[horseusedtheelevator]

Skinning me alive is less painful than being left on read.

[horseusedtheelevator]

You can cut me, curse me, and rip to to shreds, but please God don't leave me alone.

[horseusedtheelevator]

My chest hurts so bad, my head hurts so bad. I want to cry all the time. Someone put me out of my misery.

[horseusedtheelevator]

Why yes, it does feel like my chest is having in on itself, thank you for asking ^_^

[horseusedtheelevator]

"you all good?"

Actually no. Last night you called me drunk out of your mind to tell me how much you love me and want to be with me but can't be with me because you're too scared. And today you act like nothing happened you just make stupid sexual comments, then when I make one back all of a sudden I've taken it too far, I've made you uncomfortable. And you know what, I accepted that I was fine with it I apologized and offered to give you space but you said it was okay. So i keep acting normal until I get this call from my friend telling me my ex has been contacting him trying to get all my friends to drop me. Thats one big ass trigger. You text me something, I text back, then you leave me on read for over an hour. Thats another big ass trigger that you are fucking well aware of. I even asked if you were busy and you said no, you text dry fucking responses and act shocked when I lose my cool. Fuck you and your games, you don't fucking love me at all you never did the only thing you care about is yourself and the only thing you want from me is sex.

[horseusedtheelevator]

You win because I'm under my desk crying like a little kid again.

[horseusedtheelevator]

Fuck you. You cant handle me at my best or at my worst. You don't get to say you love me then barely fucking talk to me, leave me on read all fucking day and act like I'm the fucking bad guy here. Screw you and screw your pathetic fucking commitment issues.

[horseusedtheelevator]

Me and my ex broke up last year but I live in such a small city that its impossible not to have some kind of connection. I've tried to stay away from anyone who knows him but now hes actively seeking out my friends to tell them that apparently I'm a bad person.

We broke up because he cheated on me. Twice. During the relationship he also hit me, threatened to hurt himself multiple times, isolated me, didn't want me to make friends and pressured me into sex. But I never told anyone that bc I didnt want it to affect his life I just wanted nothing to do with him, but now he is actively seeking it out. I'm so fucking done with this shit I just wanted him to leave me alone.

[horseusedtheelevator]

I asked my friends and they said I shouldn't wait for you. I asked my sister and my mother and they said not to wait for you. I asked your friends and they said not to wait for you. I asked you and you said not to wait for you. But I am still waiting, and I always will because that is who I am at my core.

[horseusedtheelevator]

I TOOK MY MEDS NOW GIVE ME MY GODDAMN SERATONIN YOU USELESS LUMP OF MEAT.

[horseusedtheelevator]

Everytime he texts me i feel physically sick.

[horseusedtheelevator]

I'm so pathetic. All I want is to have someone, I want it so bad I will put myself through hell just to feel loved for even a second. I'll take any scrap anyone can give me, just distract me from myself please.

[horseusedtheelevator]

I don't think I'll make it.

Both of my parents divorced when they were in their late 30s. Both went through terrible relationships afterwards. Both are now almost 50 and are happy. But I don't think I can wait until I'm 50, I don't want to spend most of my life getting heartbroken again and again just to settle down when I'm old. I don't want to spend what are supposed to be the best years of my life healing and relapsing and healing again. I already feel so much pain and I know for a fact that I cannot handle spending the next 30 years of my life feeling like a burden.

[horseusedtheelevator]

I don't even know why im crying anymore I just know that I cant stop.

[horseusedtheelevator]

Hey I'm sorry I told you I was mentally ill and unmedicated then proceeded to act mentally ill and unmedicated that was my bad.

[horseusedtheelevator]

None of my friends are answering their phones, no one is here to help me and i can't make it through this right now. I need help.

[horseusedtheelevator]

I really cant live like this anymore.