ella | professional procrastinator moonlighting as a writer sometimes ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hospitalblue/pseuds/hospitalblue ff.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4590452/hospitalblue
So... I hate putting personal things out on social media because I am a very private person for things close to me, but I am at a point where I am scared... very scared... and am I guess throwing myself out there for support and positive thinking and any assistance.
My husband recently had a hospitalization which drained part of our finances, and then his computer hard drive completely crashed and cost us the rest of any savings we had to get his computer working again. Today I found us in a situation because of those expenses, as that took the $1,500 buffer that we had.
Now I have $100 to get us through to next Friday, Sept 27, including food and gas, and he has two doctors appointments during that period that will take $90 of that.
If i have been quiet lately, this is why. I have been struggling and budgeting and trying to find a way to make a dollar reach to have the power of five dollars, and it is terrifying me. I have been crying almost daily, struggling to keep positive and keep my husband from spiraling as well.
I hate being one of those people that goes and tries to ask for assistance, as I try my hardest to keep our finances in order, but due to a snafus with financial aid for my semester, I have found us having to stretch the money we do have longer and longer, and today I broke, and I am trying really hard not to let darkness overtake me given our financial situation.
I just don't know what to do. Unfortunately I have no anticipated date for when financial aid will correct itself and be applied, so I check every day, stress and pray, and try not to let myself fall deeper and deeper into a pit of just despair. I know we all have hard times, because Lord this year has been tough on everyone, so very tough. But any support anyone could provide would be appreciated.
www.ko-fi.com/ruddcatha
I thank you if you are still reading, because I am so scared right now.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, Karin (Naruto), Uchiha Itachi
Additional Tags: Romance, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, The Celebrity AU, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Inspired by Taylor Swift
Series: Part 2 of Let The Games Begin
Summary:
When pain tastes like honey, does it matter if revenge will strike us both? Magic, madness, heaven, sin, find me where i am most ruined, love me there. SasuSaku, The Celebrity AU.
hey hi, @sunimage & i did a thing, and itās a bigĀ thing. if you like taylor swift, drama and enemies-to-lovers storyline, why not give this one a go? ;) and review, love reading your thoughts <3
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 4/?
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, Karin (Naruto), Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Shisui, Yuuhi Kurenai, Hatake Kakashi, Sasori (Naruto)
Additional Tags: Romance, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, The Celebrity AU, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Uchiha Sasuke is Bad at Feelings, Uzumaki Naruto is a Troll, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Female Friendship
Series: Part 2 of Let The Games Begin
Summary:
When pain tastes like honey, does it matter if revenge will strike us both? Magic, madness, heaven, sin, find me where I am most ruined, love me there. SasuSaku, The Celebrity AU.
Ā - Sequel to: Super Rich Kids -
-
Rating: E
alright, forgot to post these here too... sort of a double feature this time, @sunimage & i got together for the first time in months and what came out... might just be our best yet. but the storyās just getting started, so tag along for the ride ;) featuring shamelessly flirty kakashi, conniving akatsuki members, blissfully scheming shisui & much more <3
Who wants to see what happens when a former theology student reads the Locked Tomb books?
Obviously, major spoilers ahead for Nona the Ninth.
I'm not kidding. This is a long one. I won't be offended if you put this one aside and wait until you've go the time necessary.
All of the dream sections with John and Harrow begin with āJohn X:Xā. A friend pointed out that the numbers create a message through a basic 1=A code: The Tower has Reactivated. Which is very cool and awesome. But I couldn't help thinking there had to be more. There's always more with this woman.
So I did what any sane person would do and I started comparing the listed titles with their corresponding verses in the Gospel of John. Like, the bible one.
See, back in the day I actually went to theology school. I was gonna be a pastor. I literally took a full semester class on the Gospel of John. If anyone is equipped to puzzle this out, it's me.
I wanna kick off with something important here. I'm about to start throwing out some absolutely wild shit here, and I don't know how much of it was fully intentional. Tamsyn Muir has put so much work into this series and I'm willing to give her full credit. But I'm not claiming any sort of full knowledge of authorial intent. This is analysis and theorizing. Some of this will be interesting, some of it will be relevant, but all of it is just me going buckwild on a book that deserves to be gone wildly buck on.
So here's the verses we're working with, including their related page numbers. Below that, I've included some notes on the significance of the verse and connections between that chapter and the gospel itself, at least as far as I can glean. There will definitely be stuff I've missed, stuff I've read too much into, stuff I've straight up read wrong. Feel free to add in anything in the replies and whatnot.
John 20:8 (pg. 13)
Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed.
The major connection here is obvious. The inciting incident for the series of books is Harrow opening the Tomb, seeing the Body, falling in love, all that.
Paralleling this, Gideon is getting to look in on the ships, and Mercy is reporting to John Gaius that everything is going sideways. The disciples are witnessing and reporting back.
It also has to be noted that the narration points out that John Gaius in the dream is mostly talking as if this were meditation, just to hear himself talk. And the gospel of John leads with āIn the beginning was the Word, and the Word was godā and yadda yadda. Gospel John (we'll call him Author for sake of ease) was all about this association between God/Jesus and speech.
It should also be noted that the Locked Tomb doesn't make anything easy because John Gaius is equal parts analogous for Jesus and God (not to mention Adam). And yes, I know that theologically speaking, that tracks, but narratively it makes things very difficult to talk about. So sue me. It's complicated.
Finally, I'm compelled to go on a quick diatribe about how the gospel of John was the only book to skip the details of Jesus' birth and early life. The Author didn't care about that. He cared about the miracles, he was fucking horny for the miracles. Which makes sense, because we're about to hear all the miraculous things John Gaius did. Oh, and the horrors. Can't forget the horrors.
John 5:20 (pg. 73)
For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed.
This is the first time John Gaius performs a miracle, and it's only the beginning. Pretty straightforward.
A small touch here I like is John Gaius in the dream calling Harrow his Beloved.
As John gets more into his mania, the people around him start worrying whether he's eating. It's an issue shared with Harrow and Nona. And it's actually something the disciples ask Jesus at one point in John 4. Granted, that's mostly so that Jesus can go into a lecture about being fed by the Spirit. But still, it's worth noting.
John refers to Gideon as his āvoice in the wildernessā which is a direct reference to John the Baptist. Do you see the problem here? There's so many fucking Johns to talk about. Epithets aren't just helpful,they're a necessity. Anyway, this connection makes sense, because it's speculated that John the Baptist was close to Jesus because they were cousins. Much the same way that John Gaius and Gideon grew up together, thick as thieves.
There's another interesting quirk here that I really like. At the end of this section, John's speech cuts off suddenly. That doesn't happen anywhere else in the dream segments as far as I can recall. Now obviously in context, it's because Nona's being woken up suddenly in a new and jarring way. But it does make for some fun connections where the Gospel of John cuts things off without warning. More on that later.
(I really tried to figure out if there was any significance to the power being cut off at 6:01 but I'm drawing a blank thus far. Alas.)
John 15:23 (pg. 98)
Whoever hates me hates my Father as well.
Fewer links to the actual verse itself this time around. The closest I can figure is that some of John Gaius' friends are pretty weirded out by what he can do at first, which...y'know, fair enough. And maybe he takes that a little personally.
John Gaius in the dream naming all the detritus he sees, it has a little bit of an Adam feel to it. Naming all the animals. It's small but it's there.
It takes three days for everyone to believe. Three, big number, biblically. This is also the first time we see a developing link between one of John Gaius' friends and Jesus' disciples. Augustine is kind of his Andrew. He was one of the first to join up, one of the most loyal, and he brought his brother into the fold (just as Augustine later brings in his hedge fund manager brother). Not all of the other characters are as strongly linked to the disciples, but there's some interesting bits and pieces.
Oh! This is also the first time John Gaius cries openly. And the famous āJesus wept,ā comes from the gospel of John.
With the raising of Ulysses and Titania, we get two more interesting links. First, we've got our Lazarus moment. Granted, it's much more halting and complicated than the way Jesus did it, but we've got dead bodies moving. But what I find much more important is the massive clue in the form of their names. In each of the dream segments, we don't actually get full names for the major players. It's always Xā, including whoever Ulysses and Titania were before he revived them. Which means that all of John Gaius' crew had different names before their resurrections. And Jesus definitely liked bestowing people with new names. One of the biggest examples? Simon Peter, who Jesus declared to be Cephas, his rock. Simon Peter, Andrew's brother. The hedge fund manager, Augustine's brother. His cavalier, his rock.
John 5:18 (pg. 127)
For this reason they tried all the more to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.
Again, this one isn't directly tied to its particular section. But to the narrative as a whole, it lines up better. In this section, John Gaius is starting to really perform some crazy shit, and streaming it out for people to see. Word is spreading, some are doubting, others are getting hyped, and eventually world leaders start getting aggressive.
This is the first time where John Gaius mentions the absurdity of his company that will come up on occasion. This is another case where there's a tenuous link between his crew and the disciples, who were composed of fishermen, a tax collector, a religious/political zealot, a wealthy man, a poor/homeless man, and possibly a sex worker (depending on whether you subscribe to that interpretation).
John 8:1 (pg. 188)
but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives
Here's the first time where things get really interesting. The end of John 7 and the beginning of John 8 are weird because they don't show up in every single early manuscript. There's been debate for centuries about whether they should even be in there. And I'm glad it's still in there, because it's where we get Jesus defending a sex worker and his important ālet he who is without sin cast the first stoneā banger. Jesus gets a lot of bangers in this gospel.
Pyrrha gets a fascinating moment here when she betrays the police. It marks her as an inverted Judas figure. Even by the time of Harrow the Ninth, she swears herself to John Gaius when everything goes down toward the end. Granted, some of that shifts through this book.
John 19:18 (pg. 219)
There they crucified him, and with him two othersāone on each side and Jesus in the middle.
Sadly this particular verse doesn't yield much. They can't all be winners.
John Gaius in the dream gets mad over the nature of souls (for obvious reasons later revealed) and storms around the yard three times. Big number, etc.
Some of the world leaders lie about sending out twelve ships with a guiding beacon. This one's obvious and I think that's on purpose. It's this noble image, a heroic crew of twelve, and it's all a big sham. There is no salvation, and I think that's a big theme here. Things are going to get worse, and having faith in the Twelve and the One isn't going to get you to safety.
We get a mention of cows in this chapter, John gets told cows watch sunsets. As near as I can tell, this is sort of an inversion (or maybe a send-up) of the way the bible talks about sheep, lambs, goats, etc. Whichever way you look at it, people are livestock. And John using livestock to make a defensive barrier for himself? It just proves he's willing to make big sacrifices, and foreshadows the much bigger destruction he'll be causing later.
John 5:1 (pg. 270)
Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals.
On first blush, this one doesn't look like much. However, chapter 5 of John actually is pretty relevant. This is the scene where Jesus heals several disabled people, which just gets him in trouble with the local leaders.
It's a small thing, but the barbecue scene here does have a real Last Supper vibe to it. Low-key party while facing down a major crisis.
Here we see another connection to the biblical disciples, but with a big change. In the gospel of John, the disciples are often blank pages, and many of them aren't even explicitly named. They question Jesus, but only in the same way you expect someone to say āwho's thereā in a knock-knock joke. They're the set-up so you can speak on a subject. They're the novice asking the monk about the secret of the universe. John Gaius' crew? No fucking way. They stand their ground, they shout, they question him and push him and prod him. They call him out. And John doesn't have all the answers. They're all imperfect, and they're all screwed.
Someone uses the ācow defenseā against John Gaius and his people again. There's a pattern here developing of excuses.
John 3:20 (pg. 279)
Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.
This is the section when John Gaius finally decides to embrace the necromancer vibe. He embraces the darkness in order to try and save the world. Pretty clear reversal here of the dark hero, taking on the shadow for the sake of true good. Also worth noting this comes shortly after the most famous line there is, John 3:16. For god so loved the world that he gave his only son etc. John Gaius so loved the world that he...does a lot of really fucked up shit.
Yet another cow fact. They recognize one another. The cows, man. Think about the cows.
John 9:22 (pg. 318)
His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who already had decided that anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue.
In this chapter, Jesus heals a blind man who vouches for him, even though the people in control are like āHey that dude's no goodā. John Gaius is also finding out that it's no longer just him and his little family that are in trouble. Anyone trying to join up with him is also put on a wanted list. Things are getting more dire and a lot of people want him dead.
Granted, John Gaius ain't doing himself any favors by killing a lot of people.
āGuys as careful as me don't have accidents.ā This one's interesting because another facet of the gospel of John is that the Author really leaned into Jesus being a divine figure. Other books tried to paint him as being human like the rest of us. But the Author was like āoh, no thank you, this guy was capital-G-God and he did a lot of crazy stuff and you just gotta deal with it.ā Everything is in control, everything is preordained, and god don't make mistakes. God does exactly what god's gonna do.
John 1:20 (pg. 395)
He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, āI am not the Messiah.ā
This one's a little complicated, because the line is actually coming from John the Baptist. Who was indeed not the messiah. But it does pair well with Mercymorn chewing John Gaius out. āJohn, your problem is that you care less about being a saviour than about meting out punishment.ā
To top it all off, as John Gaius is putting his final Hail Mary (haha) into play, he says ācows exhibit mourning behavior for other cows.ā He's parroting their words right back at them to excuse his behavior.
He's not the messiah. He's a necromancer.
John 5:4 (pg. 432)
[No text, Some manuscripts include here, wholly or in part: paralyzedāand they waited for the moving of the waters. From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured of whatever disease they had.]
As you can see here, this is maybe the most interesting part. And it makes sense being the final verse. This is another section where the text doesn't appear in all of the manuscripts. Depending on which version of the gospel you're reading, this doesn't exist. And we're reading a dream. We're reading a story that does and doesn't exist.
And what's happening here? Harrow is finally realizing that even if she loves God (even if that's only because of her religious devotion) she can't keep worshiping blindly anymore. She's broken and she needs healing. So she steps into the water in search of a cure for her disease. And just maybe, in Alecto the Ninth, she'll find what she's looking for.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, Karin (Naruto), Uchiha Itachi
Additional Tags: Romance, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, The Celebrity AU, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Inspired by Taylor Swift
Series: Part 2 of Let The Games Begin
Summary:
When pain tastes like honey, does it matter if revenge will strike us both? Magic, madness, heaven, sin, find me where i am most ruined, love me there. SasuSaku, The Celebrity AU.
hey hi, @sunimage & i did a thing, and itās a bigĀ thing. if you like taylor swift, drama and enemies-to-lovers storyline, why not give this one a go? ;) and review, love reading your thoughts <3
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 2/?
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, Karin (Naruto), Uchiha Itachi
Additional Tags: Romance, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, The Celebrity AU, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Series: Part 2 of Let The Games Begin
Summary:
When pain tastes like honey, does it matter if revenge will strike us both? Magic, madness, heaven, sin, find me where i am most ruined, love me there. SasuSaku, The Celebrity AU.
hi, itās us, weāre the problem <3 and weāre back with a new chapter, welcoming more players to the table. and thereās still more to come ;) if you read, please review, reading your thoughts is so fun!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, Karin (Naruto), Uchiha Itachi
Additional Tags: Romance, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, The Celebrity AU, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Inspired by Taylor Swift
Series: Part 2 of Let The Games Begin
Summary:
When pain tastes like honey, does it matter if revenge will strike us both? Magic, madness, heaven, sin, find me where i am most ruined, love me there. SasuSaku, The Celebrity AU.
hey hi, @sunimage & i did a thing, and itās a bigĀ thing. if you like taylor swift, drama and enemies-to-lovers storyline, why not give this one a go? ;) and review, love reading your thoughts <3
Arakawa making edwin like yeah dude she's his childhood best friend, mechanic/engineer, doctor, physical rehab therapist, who also happens to be his weakness and lifelong crush
