hello! i occasionally like to write and here you will find all my fics! most up to date and edited versions are on ao3 but most are published on here too :)
âŻ|| AO3 || Writing Tag || Art Tag ||âŻ
I write for The Band Ghost, BG3 (Raphael) and HotD (Otto Hightower)
comments and reblogs are appreciated so very much!!âĄ
â¸The Band Ghost Masterlist
Papa IV | Cardinal Copia | Papa III
I primarily write Dom!Copia in varying degrees of assholeness.
â¸House of the Dragon Masterlist
Otto Hightower x Reader
â¸Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist
Raphael x Tav!Reader
⸠Dragon Age
Emmrich Volkarin x Rook - While Lights Were Paling One by One
They would huddle together then, like sheep. Thinking that were safe in numbers.
They were not.
They needed to be smart, to not balk at the task at handâthey needed to not ask questions they didn't want an answer to. You didn't last in the sanatorium if you asked too many questions. If they did, Doctor Richardson would have me take them into the Isolation Ward. Like a Judas goat I would lead them through and I would be the only one to come back out. Their endless bleating used to carry over into my dreams, I would see them with their red eyes and pleading, bleeding mouths. I barely dream now.
When I would come out of Isolation, he would be standing there. The red light of the ward flashing and glinting off him as he stood, large and imposing with his hands behind his back. He wouldn't say anything, just nod approvingly and I would follow, hating how that sliver of approval would make me smile. I clung to it, this tiny scrap of acknowledgment from a monster. I was as foolish as the frog, hoping the scorpion wouldn't sting me but he was already upon meâunder my skin, ready and poised to deliver a fatal drop of poison. So I kept going, letting myself want his trust and his approval, hungering for it.
They would huddle together then, like sheep. Thinking that were safe in numbers.
They were not.
They needed to be smart, to not balk at the task at handâthey needed to not ask questions they didn't want an answer to. You didn't last in the sanatorium if you asked too many questions. If they did, Doctor Richardson would have me take them into the Isolation Ward. Like a Judas goat I would lead them through and I would be the only one to come back out. Their endless bleating used to carry over into my dreams, I would see them with their red eyes and pleading, bleeding mouths. I barely dream now.
When I would come out of Isolation, he would be standing there. The red light of the ward flashing and glinting off him as he stood, large and imposing with his hands behind his back. He wouldn't say anything, just nod approvingly and I would follow, hating how that sliver of approval would make me smile. I clung to it, this tiny scrap of acknowledgment from a monster. I was as foolish as the frog, hoping the scorpion wouldn't sting me but he was already upon meâunder my skin, ready and poised to deliver a fatal drop of poison. So I kept going, letting myself want his trust and his approval, hungering for it.
Inspired by @strugglinggranola and Hotel California by The Eagles - a modern au EmmRook (yes⌠it is Sable⌠Iâm simple and love my girl) one-shot that is literally nothing but angst, angst and more angst.
There is next to no editing here and likely as many spelling mistake because sharing stuff from Ellipsus on my phone is just such a struggle.
Warnings: yes youâre all getting warnings for this one because i got carried away and this might be a bit dark for some people, angst, more angst, main character death, mentions of suicide, mentions of dv, lots of sad shit, people cry, people die, people cry again.
It was truly the most beautiful kind of evening, the sun hung low in the sky, the desert painted in shades of orange and red. The highway was empty, not a car in sight, something that offered an odd sense of comfort.
Emmrich wouldn't have been able to say how long he had been driving for, the roof of his car folded back as he watched each mile marker pass, if someone was to ask. Nevarra lay behind him, it's towering skyscrapers and bustling streets little more than a memory, and he could not find it within himself to miss it.
City had shifted into desert, the air heavy with the dust kicked up by his tyres, and it had become increasingly easy to allow himself to sink into his seat, hands curled loosely around the steering wheel.
Content as he was, thoughts clear for the first time in years of funerals and grieving families, he hadn't had a destination in mind, wanting only to be free of the burdens that had weighed him down for the last decade. It was that thought, that need for solace and peace, that had led him behind the wheel, gaze ever forward as he left everything he had ever known before.
But there had been something that drew him onto this stretch of road, lured him deeper into the desert. A sirens song. A whisper in his ear that he had not realised he was following until there was nothing but sand and the setting sun with him.
More miles of desert sped past, the land growing more barren though no less beautiful, and Emmrich thought to just keep driving.
Then the motel had appeared just as the sun finally began to set, its warmth sinking beneath the horizon without fanfare.
A cluster of mismatched buildings clustered a short distance from the highway, the outdated neon sign blinking sluggishly. It was a somewhat nostalgic sight, like something taken straight from one of the paperbacks his mother had so loved to read. It was only when the click of his indicator broke the comfortable silence that Emmrich realised he was pulling off the highway - the road had been empty for hours, the indicator utterly without purpose, but still he found himself looking to his mirrors as the steering wheel twisted beneath his hands and the tarmac was quickly replaced by a mix of sand and gravel that left him blinking.
Just as the highway had been, the parking lay empty save for a truck at the far end.
Ding.
That the reception even had a little brass bell hanging above the door reminded him once again of his mothers books. It's jingle was soft in the otherwise quiet space, a delicate ringing that announced his arrival with a soft finality.
"Hi."
Oh.
"Need a room?"
Shame curled down his spine as blue eyes met his from behind the desk that sat in the centre of the room. That she was by far the prettiest woman Emmrich thought to have lain his gaze upon should not have been his first thought. Then she smiled, cheeks dimpling.
"We have plenty of space. Not many come out this way so you'll have your pick of rooms."
But she really was so very pretty. Younger than him, though there was a weariness in her gaze that gave her an air of someone far older. Her hair, a white blonde that made his chest ache though he could understand why, lay in a messy braid over her shoulder - strands hung loose against her cheeks, as if determined to be free, and his fingers itched to reach for them. He almost imagined that he knew of their softness already.
"You ok?"
Emmrich blinked.
"Long drive?"
It had been many a year since he felt so out of sorts.
"In truth-" There was something about the way that she watched him as he finally made the short trip to the desk that made him wish he had worn a tidier shirt, that he had brushed back the tousled strands of his hair from where the breeze had dislodged them before entering. "- I'm not even sure why I stopped."
He thought his words might confuse her but instead he was met with the same warm smile.
"That's ok."
"Is it? I can't even say that I know where I'm heading yet."
She nodded, as if she'd had this very conversation a hundred times before. "Sometimes we don't need to understand why we do things. You'll end up where you need to."
"You sound very sure of that."
Her laugh was just as pretty as the freckles that covered her cheeks. "I like to think we all end where we need to be eventually. Sometimes it just takes a little longer to realise we're already there."
A clock ticked somewhere.
"You want to try and figure out where you're going tonight?" Emmrich found himself leaning closer when she nodded to door behind him. "Though its late and I never like to see people try to drive these roads in the dark."
"Perhaps you are right." A glance at his wrist watch told him it was much later than he had realised. "It would not be a bad thing to sleep."
Another soft smile.
"Let's get you a room then."
Emmrich watched as she turned to the rack of keys behind her, her fingers dancing along the rows of keys. It gave him a moment to take more of her in, his observation unseen as she deliberated on what room to give him.
With her back turned it was by no means an easy task to guess at her age, though he knew it an ungentlemanly thing to do. But there was something in the way that she carried herself that spoke of a life lived despite her youthful appearance - she could be no older than mid thirties, sure as he was that there had to be at least a decade between them.
His chest ached then, though he could not truly say why. Something about the warmth she had shown him, having known him for but a few minutes, turned his thoughts to the choices he had made over the years.
"Is it just you?"
"I'm sorry?" She had returned to the desk, a key in hand, though he had been oblivious to it.
"You travelling alone?" Emmrich almost missed the flicker of sadness then, quick as it was, but it vanished beneath the smile that he had very swiftly found himself longing for. He didn't want to guess as to why such a simple question had made her sad, the idea that he was responsible for it utterly intolerable despite the glaring fact he still didn't even know her name.
"Yes." The sadness came back then and she was not quick enough to hide it this time. "There might have been someone once⌠but it was so long ago-"
"I'm sorry." She needn't have apologised, in no way responsible for his years of solitude. "It's hard to be alone."
The words came with a weight that spoke of lived experience and Emmrich thought to curse whatever fool had left her behind. He couldn't say why he knew that to be the truth of it but it was as if his very bones knew she was not built to live a life alone and that such sadness could only have come from having been shown a chance at happiness for it then to be ripped away.
He thought for her to continue, to share more but instead she merely handed him the keys.
"What do I owe you for the room?"
The smile was back though it was a thin thing. "You can tally up when you leave. You're my only guest and I have a feeling you're not one to just cut and run."
"Are you sure? I would not wish to cause you any hardship-"
"It's fine, I promise." Emmrich looked down as she placed the keys atop his waiting palm, the brush of her fingers fleeting but something he desperately wanted more of. "I just need your name for the register."
"Emmrich." It was an odd thing, almost as if he was having this conversation not for the first time. "Emmrich Volkarin."
"It's nice to meet you, Emmrich Volkarin." Her hand left his then and he immediately missed its warmth. "You can call me Rook. Come find me in the morning and I'll show you where I keep the good tea."
Sleep came in broken stretches, his dreams little more than flashes of things that were both memories and fantasies though he could not tell them apart.
Blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when he took too long choosing socks.
The cries of grieving parents as they sat with their loved ones coffins for the last time.
Freckled skin that turned the most endearing shade of red after a day in the sun.
Rows upon rows of flowers in vases, waiting for their turn to be chosen.
Fingers laced through his as they ducked out of the rain, clothes soaked but smiles wide.
His desk covered in invoices for families that he had no wish to chase.
The sound of the softly whispered "I love you", not knowing it would be the last time he got to hear it.
The sheets were tangled around his hips when he woke, light creeping around the edges of the curtains. For a moment he thought himself at home, tucked beneath his ridiculously expensive sheets. The week had been a long one and he had had his fill of loss and grief - it also meant the time had come for him to make the one drive he always looked for to, the one thing that he had left that brought him any comfort.
A few hours on the road, the desert sands his only company until he reached-
But then it wasn't his sheets, his bed, his home. He wasn't preparing to drive anywhere, not that he could remember where it was he would have driven to, nor who would be waiting for him because he could not imagine making such a journey without there being someone at the end.
The motel room was pleasant by all standards, decorated in muted tones of green and brown, and large enough that he thought it to be meant for two. The world outside was silent, not a voice nor footstep as he watched the ceiling fan turn - it was almost peaceful if not for the itch beneath his skin that told him to get up, that he could not just lay there and rot despite the exhaustion that clung to him.
It remained quiet as he rose, his only company that of the AC humming, and went about his morning ablutions. Emmrich didn't remember packing the clothes that sat waiting for him though they were ones he knew lived in the back of his wardrobe at home but his memories of the last twenty four hours were fogged, as if they were fighting themselves.
Little had changed outside his room, the parking lot still empty save the truck he had seen the night before and his car - there was not a bird in the sky, the sun still rising over the horizon.
It was beautiful.
"Morning."
He hadn't heard her approach.
"Still want some tea?"
Her hair was even brighter in the early morning light, the white blond near glowing. Rook looked just as she had yesterday, her smile warm and blue eyes bright even if they still carried some of the sadness he had hoped to have passed.
"Emmrich?" A hand settled against his arm. "Are you okay?"
He didn't know how to answer that in truth. Everything felt wrong. He was sure he'd never seen this place but there was something so familiar about it now that he saw it with fresh eyes. He couldn't remember ever travelling down this stretch of the highway nor stopping at this motel but it was if his body remembered even if his mind could not.
"I feel-" The hand on his arm rubbed slowly, a tiny act in and of itself but it was enough to settle the tide inside him. "-rather at odds with myself."
"Definitely time for tea then."
It was an easy thing to allow Rook to lead him, her hand curled around his arm, and not a single thing inside him wished to stop her. He could hear each breath she took as they followed the path past the unoccupied rooms, soft sounds that reassured him he wasn't completely beyond his senses - she hummed quietly when they reached the small building that acted as her office, something akin to surprise in her gaze when he instinctively reached for the door and held it open for her, his hand settling low against her spine.
It was as quiet inside as it was outside and yet still it felt familiar.
"I have a really lovely herbal tea I thought you might like. You seem like someone who can appreciate more than just a milk tea."
"It sounds perfect-"
The little yellow box robbed him of whatever else he had meant to say. It was the same little yellow box of tea that he knew was currently sat on his kitchen worktop. It was a brand he had favoured for years, fragrant and almost floral in flavour - he was want to have it in the mornings, steeped in his favourite mug that had been a gift from⌠he couldn't remember.
"It was recommended to me by my⌠a friendâŚ"
"They must be a very good friend indeed."
There. The sadness. There was no hiding it this time and Emmrich immediately regretted his words when she lifted a hand, wiping away the moisture that had gathered atop her lashes.
"I'm so sorry. It was not my intention to upset you-"
"It's ok." He knew it to be anything but. "It was a long time ago." Emmrich could only watch as Rook moved about the small room, filling a small tea pot with boiling water before she brought it and two really rather pretty mugs over to the small table by the only window.
They sat quietly for a short time, hands curled around their mugs as the tea steeped.
"You said yesterday you didn't know why you'd stopped here?"
"I was driving. I've always enjoyed the freedom of being on the road." Emmrich placed his mug down, hands settling in his lap. "My work is⌠taxing⌠and I've always found that driving eased some of that stress. But yesterdayâŚ"
"You just drove."
"It would appear so. I'm not even sure how long I was out there before I saw the motel." He could count on one hand the number of times he had felt so out of control⌠of everything⌠and it was an uncomfortable thing. "There's something about this place. I have no memory of ever being here before but its as if something called me."
"And your destination?"
"I couldn't say. There are moments where I feel as if I am missing something. Something so important, so vital, and then its gone." Emmrich let his gaze move to the window, to the still empty road and sun baked sands. "I don't know where I'm going." He blinked slowly. "Just that my journey isn't over yet."
"That sounds exciting."
"Does it?"
"Do you not think?" She was watching him again, her tea abandoned beside his. "To know that there is still something out there for you? That there is further to go. I would have liked to travel more I think."
"You have time yet, surely?" The need to take away her sadness had returned, lured from the pit it had taken root in deep in his belly by the resignation in her words. "You are young and there is a whole world out there to be seen."
"Not for me. Not anymore."
"Why?" He shouldn't pry, her business her own, but Emmrich found himself unable to accept such a sad fate for her. "Would you remain here for the rest of your life? Why not leave the motel and see what awaits you out there?"
For a moment Emmrich thought to have pushed too hard when Rook looked past him, her gaze settling on the window just as his had done.
"I tried to once, a long time ago." If he'd have been a younger man the words might have sounded wistful but he'd lived long enough to hear what lay beneath them. "I met someone. He was going to take me away and we were going to see the world but he-"
Emmrich knew then what had happened, grief and loss something he had made a career out of.
"I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't have anyone else to turn to. Whatever dreams I'd had of leaving this place died with him."
Midday brought with it a blistering heat, the kind that left a haze above the tarmac of the highway and his collar sticking unpleasantly to his neck. Emmrich stood, hand curled around the door handle to his car, replaying his conversation with Rook again and again.
He should leave. Get back behind the wheel of his car and move on from this place.
Ding.
"Come with me."
He saw the surprise flit across her face as he flung the door open.
"What-"
"Come with me, Rook." Emmrich could feel his heart thudding beneath his rib cage, his hands held open wide as he met her stunned gaze with what he hoped was one of absolute confidence. "You wanted to travel and I have no idea where my journey is leading me, only that it cannot end here."
"Emmrich-"
"Come with me."
"You don't even know who I am."
"There will be time enough for that later." He took a step closer. "Let me be the one to take you from this place."
Her hesitation did not deter him. This choice, to ask her to leave the motel that brought her such sadness and come with him, was the first thing that had felt right since he had pulled off the highway the night before.
"Do you want to spend the rest of your life sitting behind that desk, waiting for the next lonely soul to stop?"
"No."
"Then come with me. There is so much to see out there and though I cannot explain why, I have never been so sure of something as I am that I was meant to find this place, find you-" Emmrich saw something shift in her gaze then. "-and take you from here."
"I'm not sure anyone ever really leaves this place."
"I would like to try."
They had stayed only long enough to turn the still blinking sign off and to lock the doors.
Despite the heat and almost blinding glare Emmrich had had no complaints when Rook asked if they could leave the roof down. Her legs were curled beneath her, body angled towards him as the wind tugged at the strands of hair that seemed to reside permanently free from her braid.
"Will you tell me of him? Of how you met?" He looked to her briefly, something loosening inside him with how at ease she was.
"It's a long story."
"I would like to hear it." The freckles that dusted her cheeks were already darkening and he fought to reach for her then, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. "If you care to tell it."
Emmrich could feel her watching him though he kept his gaze forward. "I was engaged, his name was Leo, but it wasn't⌠good. We'd been together since college, our parents were friends and everyone seemed so sure he was the best thing to happen to me."
There was a pause, a sharp inhale, before she continued.
"I remember trying to tell my parents what Leo was really like, the things he did when we were alone, but it was like they couldn't hear me and I didn't see that he was isolating me until everyone else was already gone. I woke up one morning and realised I was trapped. Alone."
The highway passed smoothly, the desert spreading as far as the eye could see.
"Then my mother died. My father couldn't cope and Leo wanted nothing to do with it. That was when I met him. He was kind, in a way that I hadn't known in years. He listened to me when I talked, about my mother, my memories of her⌠and then everything else though he needn't have. We tried to see each other as often as we could after it became⌠a thing⌠but it was hard. It hurt him to hide things though he understood why."
"He sounds like a good man."
"He was. And I loved him for it. I hadn't meant to but one day I woke up and realised he was all I wanted. I tried to tell Leo I was done, that I was leaving, but he-"
"Did not take it well?"
"He put me in the hospital." Emmrich could not hide the way his breath caught, the very thought of harming the one person you are meant to love above all others in such a way forcing the air from his lungs. "It was weeks before I could come home and Leo was worse after that. Didn't take me long to realise that he was going to be the death of me. So we made plans. We were going to meet, Leo had gone away for work, and just leave - I had nothing left, no one else to turn to that would listen anymore, and it felt like the only way I could escape it."
Emmrich could hear the way her voice had grown thick and turned to meet her gaze.
"There was a motel where we'd meet, far enough away from the city that I had been sure Leo knew nothing about it. I'd booked our normal room and was waiting but he didn't show. It wasn't like him, he always rang, so I thought maybe there'd be an issue at work."
"It wasn't work?"
"No. I went to the reception desk to see if he'd left a message. The manager at the time had the radio on and they were talking about a car that had crashed somewhere on the highway."
"My dear-"
"I knew it was him. They didn't say his name but I just knew. I could feel it then." Another sharp breath. "He was gone and I was alone again. I knew I couldn't go back to the city, couldn't go back home, so IâŚ"
"Stayed."
"âŚyes."
It wasn't an uncomfortable silence that settled over the car then, just a heavy one. Emmrich thought to find something to say but words failed him as they continued to pass mile marker after mile marker. He wasn't sure when he reached for her hand, only finding it the easiest thing to lace his fingers through hers.
"Have you ever loved someone, Emmrich?"
"I always wanted to, that I know." Her question had cut through the quiet. "But I feel as if I have been at odds with things for so long that I can't truly remember. Though sometimes I have dreamsâŚ"
"Memories?" Her hand tightened around his, as if she was trying to ground the chaos that was his thoughts, as if she knew there was something in there waiting to be found.
"Perhaps. It's little more than flashes of things but I can't separate what's real from fantasy." A shimmer of light ahead drew his attention away. "Maker-"
A car, though it was little more than a wreck, smouldered further up the road - the damage was profound, a trail of parts and pieces scattered across the tarmac, forcing Emmrich to brake and pull off the road. It was terrible, a horrific thing that he would not wish upon anyone.
"Emmrich-" A hand settled against his jaw, drawing his gaze from the wreckage.
"That's- why does it look like-"
"Emmrich, look at me."
He did, hazel eyes wide.
"We've never made it this far before." A thumb swept over his cheek and he found himself leaning into her palm instinctively.
"What do you- that's- Rook, that's my-"
"They think it was relatively painless, that your injuries from the crash were so severe you would have died almost immediately. I took some comfort from that."
'I don't understand-"
"It was on the TV. I remember watching them clear the road."
"Rook-"
"I knew it was you but I think there was a small part of me that had hoped you would still pull into the parking lot. They showed the wreckage being towed and all I could think was that you would be devastated if you saw the damage."
Her thumb moved again and it was then he realised he was crying - she had caught a stray tear, blue eyes unwavering as she watched him. Emmrich thought to pry her hand away and leave the car, move towards the wreckage to help as if it was not obvious to them both that there was nothing left to save.
"I knew I couldn't go home. If Leo worked out what had happened, what I'd tried to doâŚ" It could hardly be considered smile then, the corners of her mouth barely lifted. "But there was nothing else, nowhere I could go that I wouldn't think of you, of what we could have been⌠so I knew what I had to do."
"That's my car, Rook-"
"I'd finally found happiness with you, Emmrich, as close to the kind of thing you read about in story books, and a world without you and that happiness in it was not one I was interested in living in."
"Rook-"
"All I wanted was to be with you again." Her other hand lifted, both now cradled against his jaw. "This⌠this wasn't quite what I expected."
"Are you sure you don't want me to come and get you, my dear?" The phone crackled, held between her ear and her shoulder as she packed the last of her clothes into the small case that had been hidden in the back of the hallway cupboard for the last week.
"He shouldn't be home from the conference until tomorrow and I'm nearly packed anyway - as soon as I'm done I'll leave."
"Your phone-"
"I swapped the SIM card. He doesn't have this number."
"Did you-"
"As far as the neighbours are concerned, or care, I'm going to my dads."
"The truck-"
"Should be here any minute. I spoke to the rental guy and he said they were fine to pick it up from the motel."
She could hear the concern in his voice and smiled despite the lingering fear that she'd hear keys in the door before she could leave. With the last of her things packed away she zipped the case shut and steered it out into the hallway.
"I have my final handoff at the office in an hour, then I shall set off. I hope to be there before dark."
"Okay."
"Are you ready?"
She'd been ready for weeks, they both knew that. It had taken time to arrange everything, for Emmrich to arrange his transfer with work and for her to carefully lay the groundwork to make sure that her father would be cared for, but now the opportunity had finally presented itself.
"Yes. If I don't leave now-"
"I know. It's nearly over. After tonight you'll be free of him and can move on."
"With you."
"With me, my darling girl. Now get moving, I'll see you soon."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
The bell above the door chimed softly, the small reception quiet save for the hum of the radio.
"What can I get you, sweetheart? Your room okay?"
"It always is." She moved towards the desk, glancing briefly over her shoulder at the parking lot. "I was wondering if you'd had any messages for me."
"He not arrived yet?"
"No and I can't get him on his phone. I thought he might have tried to call through here."
"I've not had anything, love, but if I do I'll let you-"
The radio crackled.
"It has been confirmed by police that the driver of the vehicle that crashed out on the highway between Nevarra City and The Plains was pronounced dead on scene. They have not named the driver as of yet but the car has been identified as an older model convertible with Nevarran plates. We don't know when the road will be cleared yet and they aren't answering any more of our questions but as soon as we have more information-"
"It's such a shame when things like this happen. We had someone check in a little while ago that managed to get through before they closed the road. Maybe your man is caught in the traffic, hopefully they'll get the road cleared before it gets too late- sweetheart, you okay? Did you want to try and call him on the landline- sweetheart-"
Ding.
She could hear the voices outside the door despite the blanket pulled over her head.
"I tried to knock but she didn't answer."
"Are you sure itâs him?"
"They've regulars, I'd have recognised the photo they shared of him in a heartbeat. Such a lovely man, always so polite."
"Is there anyone we can call for her?"
"I got the impression she doesn't have anyone else. She was such a timid thing when they first came to stay with us but started to come out of her shell after a few visits. We always talked a little when she checked in and as far as I could work out, all they had was each other."
"Do you want to knock again?"
"Let her sleep. With what she heard on the radio last night and the TV announcements this morning⌠I'll come back and check on her in a little while."
It wasn't the first time the motel manager had knocked and a small part of her knew she'd keep trying but there was not a single piece of her that wanted to climb from beneath the blanket. It was a bubble, a tiny little space in which she could exist and tell herself that everything was fine, that she could pretend she'd still hear the familiar purr of his car pull into the parking lot.
But it wasn't fine.
She'd never hear the that car again.
Nor his gentle knock on the door or laugh when she launched herself into his arms after opening it.
She'd known it the minute she'd heard the radio announcement. When the TV had confirmed it this morning.
He was gone.
What was meant to have been the beginning of everything, the start of something new and beautiful, had become a living nightmare. There would be no more shared cups of tea in the mornings. No more soft conversations about the places she wanted to visit and things she wanted to see. No more⌠them.
The manager, a lovely woman that she would regret leaving to be the one to find her, would come back again. And again.
Leo would have arrived home from his conference already and be on the war path and she no longer had anyway of escaping, stuck but a few hours away.
A single, unpredictable moment had taken everything from her. There was nothing left.
It was over.
Or it would be shortly.
"Sable-"
How had he forgotten?
The same blue eyes. The same freckled cheeks and unruly hair. The same soft hands that still cradled his face.
How could he have forgotten her?
"Hi, Emmrich." She was crying as well now though she made no move to let go of him, the tears falling freely over her cheeks.
"I⌠diedâŚ"
"You did."
"What- how is this-"
"I don't know."
They weren't in the car anymore, the road empty save for the still burning wreckage, the motel just barely visible in the distance.
"If I- how are you-" His question was met with a soft, tear stained smile. "No- no-"
"I'm sorry."
"You said you stayed- the motel- please, no-"
"There was nothing left for me. I just wanted you."
"We know you've all been following the updates about the crash last night so we are sorry to confirm that there is more unfortunate news. Our source at the local police department confirmed they received a call from the motel out on the highway between Nevarra City and The Plains, yes that same stretch of highway, this morning. They haven't released a name yet but the cause of death is believed to be suicide-"
"This-"
"Was not what I thought would happen." Something rumbled in the distance, a low sound that he felt deep in his bones. "And despite the fact that I have you, this is somehow worse."
"What do you mean?" He reached for her then, hands trembling as if he expected her to disappear before his very eyes.
"You forget. Everything. Each time it restarts." She was warm beneath his hands and it broke something inside him to think he had forgotten the feel of her. "So for a moment I have you back but you don't know me. And it hurts. So much."
"I-"
"Then you remember, eventually, though its never taken this long before. But because you remember, it's going to restart, like it has every time, and I'll lose you all over again."
"I don't want to- this wasn't meant to-"
"I know."
"Why?"
"I gave up trying to understand a long time ago." There was not even an inch between them now. He could see every individual freckle and where her pale lashes, wet with tears, clumped together. "But whatever it is won't let us go."
The rumbling was louder now, the air growing heavier, and Emmrich, though he did not have the words for it, knew hers to be true.
"I love you, Emmrich, so much." It was the softest of kisses, little more than a brush of her mouth against his.
"I don't want to leave you."
"It's okay."
"I don't want to forget you."
"I know."
"Sable-"
"Just say it, please - you didn't get the chance last time."
"I love yo-"
It took a moment for the dust to clear as he climbed out of the car, the parking lot empty save for a truck that stood alone at the far end.
Ding.
A door opened behind him, the chime of the bell loud in the otherwise quite space.
She stood in the doorway, her braid tucked over her shoulder, blue eyes tired but smile warm. There was something familiar about her and Emmrich made no effort to stop himself from moving towards her.
Written by: StrugglingGranola
Illustrated by: Hanna
Rating: Explicit
Content Warnings: Please see the work for complete warnings.
Fandom(s): Dragon Age: The Veilguard
Major Pairing(s)/Character(s): Emmrich/Rook
What ifâ
Rook was dead. Gone, succumb to the dastardly world beyond his reach. Gone.
And he went with herâhis mind, his heart, his soul.
But she came back.
Emmrich brought her back. Raised her spirit, carved her scars, rouged her lips.
Rook was gone, but She came back.
His darling, his creation.
More from StrugglingGranola: Tumblr: @strugglinggranola | AO3
More from Hanna: AO3 | BlueSky
So y'all. This is what I've kept from you. I truly hope you enjoy this twisted gothic Emmrook (sort of!) You'll find out soon enough!
Thank you @elefluff for EVERYTHING you've done for these two crazy......emphasis on CRAZY kids. They're wild. I couldn't have done this without you and I'm honored we got to work together.
Inspired by @strugglinggranola and Hotel California by The Eagles - a modern au EmmRook (yes⌠it is Sable⌠Iâm simple and love my girl) one-shot that is literally nothing but angst, angst and more angst.
There is next to no editing here and likely as many spelling mistake because sharing stuff from Ellipsus on my phone is just such a struggle.
Warnings: yes youâre all getting warnings for this one because i got carried away and this might be a bit dark for some people, angst, more angst, main character death, mentions of suicide, mentions of dv, lots of sad shit, people cry, people die, people cry again.
It was truly the most beautiful kind of evening, the sun hung low in the sky, the desert painted in shades of orange and red. The highway was empty, not a car in sight, something that offered an odd sense of comfort.
Emmrich wouldn't have been able to say how long he had been driving for, the roof of his car folded back as he watched each mile marker pass, if someone was to ask. Nevarra lay behind him, it's towering skyscrapers and bustling streets little more than a memory, and he could not find it within himself to miss it.
City had shifted into desert, the air heavy with the dust kicked up by his tyres, and it had become increasingly easy to allow himself to sink into his seat, hands curled loosely around the steering wheel.
Content as he was, thoughts clear for the first time in years of funerals and grieving families, he hadn't had a destination in mind, wanting only to be free of the burdens that had weighed him down for the last decade. It was that thought, that need for solace and peace, that had led him behind the wheel, gaze ever forward as he left everything he had ever known before.
But there had been something that drew him onto this stretch of road, lured him deeper into the desert. A sirens song. A whisper in his ear that he had not realised he was following until there was nothing but sand and the setting sun with him.
More miles of desert sped past, the land growing more barren though no less beautiful, and Emmrich thought to just keep driving.
Then the motel had appeared just as the sun finally began to set, its warmth sinking beneath the horizon without fanfare.
A cluster of mismatched buildings clustered a short distance from the highway, the outdated neon sign blinking sluggishly. It was a somewhat nostalgic sight, like something taken straight from one of the paperbacks his mother had so loved to read. It was only when the click of his indicator broke the comfortable silence that Emmrich realised he was pulling off the highway - the road had been empty for hours, the indicator utterly without purpose, but still he found himself looking to his mirrors as the steering wheel twisted beneath his hands and the tarmac was quickly replaced by a mix of sand and gravel that left him blinking.
Just as the highway had been, the parking lay empty save for a truck at the far end.
Ding.
That the reception even had a little brass bell hanging above the door reminded him once again of his mothers books. It's jingle was soft in the otherwise quiet space, a delicate ringing that announced his arrival with a soft finality.
"Hi."
Oh.
"Need a room?"
Shame curled down his spine as blue eyes met his from behind the desk that sat in the centre of the room. That she was by far the prettiest woman Emmrich thought to have lain his gaze upon should not have been his first thought. Then she smiled, cheeks dimpling.
"We have plenty of space. Not many come out this way so you'll have your pick of rooms."
But she really was so very pretty. Younger than him, though there was a weariness in her gaze that gave her an air of someone far older. Her hair, a white blonde that made his chest ache though he could understand why, lay in a messy braid over her shoulder - strands hung loose against her cheeks, as if determined to be free, and his fingers itched to reach for them. He almost imagined that he knew of their softness already.
"You ok?"
Emmrich blinked.
"Long drive?"
It had been many a year since he felt so out of sorts.
"In truth-" There was something about the way that she watched him as he finally made the short trip to the desk that made him wish he had worn a tidier shirt, that he had brushed back the tousled strands of his hair from where the breeze had dislodged them before entering. "- I'm not even sure why I stopped."
He thought his words might confuse her but instead he was met with the same warm smile.
"That's ok."
"Is it? I can't even say that I know where I'm heading yet."
She nodded, as if she'd had this very conversation a hundred times before. "Sometimes we don't need to understand why we do things. You'll end up where you need to."
"You sound very sure of that."
Her laugh was just as pretty as the freckles that covered her cheeks. "I like to think we all end where we need to be eventually. Sometimes it just takes a little longer to realise we're already there."
A clock ticked somewhere.
"You want to try and figure out where you're going tonight?" Emmrich found himself leaning closer when she nodded to door behind him. "Though its late and I never like to see people try to drive these roads in the dark."
"Perhaps you are right." A glance at his wrist watch told him it was much later than he had realised. "It would not be a bad thing to sleep."
Another soft smile.
"Let's get you a room then."
Emmrich watched as she turned to the rack of keys behind her, her fingers dancing along the rows of keys. It gave him a moment to take more of her in, his observation unseen as she deliberated on what room to give him.
With her back turned it was by no means an easy task to guess at her age, though he knew it an ungentlemanly thing to do. But there was something in the way that she carried herself that spoke of a life lived despite her youthful appearance - she could be no older than mid thirties, sure as he was that there had to be at least a decade between them.
His chest ached then, though he could not truly say why. Something about the warmth she had shown him, having known him for but a few minutes, turned his thoughts to the choices he had made over the years.
"Is it just you?"
"I'm sorry?" She had returned to the desk, a key in hand, though he had been oblivious to it.
"You travelling alone?" Emmrich almost missed the flicker of sadness then, quick as it was, but it vanished beneath the smile that he had very swiftly found himself longing for. He didn't want to guess as to why such a simple question had made her sad, the idea that he was responsible for it utterly intolerable despite the glaring fact he still didn't even know her name.
"Yes." The sadness came back then and she was not quick enough to hide it this time. "There might have been someone once⌠but it was so long ago-"
"I'm sorry." She needn't have apologised, in no way responsible for his years of solitude. "It's hard to be alone."
The words came with a weight that spoke of lived experience and Emmrich thought to curse whatever fool had left her behind. He couldn't say why he knew that to be the truth of it but it was as if his very bones knew she was not built to live a life alone and that such sadness could only have come from having been shown a chance at happiness for it then to be ripped away.
He thought for her to continue, to share more but instead she merely handed him the keys.
"What do I owe you for the room?"
The smile was back though it was a thin thing. "You can tally up when you leave. You're my only guest and I have a feeling you're not one to just cut and run."
"Are you sure? I would not wish to cause you any hardship-"
"It's fine, I promise." Emmrich looked down as she placed the keys atop his waiting palm, the brush of her fingers fleeting but something he desperately wanted more of. "I just need your name for the register."
"Emmrich." It was an odd thing, almost as if he was having this conversation not for the first time. "Emmrich Volkarin."
"It's nice to meet you, Emmrich Volkarin." Her hand left his then and he immediately missed its warmth. "You can call me Rook. Come find me in the morning and I'll show you where I keep the good tea."
Sleep came in broken stretches, his dreams little more than flashes of things that were both memories and fantasies though he could not tell them apart.
Blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when he took too long choosing socks.
The cries of grieving parents as they sat with their loved ones coffins for the last time.
Freckled skin that turned the most endearing shade of red after a day in the sun.
Rows upon rows of flowers in vases, waiting for their turn to be chosen.
Fingers laced through his as they ducked out of the rain, clothes soaked but smiles wide.
His desk covered in invoices for families that he had no wish to chase.
The sound of the softly whispered "I love you", not knowing it would be the last time he got to hear it.
The sheets were tangled around his hips when he woke, light creeping around the edges of the curtains. For a moment he thought himself at home, tucked beneath his ridiculously expensive sheets. The week had been a long one and he had had his fill of loss and grief - it also meant the time had come for him to make the one drive he always looked for to, the one thing that he had left that brought him any comfort.
A few hours on the road, the desert sands his only company until he reached-
But then it wasn't his sheets, his bed, his home. He wasn't preparing to drive anywhere, not that he could remember where it was he would have driven to, nor who would be waiting for him because he could not imagine making such a journey without there being someone at the end.
The motel room was pleasant by all standards, decorated in muted tones of green and brown, and large enough that he thought it to be meant for two. The world outside was silent, not a voice nor footstep as he watched the ceiling fan turn - it was almost peaceful if not for the itch beneath his skin that told him to get up, that he could not just lay there and rot despite the exhaustion that clung to him.
It remained quiet as he rose, his only company that of the AC humming, and went about his morning ablutions. Emmrich didn't remember packing the clothes that sat waiting for him though they were ones he knew lived in the back of his wardrobe at home but his memories of the last twenty four hours were fogged, as if they were fighting themselves.
Little had changed outside his room, the parking lot still empty save the truck he had seen the night before and his car - there was not a bird in the sky, the sun still rising over the horizon.
It was beautiful.
"Morning."
He hadn't heard her approach.
"Still want some tea?"
Her hair was even brighter in the early morning light, the white blond near glowing. Rook looked just as she had yesterday, her smile warm and blue eyes bright even if they still carried some of the sadness he had hoped to have passed.
"Emmrich?" A hand settled against his arm. "Are you okay?"
He didn't know how to answer that in truth. Everything felt wrong. He was sure he'd never seen this place but there was something so familiar about it now that he saw it with fresh eyes. He couldn't remember ever travelling down this stretch of the highway nor stopping at this motel but it was if his body remembered even if his mind could not.
"I feel-" The hand on his arm rubbed slowly, a tiny act in and of itself but it was enough to settle the tide inside him. "-rather at odds with myself."
"Definitely time for tea then."
It was an easy thing to allow Rook to lead him, her hand curled around his arm, and not a single thing inside him wished to stop her. He could hear each breath she took as they followed the path past the unoccupied rooms, soft sounds that reassured him he wasn't completely beyond his senses - she hummed quietly when they reached the small building that acted as her office, something akin to surprise in her gaze when he instinctively reached for the door and held it open for her, his hand settling low against her spine.
It was as quiet inside as it was outside and yet still it felt familiar.
"I have a really lovely herbal tea I thought you might like. You seem like someone who can appreciate more than just a milk tea."
"It sounds perfect-"
The little yellow box robbed him of whatever else he had meant to say. It was the same little yellow box of tea that he knew was currently sat on his kitchen worktop. It was a brand he had favoured for years, fragrant and almost floral in flavour - he was want to have it in the mornings, steeped in his favourite mug that had been a gift from⌠he couldn't remember.
"It was recommended to me by my⌠a friendâŚ"
"They must be a very good friend indeed."
There. The sadness. There was no hiding it this time and Emmrich immediately regretted his words when she lifted a hand, wiping away the moisture that had gathered atop her lashes.
"I'm so sorry. It was not my intention to upset you-"
"It's ok." He knew it to be anything but. "It was a long time ago." Emmrich could only watch as Rook moved about the small room, filling a small tea pot with boiling water before she brought it and two really rather pretty mugs over to the small table by the only window.
They sat quietly for a short time, hands curled around their mugs as the tea steeped.
"You said yesterday you didn't know why you'd stopped here?"
"I was driving. I've always enjoyed the freedom of being on the road." Emmrich placed his mug down, hands settling in his lap. "My work is⌠taxing⌠and I've always found that driving eased some of that stress. But yesterdayâŚ"
"You just drove."
"It would appear so. I'm not even sure how long I was out there before I saw the motel." He could count on one hand the number of times he had felt so out of control⌠of everything⌠and it was an uncomfortable thing. "There's something about this place. I have no memory of ever being here before but its as if something called me."
"And your destination?"
"I couldn't say. There are moments where I feel as if I am missing something. Something so important, so vital, and then its gone." Emmrich let his gaze move to the window, to the still empty road and sun baked sands. "I don't know where I'm going." He blinked slowly. "Just that my journey isn't over yet."
"That sounds exciting."
"Does it?"
"Do you not think?" She was watching him again, her tea abandoned beside his. "To know that there is still something out there for you? That there is further to go. I would have liked to travel more I think."
"You have time yet, surely?" The need to take away her sadness had returned, lured from the pit it had taken root in deep in his belly by the resignation in her words. "You are young and there is a whole world out there to be seen."
"Not for me. Not anymore."
"Why?" He shouldn't pry, her business her own, but Emmrich found himself unable to accept such a sad fate for her. "Would you remain here for the rest of your life? Why not leave the motel and see what awaits you out there?"
For a moment Emmrich thought to have pushed too hard when Rook looked past him, her gaze settling on the window just as his had done.
"I tried to once, a long time ago." If he'd have been a younger man the words might have sounded wistful but he'd lived long enough to hear what lay beneath them. "I met someone. He was going to take me away and we were going to see the world but he-"
Emmrich knew then what had happened, grief and loss something he had made a career out of.
"I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't have anyone else to turn to. Whatever dreams I'd had of leaving this place died with him."
Midday brought with it a blistering heat, the kind that left a haze above the tarmac of the highway and his collar sticking unpleasantly to his neck. Emmrich stood, hand curled around the door handle to his car, replaying his conversation with Rook again and again.
He should leave. Get back behind the wheel of his car and move on from this place.
Ding.
"Come with me."
He saw the surprise flit across her face as he flung the door open.
"What-"
"Come with me, Rook." Emmrich could feel his heart thudding beneath his rib cage, his hands held open wide as he met her stunned gaze with what he hoped was one of absolute confidence. "You wanted to travel and I have no idea where my journey is leading me, only that it cannot end here."
"Emmrich-"
"Come with me."
"You don't even know who I am."
"There will be time enough for that later." He took a step closer. "Let me be the one to take you from this place."
Her hesitation did not deter him. This choice, to ask her to leave the motel that brought her such sadness and come with him, was the first thing that had felt right since he had pulled off the highway the night before.
"Do you want to spend the rest of your life sitting behind that desk, waiting for the next lonely soul to stop?"
"No."
"Then come with me. There is so much to see out there and though I cannot explain why, I have never been so sure of something as I am that I was meant to find this place, find you-" Emmrich saw something shift in her gaze then. "-and take you from here."
"I'm not sure anyone ever really leaves this place."
"I would like to try."
They had stayed only long enough to turn the still blinking sign off and to lock the doors.
Despite the heat and almost blinding glare Emmrich had had no complaints when Rook asked if they could leave the roof down. Her legs were curled beneath her, body angled towards him as the wind tugged at the strands of hair that seemed to reside permanently free from her braid.
"Will you tell me of him? Of how you met?" He looked to her briefly, something loosening inside him with how at ease she was.
"It's a long story."
"I would like to hear it." The freckles that dusted her cheeks were already darkening and he fought to reach for her then, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. "If you care to tell it."
Emmrich could feel her watching him though he kept his gaze forward. "I was engaged, his name was Leo, but it wasn't⌠good. We'd been together since college, our parents were friends and everyone seemed so sure he was the best thing to happen to me."
There was a pause, a sharp inhale, before she continued.
"I remember trying to tell my parents what Leo was really like, the things he did when we were alone, but it was like they couldn't hear me and I didn't see that he was isolating me until everyone else was already gone. I woke up one morning and realised I was trapped. Alone."
The highway passed smoothly, the desert spreading as far as the eye could see.
"Then my mother died. My father couldn't cope and Leo wanted nothing to do with it. That was when I met him. He was kind, in a way that I hadn't known in years. He listened to me when I talked, about my mother, my memories of her⌠and then everything else though he needn't have. We tried to see each other as often as we could after it became⌠a thing⌠but it was hard. It hurt him to hide things though he understood why."
"He sounds like a good man."
"He was. And I loved him for it. I hadn't meant to but one day I woke up and realised he was all I wanted. I tried to tell Leo I was done, that I was leaving, but he-"
"Did not take it well?"
"He put me in the hospital." Emmrich could not hide the way his breath caught, the very thought of harming the one person you are meant to love above all others in such a way forcing the air from his lungs. "It was weeks before I could come home and Leo was worse after that. Didn't take me long to realise that he was going to be the death of me. So we made plans. We were going to meet, Leo had gone away for work, and just leave - I had nothing left, no one else to turn to that would listen anymore, and it felt like the only way I could escape it."
Emmrich could hear the way her voice had grown thick and turned to meet her gaze.
"There was a motel where we'd meet, far enough away from the city that I had been sure Leo knew nothing about it. I'd booked our normal room and was waiting but he didn't show. It wasn't like him, he always rang, so I thought maybe there'd be an issue at work."
"It wasn't work?"
"No. I went to the reception desk to see if he'd left a message. The manager at the time had the radio on and they were talking about a car that had crashed somewhere on the highway."
"My dear-"
"I knew it was him. They didn't say his name but I just knew. I could feel it then." Another sharp breath. "He was gone and I was alone again. I knew I couldn't go back to the city, couldn't go back home, so IâŚ"
"Stayed."
"âŚyes."
It wasn't an uncomfortable silence that settled over the car then, just a heavy one. Emmrich thought to find something to say but words failed him as they continued to pass mile marker after mile marker. He wasn't sure when he reached for her hand, only finding it the easiest thing to lace his fingers through hers.
"Have you ever loved someone, Emmrich?"
"I always wanted to, that I know." Her question had cut through the quiet. "But I feel as if I have been at odds with things for so long that I can't truly remember. Though sometimes I have dreamsâŚ"
"Memories?" Her hand tightened around his, as if she was trying to ground the chaos that was his thoughts, as if she knew there was something in there waiting to be found.
"Perhaps. It's little more than flashes of things but I can't separate what's real from fantasy." A shimmer of light ahead drew his attention away. "Maker-"
A car, though it was little more than a wreck, smouldered further up the road - the damage was profound, a trail of parts and pieces scattered across the tarmac, forcing Emmrich to brake and pull off the road. It was terrible, a horrific thing that he would not wish upon anyone.
"Emmrich-" A hand settled against his jaw, drawing his gaze from the wreckage.
"That's- why does it look like-"
"Emmrich, look at me."
He did, hazel eyes wide.
"We've never made it this far before." A thumb swept over his cheek and he found himself leaning into her palm instinctively.
"What do you- that's- Rook, that's my-"
"They think it was relatively painless, that your injuries from the crash were so severe you would have died almost immediately. I took some comfort from that."
'I don't understand-"
"It was on the TV. I remember watching them clear the road."
"Rook-"
"I knew it was you but I think there was a small part of me that had hoped you would still pull into the parking lot. They showed the wreckage being towed and all I could think was that you would be devastated if you saw the damage."
Her thumb moved again and it was then he realised he was crying - she had caught a stray tear, blue eyes unwavering as she watched him. Emmrich thought to pry her hand away and leave the car, move towards the wreckage to help as if it was not obvious to them both that there was nothing left to save.
"I knew I couldn't go home. If Leo worked out what had happened, what I'd tried to doâŚ" It could hardly be considered smile then, the corners of her mouth barely lifted. "But there was nothing else, nowhere I could go that I wouldn't think of you, of what we could have been⌠so I knew what I had to do."
"That's my car, Rook-"
"I'd finally found happiness with you, Emmrich, as close to the kind of thing you read about in story books, and a world without you and that happiness in it was not one I was interested in living in."
"Rook-"
"All I wanted was to be with you again." Her other hand lifted, both now cradled against his jaw. "This⌠this wasn't quite what I expected."
"Are you sure you don't want me to come and get you, my dear?" The phone crackled, held between her ear and her shoulder as she packed the last of her clothes into the small case that had been hidden in the back of the hallway cupboard for the last week.
"He shouldn't be home from the conference until tomorrow and I'm nearly packed anyway - as soon as I'm done I'll leave."
"Your phone-"
"I swapped the SIM card. He doesn't have this number."
"Did you-"
"As far as the neighbours are concerned, or care, I'm going to my dads."
"The truck-"
"Should be here any minute. I spoke to the rental guy and he said they were fine to pick it up from the motel."
She could hear the concern in his voice and smiled despite the lingering fear that she'd hear keys in the door before she could leave. With the last of her things packed away she zipped the case shut and steered it out into the hallway.
"I have my final handoff at the office in an hour, then I shall set off. I hope to be there before dark."
"Okay."
"Are you ready?"
She'd been ready for weeks, they both knew that. It had taken time to arrange everything, for Emmrich to arrange his transfer with work and for her to carefully lay the groundwork to make sure that her father would be cared for, but now the opportunity had finally presented itself.
"Yes. If I don't leave now-"
"I know. It's nearly over. After tonight you'll be free of him and can move on."
"With you."
"With me, my darling girl. Now get moving, I'll see you soon."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
The bell above the door chimed softly, the small reception quiet save for the hum of the radio.
"What can I get you, sweetheart? Your room okay?"
"It always is." She moved towards the desk, glancing briefly over her shoulder at the parking lot. "I was wondering if you'd had any messages for me."
"He not arrived yet?"
"No and I can't get him on his phone. I thought he might have tried to call through here."
"I've not had anything, love, but if I do I'll let you-"
The radio crackled.
"It has been confirmed by police that the driver of the vehicle that crashed out on the highway between Nevarra City and The Plains was pronounced dead on scene. They have not named the driver as of yet but the car has been identified as an older model convertible with Nevarran plates. We don't know when the road will be cleared yet and they aren't answering any more of our questions but as soon as we have more information-"
"It's such a shame when things like this happen. We had someone check in a little while ago that managed to get through before they closed the road. Maybe your man is caught in the traffic, hopefully they'll get the road cleared before it gets too late- sweetheart, you okay? Did you want to try and call him on the landline- sweetheart-"
Ding.
She could hear the voices outside the door despite the blanket pulled over her head.
"I tried to knock but she didn't answer."
"Are you sure itâs him?"
"They've regulars, I'd have recognised the photo they shared of him in a heartbeat. Such a lovely man, always so polite."
"Is there anyone we can call for her?"
"I got the impression she doesn't have anyone else. She was such a timid thing when they first came to stay with us but started to come out of her shell after a few visits. We always talked a little when she checked in and as far as I could work out, all they had was each other."
"Do you want to knock again?"
"Let her sleep. With what she heard on the radio last night and the TV announcements this morning⌠I'll come back and check on her in a little while."
It wasn't the first time the motel manager had knocked and a small part of her knew she'd keep trying but there was not a single piece of her that wanted to climb from beneath the blanket. It was a bubble, a tiny little space in which she could exist and tell herself that everything was fine, that she could pretend she'd still hear the familiar purr of his car pull into the parking lot.
But it wasn't fine.
She'd never hear the that car again.
Nor his gentle knock on the door or laugh when she launched herself into his arms after opening it.
She'd known it the minute she'd heard the radio announcement. When the TV had confirmed it this morning.
He was gone.
What was meant to have been the beginning of everything, the start of something new and beautiful, had become a living nightmare. There would be no more shared cups of tea in the mornings. No more soft conversations about the places she wanted to visit and things she wanted to see. No more⌠them.
The manager, a lovely woman that she would regret leaving to be the one to find her, would come back again. And again.
Leo would have arrived home from his conference already and be on the war path and she no longer had anyway of escaping, stuck but a few hours away.
A single, unpredictable moment had taken everything from her. There was nothing left.
It was over.
Or it would be shortly.
"Sable-"
How had he forgotten?
The same blue eyes. The same freckled cheeks and unruly hair. The same soft hands that still cradled his face.
How could he have forgotten her?
"Hi, Emmrich." She was crying as well now though she made no move to let go of him, the tears falling freely over her cheeks.
"I⌠diedâŚ"
"You did."
"What- how is this-"
"I don't know."
They weren't in the car anymore, the road empty save for the still burning wreckage, the motel just barely visible in the distance.
"If I- how are you-" His question was met with a soft, tear stained smile. "No- no-"
"I'm sorry."
"You said you stayed- the motel- please, no-"
"There was nothing left for me. I just wanted you."
"We know you've all been following the updates about the crash last night so we are sorry to confirm that there is more unfortunate news. Our source at the local police department confirmed they received a call from the motel out on the highway between Nevarra City and The Plains, yes that same stretch of highway, this morning. They haven't released a name yet but the cause of death is believed to be suicide-"
"This-"
"Was not what I thought would happen." Something rumbled in the distance, a low sound that he felt deep in his bones. "And despite the fact that I have you, this is somehow worse."
"What do you mean?" He reached for her then, hands trembling as if he expected her to disappear before his very eyes.
"You forget. Everything. Each time it restarts." She was warm beneath his hands and it broke something inside him to think he had forgotten the feel of her. "So for a moment I have you back but you don't know me. And it hurts. So much."
"I-"
"Then you remember, eventually, though its never taken this long before. But because you remember, it's going to restart, like it has every time, and I'll lose you all over again."
"I don't want to- this wasn't meant to-"
"I know."
"Why?"
"I gave up trying to understand a long time ago." There was not even an inch between them now. He could see every individual freckle and where her pale lashes, wet with tears, clumped together. "But whatever it is won't let us go."
The rumbling was louder now, the air growing heavier, and Emmrich, though he did not have the words for it, knew hers to be true.
"I love you, Emmrich, so much." It was the softest of kisses, little more than a brush of her mouth against his.
"I don't want to leave you."
"It's okay."
"I don't want to forget you."
"I know."
"Sable-"
"Just say it, please - you didn't get the chance last time."
"I love yo-"
It took a moment for the dust to clear as he climbed out of the car, the parking lot empty save for a truck that stood alone at the far end.
Ding.
A door opened behind him, the chime of the bell loud in the otherwise quite space.
She stood in the doorway, her braid tucked over her shoulder, blue eyes tired but smile warm. There was something familiar about her and Emmrich made no effort to stop himself from moving towards her.
|| Emmrich Volkarin/F!Rook (Elf) ||
Rating: E
One Shot
Words: 5.2k
Tags: jealousy, hand kink, oral (f receiving), rook is kinda dumb
Emmrich seemed to understand everythingâwell, everything except for the fact that Rook had an embarrassingly large crush on him and wanted to talk to him alone. Well, she didnât particularly want to talk with himâŚthough perhaps she could let him talk, instruct evenâŚBut no, he was always so busy helping Bellara with something.
Rook paused. MaybeâŚmaybe he and BellaraâŚ
No.
Rook is jealous of all the time Bellara spends with Emmrich Volkarin and decides to stick her foot in it.
Read on Ao3
It was ridiculous. Sitting out here and waiting for Emmrich, hoping he'd be interested in studying the collection of skeletal remains that she'd discovered in Arlathan with Bellara and Harding last week. They've been discovered down in one of the strange Elvhen crypts they had cleared of some Venatori. A successful endeavourâŚwell mostly, one of the bastards had stabbed Rook in the knee with some sort of poisoned dagger. Bellara had healed it on site but it still twinged and burned.
Fucking Venatori.
Rook rolled her shoulders and stretched, staring at the pot of tea that was now empty. Manfred had been by at least three times to refill it and now Rook was bored and irritated. She should have requested to see the professor but he hadn't come by at least once? It had been over an hour since she'd setup camp here, not so patiently waiting. She glanced at the strange clockâright, it'd been nearly two hours.
Where was he?
She stood, leaving behind the pile of old bones and the many texts she had carefully curated behind to wander outside.
The slow and gentle hum of the Lighthouse was soothing, in its strange way. It was filled with a different sort of quiet, it was the quiet of libraries she thought. Not just regular quiet, but a respectful easy sort of silence that permeated the entire space.
It made you think. Feel. Breathe.
But Rook could barely breathe, and thinking was near impossible. Feeling, though, that was driving her mad. And it was all because of a fellow Mourn Watcher. Rook sighed and stared into the great expanse of the Fade, watching the twinkle and glow of the bubble that surrounded them. Maybe she should just go talk to him. And it wasnât that she hadnât done that before. But there was always someone else barging in and asking her something or he was with Bellara.
It felt like he was always with Bellara. Rook had awkwardly tried to join a conversation but the Veil Jumper had been talking a mile a minute about artefacts and Rook hadnât understood a word, you would think Rook had no mage background at all. The professor had understood every single word. Of course he had! He seemed to understand everythingâwell, everything except for the fact that Rook had an embarrassingly large crush on him and wanted to talk to him alone. Well, she didnât particularly want to talk with himâŚthough perhaps she could let him talk, instruct evenâŚBut no, he was always so busy helping Bellara with something.
Rook paused. MaybeâŚmaybe he and BellaraâŚ
No.
The feeling twisted in her gut and she glanced at the building that Bellara had chosen to take up residency in. The door was wide open and when Rook saw the flash of purple that could only be Emmrich's elaborate coat, she balled her fists and stalked towards the door, ignoring the twinge in her knee as she did so.
She didn't know why it irritated her so much. He was a grown man. He could talk to whoever he wished. But Rook didn't want him to, she wanted him all to herself and that seemed to be impossible.
The sound of Emmrich's voice spilled from the door as she walked down the stone steps and Rook sucked in a breath, trying to not get worked up.
"Have you ever considered joining a formal order of mages, Bellara?" Emmrich was asking as Rook approached.
Bellara was on the ground tinkering with a large complicated looking object, it was making a gentle humming sound. The professor was leaning against one of Bellara's work benches and Rook could see the gentle magic that was wrapped around his hand as he inspected a small object, it looked like a strange telescope. The professor passed it down to Bellara who then slotted it into the strange contraption, letting out a delighted whoop as it slid into place.
"Thank you!" she said and turned to face Emmrich. "Huh, I don't know. Can I even do that?"
"The Mourn Watch would be open to it," said Emmrich, glancing at Rook with an indulgent smile as she entered. "I know you would be just as valuable as dear Rook."
He's giving me the same look he gives Manfred, Rook thought bitterly as she greeted them both, sliding into the back of the room onto the little bench that Bellara tended to nap on. I feel like a dog that's done an impressive trick, she thought. Woof woof. His attention moved back to Bellara and Rook sat in the corner, internally sulking and wondering what was wrong with her.
"Thanks, Professor. Really." Bellara beamed at him and Rook wanted to go step off the edge of the Lighthouse. "But the Veil Jumpers need me." She looked at the strange artefact and smiled. "Arlathan's weird and dangerous. Very, very dangerous. But it's home."
"I thought as much," he replied kindly. "The offer stands if you reconsider. I'm sure Rook would agree."
"Mhmm," said Rook, plastering on a smile when they both looked at her. "For sure."
A gentle sound filled the room and Emmrich glanced toward a small intricate looking clock. It was tolling the hour.
"Ah!" he said, straightening. "I must go speak with Harding but I will return post haste!"
They watched him leave, Bellara turning from the artefact to wave enthusiastically after him.
"It is such an honour to be able to work with Professor VolkarinâEmmrich," said Bellara as she continued to tinker. "I had been writing to him for months before all of this happened."
"Mmm," said Rook, prodding what looked like a small wind chime that hung from the ceiling as she stood. âBellaraâŚyou spend a lot of time with the professorâŚâ Rook let the words hang in the air, uncertain on how to even address it.
âOh, yes!â said the elf, not noticing the undercurrent to Rook's words. âHeâs just so knowledgeable and has helped me so much with the artefacts Iâve found." She paused and looked at the weird contraption in front of her. "This is an old Elvhen telescope, they used them to communicate across different regions. The crystals were misaligned and he's been a great help with resetting them! Iâm hoping we can collaborate on a paperâwhen all of this is over, of course!â
Rook nodded slowly. âSo youâre just collaboratingâŚuhh, professionally?â
Bellara looked confused as she stood up, wiping her hands on the apron she wore before removing it. âHow else would we collaborate?â
âWell, you knowâŚintimately?â suggested Rook, feeling her cheeks begin to flush. Maker, this was embarrassing.
âIntimately? Well, a lot of research and, if we worked on a paper, would be pretty intimate. It goes with theââ
"Yes," interrupted Rook. "I mean, it's not more than research?"
She let the question hang in the air but Bellara just stared at her like Rook had asked something silly. And perhaps it was.
But they were always together whispered the little voice in her head. Always.
"Of course it's more than just research!" said Bellara, waving her hands in the air and causing Rook's heart to constrict. "Do you know what we could learn about our history? It could change everythingâit does change everything. Elves coming from spirits! It's so much more than just us."
A flustered exhale left Rook. She was certain Neve wouldn't be confused by Rook's meaning and the not subtle tinge to her words. Bellara was too wrapped up in her discoveries and Rook knew she was just going to have to spit it out instead of dancing around it.
âAre you sleeping with him, Bellara!â Rook whispered furiously, unable to stand it any longer.
Bellara blinked at her owlishly. âWith Professor Volkarin?â A look of mortification came over her face. âOf course not! I respect his work and admire him greatly but IâŚno!â
Rook sagged with relief. Though it was only momentarily when she realised that just because Bellara wasnât interested, it didnât mean that Emmrich wasnât. Maybe he was interested in the Veil Jumper, she had just heard him asking her to join the Mourn Watch for Maker's sake! If he wasn't here, he was always inviting Bellara to his chamber to see a new finding from the Necropolis. Why didn't he ask Rook? She was already a Mourn Watcher. And she was an elf! And a mage!
The tension in her body returned full swing and Rook tried not to snap. She was just tired, she hadn't rested properly since that raid on the Venatori last week and her leg ached. The rational part of her brain told her she was being stupid and childish but she couldn't stop her tongue from wagging.
âYou donât think heâs interested inâŚmore intimate collaborations with you?â asked Rook, trying to sound casual.
Bellara shook her head. âNo! Weâre just friends. Colleagues! Heâs like a mentor to me.â Bellara thought for a moment and laughed. âI canât believe you thought I liked him that way! I mean heâs so old! Heâs lovely. And so smartâŚ! I guess I do like smart people but heâs so old and heâs like my teacher!â
âHeâs not that old,â muttered Rook.
âI guess,â conceded Bellara, âbut heâs still so much older than me! And heâs a professor. I mean, you get me!â She gave Rook a large smile. âHe was your professor wasnât he? In the Mourn Watch?â
âI donâtââ Rook faltered and shifted on her feet, eyes focused somewhere over Bellara's shoulder. âIt doesnât bother me.â
Bellara stared at Rook and there was a heavy silence that fell in the room. Rook could hear the gentle chime of an artifact as Bellara stared. It felt like it stretched on forever.
âYou like him.â The Veil Jumper stated the words as if sheâd just cracked the last lock on an ancient relic. âYou like Professor Volkarin!â
Rookâs face flamed red, she opened her mouth to protest but no sound came out. It sounded so lame.
"I don't like him," said Rook. That sounded so juvenile. "I admire him greatly and I think he's very experiencedâ"
"Yeah and you want to see if that experience extends to kissing!" said Bellara with a squeal. "Oh, this is so exciting! It's like this book I read the other day about this Orlaisian Lord andâŚ.er well that doesn't matter but it was so romantic!" Bellara grabbed her by the shoulders, the Elvhen relic completely forgotten. "You should tell him."
Every single nerve in Rook's body fired into alert as Bellara started to move towards the door.
NOPE.
"No!" she said quickly, reaching for Bellara's arm and holding it tightly. She winced at the quick movement, fuck her knee hurt. "You cannot say anything to Emmrich. It's nothing. Just forget I said anything!"
The other elf just stared at her a moment, watching as Rook let go of her hand to rub at her knee.
"Alright," said Bellara slowly. "I won't say anything about your wish for intimate collaboration with the professor." She eyed Rook, her head tilted to the side. "You should go to the infirmary if that's still bothering you, Rook."
"Yeah, yeah, I will," said Rook, shaking her leg. Rook eyed Bellara suspiciously. "You promise you won't say anything about meâŚliking him?"
She smiled. "I promise!"
Quickly, Rook left, trying not to let out the loud groan that wanted to burst forth from chest. Maker, that was so fucking stupid. She hurried back to the infirmary to grab another potion and downed it in one, gagging at the taste. Why couldn't they make these things taste nice? It was meant to taste like berries, it tasted like embalming liquid. Smelled like it too.
Nose wrinkling, she glanced at the sleeping form of Varric before heading back to her room. Maybe she could take a little break and then see if Neve wanted to spare for a bit, she needed to get rid of some of this energy once the potion kicked in.
Her stomach grumbled. She should have gone to the kitchens. With a groan, Rook spun on her good leg and dragged herself back outside and over to the kitchen, pilfering a pot of tea from Davrin and a delicious baguette from Lucanis before taking her little meal back to her rooms, only briefly glancing at Harding's greenhouse as she passed.
Maybe she should have stayed in the kitchen with everyone else but she just needed to rest a moment. It was tiring, being at the centre of attentionâhaving to lead. It was not a position Rook felt suited her at all, and she was acutely aware that she making it all up as she went. Besides, she felt so unsettled at the moment. This whole ridiculousness with Emmrich was making her feel so on edge she was ready to snap at someone.
Finally back in her rooms with her food, she fell onto the lounge and started devouring it. She really hoped Bellara didn't say anything to Emmrich, it would be too mortifying. After all, it was just a crush. It wasn't like she was in love with him and wanted to spend every waking moment with him and pretended her pillow was him at night while he whispered sweet nothings and wicked sins in her ear.
Not at all.
It would pass. It would go away. He was unattainable, it was easy to latch onto him.
"Ugh," she said and chomped into the baguette, spraying crumbs everywhere.
A gentle knock at the door had her nearly screaming. Could she not have five minutes alone to eat her lunch? If it was Taash to ask something incredibly indelicate about the Mourn Watch Rook was going to scream.
She swallowed and said, "Yes?"
"Rook?" The door opened and she saw Emmrich's head pop in through the gap, giving her a soft smile that made her stomach do a little flip. "Did you have a moment?"
Rook hastily stood, trying to brush the crumbs of her belated lunch from her clothes.
"Yes! I mean, yes, of course," she said, trying with sheer will to make the blush she could feel blooming wither and die. "Please, come in."
The door opened fully to let Emmrich enter. He was only wearing his buttoned up white shirt and waistcoat, his long coat having been disgarded since she last saw him. The many bracelets on his arms gently jingling as he gently shut the door behind him.
Rook was certain her manners were always their best whenever he was in the room with her. He made her stand taller, speak with more care, tempered her. Maybe if she did everything right he might give her a treat. Maker, she could just get on all fours now and beg like a dog. Oh, he was staring at her.
Fuck.
"What can I help with?" Rook asked as the man came over to her. His legs were so long, he seemed to cover the distance so quickly. Rook wasn't short by any means but he was just so tall, she wondered if he would have to bend to kiss her. She shooed the thought away. "Is something wrong? Did Myrna or Vorgoth have need of us?"
"Ah, no," he said, still with that gentle smile. "I've actually come to help you."
"Help me?" said Rook, perplexed. She noticed he was holding his hands in front of him and was idly fiddling with one of his rings. His hands were so beautiful, long elegant fingers and she had seen him use some sort of lavender hand cream after corpse whispering and she just knew they would be so soft as well.
"Please, do sit back down," he said, gesturing at the lounge. Now Rook really felt like a dog and repressed the urge to yip as she tried to sit down as demurely as possible, which meant she just looked like a new born foal trying to find its balance as she slid her forgotten lunch away. "Bellara mentioned an injury of yours and while the Fade and corpse whispering are my speciality, I have dabbled in healing and do think I have quite the hand." He paused a moment to give a little laugh. "A magical touch as it were."
The small but very loud part of Rook's brainâthat she was certain was operated by two monkeys âwas now screeching over and over in her mind, "Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Touch meâ"
"Bellara said what?" is actually what came out of Rook's mouth in a panicked rush.
He gestured silently for permission to sit and Rook nodded. His knee was touching hers and it felt like every available brain cell was focused on that point of contact.
I'm going insane, Rook thought.
"She mentioned an injury from last week, in Arlathan against the wretched Venatori," said Emmrich carefully. "I did notice the slight limp but Bellara suggested you might need a more experienced hand when it comes to healing."
"Um, sure," said Rook. "If you don't mind." Rook extended her leg out. "It's my knee."
Emmrich gave her a look, it was a patient but humouring smile. "You will need to remove your trousers, Rook. I can work magic but not without sight."
Rook dithered. It was one thing to be bleeding and half naked in the infirmary while being prodded by Bellara but to be half naked in her own room, alone with this man? That was something else. Why had Bellara done this? This was so embarrassing.
Emmrich had healed some of the scratches and burns she'd received before though, it was no different, she told herself. Standing, Rook tried to nonchalantly unbuckle her trousers before sliding them down, realising too late she still had her boots on. Clearing her throat with a sheepish smile, she sat down heavily and clumsily removed her boots, trying to will her stupid fingers to cooperate.
"Here, let me assist."
She watched his hands reach out and deftly undo the buckles on her boots before sliding them off. He did it with such ease and Rook supposed his clothes had more buckles and buttons than anyone she'd seen before, so of course his fingers would have no trouble at all.
Or maybe he's just good at undressing someone, the jealous little voice in her head whispered. Rook ignored it and with Emmrich's help, slid her boots and trousers off. She cast a quick glance at her knickers, they were black, and not unflattering, so that was a relief. Shifting her weight on the lounge, she let her hands falls in her lap as Emmrich knelt by her feet, the soft sound of his bangles clinking together as he moved.
His knees clicked and he let out an awkward titter, "Forgive me, not as young as I once was."
"I can move if you wantâ"
"No, no," he said. "It's quite alright, it's much easier this way."
There was a slight frown on his face as he stared at the angry looking wound just above her knee as he settled.
"Have you taken anything for it?" he asked, his voice slipping into the natural cadence of a healer.
One of his hands reached out to touch, it felt cool against her hot skin. The touch was methodical but Rook couldn't help the way her breath became shallow at the sight of his fingers delicately sliding over her skin.
"Um, yes, I just took something earlier." Rook flinched when his fingers touched the scar. It was raised and still fresh, it wasn't very big but it stung to touch. "A restorative elixir."
The professor nodded. "Hmm, that will help with the skin repairing itself but it feels like something is lingering." His hand moved over her skin and she could see the way her veins stood out, looking angry and infected. "Yes, some sort of curse or poison." His eyes flicked up to her, the expression of gentle concern on his face making Rook shift in her seat. "How do you feel?"
"Tired," said Rook as his attention returned to her leg. "It aches but it's getting better. Bellara thought the dagger was poisoned so she treated me for that. You think it's a curse? I don't feel cursed."
His hands moved over the area, just above the skin. He wasn't touching her, but the ghost of it made her skin prickle. A gentle glow from his magic washed over her before he leant back on his heels and tapped his chin. "It feels like something meant to exacerbate unhealthy emotions, probably to make you more unstable in a fight. I can do my best to remove it, if you will allow me?"
Was that why she was feeling so jealous? She was a mage, she should have known something wasn't right. But it was at least a slight relief to know her thoughts were being addled by something else. But still, Emmrich said it exacerbated, not created. She was still jealous of all the time he spent with Bellara, this stupid injury was just making it worse.
He was looking at her again with that same tender look he gave Manfred on occasion. It made her breath hitch in her throat. She really would have done anything he asked if he continued to look at her like. Perhaps she could try and wheedle her way in to being his assistant after all of this, of course he had Manfred, but Rook was a mage. Rook could fetch his tea too, maybe he'd give her a little pat on the head for doing a good job.
She quickly averted her gaze, sensing the horrible blush was about to start, she just knew it. She spoke to her own leg, "Please, go ahead."
When she felt his attention move to her cut and not her, she looked at him again. Emmrich whispered something under his breath, a soft lullaby, and Rook felt the healing magic of his song wash over her. It felt soothing, like a refreshing drink on a hot day or swimming in the sparkling waters of a Rivain beach. As he worked, his hands moving over her, she saw the way the irritated skin around the scar became less inflamed, the skin rippling over and smoothing out under the gentle whisper of his finger tips. Her veins lost their stressed flush appearance until her skin was starting to look more like its usual colour. And something felt a little lighter in her chest, something that had been curling around her heart that she hadn't even noticed, was slipping away.
"That should help with the malediction," said Emmrich, voice low as he continued to focus on the wound, hands moving slowly against her skin. "Does that feel better?"
"Ah, yes, thank you," said Rook quietly, not wanting to break the soft embrace of whatever spell he was weaving against her skin.
His thumb brushed the inside of her thigh and Rook sucked in a short breath through her nose. He must have thought it was one of pain because he looked up at her sharply, his hazel eyes searching her face.
"Did that hurt?" he asked.
Rook shook her head. "No, it's fine!"
The blush straining to make a comeback and she had the insistent throb between her legs trying to make itself known. Maker, would he able to smell her? He was just human but that noseâŚRook squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath.
"Are you feeling alright, Rook?"
"Mmm," she said. Why was he still touching her, her eyes were staring up at the ceiling and trying to ignore his hands on her legs but also trying to remember every single touch, cataloguing it to reminisce about later.
"Rook, you need to use your words."
"Yes, fine." It came out on a sucked in breath.
"Good girl."
Rook shivered. Why couldn't the Veil just open up underneath her and suck away into nothingness.
"Rook."
"Yes?"
"Look at me."
She did. And then she couldn't look away. He was staring up at her with an expression that Rook had thought was only found in the silly novels Bellara and Harding liked. There was a slight tinge of pink to his high cheeks but it was his eyes that held her. She could barely see any of the soft hazel because his pupils were blown so wide they were nearly eclipsing the iris.
"I've been meaning to ask," he said slowly, "if you wanted to collaborate on an intimate project."
Rook blinked at him. He wanted to what. "IntimateâŚproject?" was all she could say in response.
His hand moved a little higher and Rook's entire body tensed even tighter. A knowing smile was tugging at his lips, his neat moustache twitching with it.
"Yes," he said, his thumb was tracing a small pattern on the inside of her thigh still. It was tingling. Whatever he had done to make her feel relaxed had completely dissipated. "I wasn't certain if you would be amenable to something like that with me." The smile on his face stretched and there was a very knowing look in his dark eyes. "Recent observations and further research have proven otherwise."
He moved closer, his body slotting between her legs. He was on his knees but still eye level with her. She could smell the lavender hand cream, the earthy hint of herbs from his work in the mortuary and something else that was warm and rich that made her want to breathe him in forever. His hand hadn't moved, it was still on the inside of her thigh and his thumb was idly stroking at the soft skin. The other hand came to touch her cheek then, which she was certain was flushed pink and was confirmed when he spoke.
"You see," he went on, fingers moving over her cheek before sliding into her hair. A finger brushed against the pointed tip of her ear and she shuddered as the pleasurable feeling shot down her spine. "I'm quite curious how far your blush reaches and if it extends to further points of your anatomy."
"UhâŚ" She was reaching monosyllabic territory now and her heart was racing.
When he leant forward to close the gap, Rook sighed against his mouth. He tasted like tea as he coaxed her lips open without much effort, she was far too eager to try acting coy. She felt like some mysterious artefact he had successfully uncovered the secrets of, his mouth and hands expertly unravelling her at the seams as she spilled into him. She jolted, back arching when the hand on her inner thigh crept higher, brushing against the edge of her knickers and making her cunt ache in response. Eyes flying open she looked at him, breaking from his kiss to suck in a sharp breath.
Her own hands had been busy, she'd mussed his neat hair and the collar of his shirt was askew, the skeleton collar pin at an angle. Rook had never felt so thoroughly looked at before, as if he were seeing every inch of her soul as he watched her.
Deft fingers traced a pattern down her neck until they flirted with the buttons of her shirt. With deft ease, he unbuttoned one and then looked at her. Rook knew her expression was slack jawed and she probably looked a mess with her hair tangled and her gaze half-lidded . But she didn't care. Not as he undid another button until he was popping the last one before carefully peeling the fabric back to reveal her bra and the flushed skin of her torso.
"It seems my hypothesis was correct," he said, the words were as if he were conducting the most casual of experiments yet the tone and the look on his face was anything but. Fingers trailed down between her breasts and her naval, until his hand came to rest on her hip. "That delightful blush of yours is quite extensive."
When those sinfully elegant fingers danced around the edge of her knickers, Rook couldn't help but buck her hips forward, his name tumbling from her lips. The ache was intense now, if he didn't touch her she was going to combust or faint.
"In the interest of collaboration, Rook, you do need to give feedback," he said, the knowing smile evident in his words. "Please remember to use your words or else I can't know how well your are responding to stimulus by sight alone."
"Emmrich," she managed to say. "Please touch me."
He gave her an amused smirk. "I am."
Squirming, she grabbed his hand and moved it between her legs. Perhaps later she would be embarrassed about the bold move but right now she didn't really care, he had worked her up too much and she could barely form a coherent sentence.
"Touch me here," she breathed as his hand settled over her clothed cunt. It throbbed at the contact and Rook moaned as his hand moved to cup her. "Please, Emmrich."
The feel of his fingers sliding against the wet fabric of her knickers was both a joyous relief and more flame to the fire. It was then that Rook realised he must have been restraining himself because the movement became insistent, his fingers suddenly hooking under her knickers and urging her to lift her hips so he could pull them down. She was sprawled back on the lounge with him between her legs like a devout supplicant. She had a brief glimpse of him looking up at her with a hungry look before his face was between her legs, tongue licking at her cunt and his nose pressed against her clit. Her eyes rolled back as she melted into the plush seat as he spread her open.
Her hands reached into his hair as he nipped and sucked, fingers joinming the onslaught to fill the deep ache within. It was all too much and not enough at once, sweat was beading on her forehead as she gasped for more. When those long fingers of his curled within her, Rook felt the tension begin to twang across her entire body. The pleasure felt like a building pressure behind her eyes and her hands fisted in his hair.
His mouth pressed against her clit, his voice humming against her with a satisfied groan as if she were the more delicious meal in Thedas. The sound of it made her snap and she came hard, nonsense and his name spilling into the air.
When she blinked, the madness of pleasure fading away, she saw him there still watching her carefully. His hand were now tracing idly circles on the top of her thighs, his mouth wet and glistening as he looked at her carefully. Whatever Bellara had said, she was mentally buying the other elf flowers for it.
Emmrich gave her that same indulgent smile. "Very good, Rook." His fingers pressed into her skin. "I must admit this isn't quite what I had planned but would you be interested in further collaboration?"
Rook just nodded. She'd thank Bellara later.
When I first played this game, it annoyed me so much that Bellara was always with Emmrich when I just wanted to talk to him haha Title is from the song of the same name by ABBA :) This is pretty rough but it was just for fun.
thank you chems! :)
7. Any worldbuilding youâre particularly proud of?
hmm I don't think any of my fics have required me to do any particular world building since they've all been canon/fanon or an au where I've used another's world
10. How do you decide what to write?
I don't decide, the little feral demon in my head decides đ but I guess it usually just starts with envisioning a scene and a little idea that I just need to write because it can't just live in my head or the demon eats my brain. something like that!
23. Whatâs a trope, AU, or concept youâve never written, but would like to?
I would like to write vampire Emmrich as that would be really fun. also I think it would be a really good challenge to write a epistolary styled fic for something one day.
