Let's Be Real

How I feel about things and how I view myself. No filter. Well, maybe a little filter. Haley Leese.

[hleese]

[hleese]

Table Of Contents

1. Selfie 2. Introduction 3. Table of contents 4. High school redux 5. 2019 6. Lonely ft. Last year 7. Bucket list 8. Ordeal by cheque 9. Contemplative letters 10. Personal alphabet 11. Likes/dislikes 12. What would I be 13. Recipe for me 14. Unfinished sentences 15. Map of life 16. Synectics 17. Me in ten quotes 18. A ton of lists 19. 52 things to make you feel good 20. Epilogue

[hleese]

Introduction

My title is let's be real. I think that's all the explanation needed. This is me in writing and a few pictures, I want to be honest and realistic. That's what this portfolio is supposed to be.

[hleese]

High School Redux

If I had high school to live over I would do my homework. I would make friends in every grade, not just the ones that are leaving soon. I would stay with the squad instead of trying to distance myself as not to get hurt. I would have a backup squad, people to lean on when the ones i thought were my people suddenly aren't my people. I would spend less time judging others and even less time judging myself. I would avoid group projects, the best way to get things done is to do it yourself. I would join a club and one I enjoy at that, not just something to look good on an application. I would take art classes. I would compliment people more, as much as I was complimented. Spread the love. I would perfect my eyeliner and lipstick because makeup builds confidence and looking fierce makes you fierce. I would stop stressing out. It's okay. I'm okay. Instead of running from opportunities I would embrace them and put in full effort. When I was asked to hang out I would've said yes more. There would've been more late night drives and school plays. But mostly, if given another shot at high school, I would accept where I was and try to make the best, instead of wasting time worrying about where I was going.

[hleese]

2019

Do your homework The most important thing I can ever suggest to you is to do your homework. Class work maybe be equal in weight for grade but homework is where you truly test your learning. Homework is the biggest and most silent killer of students. The thing that doesn't seem worth it. That you don't have time for. That you already "know how to do". Make friends in every grade. People are going to come and go. You don't want to be the only one still hanging on to people who are already gone. Join a club. One academic and one for fun club is my recommendation. Doing nothing means exactly what it sounds like. Doing nothing. That's all you'll have to put on your college applications. Don't be part of the going home club. Stay with your squad. The people you invest your love in won't always return it but when they do it's worth the rest. No one cares. You can be whatever you want to be. No one will care enough to bother you. You don't have to be anything at all if you like. Don't worry about your looks. You are young. You are a child. You are just beginning to become an individual. You are not going to act or look the same four years from now. Most of all you are not going to like how you looked now. It's okay. It's okay. It's really okay. Don't compare yourself. There will always be someone better than you and you will always be better than someone. Learn from them instead. A great man said everyone you meet knows something you don't. If you don't follow any of my suggestions at the very least. Do your homework.

[hleese]

Lonely ft. Last Year

When I was one and six I thought I knew the game I figured I could fix My sighs, mix in their names I offered free alliance Accepted without pause They took with no defiance Left a martyr for no cause When I was one and six I should've known 'twas wrong But in a desperate fix I told myself "I'm strong" I didn't want a heaven But time became so long Now I am one and seven I've learned how to move on

[hleese]

Bucket List

1. Go on a road trip I enjoy going for drives when I don’t actually have to drive and I feel like road trips area great bonding experience. What better a test of faith than being stuck in a cramped car with your friend or partner for days, forced to get close. Also I love the idea of seeing the nation’s geography and how diverse our country is. 2. Build my own computer My life is video games and many of those games are played on the computer. Building my own computer would be sweet. Being able to put something together from scratch and completely understand how everything works would be great, especially because my future career involves a lot of software. I want to understand the hardware in use. 3. Chill with a famous person Ideally Seth Rogen. He’s just one of those actors that seems like how he acts in movies and TV shows is just how he is in real life. I enjoy his personality and he seems extremely laid back. I want to hang out at Seth Rogen’s house. James Franco is welcome. 4. Learn to comprehend Japanese in all forms I want to speak, read, and write Japanese. Because you know. I’m Japanese. I want to get in touch with my culture, as well as the fact that when my grandmother passed away she left behind a ton of books written in Japanese kanji and I have always wanted to be able to read them. 5. Learn to sew I want to be able to be that mom who sews my kids Halloween costumes and have them be super good quality. Also I enjoy cosplay and making your own costumes is cheaper than buying them. 6. Write a book I aspire to become a video game story and character writer and developer and within writing all the story and lore for the games I work on I’d eventually want to turn them into a book or series. Exactly like David Gaider from Bioware; my idol. 7. Own a star I love space and especially stars. Owning a star sounds rad because it’s owning a giant, constantly exploding ball of gases and fire. I want to be able to say, “Hey, see that little dot right there next to Orion? Yeah that shit’s mine. I own it.” 8. Make my own mixtape I don’t know if it would be serious, but it sounds fun as heck. Music is a pretty important part of my life and mixtapes are cool. I’m going to be Drizzy Drake Yeezy 3.0 you know what I’m saying. 9. Learn to play the fiddle I like the fiddle man. I already play guitar and ukulele but I think the fiddle is pretty sounding and it’s a core part of a lot of the music I listen to because I like indie folk type stuff. I prefer it to the violin. 10. Master a single recipe Just so that everyone can be like, “Oh lets have Haley make her famous ___!” It’ll be awesome. I’ll have be renowned in the local cooking world as like the best cooker of ___. I can be mediocre at all other foods but at least be amazing at one.

[hleese]

[hleese]

Contemplative Letters

Dear David, You don't know me and well, I guess I don't really know you either. What I do know is what you've created. Your skill at writing and storytelling is what ultimately inspired me to become what I'm aiming to be now. Your characters have helping not only me, but millions of people through tough events in their lives. Your stories not only offer an escape from the real world, but also creates something people can find a way to relate to. Within the games you've been apart of, characters become more than just characters. They become complex living beings with multi faceted personalities and complex emotions. I've fallen in love with these people just like so many others have. They were my friends when I didn't talk to anyone else. When I was too scared to trust my feelings with real people. The Dragon Age games have given me something to be truly passionate about and that's one of the best feelings someone can have. Thank you, for writing these characters, and sharing your own experiences through them. Sincerely, Haley Dear Herrick, I know I just wrote you a letter for teacher appreciation week but I need to write another one for this assignment. Like I said in the last letter, your class my freshman year really changed how all of high school was going to go for me, and had a roundabout part in helping me choose a lifelong dream. Who knew a class in Microsoft excel and access could do so much? Your enthusiasm and humor encouraged me to put in real effort. All those photoshop lessons didn't hurt either. Thanks to that class I connected with a teacher that I would talk to for the next four years of school. Someone who constantly encouraged and praised me, and sometimes was the only one doing so in my life. That means a lot Herrick. I don't have too much to say that I haven't already said but thanks again for believing in me. Your photoshop expert, Haley

[hleese]

Personal Alphabet

A. Aesthetic B. Boisterous C. Callous D. Detrimental E. Enviable F. Forgetful G. Guardant H. Hilarious I. Insatiable J. Judicious K. Knavish L. Lonely M. Misanthropic N. Nitid O. Overbearing P. Perfectionistic Q. Quarrelsome R. Realistic S. Sarcastic T. Temerarious U. Unrefined V. Vicious W. Wry X. Xenial Y. Yeasty Z. Zealous

[hleese]

Likes/Dislikes

Likes: • Jane Eyre • Grendel • Handmaid’s Tale • Shakespeare class • Theatre • HOT lunch • Creative writing • Hawkes as a mascot • School layout • Cellphone policy • Wide class variety • Lots of clubs and activities • Mr. Herrick Dislikes: • Stairs • Underclassmen • Jeeps/Trucks EVERYWHERE WTH NORTH CAROLINA CHILL TF OUT • Friday live • Pseudo-rednecks • AP Psychology • Math • Slow internet • Anime club • No fast food in school • Common Core • Slow people in the hallway • Only ever screens football movies

[hleese]

What Would I Be

1. Animal: Household cat 2. Car: 1957 Chevy, pale pink or mint green 3. Article of clothing: Army jacket 4. Day of the week: Wednesday night 5. Food: Oriental ramen 6. Color: Peach (It’s an orange pink Bickert) 7. Movie: Mulan 8. Fragrance: Summer night drives 9. Type of building: Record/Book store 10. Plant: Flowering cactus 11. Musical instrument: Fiddle 12. Geometric shape: Triangle 13. Piece of furniture: Ottoman 14. Song: Bahamas – All The Time 15. Season of the year: Fall 16. Television character: April Ludgate 17. Cartoon or comic character: Deadpool 18. Appliance: Coffee machine 19. Natural phenomenon: Northern lights 20. Word: Fragile

[hleese]

Recipe For Me

2 cups brutal honesty 3 cups open-minded 2 cups logical 1 ½ cups perfectionist ¾ cup trustworthy 1/3 cup creative 2 tablespoons independence 1 tablespoon spontaneous ½ tablespoon temper ½ teaspoon anxiety Preheat oven to 420 degrees. Whisk open-mindedness, creativity, and independence in a bowl until combined. Beat honesty perfectionism, and logic in another large bowl until light and fluffy. Slowly add in trustworthiness, spontaneity, temper, and anxiety until mostly smooth. Pour mixture in with other bowl and combine all ingredients. Divide into two molds and bake until pale yellow. 17 to 18 years.

[hleese]

Unfinished Sentences

I usually worry about everything. It’s just a part of who I am. I have a ton of anxiety and it comes out as worry, and I worry about everything from the people I care about to whether or not I’ve typed a paper in the correct font. I feel angry when I don’t do a good enough job. I have serious perfectionism issues and it affects everything I do. I hate the idea of being a failure or that maybe my best still isn’t good enough. I’m moody when I’m stressed out. The problem with this is that I’m almost always stressed out and when I already have a lot or too much to take on, little upsets or mess-ups throw off my mood. I’m happiest when I’m around the few people I’m genuinely comfortable with. There are very few people in my life that I feel I can completely be myself around. My younger sister Brooke, my boyfriend Hunter, and a handful of extremely close friends are the only people I’m actually close with. Spending time with these people is the only time I can relax other than when I’m completely alone. I feel confident when I’m the smartest or most experienced person in a room, which happens often, especially in school. It feels fantastic when people come to me for help more often than they go to the teacher. I feel frustrated when I feel like I’m not doing anything right. I struggle with doing things the best and when I can’t pick up on something whether it be a skill or a concept I get super frustrated. I feel depressed when I’m told I’m not good enough. I loathe the idea of not amounting to enough in whatever I’m doing. It’s scary to think that even at my best I’m still a failure, it makes me feel burnt out. I am comfortable when I’m not wearing pants. I promise this makes sense. No pants equals relaxation time and the end of a day. Pants are a huge hassle honestly like you can’t tell me they’re not because everyone agrees and besides even if they were comfy I’m a girl so I don’t get any pocket space. What is the point? I feel nervous when I’m in a completely new environment. I’m good at being in a familiar place with new people, or a new place with familiar people, but never both at the same time. It’s too overwhelming, I need some aspect of familiarity to keep me grounded and to lean back on. I feel sentimental when I spend time at the beach. My family used to collectively rent a beach house the first week and a half of July every year without fail. Every summer when I was younger we would go down with my cousins and siblings and celebrate Fourth of July. Now that we don’t do that anymore beach houses bring back melancholy memories.

[hleese]

[hleese]

Synectics

1. Which is easier to forgive? A street or a sidewalk? Sidewalks can end, but streets shouldn't. 2. Which is easier to teach? A question or an answer? Questions, because then the student has multiple answers to choose from. 3. Which is easier to contest? A cloud or a sunset? Clouds, they're always racing to cross the sky, while the sun has all the time in the world to set. 4. Which is more fearful? New or old? Old refuses to give way to the new and possibly the better. 5. Which is easier to close? A road or a map? A map, closing a road takes a lot of time. Frankly it's a hassle. 6. Which is like a legend? A mirror or a map? A mirror in that it'll reflect what it's shown in honesty regardless of how one tries to interpret it. 7. Which has less charm? A signature or an autograph? An autograph. The person behind the pen can be to prideful and egotistical. 8. Which is more trustworthy? Literature or history? Literature, at least you know what parts are fake. 9. Which is sadder? Seek or find? Seek, because you don't know if you'll even find what you're looking for. 10. Which costs more? A home or a house? A house, a home can be anywhere. It doesn't have to be a house.

[hleese]

Me In Ten Quotes

"Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing." - Ron Swanson, Parks and Rec "I'll get there, if I leave everything but my bones behind." - Lord of the Rings "Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets. It, like love and the Munich Olympics, doesn't exist in the real world. The only thing to do now is just keep living forward." - Bojack Horseman "Things do not change; we change." - Henry David Thoreau "The fact to which we have got to cling, as to a lifebelt, is that it is possible to be a normal decent person and yet be fully alive." - Allen Ginsberg "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure not this thing nor that but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing." - William Butler Yeats "I'm mischievous, but I'm calculated." - Drake "My process is thinking, thinking and thinking- thinking about my stories for a long time." - Hayao Miyazaki "I believe in God, man. I've seen him. I've felt his power. He plays drums for Led Zepplin and his name is John Bonham baby!" - Nick, Freaks and Geeks "There's power in stories, though. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine." - Varric Tethras, Dragon Age