trying to (some form of) therapy myself out of phone anxiety has worked in the past but now it's not working. will try again now by typing it out since i'm currently avoiding work.
my biggest solution to my anxiety has literally been "what's the worst that can happen?" and coming up with the literal worst (most likely scenario). okay, worst thing that can happen has happened (lady yelled at me for traumatizing her during an interview i was conducting with her) - i took a break and cried for 20 minutes.
next worst thing? having to explain work rules and telling people "no" to receiving a social service that they are applying for. okay, so, is it the being the bearer of bad news? is it holding that responsibility, being the one to make that decision between whether somebody gets to eat or not, in that person's eyes? i think that plays a part in it. i need to Deal With It though, because that is the Job - talking to clients on the phone and determining eligibility. it is very easy to do so behind a screen and not when discussing things with clients - especially when, to be honest, a lot of the people i speak with are... they do not comprehend things. (i truly believe this is a product of our poor education system and the cycle of poverty so i don't hold it against people but it's also very disheartening to explain simple concepts repeatedly. this is why i'm not a teacher and hate being in training roles.)
okay. so my supervisor asked if i had barriers to conducting interviews. i couldn't pinpoint them at the time, so i said no, but i have a better idea of them now.
i need to be able to be firm and stop apologizing to people i speak with on how things work. i can apologize for things i can control, but not policy. i can "apologize" for policy changing (because it does, frequently) and that being confusing, but i cannot personally apologize for other things. i need a script of some sorts when handling cases that have been denied for x, y, or z due to work rules or otherwise, especially if i anticipate the client being rude. so, i also need to learn de-escalation while also not letting my own voice crack (as it does) because my brain will shut down when i get yelled at.
okay. okay i think i have something to go with. i'll only have this job though march 2027 at the latest. i just have to get through until then while looking for a better suited remote job so i can stop job hopping while we move around the damn country.
jacobvanloon
snowghoul
dailybridgerton
ellievsbear
theartofmadeline
discoholicmusic
vaporwave
