water, and clean grass filled the air around me. The best smell in the world was at this lake. They might have been faint, but after you’ve been away for so long the smell feels like the world is embracing you.
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