Not today Justin
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
titsay
Love Begins
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styofa doing anything
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noise dept.
Andulka
Misplaced Lens Cap
$LAYYYTER
AnasAbdin
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Discoholic 🪩
RMH
ellievsbear
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Mike Driver
PR's Tumblrdome
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@historyfoundme
07/07/2022
Today was okay. I couldn't start to study right in the morning and when I don't, I always struggle with motivation. I got feedback on the third version of my proposal and my supervisor was like "it looks much better now". I'll take it and hope that I'll learn something for next time.
I also discovered this book at the library which is, for now, quite an interesting read.
06/07/2022
I emailed another potential supervisor today. Now this is someone I seriously want to work with. We'll see how it goes.
And I picked up all the books from the library for research and course prep.
05/07/2022
I'm currently reading Umberto Eco's "How to Write a Thesis" and I enjoy it very much. It's one of the most nuanced and rich works on academic writing that I have read so far, and I've read a lot. I also find quite a few similarities between Eco's style of research and my own - apart from the fact that I can use the internet to do my research...
Course prep is also progressing nicely, I'm very motivated at the moment.
04/07/2022
I had an intense, sleep-deprived but also very fulfilling weekend. I met a tiny human for the first time and performed in two concerts.
Today, I worked on the second set of revisions for a proposal that is due next week. I hope it's the last. When I write proposal, I don't like I'm a better writer... Did I mention that I hate writing proposals?
30/06/2022
I started to design my course today! I'll probably spend way to much time on preparation but it's so much fun. I want it to be a good, relaxed, thought-provoking learning experience for the students (thought no lecturer before, ever).
The photo is from last Friday, an amazing summer dinner I made for my sibling who came to visit us in this apartment the first time ever.
Speaking of apartments: Ever since I'm pretty sure that I will be moving next summer, I catch myself staring at our furniture, wondering what to sell and what to keep. I'm known to be five steps ahead at all times...
29/06/2022
I signed my contract. I will officially teach a course at a university next year. I still can't believe it!
I have received a number of rejections, reasons being that my proposed course didn't fit in the program or my lack of experience. Ha! Not anymore :P
Breakfast outside today.
27/06/2022
It's so hot here. I've been in a bit of a mood today. Hence, I definitely didn't work on the revisions of my abstract. I did some reading (the book is okay-ish, so nothing too uplifting there either), but now I'm done.
Rant, but queer:
So, I'm really not a fan of "coming out", the act and the concept. Liberal queer culture has romanticized coming out as the benchmark of queer identity, as the telos that every queer should strive to. At the same time, it can be dangerous, risky, uncomfortable or unnecessary. I'm tired of having to come out. As a historian, I'm also very uncomfortable how much weight is put on someone being out or labeling oneself as something from the LGBTIQA* acronym. That claim is often ahistorical or misleading. What if people used different words of identifying as queer that you simply don't recognize as such? What if sexuality or gendered practices weren't even tied to identities? What about the millions of reasons someone has not come out? What if the documents were they expressed their queerness have been erased, distorted or distroyed?
Then, what is the alternative of coming out? As a nonbinary person, I have no simple answer. It is next to impossible to be continually perceived as androgynous in the society I live in. And I need to keep telling people (aka come out) in order be visible. It's annoying. But so is being misgendered.
In the times when no concept of coming out existed, what happened? Maybe people were more fixated on what they saw instead of waiting for someone to change their preconceived notions? Maybe it was easier to signify female masculinity or androgyny through little clues, like clothes, accessories or gestures? On the other hand, I fear I wouldn't have fared well in these times. I think of Leslie Feinberg's "Transgender Warriors". There is a passage, where Feinberg has a discussion with a cis woman. It goes something like: "People who dressed up as men during history probably didn't dress up for economic reasons alone. They might have been trans masculine people. Otherwise, they wouldn't have been so believable. If you, as a woman, would dress up as a man, nobody would believe you are one." (Roughly summarized, but that's the gist.)
But that's not how it works (in my time, in my world). Not everyone be perceived as who they are based on their looks. Being able to pass is no benchmark of being queer or trans or nonbinary either. What to do? I don't know...
24/06/2022
I picked up my certificate yesterday - I have officially graduated with a Master of Arts!
I then did more research about PhD options and there is this one possibility which feels perfect and inspiring but also huge and impossible at the same time.
Today I took some reading notes and ignored my supervisor's revisions. Seriously, it makes revising so much easier when you look at it once and then schedule it for a few days later (if possible). I'm feeling my feelings of ineptitude and failure now and can write once they have died down.
22/06/22
I spent for hours looking through PhD programs and I'm not even remotely done. And then it dawns on me what I have to do to apply - how much work will go into this before I can even start my research.
At the same time, I'm filled with excitement!
Here's a picture of the tacos I ate in Prague. I still dream about them.
Who am I kidding. This is not a studyblr, this is a weekend-vacation-blr.
I volunteer at a local LGBTIQ organization. A board member is invited to do a talk. The event is advertised and everything. Now they asked in our messenger group: "Does anyone have any info on [topic of the talk]?"
Not as in "I'm giving this talk and would love to hear your opinions or include personal statements". It became very clear how they reacted to the replies that they are looking for anything and anyone simply because they have no clue what they would talk about. They are not even disguising the fact that they have no clue.
I'm so embarrassed that a) this person gets the platform to speak while having virtually no experience or knowledge, b) our organization will get money for this event, c) people who listen will actually believe them, d) this person doesn't think there is anything wrong with this behavior.
17/06/2022
I love to start my mornings outside. The temperature is perfect right now and I can still sit in the shade before noon. I did some reading - a book I didn't even know of, which I found at a second-hand book store for 2€.
Lunch was a weirdly delicious mix of an italian-style salad and a poké bowl, courtesy of my partner.
16/06/2022
Worked on my proposal to take a break from baking. I attempted my first Swiss Roll and it went quite well (rhubarb and white chocolate, in case you're wondering).
I got another paper accepted today, I wonder when the excitement and terror is going to disappear. I feel like I want to tell everyone I know - at the same time, it is my job to go somewhere and present my research. And I'm anxiously waiting and hoping to be able to do that part of my job? How weird is that.
Here is a picture of my swirl and the texture of my sponge.
15/06/2022
I'm currently working on the application for a scholarship. It's not wildly entertaining work, but it gives me the opportunity to write up a first draft of my PhD project and get feedback on it.
I'm shifting more and more to paper. I had this brilliant Notion set-up, but I actually prefer handwriting and flipping through a notebook versus scrolling through a computer. It was really annoying to click through the pages and tabs and I feel like I record/save everything but don't remember or reuse much. I set up my new notebook as an Everything Notebook (google it, it's great).
Friendly reminder that the term “Judeo-Christian” is bullshit and all uses of it are also bullshit.
There is no “Judeo-Christian” anything. It’s a gross term that is used to 1) exclude Muslims and 2) Erase Jewish perspectives and voices by implying that Jewish and Christian beliefs are the same, which they ABSOLUTELY are not, not even close.
This. The same goes for Graeco-Roman btw.
08/06/2022
I spent another morning studying on campus outside. I met a friend for lunch for the first time in my graduate career (let's blame the pandemic instead of my non-existing social capacities). It was really nice. And I was actually motivated while I spent hours looking through PhD programs.
