If you want to know exactly who I am
Ok, so maybe not exactly. It is just a personality test. But let me tell you, I’ve been taking a lot of personality tests lately. And it’s kind of sort of freaky when one of them comes out completely right. Turns out Personality Psychology was a good class selection after all (combine that with Spiritual Formation and an Acting Class and cue a semester of serious, inward reflection).
So I am an Achiever & an Individualist. Pegged me.
I’m the success-oriented type. Sorry humanity, but you sometimes get in the way... I’m self-assured, ambitious, charming and energetic. Diplomatic and poised, ok, ok, stop, I’m blushing...
But trust me, being an Achiever isn’t all glam. They are great role models who inspire others, but all they want is to feel valuable and worthwhile. To distinguish themselves from others. To be admired. Maybe thinking that results in love. I’m learning that it doesn’t, necessarily...
They know how good it feels to develop themselves and contribute their abilities to the world, and also enjoy motivating others to greater personal achievements than others thought they were capable of. My 16 year-old brother would know after the one-million pep talks I’ve given him about college and he’s just like shut upppp...
They know that they are worth the effort it takes to be “the best that they can be.” Their success at doing so inspires others to invest in their own self-development.
They want to make sure their lives are a success. They will not be a “nobody.” Even if it kills them...
But they want success not so much for the things that success will buy, or for the power and feeling of independence that it will bring. Well that makes me feel better, at least I’m not after fame and fortune. They just want success because they are afraid of disappearing into a chasm of emptiness and worthlessness.
Why? Where did that come from? My fear of being invisible. And why is it so powerful?
Cause I’m also The Individualist. The introspective, romantic type. Self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. Emotionally honest, creative. Hello, just look at my fifty million journals.
Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. At their best they are inspired and highly creative. They want to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, and to attract a "rescuer." Bingo.
They maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. They feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look at their motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing them. They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. They are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. Aka, I literally have no secrets.
While it is true that they often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They deeply long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, they begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms. And from experience, this state kills me. It’s self-sabotage...
Their mantra becomes “nobody understands me, I am different and special,” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence that others seem to enjoy.
Awesome. I am an Achiever and an Individualist and I don’t know if I should hate it or love it. If it’s my key to a universe of possibility or my cage of lonely independence.
Congratulations if you read all that, you now know me down to a science. Expect not...because I'm not like anybody in the whole world and you're never going to understand meee (just kidding. that's just my Individualist speaking).
You probably feel the same way. And who doesn’t like to be described. So take it too: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/dis_sample_36.asp#.UOH26uZxVPp
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