Explanation? Just me Talking
(TW for mentions of death, mental health issues, intrusive thoughts, and general sadness.) Go to the bottom for stuff about this blog.
I'm not even going to bother with the parenthesis for this post.
Long time, no see, huh.
I wanted to make this post in order to just,,, talk for a sec. Whether you decide to read or not is up to you. I'm on mobile, so no read-more, unfortunately. Just skip between the squiggles to skip personal stuff.
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So, what's been going on with me:
I've had... a lot happen to me. Through the past couple of months, I've had to deal with a lot. My first dog, Gretchen, was hit by a car, followed by my grandmother being diagnosed with cancer, and passing after about a year, passing in our home while I was at high school.
This was followed by several homelessness scares, my mother's car getting repossessed, and me nearly not graduating because my mind was so scrambled and out of wack, that I truly don't remember much of the second semester (I kinda,,, ducked out mentally) and couldn't focus. I just barely scrapped by and graduated, which led to me prepping for college.... which I couldn't afford at first. A friend ended up generously donating enough to my family for me to pay my entrance fee and for my mom to get her car back. Things were,,, okay, for a minute.
Then came the summer.
I refer to the summer of 2019 as the "Summer of Discovery". I learned,,, a lot about myself then, stuff like... how I really don't think I'm alone in my brain. And how I can no longer handle certain things, and how much I could fuck up a sleep schedule. I was okay at first, but then my depression and anxiety kicked back into high-gear. I lost myself again, losing memory as quickly as it came, the days blurring together until I could no longer remember what day it was or what the last thought I just had was. (The memory hasn't gotten much better since). My intrusive thoughts got very bad during this time, and I was lucky for my fatigue that I couldn't do anything about them other than let them slide by.
I then started college about a 1.5 weeks ago, and things seemed okay. Things are,,, meh now. We're back at another homelessness scare, this being the biggest yet. We're all stressed, and this is just a weird time for us.
I know I don't have to tell you all of this, but I just need to get it off of my chest and mind.
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Okay, so what does any of that have to do with this blog?:
I love this blog. I love the people that I met through it, I love the interactions I've had on here, and I miss it all.
I,,, just don't miss the stress. I couldn't keep up with some of the heavier topics (why I chose a therapist-droid while being mentally ill, I'll never know. I wanted to play the type of person I wanted to be to other people, which is hard when you yourself are struggling), and the stress of replying at a decent time got to me. So I took an unannounced break to relax and finish school and drumline. And the thing is,,,
I want to get back into RPing. I want to use this blog again. I miss it so much. I miss,,, I miss playing a character that people enjoyed. But before, I had set my own self-expectations too high. And now it scares me to come back. I have extra time now, and less stress. But I'm still scared. Maybe,,, maybe I'll put out a VERY simple starter soon. Something to,,, start fresh with. I love you guys, and I miss you, and maybe soon, just maybe, Hann will be back.
Love, Munn 💙💛
Maybe expect a simple starter soon. Nothing fancy or heavy, just something,,, relaxing and fun.
Love y'all.
