#queer angst

[leapfromthegallows]

“was it casual” but it’s just every queer person and their best friend.

[0silver0dreams0]

Forbidden

Jacaerys Velanory x Male!Reader (Modern!AU)

Love is loud when it’s supposed to be silent. Some secrets were never meant to be kept.

Warnings: angst, secret relationship, internalised homophobia, protective sibling, implied sexual content, betrayal, emotional guilt, modern setting.

You weren’t supposed to fall in love with him.

Not with Jacaerys Velaryon.

And certainly not like this.

Not in hidden looks from across your brother’s living room. Not in shared laughter that lingered too long. Not in the silent moments when everyone else had gone to bed, and you’d find yourselves alone with only the weight of the unspoken pressing between you.

Jacaerys was Cregan’s best friend.

He was family by all but blood. A brother to your brother. A constant presence. And you? You were just the younger sibling. The one who lingered in doorways, offered snacks and shy glances, and tried too hard not to be noticed.

But he noticed you.

He always did.

“You look at me differently.”

You had said it once, on a summer night when the world was quiet and the stars were too busy burning to care what mortals did beneath them.

Jacaerys had smiled in that boyish, heart-ruining way of his and leaned closer. “Do I?”

You nodded, your voice barely a whisper. “Like you know something you’re not supposed to say.”

“Maybe I do.”

You hadn’t kissed that night. Not yet. But something shifted. Something permanent.

He told you the truth months later, standing in the half-lit hallway of your apartment, your shirt in his hands and guilt in his throat.

“I can’t keep pretending,” he said. “Not when I think about you every damn time I close my eyes. Not when I hate hearing you laugh at anyone else's jokes. Not when I remember how it felt to touch your hand and know I had to let go.”

You didn’t say anything. You just kissed him.

He tasted like summer and fear. Like wanting. Like everything you’d never dared to imagine was now suddenly real.

Your first time had been soft.

Messy, nervous, filled with whispered apologies and trembling fingers, but soft.

It happened in your bedroom, late one night when the storm outside masked every sound. When Cregan had gone out drinking with some friends and the world felt briefly safe.

Jacaerys kissed you like you were a secret prayer he wasn’t allowed to say out loud. His hands touched you like he was afraid you might vanish. And you, too scared to breathe wrong, held onto him like he was the only real thing in your life.

Afterward, you lay tangled together, your heartbeat wild and loud in the silence. His fingers played with your hair, and he whispered against your forehead:

“I love you. I think I’ve always loved you.”

And for once, you believed it.

But love, when kept in the dark, turns into something sharp.

You started pulling away in public. Smiling less. Watching your brother’s reactions too closely. You knew he wouldn’t just be angry — he would shatter. And he would take Jace down with him.

It made you sick to your stomach.

And yet... you couldn’t stop. Couldn’t let him go. You’d try, time and again, to put space between you and Jacaerys.

He never let you.

“You think I care about Cregan more than you?” he’d ask, gripping your wrist too tightly, his voice low and hurt. “You think I wouldn’t throw everything away for you?”

And part of you wanted him to. Part of you feared he actually might.

Because you weren’t worth it. Because Cregan had always been there for both of you. Because if he found out, he wouldn’t just be angry — he’d be betrayed.

You were his baby brother.

And Jacaerys...

Jacaerys was supposed to be loyal.

There were close calls. Too many.

The time Cregan came home early from the gym, and you had to hide Jacaerys under the bed, both of you holding your breath as your brother walked past the room.

Or the time the three of you went out for lunch, and Jace had casually brushed his fingers against yours under the table — just once, but long enough that Cregan narrowed his eyes.

Then there was the date at the outdoor movie theatre — the only time you risked being affectionate in public. You had worn a hoodie big enough to disguise your linked hands, sitting close under the pretext of keeping warm. But a friend of Cregan’s had seen you, and the lie you spun afterward had kept you both awake for days.

It was a constant game of evasion. Of timing. Of guilt.

And despite the fear, the stress, the lies — you still did it. Again and again.

Because being with him, even in secret, felt more real than anything else in your life.

The night it all fell apart had begun the same as so many before.

Whispers. Hands pulling shirts over heads. Kisses that turned desperate far too fast. You were pressed against the wall, Jacaerys’s mouth on your throat, your hands in his hair, and all of it felt right.

So right that you didn’t hear the front door open. Or the footsteps.

You only noticed the light flooding in when the door to your room opened.

And there he was.

Cregan. Standing in the frame. Staring. Silent.

His eyes didn’t widen. He didn’t yell. He just looked, and it was like being stripped bare.

You froze. Jace froze.

Cregan reached behind him, pulled the door shut. You heard the lock click.

And then:

“Get dressed. Both of you. Downstairs. Now.”

The sound of your heart breaking was quieter than you expected.

And louder than anything else in the room.

Taglist:

@ursinaw @dakota-rain666 @laura-naruto-fan1998 @pookiedragonfire @jjggdfvvy @maryldrsstuff @1soultaken @ceramic-raven @eissaaaa @moodyblueberrytree @xadaboo @labryel @zoeyburton@hopingtoclearmedschool

[dr-rainingautumn]

what the HELL happened at the wheeler house for no reminisce of this scene to be felt in s5

[uncloseted-chaos]

There’s something so embarrassing about yearning when you’re also sick. Omg she’s so beautiful I want to be close enough to her to see my own reflection in her eyes cough cough achoo ???????

[berryscribe]

My First Blogggggg :33

hi tumblr! 💖🌟

i’m Jahnae or Berry, and i’m officially moving into your dashboard! i’m a teen author who writes psychological romance, runs on Buldak and Ginger Ale😭 , and i stay up way too late arguing with my own fictional characters.

i am currently working on my absolute little tiny baby projects, Every Word Ever Spoken, Every Word I Said, and All My Words Buried With Me! Trilogy of the same years from different eyes.🧸✨ i’m trying to build a little family/fandom for it early, so if you are obsessed with Forbidden Romance,The "Closeted Athlete" vs. the "Outcast", and Trauma Bonding, please pull up a chair because we are officially besties now.

here is a quick cheat-sheet on me and my WIPS:

the vibe: think Euphoria meets Heartstopper but with a lot more psychological depth and hidden POVs.

the main character: Chae-Min Lee is the man character of the first book(the one I'm currently on) abd a total social outcast who just wants t o understand himself, his intersexuality, his love interents and where he wants to go but keeps getting completely distracted by the main character of the second book(Mal Leiataua).

the current aesthetic: playlist is on loop with so many different artists and the mood board is giving very much too much.

on my desk right now: a mountain of pastel highlighters, half-finished emotional support water, and my really cute pencil case.

let's be friends!! 💌

my asks are open and i get literally so excited whenever the little pink notification pops up.

send a "🔮" for a totally random, uncontextualized line from my current chapter!

send a "💭" to ask questions directly about my character but I will be doing a whole blog about them!

reblog this and tell me about your own characters so i can hype you up too!! 🦄💕

[thatsalattecats]

"If I abandon dignity and bend my knees, could I still die in peace? / I'm just so fucking tired / You've taken everything and still you think that you deserve our love / so ego goes"

Bear Ghost - Vulture

who up queering their angst

[renstrapp]

Olene, you devil. The ex girlfriend of Molly Song and the catalyst for How Could You, my debut graphic novel full of messy college relationships.

This faux riso print is this month's Patreon postcard! Seagulls forever.

[adult-trash-lord]

So I finally watched Good Omens. Didn't know I signed up for more fandom hell.