Haunted by my thoughts

Hey guys! I’ve got some stuff piling up & thought I might just upload it somewhere in case I finally decide to give up and expire..

[hollowpoetverses]

Mother, would you forgive me,

if I took your gift of life,

and carved it out with a kitchen knife?

[hollowpoetverses]

Story that I lost

Can you still feel it?

I forgot by now.

The reason it all began.

I know I failed, but I swear I don’t know how.

Like an eagle, I soared above the skies.

I could move a mountain, bring heavens to the ground.

Carried the weight of the world in the palm of my hand.

I was the best of me.

Feels like a tale of another life.

Like remembering a story from a book you once read.

But suddenly you get lost among the pages.

Suddenly, they turn the other way around.

You’d swear you did everything right,

made correct choices, chose the best path.

How come then, the words read backwards,

and the whole ending got upside down.

[hollowpoetverses]

Schizophrenic symphony

I can’t stand this anymore. Let’s just burn it to the ground.

But I fear the weight of all the ashes.

… is it the time, are we so far, are we jumping under car?

This stench of misery, I am sick of all the air around.

But maybe with a few more patches.

Forget it. We’re just few weaklings that are bound.

But maybe if we lean on each other and try to climb.

And how about we let it pull us underwater and not make another sound.

… underwater? Let’s chain us to this cement block I found!

But to pull the trigger, completely resign?

Please, just let us break, let us fall apart. Look at how we waste the time.

While this goes on, can we at least not lie on the floor?

Nah, I can’t be bothered with that anymore.

… we can always put our head under the garage door!

[hollowpoetverses]

Destined

Gaze into the darkness, gaze, child of light.

Once destined for greatness.

Look, perceive its glory, observe its might,

and so begins our story.

You grasped at stars, each step for a mile,

inherited your mother’s smile.

Build your legend like a castle tower,

inherited your stength from father.

At the peak of your prowess, at the highest high,

every task felt weightless.

Yet rooted inside, deep down in your chest,

little marred rosebud hides.

Could not know it at the time, couldn‘t feel it yet,

roots brewing in your heart.

The once destined, now under threat,

of gradually becoming nameless.

For a flower to reach the vault of heaven,

Its roots must anchor far beneath the earth.

And every so often,

roots may overreach their bloom.

Quickly vanishes the ideal of greatness,

destiny becomes your tomb.

For a flower is just a flower,

and its wilting always graceless,

Gaze into the darkness, gaze, child of light.

Once destined for greatness.

Now stripped of all its glory, I welcome you under ground.

And so ends our story.

[hollowpoetverses]

25 Cemetery Flowers

Lay low, lay on the ground.

For what it’s worth, tell yourself a little lie.

Give it a moment and you will see,

the colour of your pain diffrent, as it’s supposed to be.

Take in the silence, shh little, hush,

you did cry enough as your soul was lashed.

Now we’ll wash it away, just open your stash,

25 pills at once, that isn’t so much.

As the dawn breaks and you open your eyes,

they will bleed tears in silent cries.

For a little moment, you may rest your soul.

The pain will be numb and your purpose sole.

The next time we sit down to wash away the pain,

tears of the others will fall like a rain.

We can’t cross the river with 25 pills,

you must reenact one of the worst sins.

To take away life is a terrible theft,

25 bullets pick-up where pills left.

[hollowpoetverses]

Like a bird

I see myself standing at the edge of a cliff.

There‘s nothing in front of me.

Only a long, long fall awaits.

With one foot in the air,

I can‘t make the step.

Something holds me back.

I see myself holding a gun,

In order to shoot myself,

so I can bypass the step and just fall down.

But I can‘t bring myself to pull the trigger.

Something holds me back.

I stand there, with just one foot on the ground,

hovering the other in the air, completely locked otherwise.

I stand and hope,

that maybe a wind will soon come around and push me over the edge.

I hope that whatever holds me back,

won‘t turn the wind the other way around.

Because I don‘t want to go back.

Because my final wish is to fly.

[hollowpoetverses]

Weight of the Unseen

As soon as voices fade and silence settles in,

his eyes switch open and he whispers in my ear.

He doesn´t speak in words, yet I know it very well,

the place where I am heading to, it´s what we see as hell.

Even now, this very moment,

I sit alone with his whispers,

and listen to the tales of torment.

My heart is beating loudly, racing ticking of the clock,

my hands are shaking and my mind is in a shock.

I cannot break his whisper for a second.

As if the end was about to knock,

I wait by the door and think of my last walk.

[hollowpoetverses]

Adieus draft

A calming whisper, somewhere deep inside my soul,

is telling me a beautiful story.

Of how I stand up and leave this place, just like that,

and wander somewhere far and far away.

Some place where nobody can reach me.

Some place where my soul will find a rest.

I’ve been listening to him closely,

and more and more last couple days.

Because I long for feeling from that story,

feeling that I once possesed.

He’s telling me it’s fairly simple,

and that he’ll even show the way.

But because it’s one way ticket,

I must first get ready to betray.

Family and all the close ones,

because there’s no way to get back.

But the voice explains it’s only just,

and that it is my right.

To leave all those who took me for granted,

while I had for them to fight.

The more I listen to my whisper,

the more I wish to leave for better.

Only the calm voice will walk me off,

and the rest will explain my letter.

[hollowpoetverses]

Habit

I used to wish you sweet dreams at the end of every single day.

Now that you’re gone I’ve realized,

I‘m the one lying awake without them.

[hollowpoetverses]

Alea iacta est

There were no instructions, no pointer where to start.

How does one sell and rips his soul apart.

I read some books, memorized names,

to chant them loud, in order to open gates.

Drew up few symbols, blew candles in the wind, cleared up my mind, blood on coin spilled.

Then came the silence, after that, cries.

Screams, pain and violence, I couldn’t describe.

I felt the barrier break, worlds split apart.

Then for a moment, it stopped my heart.

Felt underwater, yet somehow in flames,

Blood boiling with curses and poison in veins.

Hands reaching out to tear at my flesh,

asking me to choose one of their names.

And once the agony arrived, I had to decide.

I called upon him, recited his name,

begged him for mercy, praised his fame.

Then I felt his face, his cheek on my skin.

He asked if I‘ll join in hell his kin.

All of the voices, suddenly stopped,

Collectively asking me what it was.

What do I desire, to name my price.

And for a cost of it, to roll the dice.

If I am lucky, I get what I want,

along with the time, to live it out.

And if I‘m not,

well… you can guess what.

[hollowpoetverses]

12 Gauge

If I could borrow your shotgun for a moment,

so that I can shoot my brains out.

[hollowpoetverses]

By now old Arguments

Are you there,

can you give me your hand?

C’mon, just once.

Show me the way.

Tell me why you hid the lantern,

knowing well how it is when it’s dark.

Did you want for me to beg you,

kneel and plead to bear your mark.

You know very well I’m not comming up there.

It’s too late for this,

and I’m getting tired of your games.

At the end it was you, who set me on this path.

A debt of a soul must be repaid.

One way or another.

We all knew the rules,

it’s just me who didn’t understand the price.

Back then it sounded so easy.

No, I am not scared.

I am just pissed.

For asking so little and giving up so much.

[hollowpoetverses]

Place for Wishes

A simple wish, to hear a voice,

telling me all will be fine.

To whisper me some kindness,

break out of this cold silence.

Gleam instead with little warmth.

As I fill the canvas with unspoken dreams.

Like a soulful painter,

mixing the colours with future and past.

The brushwork is dusky, sparkling with ash,

reflecting the spectrum of my pallet.

Gloomy pallet, a mirror to my life.

With every bristol of the brush,

I reach out to borrow from a dream.

To paint a picture my life will never speak.

To paint a simple wish.

[hollowpoetverses]

Colour of blood & Sound of the bath

In the Echo I‘m drowning.

Fearing my steps misplaced.

Waves loosen their pattern,

and slow down to final stop,

before they approach me.

Please, allow the doubt to leave me,

as I get lost in my guidance.

One little drop, far away,

explodes in tidal wave.

Flicking, the light bulb snaps.

Cold kisses from the neck,

spread and calm the brain.

The hand loses grip, it gives away.

A shrapnel rings, as it hits the floor.

Drops change their frequency.

And I wait before I open my eyes,

to see the colour of my veins resurface.

Now you‘ve been there with me, at the final line.

Decision awaits.

Stitch the wound and stop the rhythm,

or slowly drip away.

[hollowpoetverses]

Question Marks

I want to ask her, “can I believe you“?

But how could I?

If she says yes, will I forget all the lessons from the past?

Would I hope again and not be haunted by suspicion?

And if she says no, will I walk away?

Would I feel relieved, that she was honest?

Or would I shatter anyway, knowing she was the last attempt?

So how could I ask?

If I don’t know what I want to hear?

If I don’t know whether I can carry the weight of her answer?

Do I flip a coin?

… am I going to wish to flip it again?

[hollowpoetverses]

Trust in mistrust

When I feel an unsettling thought.

Whether to believe in what I saw.

Do I trust in what I hear.

When the voice wakes up and sows in fear.

He always comes and always talks.

How I should not believe, how I should doubt. Uninvited wretched ghost.

Who says the closest ones tell lies.

Who says the ones I love, decive me actually the most.

I wanted him to leave, to stop twisting my mind.

Strangely without any dispute, he simply obliged.

I guess he knew I‘d call him back. For once he was gone, as if I lost all my senses, it all turned pitch black.

I missed his company. Couldn‘t pull through.

For oddly I believe, him to be the intelligent one, out of us two.

[hollowpoetverses]

Nightmare chamber

I say I don’t fear, for when I‘m awake I truly don’t.

The world around me does not frighten.

It can’t anymore.

It is the world within, where the darkest of it lies. And I pray for all that‘s dear to me, that that’s just where it hides.

There, inside, in a place no light can reach.

Buried deep, at the silent bottom.

There in the abyss, lies my horror, which surpasses every fear imaginable.

The reason why on every evening, I hesitate to close my eyes.

The reason why I don’t wander freely, in dreams anymore at nights.

For I‘m terrified to wander far and cross its lair. Perified by bleak despair.

Despair that makes my body shiver.

This demon in that dark is simple mirror.