🔪 @honey-filled-lungs - Tumblr Blog

Let me state that everything i say is purely vent. These are things i keep to myself because i know it is outrageous. I know it is gross and sad. But it's healthier for me to put it here into a void than to explode out loud.

Anything perceived as a threat is not a real threat towards myself or anyone else. Nobody is supposed to see this. This is my corner.

Alright. Im leaving this account. Stalk me elsewhere i suppose

"Youre terrible for self harming" meanwhile you stored my bloody rags, you cut my name into your skin before we ever started talking romantically. Like maaaaan. What kind of fucking world are you in to claim im the only bad one. Why cant you admit everyone fucking sucked and we are not good for each other and let it go.

You only believe in victims when you want to. Youre no real supporter or believer. And thats where you fucked up.

Its mutual that the relationship was fucked and bad for both ends. Why cant you just leave it alone, pick yourself up, go to therapy, and move on. Get a job. Go outside. Do something that isnt full of anger.

This account has never reflected where i am as a person or who i am. Ive stated this account is for venting. This is for nonsense. And you still wanna take it out of context. Its terrible.

It would be one thing if what youre doing was out of actual concern for others.

Its just your revenge. Thats where you fall flat. Nobody takes part in revenge. Theres no actual worry for others here.

My bpd has been weaponized against me. I hope you dont treat my best friend the same way for hers. She doesnt deserve that. I tried to express my care for her throughout all this. Because even now i just want her to find someone thats actually good for her. And that isnt you.

I tried hard to contact you and you refused. Now youre claiming youve been trying to talk to me? But now youre also claiming harassment? Man. What a mess. Ill apologize for what you have perceived as harassment. But i wanted to get answers that you claimed you had. Dangling it over my head. Ive been through with you until i came into town. After i found out you tried contacting someone who fuckin is scared of you, i got fed up. Leave my friends alone.

Hey, atleast i got the acknowledgement of your behavior. Thats all i needed. Keep justifying yourself.

"Abuse doesnt excuse actions" yeah apply that to yourself here.

I was hoping youd have a sincere conversation and instead it turned into a joke because i cant take you serious when your claims are false. Youll never believe anyone but yourself. Youll never see the damage youve done.

You kept telling me you didnt like her, you kept screaming about how much you hated our roommate, and now theyre terrified of you for what youve done. Pick a fucking side man.

I admit my faults. I have laid it all out. You want me to record it? Ill talk about all of it again and again and again. My therapist always knew about my self harm. He knew everything. Like....he literally always told me that if im being safe then thats more important. As long as i wasnt suicidal. You were there to hear some of it.

You want to seem like youre the bigger man. Its really fucking sad.

She has more to claim than you do. I fully understand her side. But you? Youre controlling and manipulative. You encouraged so much poor behavior. You manipulated ME. And suddenly its my fucking fault.

You cant claim one thing without exposing your own self. I wish i could go back and record conversations. Id ask you if i was doing the right thing. Id ask if i was in the wrong. I asked endless times how to improve the relationship. I asked what more i could do for you, for us, and that you could leave when you wanted.

I will no longer be using this account. I found out for sure you were stalking, so goodbye. Im glad i know now! I was curious when you were gonna pop your head up.

So call my assault fake, say what you will. Would you like my rape kit tracking number? I have it on hand. Fucking take it. I hate you both for claiming such a thing. I was never using it to excuse. I wanted you to believe me. Thats all i wanted. I never covered up my actions. I apologized. I asked what i could do to fix hiding it. You were threatening to kill him in front of me. What more was i supposed to do. I had both sides threatening harm. Go fuck yourself. You didnt make it easy.

My past actions dont define me. I am fully aware of my actions. I own up to them. Ive been begging you to let me do that. You wouldnt. Now you claim i blocked you again? Man you really just wanna show off to her dont you? I blocked you NOW though. I got my closure. Your number wasnt blocked. Ever.

I hope you find the strength to pick yourself back up and find better. Ive had sex with 4 people my entire life. Its insane to think i was fucking everyone with no evidence. So sorry my ex sent dick pics in old group chats from years ago when me and him were still together. Because he thought it was funny. I can prove that too.

Call me a coward, i dont really care. Im scared of you. Because youre so batshit insane. You made our old roommate cry tonight. Everyone is afraid of you. Youre literally so far gone its crazy. Please get well. This is not normal people behavior.

You cant handle the idea that i actually did show everyone all our dms because its all just you. I got the closure i needed now. Youre the same and youll never change. I have no room in my heart for forgiveness. I just hope you actually can let go and move on.

Youre acting like id actually ever hurt you as if i dont actually know youre stronger than me.

You know how venting works. Stop acting like you know me.

The plan is to move to Seattle next year to live with my partner/big brother. Its so fucking amazing to finally have someone who loves me no matter what, keeps me calm when things feel rough. I dont have to worry anymore about losing someones love when I make mistakes, or misunderstand something. I dont have to worry about being lied to or live in fear of what my partner is up to behind my back. No fear of my things being stolen. Everything is communicated, and it actually wants to have a future with me.

kosmogrl

Planned parenthood experience was wild though. Shouldve expected the harassment. But guys.. i cant even get pregnant. You got the wrong dude LMAO. Just needed some bloodwork. Atleast everyone inside the actual clinic was super sweet

I might keep losing weight. I dont really know what will happen from here on. I just get angry at myself for eating anything at all, as i dont feel ive earned the right to. I sleep so much. Im so tired all the time. I keep using nicotine to keep me full. I know im anorexic because i hardly leave my bed unless im invited somewhere or i decide to go on a walk to buy more vapes. I dont even smoke weed much anymore. Im just addicted to feeling weightless. To feeling like im floating.

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