Hey btw just firing a few rounds into my audience real quick: genuinely at this point with the ways all the boys I was forced to be around in high school treated the girls around them - once had to block a guy from taking upskirts of a girl who was passed out backstage during theater class:
If you feel this like, inviolate respect for women and deep, primal terror that your male sexuality is inherently predatory and invasive and that you should just be as quietly nonthreatening as possible for the continued privilege of being around them instead of having to either be alone or hang out with other boys: you're probably a girl. Like, probably in the way that 99.9999~ is "probable".
Cis boys don't feel that way they see girls as fleshlights that signal to other boys they're cool because they managed to get a fleshlight.
Just like, remembering the way other boys gossiped with me about how much they wanted to fuck the - very attractive let's not mince words - homeroom teacher I had incredible respect and in retrospect almost certainly gender envy for, the way they didn't seem to see her as someone to strive endlessly for the approval of the way I did. It felt actively, viscerally wrong to hear them talking about her that way, so all I could do is nod and smile along because they were older and all in agreement.
The fact I hung out with TWO lesbians who I was deeply regretful I'd never be able to get to date, how pretty I thought their non-feminine gender presentations were, the way I held desperately onto the nail polish a girl had put on my nails during a school event for as long as I possibly could - the way I had been the only "boy" to ask her to do it.
The way I felt fundamentally vulnerable and afraid whenever I was in the boy's changing room, idling and freezing up until they started to trickle out and I could quickly change and be the last one out the door.
If any of this feels familiar, to you in retrospect or definitely if you're going through high school feeling these things right now: you are a girl. I promise you, you will be so much happier being yourself.
