Mixed-ish as a "mixed" person
Recently, I finished watching the series, and I have so many thoughts about it. You're probably wondering why I wrote "mixed" in the title instead of mixed.
The truth is I never saw myself as mixed. Growing up living in South Europe, I was always seen as white. I have a black grandma and a latino grandpa, which in my country means nothing. Unlike the USA, latinos aren't a race. Just a term used to describe people from latinoamericana. And being 25% black means nothing unless I have visible black features.
The first episode that made me think was the one where Rainbow had to fulfill a form for school that asked to put down her race. I never saw anything like that. I've filled forms for school before, but never was one that asked me my race. In a hypothetical scenario, where I was a middle-schollar like Rainbow, what would I put? Both black, white, and latina? Rainbow confidently said she was mixed. Not white or black. However, during the episode, they explore how other people reacted to that, especially black people. Both her black family and friends were certain she was black. In fact, they were even offered she wouldn't call herself black. Adult Rainbow proceeds to explain the one drop rule. That was crazy to me. I couldn't imagine calling myself black even tho I have black ancestry. And unlike Rainbow, black people around me would be offended if I DID call myself black.
This made me question how my life would be if I ever went to the United States of America. Would I, someone who lived my entire life as white, start to be seen as a person of color?
This only made me relate more to Rainbow. How she had to learn the racial system when she moved back with her grandparents. How from day to night, she realized the color of her skin matters.
The next episode that made me question my own race was the one where Johan is confused for a Mexican by another black kid. This made me question how many black features are "black enough." In my country, you need to have, at least curly/coily hair and a natural brownish skin tone. As someone who has light skin, I never saw myself as black.
I started going over Rainbow and her siblings' skin tone and comparing them to mine. I got to the conclusion that I'm a bit lighter than Santamonica. So, not dark enough to be black.
In the end, there was one episode that didn't only make me think but also cry. Let your hair down. Although this was the second episode, I needed to finish the whole series to feel the full impact of it. My hair is my most black feature. I was bullied countless times in my childhood because of it. I grew up wishing to have straight hair or at least less curlier hair. I grew up believing there was a "pretty curly" and an "ugly curly." My hair hair is an ugly curly. Pretty curls are more loose and have less volume.
Another part that I also deeply relate is when Johan goes to the barber. When he's taken to a white barber, he's told his hair is too black, and when he's taken to a black barber, his hair is too white. Even tho I never used the white/black terminology, looking for hairstyles, either my hair wasn't curly enough or it was too curly.
The reason these episodes took time for me to relate to was because I didn't feel worthy of calling myself mixed. So, how could I relate to it? I'm only 25% black. I have light skin. I'm white-passing. I don't suffer like a real black person. I can't relate to that. I'm not even in the USA this doesn't apply to me.
But it applies to US citizens. Race is a social construct. There's people who might still believe the one drop rule even in Europe. That made me question if all those times I went through a situation that if a "real black person" went through, I would call racism, was, in fact racism. I remembered one day going to a store and being accused for no reason for stealing. I communicated it with a black friend. She said: You found out what is like to be black for a day.
But what if I was black? What if even tho most people consider me white, that salesperson saw me as black? What if it was, in fact racism?
I leave you with a childhood picture of mine. Me, my mom, and my father's hand. His face is cut off the picture for personal reasons, but you can see his hand. His very clearly non-white hand, holding my leg. My non-white half.