This one bad dog experience that changed everything and this one good dog experience that made everything better again. (Thank you Johnny Wolf)
(Kind of my therapy homework)
Sooooo I just came home from my piano lesson and I had probably one of the weirdest and most magical experiences ever. I want to write it down so I can look back at it when I am in a situation that involves me being surrounded by dogs (you'll see why).
So for this you should know that I'm really extremely scared of dogs. I don't generally hate them as in "They disgust me". I actually think they are beautiful animals! But well here we go:
(My therapist told me to write this down when I feel ready to and now I do so this is kind of a really big deal for me but anyway I'm basically just doing therapy homework right now)
Here is what I remember from that early evening:
I was 8 years old My (step but I just call him) brother (10 at that time), his friends (9, 10) and me were playing outside in the streets and we went to a playground that was near our flat. It had already gotten quite late when we decided to go home again (it was summer and it started getting dark so we new it's actually getting late). We were playing football the whole time so we didn't notice these guys that startet meeting up there with their dogs. You know like these stereotypical "bad guys". Tattoos, smoking, they were definitely drinking beer and four of them had dogs. I don't remember the breed. They probably came to the playground because it was the only place in our area with benches. As I said we wanted to leave and to do that we had to cross the entire playground and pass the benches because those were set near the entrance. As we got closer these guys started talking to us. Okay no they started yelling. That we shouldn't be outside at this hour and that bad things happen to children at night. It's creepy I know. And it was even more for me at that time. I mean I was a little child.
They also literally told us to "Fuck off" (okay so typical drunk people behaviour). My brother took my hand and told me to ignore them and just go straight on. And as we passed the benches it happened: They let the dogs off the leash. And you could tell that these guys had done something to their dogs because they were aggressive as fuck. They started chasing us down the street and the men just stood at the other end and laughed. They thought twas a funny joke until one of the dogs got to my brothers friend (10). The dog bit his leg and when he tried to free himself it bit his wrist and broke it. And I had to watch everything from atop of a pick up truck that my brother had dragged me to while we were running. We were basically in front of the house our flat was in. I remember the hounds barking so loud that I couldn't even hear my brothers friend crying anymore. I remember the shadows of people looking out of their windows wondering what the bloody hell was going on. I remember my brother holding me in his arm screaming for our mother.
And here is where my blackout starts. The next thing I remember is me waking up in my bed. I didn't get injured. My knees and hands were a little scraped but that happened while playing football my brother told me later. It was a traumatising experience for all of us. Me, my brother and his friends all had to go to many therapists and psychiatrists. I started having nightmares after this. I had to go to therapy and I still do. I'm 21 now. I'm suffering from a few other chronic illnesses, that have nothing to do with this incident I just wanted to make clear that this is not the only reason I've been going to therapy weekly for 13 years that would have been bit too much haha :) but I'm still talking a lot about this. And I still have nightmares when I see dogs in the street.
I got traumatised as a child because some men joked around and made their dogs chase uns as a joke. Later (because my parents sued two of the men) we found out that that these gentlemen were involved in a business that illegally trains dogs for (also) illegal dogfights!
This is my backstory. This is what you need to know about me to understand why this thing that happened to me today was so magical to me. And this is what happened:
I was waiting at the train station and I was sitting on a bench reading a book because I had just missed my train and they only drive like every 25 minutes. And then this guy came up. He had like long brown hair and some face piercings and was wearing a leather jacket and some combat boots and was tall like reeeeally tall 6'5" at least.
Let me tell you this: I don't get creeped out by looks. I go by the quote "Don't judge a book by its cover". I wear a lot of black myself and I sometimes get weird looks for the way I dress in public. I just thought he looked really interesting as a person. And he gives me like a little smile smirk mixture and sits right next to me (There were many other free seats but no right there). And on a leather leash he has this dog. Most beautiful thing I've ever seen I swear! And now you know why this means a lot coming from me. Honestly. I've never looked at a dog without being scared or at least uncomfortable for the past 13 years. I also don't know much about dogs. And for me this thing didn't even really look like a dog. More like a wolf. Not as in Husky. Like an actual wolf! The fur was like silver grey brownish and its eyes were I would say sand coloured.
So I was staring really intensely at this strangers dog and he noticed it and asked me if I was okay and he didn't even wait for my answer but proceeded to ask if I'm afraid of dogs. And I'm like: Well actually... and I start telling him a short version of this trauma story I just told you guys. And he listens. And I start tearing up because he's the first person I've told this story in...many years. And he just listens to me and nods sometimes. And I when I finish he just asks: "Do you want to pet him?" And now that I'm thinking back I should have been completely confused in my head. I should've been thinking something like: There is this beautiful creature of a dog in front of you and this charming owner and he allows you to pet him or this is a beast and it will rip your hand off if you try petting it and the guy will start laughing at you because he doesn't care.
Yeah fuck that shit. Fuck my thoughts because I didn't for second think about any of the red thoughts in my head! You Guys! You know what I did?? I petted this dog! I petted a dog! I just did it! And this guy. He puts a hand on my shoulder which on any other occasion I would be like okay back off mate I need my personal space, But he puts his hand on my shoulder and he tells me: "Well done!". And he must have felt that. That this just took a big burden from me. We started talking about the dog. Its name is Johnny (and in my head I call him Johnny Wolf because although the guy told me he's a husky mix he's still a wolf for me) And I thought that was really fitting. I never told the owner my name and he never told me his but I think the dog was more important for the both of us in this situation. So yeah. I wanted to share this with you and with the whole world. Today was a great day. I'm really happy right now and I will always remember this.
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