honerain

i write

[honerain-blog]

for years i doubted this emotion simmering inside the pot of water that is me, praying it won't boil over and burn me alive.

but i lost focus for one second and the bubbles have already begun to pour down, steaming loudly and burning everything i claimed as myself.

i cried as it melted all my layers away, leaving me with nothing but the inner frameworks of my body and mind that i tried to conceal for so long.

but i also embraced it and proudly claimed the fourth degree burn that is called love, and i showed it to you.

the blistering scars that make up who i am, because of the feelings i was so cowardly afraid of— i showed that to you yet you are stagnant.

you reinforce a wall around everything that is you and i know you are afraid that one day the ground will rumble too hard and it'll all come crashing down.

and i am those small trembles foreworning it.

is that why you find it so difficult to admit to yourself that you love me? or are you afraid my trembles will turn into an earthquake and leave you with nothing but the ruins of who you once were?

[honerain-blog]

you have undoubtedly conquered my heart and i will give you everything to keep it so.

[honerain-blog]

what i feel for you runs so deeply through me, it has burrowed within my heart and will not leave. and i don’t want it to. i cannot imagine a universe in which i am not in love with you and yet i cannot imagine a universe in which you love me back. and maybe that is my downfall.

[honerain-blog]

the love we share, though, is so devastatingly silent that it feels blasphemous to say it out loud. we feel all that we can feel and we feel it so deeply that it taints us, so it’s not so easy to say i love you and carry on. we are afraid. we are afraid because in eachothers presence we feel fearless and undefiable— endless in one another.

[honerain-blog]

every night i look at the stars hoping that maybe, just maybe, we are wishing on the same one. but the silence between is us is a chasm that the brightest star cannot bridge, and i am left with nothing but the image of what we used to be.