Zhizhel's archives

a blog where zhizhel doesn't reblog the only purpose of it's existence is to get away with questionable hot takes and poor drafts

[kosmogrl]

It’s my blog and I’ll spiral if I want to

[hot-veggies]

Okay end of the milgram hate sry

[hot-veggies]

"Everyone deserves forgiveness" but you only say it when it is a white man you're talking about

[hot-veggies]

So, um, hi, why do we inno Kazui as a fandom

[hot-veggies]

I am just really pissed off that milgram fandom guilted mahiru and amane and always forgives fucking Kazui of all people.

[hot-veggies]

So, um, hi, why do we inno Kazui as a fandom

[hot-veggies]

The humble and definitely good company hoyoverse(prev.MiHoYo) trains AI on your voice chat. Fuck hoyoverse actually. I suggest leaving genshin to all who have not. And also opting out for those who will stay.

[dai-mondai]

Kazui Poison Apple.......hmmmmm.....

"On a different note, your tear-stained face,

"It kinda tickles me the right way"

"You must be an apple, red here, red there, red everywhere"

"You're such a fool"

"Pretending you've changed negotiating"

"you never learn, do you?"

"You're see-through, your loneliness is so obvious"

"kinda pathetic"

"That painful cavity feels better with a cigar"

"mixing my whimpers with the smoke, puff puff"

"No more, not any more, I'd get so ripe"

"For an illusion, it sure feels real"

"You must be an apple"

"Hey, a thought! Why don't you have someone else eat it?"

"So long memories sober romance with you has no flavour"

"I must be an apple too"

"redder here, redder there, redder everywhere"

[hffghhf]

How Milgram shows how scapegoating does more harm than good

In my own personal opinion, the reason why we don’t see characters from the prisoner’s lives that might equally if not more responsible for the crimes in Milgram is because that’s the point.

Obviously Haruka is to blame for everything after all, he was born a “psycho” who killed animals and two children (if you believe he did kill a second child) for “fun” and attention! It’s not the fault of his parents or his community or teachers for abandoning him and neglecting him because obviously he was sick in the head since birth and we don’t need to change anything about how we treat kids with disabilities. Obviously Yuno is to blame for everything because she’s a “sex obsessed slut” who “willingly” got herself in that situation in the first place and then proceeding to “selfishly” endanger herself again. It’s not the fault of her family or school for not paying attention to her or for not taking notice of the warning signs like the extra money she had or even the fault of the men who slept with her because obviously she’s 18 and “should’ve known better” and we don’t need to confront the predatory industry that took advantage of her or how talking about mental health is still frowned upon especially in Japan after all she should’ve just sucked it up or actually talk to people like a “sane” woman.

Obviously Fuuta is to blame for everything for being a creep and a stalker who doxxed a child. It’s not anybody else’s fault for not standing up to him or even contributing with the bullying because Fuuta is the obvious evil manipulator and obviously the cause itself wasn’t evil! Fuuta was just a bad egg and everything the good samaritans of the Internet are still doing is totally OK! Obviously we don’t need to confront the predatory nature of online spaces and how they can cause men like Fuuta to commit such heinous acts or such things like mob mentality is a easy thing for people to get into!

Obviously Muu is to blame for everything because she was a prideful “mentally insane” bitch who couldn’t take a “little” bullying that she herself participated in! It’s not the school’s or her parent’s fault for not doing anything about the bullying or teaching her how to behave properly because she’s a manipulative psycho. Schools don’t need to change how they deal with bullying or how they always ignore it or parents having to actually think about how they raise their child will affect them because Muu just a run of mill psycho.

Obviously Shidou is to blame for everything because he was a manipulative surgeon who managed to take advantage of a perfect system and corrupted it with his selfish greed and wrath. Obviously the hospital isn’t to blame not looking into what was going on with the patients or for making Shidou work while he was still in deep grief on the man who caused his family’s accident because he should’ve just sucked it up and be a man and plus he was just a bad egg! There is no need to change the already perfect medical system!

Obviously Mahiru is to blame for everything for being an abusive witch! Obviously her parents aren’t to blame for sheltering her for so long even when she was a teenager! Obviously society and the media aren’t to blame for putting such high standards of love and womanhood on young women like her because everyone knows that’s how things are and plus media is just media! There is no reason for any of this to change because of some abusive psycho!

Obviously Kazui is to blame for everything because he was a cruel manipulative liar who played with an innocent woman’s heart! Obviously it’s not his family or society‘s fault for forcing him to be how all men should be and to expect him to be married because what loser passed the age of 20 isn’t without a loving spouse behind his side and plus he could’ve just not get marry despite the reasonable pressure put on him! Obviously society doesn’t need to change how it views marriage and gender because Kazui was simply a manipulative weakling!

Obviously Amane is to blame for everything because she is obviously a psycho child with religious delusions! Obviously society should not change how it views children especially surrounding religion or cults because obviously Amane is an unchanging unable to be saved psycho child who is a danger to everyone around her!

Obviously Mikoto is to blame for everything because he was just some mentally ill psycho who killed people who pissed him off! Obviously the work culture and doctors surrounding him and his life aren’t to blame because he should’ve just got help and take everything like a man! Obviously society doesn’t need to change the way it sees work or mental illness because Mikoto was just some emotional psycho who couldn’t handle a little extra work!

Kotoko is obviously is to blame for everything because she was some violent animal who didn’t even call the police the deal with the serial killer! Obviously the cops aren’t to blame for not doing anything about the case before because they’re the cops and they were going to obviously save the day! The cops are obviously good people who wouldn’t have accepted any bribes! Kotoko should’ve just stood by the side and let the actual police do it! Obviously society and law-enforcement shouldn’t change how cases like this are handled because that’s the way they’re always handled! Violent bitches like Kotoko always throwing things out of proportion!

[hot-veggies]

Another look on Kazui's MVs

Promised analysis of my favourite MILGRAM frames, starts here and now with Kazui. I'm a Kazui t2 guilty fan, so I can sometimes be a little harsh about the whole thing, I still love this character a lot even if I voted "do not forgive" in t2

Lies, lies, lies

Although none of the prisoners "lie", it is important to note that Kazui is known as "liar liar pants on fire". He always talks about keeping up the play and generally whines about how saying truth is bad for kittens.

Kazui begins to recall what have happened to him with this frame of Kazui going on stage in the first MV.

This actively signifies that his life IS a play and he acts a lot. You could as well learn about it from his CD dramas, but only watching MV is enough to make conclusions. Also, mask stays on during sex (c), because the only time actor Kazui takes his mask off is when making a confession to Hinako; we will talk later about the confession. Moreover just look at those sad wet eastern european gay porn eyes of his:

From the first watch I knew how troubled he feels around women(upd: the last pic. That's the most "I don't fuck women" touch I've ever seen in media). Also, do you remember how Hinako looks?

See anything familiar here?

Notice how she looks like dead prisoners before their graduation photos release - all in static. It's clearly she, here, with him, looking at their shared past; and at the same time the Green Apple is much closer to Kazui than Hinako is. The words he sings: "Where have I mistaken, was it at the start?" They hit me hard. They are 'bout how he regrets marrying Hinako(in my headcanons - because he is no joke really sad about how did it turn out) and wonders what would be the right choice.

Moments right after confession scene - actor Kazui without a mask.

It is the moment he decided to open up to Hinako and let her know the truth about *something*.

... Remember this frame?

Here's a mirror on it from t2.

I do not know if it is a coincidence; but I prefer to think of it as a conformation of Kazui's warm feelings toward Hinako. He loves her even if she's chair(dadjoke alert)

While we still talk about Kazui lying and truth showing through cracks:

Final moments of Kazui and Hinako for you.

Last frame of "half", Kazui decides that keeping on the act is best for everyone. He chooses to continue his lies. He puts mask back on to show this upright.

Another Kazui's opinion on lies.

"INNOCENT, isn't that right?" -> It's okay for me to continue to lie.

"Love, who wouldn't lie for that?" are lyrics for the next gif.

I think of the next frame as of his opinion on marriage with Hinako: he just got a little greedy. Saw an opportunity and decided to take it(Marriage with Hinako is just to be "normal". Kazui saw a pretty girl that is nice and who loves him and was "well, maybe I'm not gay?" and failed miserably, more on it in the p.2). If this frame is about [REDACTED] it also works.

First time we see what actually does Green Apple, my favourite [REDACTED], mean.

Another shot, explaining, what's wrong

Apple makes your kids gay

There is some consensus that The Green Apple is "men" for Kazui. It makes sense, and also appears a lot in his MVs.

You could say: Lov'ya(that's me btw don't get scared), but the Apple in "cat" is Kazui! How can you tell that he dreams about men? Well, you see, the nod scene. I fuck with gifs a lot to make this post so I leave a timecode link. It's clear that Kazui nods to another Kazui at Bartender, male. Scene cuts to the next shot and Kazui is very afraid that The Green Apple is too close to him. Also, slight headcanon here, it's not clear yet but "I could try you and try to touch you but you probably won't notice" line very much could be addressed to bartender.

Also, a shot saying that red apples are "normalcy" associated with Hinako(literal red apple), and two shots dedicated to Hinako Herself.

Rings, guilts and confessions

Once upon a time I debated in fandom spaces and got told that ring signifies Kazui's guilt. I, however, disagree.

I think it is his guilt's origin and not a direct representation of his guilt. That is why (for me) Kazui lets off the ring in T2 to escape from his guilt and not to make a sign to the viewer that he feel less guilty.

Here's a confession scene to support my version:

In t1 we get from Kazui part of the confession where everything was right. Hinako comforted him and something happened afterwards; in t2, however, we get a shot of the confession where Kazui towers over Hinako, menacing her or something like that. It seems like the next step of their argument, because Hinako is known to be dead. Also it is upside-down for some reason, so it may be Kazui's twisted view on this situation. Which seems like self-blame to me. Self-blame he tries to escape from - by getting rid of the ring, both in second MV and in MILGRAM's second season. He was relatively fine with the ring in t1, and in t2 it suddenly burns his flesh like it made of silver.

Or maybe Kazui has moved on. It doesn't seem like it to me, though.

Moreover, "cat" hints that the ring is possibly Kazui's relationships with Hinako, because it turns into a white dove which Kazui eventually eats.

Bonus

I'm running out of 30 pictures allowed by tumblr in a single post, so there will be part 2. Here's another frame I like.

A frame right after the Apple Man scene, where Kazui "Can't help but dream". Kazui sighs and we're shown a falling glass of whiskey (which means bar which means bartender) and arrows down, which maybe shows that marriage is a burden crashing his dreams(the glass fell and the whiskey spreaded out just like fallen Hinako-apple is) That's... heartbreaking. I saw a comment on yt that said "Maybe Kazui cheating on other woman he fell in love with wouldn't be that devastating for Hinako" and seeing how Kazui disappointed in this scene and how he really feels about his relationships with Hinako is bone-chilling to me. He may think that she's pretty, he may think that she's a nice person, but keeping up their relationships is that hard for Kazui and yet he hides it from Hinako presumably for years. Woah. Ouch.

[part 1] | [part 2] Birthday dialogue with Mu update: It implies that Hinako did indeed kill herself just like Haruka. Cool.

Another upd: happy birthday Kazui btw. Didn't know you're born august 5

[milgrambrainrotquarantine]

Half is not sung to Hinako but rather to his best friend actually

[dai-mondai]

Deep Cover ‖ The Appare March

[hot-veggies]

Good morning MILGЯAM fandom, here's all the occasions where Fuuta cosplays Amane, help yourself

some notes under the cut

I love how Fuuta dgaf about Amane's religion. It's just an escape for him. He carries nothing more than the torn flag on a rusted pole with a hole where the cult's symbol should be. He's just imitating Amane. Fuuta is desperate. There's nothing that could save his fragile mental stability in MILGЯAM other than the Amane's cult. I love you Deco*27 and MILGЯAM visual artists

[hot-veggies]

Another look on Kazui's MVs (part 2)

This time I will speculate on the story we've seen to try and build something on it while slowly descending into madness

Colors, Theories & Fantasies

Kazui's second MV has a lot of colors in it. And I think they're there for a reason. Look at this frame sequence.

I'm here to push my closeted Kazui agenda where events go as following: Kazui spends most of his time with male-male relationships(blue and green circle close to each other) either romantic or not, then sees how there could possibly be a "normal life" with Hinako(tension between blue and crimson circle) and after that breaks everyone's hearts because nor he is in his male-male thingy nor he is in a "successful" marriage. His male-male thingy not necessary being his ex-lover before Hinako but maybe being either just a realisation of being gay or some friend(s).

People, Theories & Fantasies

There're two people reoccurring in Kazui's MVs. That is being a bartender and the lady from the bar. Bartender is basically confirmed, because he looks close enough to the man in the middle up here, and the lady is not confirmed and being deducted from the vibes. Here other screenshot with Kazui, lady and bartender.

If it's true and they are the same people then there're several things I want to say 1) Adding to the color theory, could the lady be Yellow? If she is, then bartender is Green and Kazui + Hinako is Blue + Red(crimson). Would that mean that after Kazui distanced from "Green" said "Green" also got married to a woman? and this is why there were three broken pieces and Kazui in a frame, because all of this involved more people i.e. also the Yellow(wife of bartender?). 2) Rings are important when it comes to Kazui. The only people showed to us with rings is Kazui, Hinako and bartender. That means: bartender is married and/or Kazui's love interest, because why would you also have the wedding ring in Kazui's wedding scene and nowhere else. Hinako wears wedding ring outside of the wedding scene, but in the wedding scene even presumably Kazui's parents don't wear wedding rings, so this man is somehow related to Kazui(rival family?) and also married.

By the way. Kazui's parents. Do you see a lovely couple in the left side of the opening picture? Those are probably Kazui's parents. High expectations of whom were always pressuring Kazui's shoulders according to CD-dramas. He did only things that parents considered acceptable(roughly speaking) and that is a recipe for a closeted kid if the parents are not woke. Just thought I would mention here so it is easier to understand why I think Kazui would use Hinako as a chair in "half". Living with parents like Kazui's it's really hard to know yourself.(source: voice dramas, according to kazui he never told truth to anyone since childhood) And maybe even if you have some ideas about yourself(ideas like green and blue being close to each other) you don't believe yourself and searching proofs of yourself being wrong(like noticing tension between blue and red and swinging for red instead of green). So you take the gamble and marry a woman you seem to like. That's it I think. And it looks like it doesn't end well.

Random stuff and conclusion

I believe that cat is partially the reason why Milgram has French subs. Because — badun-tss, — cat's MV has French lyrics inside! And why would they give Kazui, of all people, French? I don't know. But if I were to make a theory about it I would say it is because France is associated with perverts and theatre. And gays, by extension.

While I was making this post I discovered official key merch and. well.

do you see my vision. I'm really sorry for this it's 1 AM and I don't know what I am doing. But honestly after pregnant pawn Yuno in "DEEP COVER" I would never be surprised. Mikoto's key also reminds me of "DEEP COVER"(apparently for no reason) Kotoko be cursed you predicted MILGRAM Also Kazui is not a dildo in "DEEP COVER" so I guess I'm just going insane at this point.

Though he is a pedestal and a rook. Pedestal is a place where stand the Red and the Green apple, and rook is all about stability and protection i.e. straight male fantasy Kazui possibly so desperately wants to live up to. And while I'm losing my last gears I think it's the perfect time to end this posts because I'm losing the plot at this point. It was a pleasure to go insane here. *** rewatched CD-dramas before putting this out and woah Kazui is a sketchy dude in there. Kazui is definitely my favourite pathetic man in my collection but dude he's miserable. Love him best char best char hope that his t3 wouldn't bewilder me like Yuno did. Happy birthday, old man, I wish they had kicked your ass. ALSO CD-dramas talking through my deductions from the first post huh. I wish Takuya didn't hid lore in CD-dramas huh [part 1] | [part 2]

[hot-veggies]

Another look on Kazui's MVs

Promised analysis of my favourite MILGRAM frames, starts here and now with Kazui. I'm a Kazui t2 guilty fan, so I can sometimes be a little harsh about the whole thing, I still love this character a lot even if I voted "do not forgive" in t2

Lies, lies, lies

Although none of the prisoners "lie", it is important to note that Kazui is known as "liar liar pants on fire". He always talks about keeping up the play and generally whines about how saying truth is bad for kittens.

Kazui begins to recall what have happened to him with this frame of Kazui going on stage in the first MV.

This actively signifies that his life IS a play and he acts a lot. You could as well learn about it from his CD dramas, but only watching MV is enough to make conclusions. Also, mask stays on during sex (c), because the only time actor Kazui takes his mask off is when making a confession to Hinako; we will talk later about the confession. Moreover just look at those sad wet eastern european gay porn eyes of his:

From the first watch I knew how troubled he feels around women(upd: the last pic. That's the most "I don't fuck women" touch I've ever seen in media). Also, do you remember how Hinako looks?

See anything familiar here?

Notice how she looks like dead prisoners before their graduation photos release - all in static. It's clearly she, here, with him, looking at their shared past; and at the same time the Green Apple is much closer to Kazui than Hinako is. The words he sings: "Where have I mistaken, was it at the start?" They hit me hard. They are 'bout how he regrets marrying Hinako(in my headcanons - because he is no joke really sad about how did it turn out) and wonders what would be the right choice.

Moments right after confession scene - actor Kazui without a mask.

It is the moment he decided to open up to Hinako and let her know the truth about *something*.

... Remember this frame?

Here's a mirror on it from t2.

I do not know if it is a coincidence; but I prefer to think of it as a conformation of Kazui's warm feelings toward Hinako. He loves her even if she's chair(dadjoke alert)

While we still talk about Kazui lying and truth showing through cracks:

Final moments of Kazui and Hinako for you.

Last frame of "half", Kazui decides that keeping on the act is best for everyone. He chooses to continue his lies. He puts mask back on to show this upright.

Another Kazui's opinion on lies.

"INNOCENT, isn't that right?" -> It's okay for me to continue to lie.

"Love, who wouldn't lie for that?" are lyrics for the next gif.

I think of the next frame as of his opinion on marriage with Hinako: he just got a little greedy. Saw an opportunity and decided to take it(Marriage with Hinako is just to be "normal". Kazui saw a pretty girl that is nice and who loves him and was "well, maybe I'm not gay?" and failed miserably, more on it in the p.2). If this frame is about [REDACTED] it also works.

First time we see what actually does Green Apple, my favourite [REDACTED], mean.

Another shot, explaining, what's wrong

Apple makes your kids gay

There is some consensus that The Green Apple is "men" for Kazui. It makes sense, and also appears a lot in his MVs.

You could say: Lov'ya(that's me btw don't get scared), but the Apple in "cat" is Kazui! How can you tell that he dreams about men? Well, you see, the nod scene. I fuck with gifs a lot to make this post so I leave a timecode link. It's clear that Kazui nods to another Kazui at Bartender, male. Scene cuts to the next shot and Kazui is very afraid that The Green Apple is too close to him. Also, slight headcanon here, it's not clear yet but "I could try you and try to touch you but you probably won't notice" line very much could be addressed to bartender.

Also, a shot saying that red apples are "normalcy" associated with Hinako(literal red apple), and two shots dedicated to Hinako Herself.

Rings, guilts and confessions

Once upon a time I debated in fandom spaces and got told that ring signifies Kazui's guilt. I, however, disagree.

I think it is his guilt's origin and not a direct representation of his guilt. That is why (for me) Kazui lets off the ring in T2 to escape from his guilt and not to make a sign to the viewer that he feel less guilty.

Here's a confession scene to support my version:

In t1 we get from Kazui part of the confession where everything was right. Hinako comforted him and something happened afterwards; in t2, however, we get a shot of the confession where Kazui towers over Hinako, menacing her or something like that. It seems like the next step of their argument, because Hinako is known to be dead. Also it is upside-down for some reason, so it may be Kazui's twisted view on this situation. Which seems like self-blame to me. Self-blame he tries to escape from - by getting rid of the ring, both in second MV and in MILGRAM's second season. He was relatively fine with the ring in t1, and in t2 it suddenly burns his flesh like it made of silver.

Or maybe Kazui has moved on. It doesn't seem like it to me, though.

Moreover, "cat" hints that the ring is possibly Kazui's relationships with Hinako, because it turns into a white dove which Kazui eventually eats.

Bonus

I'm running out of 30 pictures allowed by tumblr in a single post, so there will be part 2. Here's another frame I like.

A frame right after the Apple Man scene, where Kazui "Can't help but dream". Kazui sighs and we're shown a falling glass of whiskey (which means bar which means bartender) and arrows down, which maybe shows that marriage is a burden crashing his dreams(the glass fell and the whiskey spreaded out just like fallen Hinako-apple is) That's... heartbreaking. I saw a comment on yt that said "Maybe Kazui cheating on other woman he fell in love with wouldn't be that devastating for Hinako" and seeing how Kazui disappointed in this scene and how he really feels about his relationships with Hinako is bone-chilling to me. He may think that she's pretty, he may think that she's a nice person, but keeping up their relationships is that hard for Kazui and yet he hides it from Hinako presumably for years. Woah. Ouch.

[part 1] | [part 2] Birthday dialogue with Mu update: It implies that Hinako did indeed kill herself just like Haruka. Cool.

Another upd: happy birthday Kazui btw. Didn't know you're born august 5

[hot-veggies]

[hot-veggies]

Initially, when I started a tumblr, I made some posts about queerness in East Europe(they're deleted), and I think it's time I'll be coming back to it.

I really miss Eastern European(Slavic?) queer culture. Maybe I just don't see it, but I would like to find more queer music groups like t.A.T.u and KAZAKY. These groups were very innovative, as I think, and I'm really sad I'm late to the hypetrain. For me, as a person who was raised inside a really homophobic country, it's wild to watch clips from 15 years ago where people were breaking the stereotypes and enjoying their life to the fullest. Like, can you imagine fujioshi Madonna? I could not. But she kinda is?

And the guys dancing with her? As far as I understand, some of them are from KAZAKY, the Ukrainian group of hot guys making club music, womanizers, I'll dare to say, that are beaming with sexuality. Not always with homosexuality, though sometimes it's hinted, yes, but they're just being sexy and that's about them. They sexualise men's body in a way that, as I think, was unknown to a mainstream audience. Breaking this stigma, I think they were somehow culturally important and should be remembered(at least on this blog :D) for showing the world that man can be sexy like this, too.

And, of course, there are t.A.T.u, I think you know this girls. And if I have zero idea what the ending of KAZAKY's story is, I know that t.A.T.u's story did not end so well. I won't get into russian politics, but one of the girls is apparently involved in them now, so I won't discuss it further. The whole group, after the russian war with LGBTQ+ people, was deemed to be a "stageplay." I hate it. Let's just remember how cool they were and how they were TOO WOKE for the Eurovision back in 2003. And, of course, listen to their song, too.

Gosh, I miss all of this... I think they're, as my childhood icons, lead me to the Johnny McGovern and other queer artists out there, and I'm really grateful for it <3

As a personal addition, all that is written above doesn't help me to understand why there's a lot of hate for queer people in eastern europe. It's really sad to me that the same people who were vibing while listening to a t.A.T.u or a KAZAKY song may be supporting local anti-gay politics. And calling t.A.T.u "just a stageplay", even if it was like this. I guess it's those interesting times we live in.

[hot-veggies]