i don’t know what to do. i’m driving myself crazy. i keep saying that, but i really am. it feels like things have changed, but i’m not sure what i did.. i just want to know.
i just want to talk, but i’m scared i’ll do something wrong.
why did i say those things?
i wish i hadn’t panicked.
i REALLY. wish i hadn’t panicked.
if i hadn’t, maybe things wouldn’t have changed.
well they would have, but maybe for the better instead of for the worse, like they did.
maybe things would be opposite of what they are now, i can’t stand how we barely talk. it kills me.
why am i so scared? it’s not like that much could go wrong.
except, everything could go wrong.
did i accidentally push them away?
maybe they feel scared to talk to me, too. or maybe they just don’t want to, maybe they don’t like me.
i would be terrified to ask which it is. i wish i could read their mind, to know what they think of me.
maybe they just see me as a normal person. that would be good, i guess. but it feels like the worst case in my mind.
what if everything i’ve overthought about was for nothing, if i was just wasting time and tears?
i don’t know. i wish i understood everything. i really wish i did.
i wish i wasn’t to afraid to ask questions.
i wish they liked me more.
i wish i had spent my time talking to them, instead of worrying about if they even give a shit about me.
i’m so stupid. why can’t i just be a normal person?
maybe i was right to worry. what if they don’t give a shit about me, and i was right?
but what if they do, and i’m slowly making them hate me?
i don’t want them to hate me.
