Deranged, Degenerate, & Delusional

Hi I’m Erailia! 20ish (she/her). Writer, Artist, *Self-Shipper* Slut for fictional characters (MDNI) **Primarily Astarion**

[hoover1st]

Welcome to my blog!

★･.｡*｡.･☆･.｡*｡.･★･.｡*｡.･☆.

Masterlist

About me

Hi! I’m Erailia, thanks for visiting. I use She/Her pronouns and I’m a 20 something with far too many ideas. I use this blog as a journal as a way to interact with my hyper-fixations…

I enjoy writing and art as a hobby, and love to share it with others; keep in mind, I’m an amateur!

I am currently obsessed with Baldur’s Gate 3. My favs are Astarion, Trafalgar Law, and Roanoa Zoro

I’m a filthy Self-Shipper, a slut for fictional characters, and love to ramble! I don’t tolerate any form of ignorance or intolerance, and any NSFW content will have warnings and be heavily tagged!

My ask box is always open, please interact with me!

Tag list:

#my writing

#my art

#my thoughts

[hoover1st]

Y’all ever think about two people trying desperately to seduce the other, but they’re both so stubborn that it becomes an unspoken competition over who will give in first?

[losers-clvb]

WRITING GAME post the last line that you wrote

Thank you to @bettystonewell for tagging me! This is the last line I wrote. Currently, I am still writing my 'Woman of Letters' series, (28k words and counting).

“Where’s Dean?” You asked, your voice soft and full of hope.

Again, I don't have many mutuals, so I will just tag my favorite accounts: @deansbeer @dulcescorderitas @sammyluvr @buckysbabygorl @lovelybarnes

No pressure to anyone I tagged!

[littlejackles-deactivated202506]

thank you for tagging me bby!!! @losers-clvb

sam nods, glancing at dean before turning the camera back to you. “yeah, we’re about to wreck her.”

npts: @cherrygirlfriend @soangelbaby @soldiersgirl @gibson-g1rl @bluemerakis @blackynsupremacy @dollyfiles @deanssun @deanangel @figthoughts @whisperingdaze @faiszt @artyandink @valjy @honeyryewhiskey @emeraldcrs @preyingfaes @foolinthera1n @legalmente-loca @kissesonkent @haunteres (tried to tag all my moots)

[bluemerakis]

thank you for the tag bby! @dulcescorderitas ALSO THAT LINE HELLO??? 😭 (need that)

“Atta girl,” he praises absentmindedly, the three fingers he’s got freed reaching to stroke your jaw with fervour as he tracks the purse of your lips—wrapping around the blunt with far less expertise than him, but with all the determination to compensate for it.

smoking?? praising?? have we guessed who it is yet?? 😜 LMAO. this line might not exist by the time this is released bc i am a neurotic editor. who knows—maybe, maybe not 🤷‍♀️

npts: @gibson-g1rl @bohemianblasphemy @cherrygirlfriend @beausling @frosttbitessam @starzify @ultravi0lence14 @figthoughts @ultravioletrayz @foolinthera1n @soangelbaby @wa1ks @honeyryewhiskey @titsout4jackles @floralscented @deansbeer @deanangel @deanssun @deansbbyx +anybody else who’d like to join ❗️❗️

[ultraviolet-rayblogz]

tysm @bluemerakis !! You are so real about the neurotic editor thing, i’m the same way 😭😭

"If y'keep squirming so fuckin’ much, might as well get myself a better bitch."

Guess who ;)

no pressure tags!! @fairlyang @mybvalentine @dreamingkitsunewrites @scrmqwn

[dreamingkitsunewrites]

Hiii Violet💜 thanks for the tag!! Your snippet sounds so hot 🤭👀👀

There’s something about him that’s so... complicated, like there's more lurking beneath the surface. You shake the thought off, but a small part of you wonders just how much of a knight he might actually be.

Luckily it happened to be a chaste one 😅🤭

No pressure tags: @lazyjellyfish300 @ayumigotabittoolonely @lethargiccryptid @mysteria157 @sandsorghum

[mysteria157]

Thank you for the tag @dreamingkitsunewrites! I'm so curious about your WIP...

“I’m not…” he starts, trailing off quickly. The very thought of him going into some sort of dialogue right now will probably make you cave. You know if he keeps going, you’ll stay right here with him, letting your heart tear itself further to shreds. And you can’t. For once in the wonderful, yet painful years that you’ve known him, you need to do what’s right. You clench your glass and make to leave, scooting the stool back as your feet plant on the floor, only to be met with the warmth of his hand on your wrist. It’s gentle, so so gentle, even with his strength. “Please,” Nanami murmurs, voice rough with deep emotion. “Just…let me speak.”

No pressure tags: @lifewithroseglasses @ambiguouslady42 @sugurusfavemonkey @capricornlevi @shycoconutt @valleydoli @triangularz @giselle0811 + anyone else who would like to join!

[triangularz]

@mysteria157- courtney TAG ME in that fic when you post because I'm dying here. and thank you for the tag, doll ♥️

last two sentences written. they're for zoro of course: He gives you what you need, the right space, the right posture, the right love. When he does, the dust settles, the ship quiets.

@softlypaintedseafoam @usoppshoneydew @soft-persephone @kultofkorii @ramonathinks @itsagoodluckkiss @nina-ya @hantaslovebug @sundew199 @cocoamoonmalfoy and all- your sentence(s) plz plz I want I want gimme

[softlypaintedseafoam]

thanks for the tag @triangularz! the last two sentences i wrote recently were for an usopp x reader fic!

Adjusting his bag, he searches through it diligently until he pulls out some sort of surface bloom; bright and yellow with a large circle of brown in the middle. It’s the most beautiful flower you’ve ever seen. “It looks something like this!”

i'll be tagging... @hash-slinging-slasher-trash @pranabefall @chibinasuu @traflawgar @citrinae @sordidmusings @worstgenerationloser + you

[chibinasuu]

thank for the tag nyla!! 💕

the last line(s) i wrote was from my newest law x reader fic that i published recently!

You knew it as sure as the ocean was blue and the grass was green. Your story was nowhere near its end. 

no pressure tags for writer moots: @armiliadawn @pandora-writes-one-piece @lxshoxk @daydreamer-in-training + everyone else who wants to join in!!

[glittoring]

!!!!

what a fun idea 😇

Really, Ace wanted to commit the memory of his hat as a part of you to his very soul.

this is from an outline i’ve been working on that is effectively a love story told through ace’s lost hat (i love a meet cute what can i say)

no pressure tags: @nina-ya @shy-writer-999 @hoover1st @captainportgasdace and any other lovely who wants to share!!!!!!!

[hoover1st]

Thanks for the tag moot! I haven’t had much time to write, but:

I find I cannot trust myself. My body and mind will always betray me. I’m lost in the sea of voices. The guardian, the voice, and Astarion all pull me in different directions. Despite their differences, there is one agreement between the three. I am pathetic.

The second chapter to my durge/astarion wip that I wrote back a bit ago!

No pressure tags!: @davenswitcher @flowerspear @monsterlimbs

[hoover1st]

Happy Valentine’s Day, I hope you’re surrounded by love today <3

[hoover1st]

I’ve been MIA for a little bit due to school and such, but man I know I’m going through it when I rewatch the videos of me getting a lap dance from the sexy male stripper…

I need to get out more

[hoover1st]

I posted for the first time on Reddit, *I know I know* regarding a terrible situation Ive just went through, wanting to warn others

Immediately I got tons of comments saying that my post was “100% AI Written” due to “the use of adjectives”…

I’m glad that people on reddit are rightfully wary of AI, but come on

I didn’t use AI, I just write a lot of smut and college essays!!!

Have we really gotten to the point where a post I wrote in 15 minutes and didn’t proofread, is AI because it used ADJECTIVES?

[hoover1st]

I love how I currently can’t commit to a single fic I want to write… now I want to write a cliche college Astarion to cope with uni

[hoover1st]

The moments when my heart is broken, my expectations disappointed, and my hope seeming crushed are the ones I feel that it’s so important to not let it get to me. To keep hoping and having high expectations in my life, despite how things went in the past.

I will not let others crush my human spirit

[thus-spoke-lo]

Great Lakes accent I can never quit you

[meanbossart]

A young (and likely hungover) magistrate in the making!

[hoover1st]

Every Hozier song is, in fact, about Astarion.

Thank you for your time.

[hoover1st]

Work in progress I wrote for my durge and Astarion:

What makes me so special?

*M/F, no pronouns used, fingering, Astarion is manipulative, exploration of what Astarion might be like after all he’s gone through pre-tadpole*

Every nerve of mine is firing, or at least that seems like the most logical way to explain the effects of his cold fingers’ tireless ministrations

My minds a fuzzy haze; a different kind than I’m used to. I’m seeing stars, tensing up, when I feel a harsh icy finger press against my open, panting lips

“Shush now darling, it’s already painfully obvious to our companions that you need me, we needn’t illustrate the point any further”

Astarion’s smug grin peers down at me. It’s an effort to peel my eyes open, and I almost immediately regret doing so

My gut churns at his words and there’s the small, unrelenting voice that rings through my useless head. Yearning to wipe that shit eating grin off his face. Dig my nails into him and shout that he’s wrong, I don’t need him

I don’t do any of those things. I know that he’s right. I need him, and I’m not going to argue with the man whose ending my world with a couple digits

Astarion seems to know my body better than I ever could, or at least he does now. Maybe before all this, I could have done it by myself, knew how to tilt my fingers, what pace felt best. Yet I don’t, so I’ve resolved to letting myself be degraded by this pallid, sharp-toothed fiend

Against my better judgment, against the disgusting voice that grinds against the inside of my skull, I’m sucking that taut finger in with my tongue. I’m bobbing my head in agreement and holding in my whines as his grin widens at my compliance

He clicks his tongue, his amusement growing, “Yes that’s right dear, who else could possibly unravel you like this?”

I can feel the weight of his gaze as it rakes down my form, those sharp scrutinizing eyes devour me “You know that no one else could help you like I do, guide you with your condition, right?”

I don’t deign to respond, Im too focused on finding that sweet ending. he always does this anyways, asks these demeaning questions when I’m at my most vulnerable.

My blood boils as he picks up the pace, I know this dance by now. He quickens, works those magic fingers, then I feel the coil snap. Only this time, right as I’m about to burst, he rips his fingers out from my core with a sudden movement.

The hand that was once on my lips is digs into the side of my face, cradling my head up to his. My eyes snap open, a whine rips from my throat as my gaze finds his.

His face is cold and harsh, he’s a breadth away from me and his lips pull back into a snarl

Most would likely stiffen with fear at the sight of those mean crimson eyes or the threat promised in his glinting canines. Unfortunately for me, my body doesn’t seem to react to danger, another broken function of mine. Maybe if I were normal, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

His voice lacks the practiced sensuality. Instead it drips venom as he snarls “I asked a question my sweet. I don’t appreciate being ignored, especially not when I’m providing for you so kindly”

The voice is now screaming at me, scratching its claws at my forehead. It shouts at me to pay him pack for all his disrespect. For taking my lifeblood. It urges me with all its might to give him a taste of his own medicine, maybe see how his neck and blood tastes

Of course, I don’t listen. Astarion knows as well as I do that I’m weak. Every warrior has an Achilles Heel. Whatever the voice in me is, I know it hates Astarion. Hates the weakness I have for him, maybe that’s part of the draw I have to the vampire

I hold his gaze for a long moment. I pretend that I could hate him, pretend that I’m able to stand up to him, pretend that I’m making an exception just this once. I put on a good show. Baring my teeth, clenching my fists, meeting his gaze with my own, but we both know it’s a show.

With a heavy sigh I nod, “Fine Astarion, you’re right. I need you”

My voice is defiant and unconvincing but he accepts it. He pulls back, his sensual smug expression returning as his fingers trail back down my body, teasing my core, lightly circling my clit

This is good, this is worth the disrespect. I’ve forgotten all about it by the time his fingers stuff me, pumping in and out in rhythm to the song my body sings to him

Astarion’s back to whispering sugary sweet praises into my neck. This is our arrangement, as he makes me come undone, he gets his own payment. I’m on the edge when he sinks his teeth into my neck, groaning and lapping incessantly as he drinks my blood

The sensation always pushes me over the edge, and I cry as the coil in my stomach snaps. His fingers pump in me as I ride out my high, and for a brief sweet moment, we’re holding each other and shuddering, coming down from our highs.

It’s like clockwork. He helps clean me up, I offer to return the favor, he politely declines and claims “my blood is payment enough”, and he leaves me, sweaty and panting, alone in my tent.

I don’t believe him, but I dont understand why. This started slow, built to sex, and now has become this quick easy dance. I’ll take anything he will give me, but I desperately want to return the favor. I’ve lain here many nights, trying to figure out why he rejects my offers.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I suck at it. I wonder if I was once good and desirable, if the roles could’ve been reversed, and I could have Astarion begging me instead. My bodies primal instincts don’t tell me how to touch another gently, how to pleasure, so I’ve accepted that blood is a good exchange.

But sometimes I consider that it could be another part of whatever plot he has. Astarion likes to remind me I’m not the brightest, but the voice tells me not to trust him. Maybe one day he will remind me of how selfish I am, how my need for him isn’t fair and blood doesn’t equate to the way he makes me feel

Everyone has blood, what makes me so special?

[hoover1st]

Everything in my mind is my durge and Astarion. Everything. Song I like? It’s about them. Movie I like? It’s also about them. Every cliche trope and AU? It’s about them too

My brain is so rotted because of Astarion

[monsterlimbs]

This is so real but also I kinda view it as more of "brainbloom" rather than brainrot? Because I haven't been this creative in AGES. My mind's sprouting little creative flowers and I'm very happy about it!! I see him everywhere because I love him! And I think it's awesome that he's so well-written, that he, a fictional character, has brought back MY, a real person, 's creativity after I was in a creative rut for like 3 years!

[hoover1st]

Brainbloom is such a cute way to put it! I’ve said for so long that he’s a muse for me and so many others. I’m literally learning to make an animatic cause of him??! He’s given so many limitless creative visions

[hoover1st]

Astarion rant #???

I adore how Astarion is written, and how his validation is so tightly tied to his looks and sexuality. I’ve seen people discuss his relationship with his own looks before, but it’s just so raw and realistic. I really love how in act two, when he propositions a second time, he’s clearly wounded at your rejection

It’s so relatable. I can only imagine how badly that rejection would sting for someone who probably hasn’t experienced many in his life. Especially after you already slept with him once before

His reaction hit me like a bus. He is at this crossroads between not wanting to be used for his body, and yet his self worth is dependent on being a beautiful sexual creature

*I recorded the interaction in my play though in case anyone wanted to watch it*

UGH HES SUCH A PERFECTLY CRAFTED CHARACTER

[preciouslittle-archive]

See my problem is Astarion's spectrum of looks is so vast. Soft Astarion with a curly ponytail and cute round glasses with a chain is so fucking pretty I want to smooch his pointy little face and cuddle him until he squeaks like a chew toy.

And then you can put Astarion in that gortash robe with his tits out, give him eyeliner and metal claws on his fingers and make his eyes glow and watch him glare at you. He's so fucking pretty and I'm always craving both sides of the coin. And that is the only reason I usually have a spawn/ascended route on rotation at the same time.

[hoover1st]

I have drafts rambling about this, but I adore how versatile he is. I love how every artist and fic writer has a different way of conveying him, from sharp angles and snarky comments to soft puppy eyes. He’s truly a muse

[stormtide-leviathan]

tag game

Tagged by @pairofraggedclaws

Last song: I'm not sure tbh

Favourite colour: yellow!! always has been

Last book: Wind and Truth by Brandon Sanderson, though I'm also in the middle of The Killing Moon by N.K. Jemesin

Last movie: Pacific Rim, I watched it last night

Sweet/spicy/savoury: Definitely a sweet girlie, in the end :3

Relationship status: been casually seeing a friend for a bit now

Last thing I googled: antacids (just the word, alone)

Looking forward to: Going to trivia with my friends in an hour!

Tagging: @thebansheeoflamordia @numbersareimaginary @fleshengine @taulupis @archipithecus and anyone else who wants to!

[taulupis]

Last song: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd

Favourite colour: Burgundy at the moment, but orange and olive are also neck and neck with it

Last book: Penumbra: Redshift by Ela Bambust (still reading tbh)

Last movie: I can't remember movie, but i watched DBZA with my partner last night <3

Sweet/spicy/savoury: Savoury, but all three are so important

Relationship status: I have a few partners <3

Last thing I googled: "antacids (just the word, alone)"battletech sprinting", apparently there are rules to do this that i never knew of!

Looking forward to: my many, many Lancer sessions i'm running

Tagging: @dolphinsarejerks @magnoliabeetles @a-rebellious-waffle @sapphic-design-is-my-passion @arkkaxe and anyone else who wants to ^w^

[magnoliabeetles]

Last Song: I don't know the name of it, it's from one of those 'do you recognise the video game song' polls

Favourite Colour: idk it's name but it's like a really purple maroon, a nice dark green (forest adjacent), and a good brown (think maple tree bark)

Last Book: Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites by Joy Demora (you want to check it out soooo bad)

Last Movie: I do not remember, in spirit Pacific Rim

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: Yes. (Spicy)

Relationship status: 🤫

Last thing I guugled: The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe

Looking forward to: The end of this headache and also beans

@blueeyedbutch, @unsettlingcreature, @gaymergal, @ace-disgrace-on-the-case, @skylark-whaleshark and anyone else I missed who wants to do it :3

[unsettlingcreature]

Last song: Only One of Us is Burning Up by ueil, I've been on a vocaloid kick again and stumbled across them

Favourite colour: orange, it always feels so happy and warm as a colour

Last book: it's still "In the Closet of the Vatican", I've been taking it real slow

Last movie: Lord of the Rings: War of the Rohirrim. It was so bad that my partner and I are planning an entire rewrite.

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: I would love a sweet treat right now

Relationship status: coming up on seven years babey!!!!!!

Last thing I googled: goddammit. it was "POTS episode sex" 😭

Looking forward to: Catt coming to England in just a few days (yippee!!!)

Tagging uhhhhh @catt-crossing @strawberriandromeda @plutoprophecy @lucaanis and also anyone else who wants to do it

[catt-crossing]

Yay thanks for the tag!! :D 💖

Last song: Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet by Fall Out Boy

Favourite colour: Purple! With lavender beeing a particular fave shade :]

Last book: Almost done with The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin!

Last movie: My Neighbour Totoro 💖

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: Right now, I feel like I'd want to have something sweet but I love sweet and savoury equally <3

Relationship status: I have a silly and sweet boyfriend :]

Last thing I googled: When the second season of Toilet-bound Hanako Kun came out (two days ago apparently!)

Looking forward to: Seeing my bestie in England in a few days!!!! (yippee!!!)

Tagging: @effigyofowls @firethekitty @micechicken @majormeilani @subterra-rose @mel-tokio @sirfoggybrain @sen-pie @13crowsinatree @lovelyangemon @braixen @damppbread @pumpkinspice-unicorn @mikymuda @listentothesoundsofthenight @disregardfemalesacquirepuppies @ask-giggles1303 @vampires-juicebox @cesalt and anyone else who wants to do this! 💖

[vampires-juicebox]

omg thank for the tag! <3

Last song: Turning Point by Mortius

Favourite colour: Dijon, Green, browns, earthy tones mostly

Last book: tbh I don't read many actual books much anymore, mostly stick to fanfics. In which case it would have to be The Season on AO# by Linnetagain

Last movie: Deadpool and Wolverine, was a really good film tbh!

Sweet/spicy/savoury: savory for sure, but I love all of them in their own way

Relationship status: engaged, but only bc we don't want to get married. We've been together 10 years.

Last thing I googled: "why does my nose and around my eyes hurt" at 2:30 am, turns out I had a sinus infection headache.

Looking forward to: What the rest of my year has to offer.

Tagging: @garou @werevampiwolf @la-yui and anyone else who wants to do it~ :3c

[la-yui]

Uuuuuuh, thx for the tag!

Last song: F.EV.E.R by Orden Ogan

Favourite colour: every shade of purple <3

Last book: i'm currently reading the Earth's Children Saga by Jean M. Auel, it's quite a quite old series but i remember i read the first book when i was young and now i wanna know how is ending xD

Last movie: at the cinema it was Deadpool & Wolverine, at home Dune part2 i think

Sweet/spicy/savoury: definitely not spice xD i've low tolerance and can't eat anything with hot pepper in it

Relationship status: married, it will be 4 years of marriage in july and 15 years in october since i'm with my husband

Last thing I googled: "conta caratteri" (word count) because i needed it for a post in a gdr forum

Looking forward to: short term i would like to change my job ASAP, long term i just want to live in peace

Tagging: @hoover1st @julientel @not-so-lost-after-all @spageddy @lirotation you are the firsts that tumblr suggests me, welcome to the tag game! And of course anyone who wants to join =D

[hoover1st]

This is my first time getting tagged, thank you!

Last song: “Paper Bag” by Fiona Apple

Favorite Color: Pinks and Reds <3

Last Book: Currently Reading ‘Tower of Dawn’ by Sarah J Maas

Last Movie: Went to see Nosferatu with my Cuz

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet, I have a terrible sugar addiction tbh

Relationship Status: Very single, no guy in uni measures up to Ast at the moment

Last thing I googled: “Devils Fee Puzzle bg3” I needed help okay

Looking forward to: 2025 in general, good feelings for this year!

Tagging: @davenswitcher @monsterlimbs @cinnamontails-ff

[hoover1st]

Everything in my mind is my durge and Astarion. Everything. Song I like? It’s about them. Movie I like? It’s also about them. Every cliche trope and AU? It’s about them too

My brain is so rotted because of Astarion