My life style determines my death style.

max anderson. born eighteen years ago and haven't given a fuck since. "I bought a gun and chose drugs instead."--Kurt Cobain

[hisunholywar]

Our Rusted Pieces || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

Everett resisted every urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he kept his arms crossed firmly on his chest, and quirked an eyebrow at Max. “You’re kidding,” Everett huffed. Do. Not. Start. A. Fight. “I tried, you know I tried, but sometimes, you just get too tired to do that anymore. You know that.” He uncrossed his arms and felt a lump at the base of his throat that was impossible to swallow. When they’d fallen out, after Everett gave Max everything his possibly could have like an idiot, he still found himself missing him so much that it kept him up late at night when no one should be allowed to be alone. More than anything, he decided, he missed his friend, the one who came crashing into his shell at light speed like no one else, breaking it at full force. Max scared the hell out of Everett. But that was never a bad thing. 

At the mention of his boyfriend, Everett couldn’t help but let out a tiny laugh. Max was always very quick to call any boy who spoke to Everett for more than two minutes his boyfriend. He’d always found this oddly charming in a way–like he cared to know. “No, I broke up with him two days ago,” he said simply, then looked down at his shoes, feeling guilty. If someone told fifteen year old Everett that he would break it off with three boys by the time he was twenty-one he would have laughed in their face. “The big bad wolf. You are very cute,” Everett said, smiling. He leaned his shoulder against the wall that they stood at and let himself become familiar again with how Max looked in real life, not just in his head, or in messy drawings that came to him when he sat down to de-stress. “How have you been?” Everett asked lamely. 

[hisunholywar]

“Actually, I don’t,” Max countered. “I’ve never felt so inclined to,” He added. The truth of the matter was that Max had only ever kept company that filtered away as easily as they came. There was one person that Max knew that, no matter how hard he tried, he’d never be able to get rid of--that was Melanie. Though, chance encounters with Everett like this had left him to believe that there might actually be two people he’d never be able to get away from. Somehow, there was something comforting in that.

“Ah,” Max said with a nod. He thought he was trying to hide the smirk on his face, but feeling the gentle tug on the corner of his mouth said otherwise. “What?” He began. “These guys all too boring now that you’ve had me?” He chuckled smugly. “It’s not like it’s not true. I doubt your last boyfriend would’ve been caught dead here,” Max inferred, stubbing out his cigarette butt and already reaching for a new one. When he was feigning like he was at the present, it was either the drugs or the cigarettes. And, being out in public, he’d have to choose the later. “Been fine,” He shrugged. Uninspired, drug-sick and exhausted were more accurate, but Max felt those things so regularly as of late that it was hardly even a blip on his radar. “What about you?”

[hisunholywar]

Our Rusted Pieces || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

Everett didn’t look over as the bartender brought the drink over to Max. He was nervous, somehow, to look over at him, for him to look back. He wanted to smack himself right across the face for feeling like that. It had been months since they’ve talked, he shouldn’t still care about Max in any capacity. But in those months Everett didn’t forget about him, not even a little bit. 

He let out the smallest huff of a laugh when Max sent back a mango margarita and took a sip before he saw Max heading out of the bar. It’s fine, let him go, you don’t have anything to say to–Everett began to think coherent thoughts but his feet disagreed, carrying him towards the door where Max had just left through. He sincerely hoped he wasn’t going to do anything Everett really didn’t want to see. There were a few people outside, bundled in coats talking and smoking cigarettes. Everett still felt incredibly jittery and cursed himself for not at least finishing one drink before trying to talk to Max. Because he had decided that there was no point in making himself wonder about what he could’ve said. Growing up had done Everett a world of good. He shuffled over to Max, faced away from him and swallowed the thick lump in his throat before saying to his back, “Same old, huh?” Everett raised his eyebrows when he turned around and dug his bitten nails into his palm that he kept in his coat pocket. “The non-verbal thing, I mean. The deciding not to talk to me thing.” He added jokingly, smiling softly. If the pain of what happened between them was fresher in his mind, Everett was sure he’d be angrier. But he didn’t have it in him right now. He could only fool himself into regulating his heart beat with his hand discreetly pushing against his chest. 

[hisunholywar]

Max lit up a cigarette and started a small conversation with the man sitting next to him. It wasn’t a particularly interesting conversation, but it was better than standing there in an awkward silence, he figured. Though, as soon as he’d seen Everett come outside, the man standing next to him might as well have been e.e. cummings for all Max cared. This, the dance he was doing to actively avoid Everett, was more than he’d done for anyone he’d slept with. Normally, he’d just give a gruff cold shoulder and be on his merry way. Everett’s persistence annoyed him and yet Max never found it in himself to truly walk away from it. He was always just one foot in the door. Almost, but not quite.

“If I had anything worth saying, then I would have,” Max shrugged. He took a long drag from his cigarette and leaned his back against the wall. “But, Porcelain,” He began. “Don’t forget that you’ve gone off the grid, too,” The last thing Max had heard about Everett was from Melanie, who had decided that Max and Everett belonged together and scolded him for letting Everett get a new boyfriend. Max, in his heart of hearts, knew that it was better that way, Everett setting his attention on some new (and if Max had to guess boring) guy who would be proud to play lapdog whenever Everett had to be Prince Everett. “Where’s the boyfriend? Too scared of the big bad wolf to come outside?” Max asked with a smug grin.

[hisunholywar]

Our Rusted Pieces || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

Everett didn’t know why he decided that ending up at the sketchy bar outside of the university campus was a good idea, but he did, and that’s where he found himself. He wore his most inconspicuous clothes, and resisted the urge to fix his hair just right. He looked more like himself than he has in a long time: the self that sits around lazily drawing and designing for hours. 

The place was definitely not his scene, but since his recent not-caring about breaking up with his less-exciting-than-paper boyfriend James, he was more willing to try and find something or someone, he supposed, that made his blood rush. He hadn’t told Magi or Spencer where he was going, for he was sure they’d look at him sideways. Everett was different than he was when he was seventeen. Being outside of the walls of his palace in France helped him gain a skin his parents didn’t think he could handle. He plopped down at the bar and took out his phone, then scanned the room to see someone’s head turning back and forth his way. There was no way–Max. Everett swallowed hard. They talked once, maybe twice since they’d slept together, Max proving everyone but Everett right. He felt a horrible pang in his chest. IhatehimIhatehimIhatehim. “Bartender? Can you give they guy with the curly mop on his head at the end of the bar a shot of Johnny Walker Blue for me?” 

[hisunholywar]

Max, in lieu of being an adult, barely even lifted his head enough to take the shot of whiskey he’d ordered. He was well on his way to drunk and was soon to be onto much greener pastures when his dealer decided to grace the bar with his presence. He decided then, not to look at the door because that would possibly (and probably) lead to him looking back at Everett again, which was just about the last thing he’d wanted to do.

However, all too soon, Max’s need lurched and he watched the door a minute. It was just when he thought he saw his dealer that the bartender was swinging around with a shot of something amber. When he explained where it came from, Max had half a mind to send it back. But it felt almost like sacrilege for him to turn down alcohol in any scenario. Hell, he’d even take a watered-down whiskey sent from his father. Without a glance to Everett, he downed another shot he didn’t need and slipped money into his hand. While he waited for his nightly hand-off, he ordered something sweet off of the drink menu that he’d never actually bothered to look at before and sent it back to Everett (but only after telling the bartender to put it on the tab of the bum sitting next to him). Max checked his phone, gave a nod of ‘come over’ to his dealer and switched off. Deciding that he needed a cigarette, Max leaned over the bar and stole a Sharpie to put a black ‘X’ on his hand and swaggered outside, trying his best to avoid Everett’s attention.

[hisunholywar]

Our Rusted Pieces || Everwell

Max had been sat up in the same dive bar night after night after night. Most of the people inside were the same, following the same routine that he did. His dealer was here somewhere, he was sure. He’d pop his head around soon enough, Max wasn’t very difficult to find.

He had just finished ordering another shot of Jack when he noticed someone walk in. It wasn’t difficult to see that was he wasn’t a typical patron--he looked like he’d showered too recently. But still, Max couldn’t stop looking over, trying to get a better glimpse. When he did notice, however, he wished that he’d never looked in the first place. Max tried to subtly turn away from him. Everett. They hadn’t spoken in some time, and if he were being honest, Max didn’t remember the last thing that they’d said to each other. He was too far deep in a burn-out. If he had to guess, however, he’d say it probably wasn’t anything good. So he kept his head down, hoping to go unnoticed.

[acharmingdarkness]

You've Already Won Me Over, in Spite of Me || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

Everett turned his head up sharply at Max’s words, feeling an invisible blow to his chest. “Mon dieu.” He said breathlessly, not knowing how to respond to him. Do you care, do you? Is that why you wonder? He rubbed his hands over his face and exhaled loudly into his palms. “Yes, everyday that crosses my mind and I’ve been trying to figure out why a human being wouldn’t want to have basic human needs like fucking friends or someone to care about him.” Everett countered. “If I didn’t think that I had a chance of actually being close to you, I would have stopped trying a long time ago. Though you do make it very hard. I’m still not going anywhere.” He admitted. Sometimes, Everett felt so close to Max it made the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. Other times, he felt light years away. “Fuck, Max I wasn’t even talking about sleeping with you.” He said. “Not that I don’t think about it all the damn time now.” He added, shaking his head. “Every time I fight with you I’m put through the wringer, mon dieu.” Everett muttered under his breath, huffing a humorless laugh and stepping back from Max a bit. “It’s just funny, at this point, that you can look me in the eye and tell me that there’s nothing–” he gestured to the space between then, “–nothing at all between you and I.”

[hisunholywar]

“Because maybe I don’t need them,” Max suggested. He’d spent most of his life very much alone and that was exactly how he liked it. He didn’t need other people, they’d only ever let him down in the long run. “I spent my whole life getting along just fine without anyone else. Why in the everliving fuck would I need them now?” Max laughed arrogantly as Everett said that he still thought about them sleeping together. “Yeah, I tend to leave people with that effect,” He chuckled. But, as most things are with Max, the jovial feeling was gone quickly, replaced by Max’s normal setting--anger. “Then how about you stop fighting with me, eh?” Max suggested, his eyebrows raising. “Give it up--walk away and let it be,” He said, forcing Everett away with the palm of his hand. He tried not to be too rough with him, but by now, Max was too angry to care. “Because there’s not. You just want there to be.”

[novelsandcherrytrees]

YAY! Okay, we’re going to have so much fun!

I have to go get dressed… where do I meet you?? Can you pick me up?

[hisunholywar]

Come to my place. We’ll take the bike.

[novelsandcherrytrees]

Okay, okay! I don’t know, I’ve never been to a club! I just want to have fun with you.

What would you want to do instead, dummy?

[hisunholywar]

You’ve never been to a club? Then we’re going.

[novelsandcherrytrees]

I hate that. That’s why we need to go have fun - like go out! OOH like a club or something! Would you go with me??

[hisunholywar]

A club? For real? You think I’m the type of guy that goes to the club?

If you really want me to--fine.

[novelsandcherrytrees]

Maximillion, I want to do something that’s loads of fun for both of us! It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages!! Now come on! What do you think we should do?

[hisunholywar]

That’s because you haven’t seen me in ages. What do you want to do?

[novelsandcherrytrees]

Ahh! Okay, okay, you can put me down now!

That was so much fun! Wasn’t that so much fun?

[hisunholywar]

Sure, Mel. Loads of fun.

[novelsandcherrytrees]

Ahhh!! I feel like I can fly! Keep me up! Keep me up!!

[hisunholywar]

Alright, ya freak.

[acharmingdarkness]

You've Already Won Me Over, in Spite of Me || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

Everett clenched his jaw and listened to what Max had to say, disagreeing with every word he spoke. “So is that what you think about me then?” He countered, holding back from yelling in every effort not to make a scene. “I just fucking—open myself up to you, and you just look at me like—like some sob story? Because that’s not how I see you, okay?” Everett spit, walking forward so that Max backed up into the brick wall of the library building. “If you never meant for anything more than fucking me to come out of this, you wouldn’t have done half of the things you’ve done, or said half of the things you’ve said, or-or those poems! Those fucking poems.” Everett said, his voice almost shaking. He knew that if he let himself, he’d be puffy eyed and crying, but god, no, not another reason for Max to pity him. “What you want matters because you’re a goddamn person living on earth. You’re a person, who despite thinks he’s the devil in human form, who deserves to have meaningful things in his life. Do you think someone like me or even Melanie would bother if we didn’t see that in you?” Everett said, getting in Max’s face, trying to make him listen. He knew that he was probably not in the right state of mind—but when was he? “I really don’t give a shit if I’m in over my head,” Everett began, then took a step forward, placing his hand flat against the wall over Max’s shoulder, making him look at him, “because nearly three years of you in my life is not insignificant enough to just ‘accept and move on’ okay? Not at all.”

[hisunholywar]

“I never said that,” Max spat. “But it’s not such an inconceivable notion to look at you and wonder if that’ll be the last time that I do,” He said, softening for only a breath. His back hit the wall and, for a moment, Max thought Everett might just take a crack at his jaw. He knew that he deserved it, so he wasn’t going to fight it. Max just put his cigarette in his mouth and prepared for the worst. “Did the thought ever cross your mind that maybe I don’t want meaningful things?” He accused. All his life was a serious of being left, or being let down. His brother, Alaina--all things he thought would always be there for him, but weren’t. He couldn’t blame them, though, why should they have stayed and seen the absolute monster that he’d become? It was too late now, there was no saving Maximiliano. “Because maybe that’s what you’re missing here,” He said, sighing out a cloud of purple smoke. “I don’t know. I’m not like you. I don’t try to put a meaning behind everything. Sometimes poems are just poems and sex is just sex. Nothing more, nothing less.”

[acharmingdarkness]

You've Already Won Me Over, in Spite of Me || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

“You think I don’t know that? Max, you get angry every time anyone mentions something about Andalasia and you pick fights in bars for fun and I’m not even going mention the most obvious thing that breaks my goddamn heart to think about. You think I don’t realize you’ve got problems? Because I fucking do.” He snapped, almost bringing up the scars he’d seen on Max’s back when they slept together, but he bit his tongue. “And I never asked for your pity, mon dieu.” Everett felt his face grow hot. “You know damn well why I bother.” He said, a little too loudly, earning him a shush from the librarian. Ignoring her, he followed Max outside. “You don’t understand me? That’s rich from someone who decides that he wants to get into my pants one second then screams at me the next.” Everett said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And then you just walk away from me, because you are impossible. How can I tell you what I want when I never know what you want.” He stared hard at Max, unafraid of anything he could do anymore. It’s been so long, their game of tug of war, he just wanted them to drop the rope.

[hisunholywar]

“Because I don’t want people to give me their fake puppy-eyed bullshit. Because once you start telling people that you’re fucked up, that’s the only way they see you anymore. Maybe without even realizing it, but they do. In the back of their minds, they can’t help themselves but to think oh, poor him, his life is just so terrible. poor him. I can’t be fucking bothered with that shit, it’s not worth a damn,” He grunted. “I wasn’t asking for your pity,” Max snapped, words shooting out like snake’s venom. “Everyone’s got problems. The librarian’s got fucking problems. The world is an imperfect place,” Max said, not wanting to go into a full rant about the indecencies of life. Instead, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it swiftly, using the cigarette to keep his mouth from going. “Maybe it’s because I never meant for anything more to come out of this. Didya ever factor that one in, your highness?” Max chuckled angrily, the sound that resulted becoming more of a snort than a chuckle at all. “What the fuck does it matter what I want?” He asked, looking straight ahead because now he couldn’t bear to even look at Everett--too strung out to realize that he was acting irrationally. But, Max knew that Everett should have expected this. Max was a drug addict, this was just how things were. Why Max never even attempted to reach for something meaningful because he was a fucking bomb living a life on borrowed time. “You’re in over your head, Porcelain. Just accept it and move on.”

[acharmingdarkness]

You've Already Won Me Over, in Spite of Me || Everwell

[acharmingdarkness]

“You’re an idiot if you think I’d give up on you now.” Everett raised his eyebrows. “Well, you’re kind of always an idiot but I digress.” He grinned. But as it does, his grin dissolved into a sort of grimace, and every bone in his body wanted to crack Max right across his jaw with his frail little swing. “I think I’ve had enough reality in my lifetime, Max. And you know that, so fuck you—like, honestly. I have no idea why you’d even say that.” Everett huffed, trying to let it roll off of his back like he does with almost everything that comes out of that boy’s mouth. Why did it take so much for him to care? He looked down at the chair that Max kicked out and sighed. “Yeah so now that you’ve been considerably jerky today and we’ve established that I’m not trying to attach you to a ball and chain, what would you like to do, Maxwell?” Everett quipped, biting his name at the end of his tongue as he sat down across from the boy.

[hisunholywar]

“You’re not the only person here that’s got fucking problems, Charming,” Max snarled. “You have no--seriously?” He asked, chuckling bitterly. “Then clearly you have no fucking idea who I am,” He rolled his eyes. “If you’re looking for sympathy, you came to the wrong fucking person,” Max snapped. He stood suddenly then, rustling a few books from where they were rested on the table. Max stared at Everett, his red-rimmed and tired eyes now hard and boring into Everett. “Why do you keep coming back?” He asked, feeling a little hopeless in the moment. “Why fucking bother? There’s no checkered line to cross with me where you get whatever it is that you’re after. I just--don’t understand you,” Max huffed. “I’m going to go have a cigarette,” He said, pushing past Everett and heading outside.

[novelsandcherrytrees]

More snow??

[novelsandcherrytrees]

I mean, I love winter as much as the next person, but I miss the sun!!

We should get away, Maximilion. Take a trip somewhere warm and sunbathe forever!

[hisunholywar]

Where do you want to go?

[novelsandcherrytrees]

More snow??

Good. Great. Awesome.

[hisunholywar]

I know. Fuck it.

[unicornsanddolphins]

[novelsandcherrytrees]

The cutest cutie pie there ever was!