Discovering Myself

30+ She/They 18+ NSFW Switch

[hisvintagesub]

Breaking the Vow (Written 9/26/2022 *not about my current relationship*)

For better or worse

Regardless the hurt

Regardless the words you say to me.

In sickness and health

Regardless the hell

That comes with your next drink

When I stared in your eyes, foreseeing our life

Never did I think

The words that we promised so long ago

Could turn from firey passion into something ice cold

If back then I would have only known

I try and I try

I cry and I cry

Praying you will change

But things stay the same…

For richer, for poorer, With every pour,

Do you care that my heart’s breaking?

To love and to cherish

From now ‘til we perish

I don’t think I can take it

When I stared in your eyes foreseeing our life

Never did I think

The words that we promised so long ago

Could turn from firey passion into something ice cold

If back then I would have only known

I try and I try

I cry and I cry

Praying you will change

But things stay the same…

I can’t take anymore, So I’m out the door

To see what life will bring me

The look in your eyes, when you realize

I’m taking off this ring

Decided the vow was worth breaking

I tried and I tried

I cried and I cried

But you will never change

So I turn the page…

[hisvintagesub]

Our dynamic is quiet, soft, and yet so powerful. Like an undercurrent in the ocean. Its whispers keep me so firmly tied to you. Every evening when I kneel to remove your shoes, my soul sighs in peace, knowing I’m where I belong. Every night when I’m washing your body, I take such pride in knowing my job is to help wash the day’s dirt and stress away; to help you feel refreshed. We are 2 and a half years into our journey at this point and not a day goes by where you do not inspire me to submit to your leadership. You have shown me my dreams are safe in your hands, as are my fears, my pain, and my celebrations. You see my wildfire of emotions and no matter how they burn or rage, you are always steadfast, accepting, patient, loving, and unafraid…. Even when the flames are making you the target. You don’t believe in fighting fire with fire. You also don’t believe in extinguishing my fire. You love the passion I have and the depth in which I feel and your sole mission is to simply help me keep the fires under control so that neither of us end up hurt by them. You are breathtaking.

Thank you. Thank you for being the man you are and loving me the way you do.

[hisvintagesub]

I didn’t even get coffee before I saw this, this morning. 🙄

[naughtypiggy]

Dude was hitting the copypasta all over the place.

[hisvintagesub]

Ewwwwww. Maybe he just got his wires crossed on who made the wish and now he has to go through ALL the people to find them? 😂😂

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[89rooms]

“This total surrender of one heart to another, this quiet fullness of the soul, it is at least our victory and our reward.”

— Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, January 24, 1950 [#144]

[hisvintagesub]

I didn’t even get coffee before I saw this, this morning. 🙄

[hisvintagesub]

The Quiet Undercurrent

To look at Sir and I, you’d never suspect D/s. At best, you might suspect a TGR/HoH type relationship. I wear no collar other than the ring on my finger, I don’t refer to him with honorifics around others, I don’t generally ask for permission in front of others, and generally, he doesn’t give me directives..ever. He opens doors for me, he puts his hand on my lower back in a comforting and protective way in a crowd, he helps me clean up after weekly family dinner with my grandpa, and I drive us around half the time. I don’t get tasks, I don’t even have any firm rules. I know some will scream “That’s not D/s” but here’s the things… it is. D/s is there when I’m asking if there is anything I need to do before firing up Stardew, D/s is there when I’m monitoring my behavior so I don’t speak over him, it’s there when I serve him meals first and when I remove his shoes at the end of every day or when I wash his body in the shower. Our dynamic is quiet, easy for some to try and invalidate. It looks nothing like what you generally see on sites like this and that’s okay. When Sir and I first got together, I felt like I needed a tight leash; something to keep me feeling the pull of the dynamic and remind me of my place. That’s all I had known, having previously been in a TPE. It’s been interesting to see how Sir’s gentle approach has genuinely helped me blossom. I don’t need to feel the leash because this man’s presence is all I need to remind me why I’m serving him. Watching him handle my ups and downs and match my effort in the relationship is all I need. Not to say needing more is wrong, it’s just been interesting to watch how my needs turned out to not be exactly what I thought they were. I love the way he guides me with a feather touch that makes me feel cemented in my role to him. I love that we are both confident in our position without having anything that screams those positions. I love the way he keeps the house functional so that I can keep it clean and cozy. I love everything about us and the dynamic we have built.

[dreamy-bruiises-deactivated2017]

Crying isn't a safe word.

[daddysemotionalsupportfleshlight]

This still surprises me. I know it shouldn’t. I don’t cry easily, apart from when I’m submitting when I seem to burst into tears at the slightest disappointment (something to do with vulnerability, I guess?), but the result is when I do cry outside of kink situations, people jump to console me.

When I cry in scene, he strokes my cheek, tells me I’m hot, and continues to be a cruel bastard. I should be used to this by now but it shocks me anew every time.

There was a moment yesterday when I thought, rather hopefully, that my tears might move him to relent, to be kinder. They didn’t, of course. I got a little cuddle, but no reprieve. And I found, along with the insulted surprise, I was hit by a massive wave of relief. Isn’t it nice to be able to cry but not ruin everything? Isn’t it nice that when even my brain is struggling to accept what I want, to the extent that I’m throwing a tantrum, he still knows?

[amysubmits]

I know it can be a bit of a drag, but I always worry about general statements made like ‘crying isn’t a safeword.’ 

Crying isn’t a safeword if you’re in a BDSM dynamic where you know the sub is enough of a masochist that they enjoy being taken that far. 

Otherwise? Seeing tears is a good reason to at least check in! 

For some, being able to cry and have your partner know that you aren’t wanting to stop can be a really freeing thing, as described above. 

For others, it could feel very cold and uncaring, or scary. 

If you haven’t negotiated all of this with your partner, err on the safe side and check in, please. 

[babygirl-1972]

I agree with that 100%. Crying should at least create the need for check-in.

[sharpdressedd0m-deactivated2023]

You’re crying? This requires a quick check in. What color (green, yellow or red)?

@rope-bunnyxo

[instructor144]

Exception: when your partner explicitly and in advance says “I need you to make me cry today, I’ve got a lot of shit I have to purge.” And even then, once they start crying, you still need to periodically check on them.

[hisvintagesub]

The time he treated crying as a safeword…

We were having fun, doing things we both love to do, and something inside my brain flipped and I was no longer having fun being used the way I was. My brain does this really awesome thing though, where I go silent instead of saying the words i need in the moment. He saw the tears and stopped immediately and asked if I was okay and all I could do was cry. That question seemed to open the flood gates. He started asking what was wrong and all I could manage was a head shake. He coaxed me into the shower, held me while I stood under the running water, and then proceeded to guide me back to bed where he continued to hold me while I sobbed. To this day, I still don’t know what happened or why I reacted the way I did; I just chalk that one up to PTSD. We have done the same type of play since then with no issues.

I am so glad in that moment, he treated my crying as a safeword, because I needed him to. I’m glad he knew something was different about my tears that time. This is why negotiations are so important. Crying can absolutely be a safe word and if that’s what you need, please make sure to let your partner know in advance.

[hisvintagesub]

I’m having an anxiety day so I told Daddy I was having some concerns about taking this step of moving in together. There’s the usual “what if he gets bored because this is the last big step in our relationship?” (marriage is currently not something we are wanting or needing). When i asked Him that “what if” He goes:

“I’m not sure if you know this, but I live for comfortable zones. I don’t chase the ‘new’ feeling.”

Me: “okay well what if you get so comfortable that you stop doing these things that I’m now used to you doing?”

Him: ”Well then you call me on my shit.”

Me: “that won’t feel like nagging?”

Him: “If you are having to ask me to maintain putting in effort to our relationship to the point where it could be seen as ‘nagging’, that’s a ME problem, not a you problem and in no way could I be upset at you about it.”

This is how He continuously inspires my submission. I will never settle for less, ever again.

[slothful-rabbit]

I laughed so fucking hard at this

[potatochipship]

[vergess]

(I made a version that should be legible as a bumper sticker and roughly the right proportions. You’re on your own for vectors, I cannot be bothered right now)

[madam-melon-meow]

This is excellent

[magpie-69]

I will always re-blog this!

[hisvintagesub]

Inspired to submit

I have been a submissive for something like 3 years now. I started my submissive journey with my ex husband but have since grown beyond what that relationship and dynamic could provide. That dynamic helped to teach me a lot in the way of self control and the ways in which I enjoy serving. I have carried those lessons forward as I explore and settle into this new dynamic. I never understood what submissive were talking about when they said they were “inspired to submit”. It was foreign to me that someone could inspire such a thing. I submit because submission is part of who I am but it was never because someone made me feel inspired to do it.

Within this new dynamic though, i can honestly say that it all makes sense now. I can understand what that feels like and how much easier submitting can be when that inspiration is there. For the first time, I feel like my best interests are a factor in the decisions being made. My voice is being heard, my thoughts are appreciated, my needs are being met. Acts of service don’t feel draining because he is right there beside me being a true partner. The effort he gives fills my cup and helps me to have more to give. It has been nearly 7 months since the start of our dynamic and this feeling hasn’t waned. Even if our dynamic sees an end some day, he has shown me that the bar should never be as low as it once was. That my expectations aren’t too much and that I deserve someone who matches my effort and it’s not impossible to find that. I will forever be grateful to him for that.

[hisvintagesub]

@privatelabelgirl I lit a candle for you today, friend. One year since you were taken way too soon. I miss our chats and I miss watching the journey you were on to discovering yourself fully. I’m honored to have known you and called you a friend. ❤️

[evelily7023-deactivated20230824]

[instructor144]

Y’all are welcome here in this eclectic, peculiar little corner of Tumblr Town.

[itsshinycollectordestinyworld]

I love sneks as much as the next dragon. But where are the feets, please? And the lovely long stabbity claws?

It just seems a bit...I dunno, sad? an oversight? unfair? that the slinky fuckers don't have talons.

Or toe-beans.

[hisvintagesub]

Ohhhh fren! I thought of you the other day bc i saw a TikTok that had a guy come to the conclusion that T-Rex friends were actually DRAGONS. His hypothesis was based on the skeletal structure of the big chompy and the skeletal structure of an ostrich. The arms are WIIINNNNGGSSSSS.

[the-faculty]

I have a relatively new, young, bratty sub, ldr. Today she was texting and driving, and I told her that was a bad idea. She said that's not a rule, and I said, no it's just common sense. Send me a pic of the gear shift in park and we'll text. Attitude ensued. So do we negotiate a no texting and driving rule? This send like a no brainer to me...

144 here. Yes you ABSOLUTELY put a no texting and driving rule in place. Note I did not say you "negotiate" the rule. Some rules are non-negotiable.

[dinodaddy-deactivated20221014]

With respect, I disagree on a technicality here. I don't think it wise to unilaterally impose rules, no matter how well-intentioned they are, @instructor144. On the other hand, they would be perfectly fine stating that it is a boundary or a limit for them - that they do not wish to be with someone who engages in such dangerous and reckless behavior. They can say that they will refuse to participate in the conversation until their sub has arrived at their destination. They do not have the right to unilaterally impose a restriction on someone else's behavior.

It might seem pedantic to be a stickler about these things, but once you begin cultivating a culture of responsibility around limits and boundaries in the relationship, personal responsibility and accountability increases. I think I would explicitly point out that I cannot simply impose a rule that forbids texting and driving without them agreeing to it, but that I personally refuse to participate and that I would hope they would have the respect for their lives and the lives of others and refrain from it.

Texting and driving isn't any more of a brat thing than driving under the influence. Unilaterally imposing rules on another person's behavior isn't a dom thing, it's a dictator thing. Talk with your sub about it, Anon. Demonstrate that you care about them and the safety of others, but also that you understand and respect where your power ends and their responsibility begins.

[instructor144]

OK, I like the way @dinodaddy​ reframed this, as a hard limit for the Anon rather than a rule for their sub.  “You texting and driving is a hard limit for me. If you are going to do that, it’s a dealbreaker for the relationship.” Can also be applied to things like wearing their seatbelt. You know, basic “this is to keep you from getting killed” stuff.

[keptmathilda]

Absolutely right what everybody said here, but it still doesn't feel "rightright" to me on the level of "technicalities":

First, of course everybody can make everything a hard limit, that's absolutely right and valid in itself and has to be accepted. Then, of course anything can be made a rule and no rule should be unilaterally imposed on the other, that's also true. But still, in this particular case of "texting and driving" (or drinking and driving, or playing with loaded guns, or not cleaning up the huge oil stain on the roof before the handyguy comes to fix the roofing tiles, or anything like this) to even define this as a "rule" or a "hard limit" feels very awkward to me like it gives off wrong signals and sounds a bit like a strange, in a negative sense, relationship in which that would be done this way.

Because...

@ anon already mentioned the right keywords in this context: common sense & no-brainer. "Rules" and "limits" are very strongly connected to and associated with the BDSM/Dynamic-level of a relationship (which isn't entirely so of course since limits as in boundaries are important in any relationship, but using this terminology and done in the suggested forms it still feels very much like a D/s thing), and I think it's wrong to even handle this matter within this D/s context at all. It's very much beyond it in my eyes, and kind of pulling it into it will give the submissive the wrong idea about what D/s is and what a Dom's 'job' is.

It is not a Dom's job to compensate, eg. by rules and limits, for a complete lack of common sense on the submissive's side. D/s does not mean you can just behave like a total idiot and put yourself as well as others at risk, that you don't have to think about it anymore if this or that activity could kill yourself or others, because "Daddy"/"Sir" will say or do something if it occurs. Being a submissive in a D/s Dynamic is not giving up on all of your capacities to function like a normal, adult human being at all times and in every situation. This has nothing at all to do with D/s and I wouldn't treat it that way.

I would have a grownup conversation with this submissive, not between Dom and sub, but as relationship partners (which you are too) and try to make it clear to them that this is not okay and not good and why. Basically like you would talk to any other person whom you love who is not your submissive, your brother or sister or friend. If she is a generally reasonable person who isn't self-destructive and gives a shit about other people's lives and health, she will understand the importance of changing her behavior. Not because her Dom wants her to and not because he'll leave her otherwise, but simply because it's, well, a "no brainer". And if, after this talk, she still insists on continuing to text while driving, I would think about it, if I want to be with someone who is like this (this unreasonable and selfish).

[instructor144]

A very legit take on the issue. “It is not a Dom's job to compensate, eg. by rules and limits, for a complete lack of common sense on the submissive's side.” And the suggestion of a serious meta-talk about it is spot on: if someone choose to willfully do breathtakingly stupid shit even after you’ve had a meta talk on the subject with them, you have to seriously ask yourself: Is this someone I want to be in a relationship with? And if I do, what does that say about me?

[hisvintagesub]

While I agree that this is unacceptable behavior, I do not agree with the rhetoric that D types shouldn’t make rules to compensate for “common sense on the submissive’s side” because that is actually a very common occurrence in dynamics. How many subs have a “take your meds every day” rule? How many D types go out of their way to remind said sub to do just that? How many subs have a “drink your water” rule? Those are both common sense. Not to mention bedtimes, no eating sweets as a meal, etc. Don’t take your meds and you could have big consequences. Don’t drink water? That’s also a risk to the sub’s health. For me, the difference is that it doesn’t just put the sub’s life in danger, it puts innocent people in danger as well. This isn’t a decision that could have dire consequences only for them. If I were discussing that with my s type, that’s the angle I would take, and no, i wouldn’t hesitate to make it a rule for their safety. I’m not into brats/bratting , so this is from my perspective only, but the attitude is what would make me seriously reconsider how badly i wanted that dynamic.

[moonchild8914-deactivated202305]

I really wish I could go see my momma’s house one more time

[hisvintagesub]

I feel this. I drive past there every Sunday and would love to see the inside as it stands. I haven’t seen inside that house in 10 years…

[moonchild8914-deactivated202305]

If you don’t belt it (good or bad) singing along to this song, you ain’t shit.

[hisvintagesub]

Will absolutely belt this song.