Why i am a slave
i guess at first i was born with something that led to being a slave. There may be some genetic reason for such preference, or it may be just because i was always physically weak since i was little, which made me mentally keep looking for a compensation. It’s the same thing as being gay, so there’s no need to struggle with the identity. Torture scenes on TV or movie just excited me from the beginning, the same effect as a handsome and strong male image, and i was always seeing it from the receiving side and never imagined to be the aggressor, maybe because those are normally strong and mean people. If the theory is true, there is just a root that i cannot kill and it’ll always grow something.
i guess i am a slave because of the upbringing too. i was quite rebelling and stubborn when i was very little, but my father bent that with a strong figure and i regarded that part of parent’s love. The education always promoted conformity and submission to rules. i had a couple of teachers who i liked but who were also wittily mean and legitimately abusive. i respected them with such feature together. i was never strong and always wanted a protector, even though that means i have to take their bad habits or personal traits, but no one i seeked met my needs, which made me unsatisfied in life.
i am a slave because i’m a slave of my own desire. i realized this at the beginning when my slave needs were awakened. The desire is so fundamental and strong that drove me look for it despite of the danger and my cautious instinct, and the rush itself during imagining and searching was even more stimulating than what really happened. Normal sex soon became boring for me and my attention went to the bdsm direction so naturally. Sex drive itself has been the best tool used on me and my best experience has been mostly related to the denial and grant of it. It goes beyond sex itself and becomes mental.
i am a slave because i need a man to look up to, who is superior in physical features, intelligence, life experience and understanding of things, someone who can be a mentor to me and makes me grow in every way, even spiritually. That triggers my admire and love, and then there’s no better way to express those feelings than willingly admitting my inferiority to the extent that i submit myself and my pride in the hope that it will exchange for his acceptance. i always went along well with people older than me, and i guess my same age peers normally bore me or annoy me. Such rich characters i look for bring something very positive in me and make me proud as a slave.
i am a slave because i need to be guided and controlled. my life becomes messy, procrastinated and meaningless without a controlling figure. my sexual adventure put me in an endless loop of false excitement and real disappointment. i have difficulty to make any choice and it’s always easier for someone else to make decision for me who i can trust. It makes things so much easier because facing a choice always involves so much debate and regret.
i am a slave because i need to find meaning in my life. In this universe, i’m just a dust existing in a blink of eye and i always laugh at people who try to leave a legacy, but i still hope to be an unique one without wasting my only chance. So i face my need and try to lead a fullest slave life, so that i won’t regret i never tried when it’s too late. Being a slave makes me feel so special, and it’s like a happiness that i secretly hold a key to some treasure. Such uniqueness defines me and won’t make me feel like a common person like others that i always hate to be.
i am a slave because i seek as much enrichment in life as possible. Besides what common people do, i have so much bigger an area to explore and experience. There are endless possibilities and i’m always so curious. Normal life can be exciting with slavery too. It’s hard or impossible to share with other people how interesting and delicate things are, but it would be like an extreme sportsman regards his sports, or an artist regards his work. It should be a delightful thought whenever thinking about it, and maybe even the unacceptance of the society is a reward, just like some artists’ works were not recognized by people at their time who could not appreciate it.
i am a slave because i hope it brings ultimate peace. In my mind that may be like a monk’s life, he has no need to bother with material concerns so his spiritual life and experience become rich. it’s a fulfilling achievement that not many people can find.
On the other hand, i am not a slave because i want to exchange my body and sex for a better or easier life, which would be like a prostitute. Being a slave is so basic yet so high level need, and it sounds so contradictory that as a slave i cherish the independent uniqueness so much. i am not a slave because i enjoy downgrading myself regardless of who i submit to, instead it’s doing the right thing for right one, and feeling so right. i am not a slave because it’s easy, although i may be not the kind that seeks challenges and difficulties so i should not say “but because it’s hard”, but i do enjoy achieving things and goals with worthwhile efforts.