What Does Polyamory Look Like?
This has always been an interesting question, because the answer can be so different depending on who you ask.
The easiest answer is: “Well, it’s up to the individuals in the relationship! Depending on X/Y/Z, it can look like anything - all that really matters is that it’s consensual, ethical, and everyone is happy with the relationship boundaries.”
While that answer is true, it doesn’t do a lot to explain the basic shapes and configuration for people who are new, or curious about polyamory.
The ‘Loving Triad’ and Non-Triadic Vee
Arguably, two of the most typical/most represented shapes of polyamorous relationships. Although they may seem really similar in the sense they have three people, the dynamics of the relationship are quite different.
First, the ‘Loving Triad’ is a three-way relationship in which the members have (generally) a strong emotional, sexual, an/or romantic relationship with each other. Triads tend to live together as a egalitarian family, sharing roles and responsibilities.
In the non-triadic Vee, one person (Payton, in the above example) has two different partners, but those partners (generally) have no intimate relationship with one another - although friendship isn’t out of the ordinary! This style is called a poly-Y if four people are involved with only one hinge.
The triad, and non-triadic Vee/Y are very common for first time polyamorous people, because with certain boundaries and rules it can look like (and act like) something similar to monogamy with three people.
The Polyamorous Pairs - Primaries, Secondaries, Ect.
Sometimes called ‘The Plural Poly Pairs’, or ‘Poly Porcupines’. These relationships tend to resemble the stereotypical 60′s and 70′s ‘open marriage’/’free love’ style.
This type generally starts with a committed, often married (but, not always) couple who have relationships outside their primary pairing with full honesty and support of each other.
The degree of freedom (sexual, emotional, romantic, fluid-bounding with secondaries) and what specific information about the secondary relationship is shared with the primary relationship varies with each relationship.
The ‘GORK’/ Polyamorous Circle
The polyamorous circle can be thought as a small, intentional, consensual community.
Generally, each person brings something to the relationship to help benefit all and tasks/work/responsibilities of the family is distributed equally. Most polyamorous-circle relationships are poly-fidelius, but if new member were to join it would have to be a group decision.
Usually - sexual, romantic, and/or a emotional relationship is shared between all members.
The Polyamorous Network/Polycule
A polycule is an expansive network os sexual, emotional and/or romantic relationships the result from the branching out of open polyamorous relationships.
These types of relationships generally contain multiple non-triadic Vee’s, Y’s, and poly pairs. It is one of the most flexible and amorphous of polyamorous lovestyles, and it is (generally) always changing and expanding.
Usually, because of the expansive nature, most of these polyamorous networks do not live under the same roof (and sometimes, not even in the same geographic area!). Some members may have platonic relationships with other members, while others choose not to associate with other branches.
The Polyamorous Snake/Poly-S
The polyamorous-S is a sort of poly-chain like relationship the resembles an extension of the poly Vee or Y, and is similar to the poly circles.
In this type of poly relationship, only certain people are bonded with others (but, not everyone together) which creates a chain. If there are only 4 or 5 people in the relationship, it’s usually called a poly Y/N or W.
I hope this helps shed some light on what polyamory can look like, in the most basic of shapes/arrangements!
Question: What does your relationship currently look like? What would you want it to look like?
Pictures and some material from “What Does Polyamory Look Like? Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships” by Dr. Mim Chapman.
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