set your life on fire

let me sit alone with the ker-ker-kerosene Andy Marlow. 22. Pyro, and not afraid to fuck you up.

[colecrnes]

“Naturally,” Cole said, smiling. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Prometheus.” They were joking, obviously, but beneath the joke, there was an undercurrent of truth. He was trusting Andy. Sort of. As much as he could trust anyone.

He snorted. “How would you know what was in vogue, man? You’ve been in here… what? Five years? FYI, I wouldn’t suit that whole walking like a retard thing. I couldn’t pull it off. That’s more your style. No offence.” He raised his hands a little to emulate Jack Sparrow’s gestures, and then lowered them again, shaking his head. “Nah. Not gonna happen. I’m way too regal for that.”

The thought of manning a ship full of crazy pirates was definitely one of their weirder hypothetical adventures, but Cole ran with it. He laughed. “S.S. Loony. I like it. Captain Cole Carnes does have a ring to it, doesn’t it? We’d be the scourge of the seven seas, Prometheus. Looting and pillaging and plundering. What’s the difference between pillaging and plundering, anyway?” He shrugged. “Whatever. We’d be awesome.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“To be fair,” Andy said, waving a finger in the air. “I wasn’t particularly conscious of what was ‘fashionable,’ even when I was on the outside.” He laughed at himself, shrugged, and didn’t bother to correct Cole on the little details. Instead, he just snorted at the word regal. “Oh yeah, a regular King Henry over here. Now you just need six wives to kill one by one,” he laughed.

They had a tendency to mix metaphors and stories, until their conversation was a strange and twisted mess, but Andy liked it that way. “No idea, Captain Cole,” he said, giving him a mock-salute. “Wait, do pirates even salute? Or do they spend all their time pillaging-plundering? I feel like one has more to do with stealing and the other is about killing, but I’m not sure.”

[alice--griffin-deactivated20191]

She smiled at him and said “It’s a secret. But I can definitely show you. I heard there’s a party tonight in the attic, actually. I say we go and get shit faced.” She had wanted to get drunk for so long and now this party seemed like the chance to do it and of all people, Andy seemed like he’d be pretty fun to get drunk with.

Alice couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh no, she’s real, I promise. She’s this fucking adorable cinnamon roll of a person and I love her..” She shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s kind of my ‘thing’, I guess? Not that I search for it, but… I’ve dated my share of weird-named people. I dated a guy named Destery… Also a guy named Grayson… I dated a girl named Star… A lot of weird names,” she laughed.

“Fair enough then,” she laughed. “Maybe we should just be in charge of everything. ‘All the best people are crazy’, after all,” she smiled.

“I’m just interested to see just how many you can make,” she giggled. 

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Secrets don’t make friends,” he quipped. “Party? Eh...” He trailed off with a shrug. “Think I’ll pass. I don’t actually have that many friends here anymore, might be kind of a drag, ya know?” 

He raised a brow as she talked. “Never been my type of girl,” he said, shaking his head and smiling. “I like ‘em with a little bite, ya know? But yeah, weird names award goes to your exes, congrats,” he said with a grin.

Her words made him burst out laughing. “Hell fucking yeah. I mean, the world will fall to shit, but at least it’ll be interesting,” he said, laughing again. “I’m totally down for world domination, though. I think Cole might insist on being King when we take over, but that’s a small price to pay for a little fun.”

He screwed his eyes shut and really racked his memory. “Something about a smoking caterpillar,” he said finally, beaming at her,

[pollyedw]

     “Of course they do,” Polly just shrugs. She loathes smoking, never understood it. Even when her favorite poets tried to make sense of it as some sort of soothing aesthetic pleasure, it made her sick to her stomach. Even the smell repulsed her, gave her weak stomach the urge to barf up it’s contents. 

     Polly grimaced at his words, looking up at him with furrowed brows and wide eyes. “Pathetic? Pathetic is all I have time for, Andy. Pathetic is all I am. I can’t walk anymore. Or read. I spent my morning in Nora’s office picking out the wheelchair I’m weeks away from using. Do you honestly, honestly think I could get any more pathetic than this??” Polly can feel the weight of her words hanging heavy on her tongue, and she knows that Andy would probably love to be anywhere but here right now, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about anything anymore, really. “Look, you can’t teach a dying girl how to live, okay? It’s going to happen, very, very soon. One day I’m going to be a vegetable, waiting for Theodore to make his peace with it and let me go. And that day is vastly approaching.” She didn’t know why she was talking anymore. No matter what anyone said otherwise, Andy used to be different, at least to her. Her death used to read like a harsh reality, not some practical joke of a novelty that hung in every room like a white elephant. “So don’t tell me I don’t have time to be this pathetic. Because that’s all I have time for.” 

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

Andy gaped at her. Her words were like a slap in the face, but he’d been slapped a lot harder and a lot worse than this. Even metaphorically. He just stared at her, wondering what the fuck had happened. 

“Since fucking when?” he asked finally. His words were sharp, but tinged with confusion, not anger. “You used to fight back. Against Death, against me, against anyone who even looked at one of your goddamn friends wrong. You  used to yell at me, tell me when I was wrong. You used to light lakes on fire, Pols,” he breathed. 

His throat felt tight, a strange sort of fury, but he wasn’t mad at her. He was mad at this facade, this weird pathetic acceptance she’d fallen into. “You’re gonna be a vegetable someday, fine. But are you one today? No, so stop fucking acting like it,” he snapped. 

He marched over to her, arms crossed. “Stand the fuck up,” he said, glaring down at her. He felt like a giant next to her tiny, lithe form, but she was no smaller than she’d been before, not really. “Stand up and tell me what’s actually going the fuck on. When the fuck did you decide to give up?”

[hcathersmash]

“Ancient crazies? Fuck, like the En Sabah Nur’s of our kind. That’s pretty fucking sick. Pun sorta intended.” Her eyes hovered over to the file, interest flaring high in her eyes. She’d never bothered to check those files before, having spent too much time simply hiding and exploding, but the discovery was admittedly cool. Andy was a superb treasure-finding partner. “Maybe we’ll find out about the first IED-er to ever IED, and the first pyro to ever pyro. Gasp, even better, maybe we would find some even more secret lairs in this place.”

She chuckled when his flattery made its return. “My ego’s having a fucking boner. God, where would I be without my smooth as fuck Captain? Probably down there, getting down on all of his girls and stealing ‘em.” Heather joked. “De-virgining is always the best sub option. With consent, of course. Introducing them to the glory called banging genitals.” Thinking about it, she’d basically just done that to Jane and the experience had been less than glorious, but her safety was the top priority at that time and she was at least relieved that she’d come out unharmed. “Murder stories in general or the people he murdered? That sounds fun to hear, either way.” She made a note on the philosophy teacher question in her head.

A smile grew upon his awe again. “You’re welcome, Android. I’m glad you find the view of le stars awesomeballs, too.” She continued to stare up when he drank – there was nothing more but a bunch of flocking lights up there, but it reminded her of home, or at least the place she tried to consider home when it was quiet and her old man wasn’t throwing shit around the house. “I used to do this this with Sam. My sister.” She suddenly mused out, glancing from the corner of her eyes.

“And my brother too, until he stopped sticking around and then it was just me and Sam.” Heather had no idea why exactly why she was telling this, maybe the atmosphere was so peaceful it made her reminisce. “We talked ‘bout how fucking cool it would be if we could join aliens and travel around the space, finding much better planets to live in, y’know? It was ridiculous but fun.”

She then grinned weakly at him. “You think aliens actually exist? Super important question.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“The what the what now?” Andy asked, spinning back towards her. “You speaking English there, Hots? Or have you gone really crazy?” He grinned at the idea of finding their ancestors though. “That’d be pretty sweet. Fire’s like, the start of civilization, ya know? So I wonder if there were pyros and time-bombs and socios and shit back in like, caveman days,” he asked, still grinning.

Her comment about ‘consent,’ rubbed him the wrong way -- and he realized with a jolt that she didn’t know anything about Genevieve. Hopefully she wasn’t friends with Margy either. “Little bit of both,” he answered, in regards to Cole’s stories. “But there’s always a lotta blood, a lotta madness, and a lotta awesomeness,” he laughed.

He was grateful for Heather’s quirky description -- it kept things low-key and casual, made him feel less embarrassed for liking the stars. Even as he drank from the stash, he couldn’t stop staring out the window now that she’d uncovered it. But she wasn’t exactly right -- sure, he found the view pretty damn cool, but that was only part of it. It also unsettled him, made his heart kick up a beat. There was so much emptiness out there. He wasn’t scared, but it did make him stop, for just a second. 

He shook his head and grinned when she looked back at him.  “I totally believe in aliens,” he said, walking over to her. He slipped his sweater off over his head, and laid it out on the floor. He sat down, and motioned for her to join him. They were right in front of the window.

“I was really into like, Star Trek and shit. You tell anyone that and I’ll totally deny it, but there it is,” he said, laughing quietly. “Firefly, too. Ender’s Game -- all sorts of science-fiction shit, ya know?” He glanced at her, and took another drag off the gin bottle. “I hope to shit there’s some fucking aliens out there. Planets and spaceships and all of it. Places better than here,” he nodded.

He looked over at her. “I’m a shitty friend, I forgot you had a sister. What was she like?” he asked, tearing his eyes away to look at the stars again. “My sister, Lily, she was more into fairytales. We’d pretend there were other kingdoms and shit, magic doors to Narnia, portals to Hogwarts...  It was fun, ya know?”

[rbandi]

“Seriously? It’s that bad?”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“The food sucks, there’s nothing to do but listen to people whine, and you’re surrounded by psychos. What do you think?”

[narcissistgwen]

As her wrists were lifted up further, Gwendolyn looked a way to cry out, once more. The male hadn’t been listening, she had already given up and surrendered, with an ‘okay’ yet the male was still ordering her to apologise. The little blonde bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. As comforting as it once was, it just made the woman cry harder; nothing had changed, she was still the little girl that wasn’t useful to anyone and who was always wrong. The physical contact was definitely a trigger, it made her panic and all logic seemed to go out of the window. “I said okay!” The desperation in her voice was so evident. The sharp pain had just turned in to a constant gritty sensation, one that was cutting off her circulation to her hands. “Just let go!” This was the worst thing for Gwendolyn she didn’t have any control over the situation; she was powerless. 

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Okay, isn’t what I fucking told you to say,” he hissed, jaw clenched. He stared at her, glared into her tear-filled eyes. Was that supposed to stop him? That whimpering, the way her voice trembled and cracked -- was it supposed to make him feel bad? Fuck that. 

She might’ve been new, but she needed to learn. This was the real world, no one gave a fuck about your feelings. Being crazy didn’t change that little fact. 

He adjusted his grip on her wrists. “Last chance,” he breathed. “You got thirty seconds to say what I told you to say.”

[littlealexia-blog1]

        “maybe for you.” she raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, picturing the scene in her mind. “buildings, huh? i once burned down a church.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Well, I’m willing to listen, if you wanna try and change my mind, sweetheart,” he said, grinning wryly at her.

Her next words were so out of the blue, for a moment he thought he heard wrong. “No shit,” he breathed, jolting forward and leaning towards her. “You did fucking not. Come on, out with it. Tell me the whole thing.”

[almcsteasy]

“Why are you being like this?” Chris asked, a little huff escaping afterward. He was frustrated more than anything and he wasn’t sure why, but it was starting to get to him.

“I don’t even want anything! I’m just trying to give you something that you need,” He bit down on his lip for a moment, inhaling deeply before continuing. “No, and I don’t think I talk too much.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Like what?” Andy snarled. He scoffed at Chris’ response. “I don’t need anything from you, don’t you get that?” He crossed his arms and swayed backward. He was torn -- he wanted to put distance between them but he couldn’t back down. Not that Chris would be much of a fight, it was the principle of the thing.

“You definitely talk too fucking much,” he muttered. “If you’d grown up where I did, you would’a fucking learned to shut up.”

[littlealexia-blog1]

    “Oh yeah, I’m the whole package. Depends on the situation. I tend to be more self-destructive than anything.” She perked up curiously. “Fire’s cool. What’s the biggest thing you’ve set on fire?!”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Eh, that’s slightly less interesting,” Andy shrugged. 

But he beamed at her question. “Fire is very fucking cool.” He considered for a moment. “Couple buildings. Had to make my name as an arsonist, ya know?”

[almcsteasy]

“It’s not my business, but I can’t use the stuff so someone might as well have it, okay?” Chris was getting upset, moreso than he should be, but that didn’t matter. He thought he’d made progress with Andy. “Just because you don’t need people to be nice doesn’t mean they don’t want to be nice. You deserve to be treated nicely, even if you are mean sometimes.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“If you give it to me, I’m just gonna torch it,” Andy muttered. His heart was pounding in his ears now, that familiar rage turning his stomach. 

“Shut up. God, you talk too much, didn’t anyone ever tell you that?” he snapped. “Nice is bullshit, no one’s ever nice unless they want something.”

[littlealexia-blog1]

      “Paranoid, PTSD, violent tendencies. I’m a joy to be around.” she smiled. “What about you?”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Triple threat,” Andy grinned. “Nice, very sexy. Me? I’m the resident firebug. Pyromania, if you wanna get technical. How violent we talking?”

[littlealexia-blog1]

     “I’ll remember that next time I go crazy.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Yeah, you better,” he laughed. “I suppose this is where I ask what your flavor of crazy is, yeah? Come on, clue me in.”

[almcsteasy]

“You do not,” Chris stood up, narrowing his eyes and leaning up on his toes a bit to match the other’s height. “You need stuff and I want you to have it. Why are you changing your mind all of a sudden? Let somebody be nice to you.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“What goddamn business is it of yours, fag?” Andy spat. His breathing was shallow and quick. “I don’t need anyone to be nice to me. Least of all you, got it?”

[littlealexia-blog1]

      “Not a big fan of pills. I tend to avoid ‘em.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“You definitely made the wrong choice going crazy then. Shrinks are all about the pills these days.”

[almcsteasy]

Chris frowned, looking up at Andy and folding his arms over his chest. “How come? Because I wanna watch the fishes? We’ll turn it off and watch something else, I don’t care. Don’t not take stuff just ‘cause I wanna watch fishes.”

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

“Are you like, five?” Andy asked, giving him a look. “I don’t care what you watch or don’t watch. You can watch fish for three days straight as far as I’m concerned. I just don’t want it, I’ve got enough shit.”

[intoxicaatedby-you]

I fucked up. You fucked up. But don’t ever say I didn’t love you. That’s all I ever did.

And you’re the one who left 

[margj]

She clenched her fist as he held onto her wrist, it made his grip hurt less. “That rule went out the window a long time ago. We both didn’t follow it.” How could she have ever loved someone who treated her like this? “Is this your crazy?” Her voice cracked, “You’re hurting me.” Her eyes went soft as they filled with tears. There was no use in trying to stop them, he’d seen her cry before. She wasn’t fighting him. He’d already won, she was defeated. Inflated like a balloon. He got her to hate herself, to want this to all be over whether it ended in her death or her freedom. Wasn’t that the ultimate goal?

Margaret let out a grunt of paint when he slammed her against the wall. The bruise on her back made her have to suck in air, her throat spasmed for it. Her eyes darted to the side so she wouldn’t have to look into his. Nearly twenty-four hours ago, she was alone in a hospital bed. It felt like ages ago when she had to give birth to a child that would never exist in this world. He knew that, yet he was still treating her like an animal would.

Her tailbone pinched, still sore from the fall. She couldn’t look at him as he spoke. She felt like his prisoner. She could smell his breath, her nose crinkled at it. How was she supposed to cleanse herself of him when every inch of her skin felt infected by his touch. She itched, so disgusted by him then.

She wanted to shout at him. Anything else she’d say would just feed him, like giving oxygen to a fire. She kept her mouth shut and chewed on the inside of her cheek.

The feeling of his fingers around her neck felt all too familiar. They had been here once, hadn’t they? Still, the feeling was a surprise. The rims of her view began to turn black, her head pounding, feeling heavy but faint, like it’d be the first thing to touch the floor when he’d let go.

When he finally did, she dropped to her knees, her stomach cramping. It was sharp, and it felt like her throat opened. The next thing she remembered was seeing vomit covering the tips of her hair, spilled on the floor in front of her and on her hands that held her from landing face first into it.

He was afraid of being alone, claimed everyone was always leaving him, but he did nothing worth keeping her. She would’ve been better off not knowing him, not hearing every insult he poured at her throughout the time they’ve known each other. Every single one of them poisoned her brain, made it harder to accept good things. It made it hard for her to get up when all she wanted to do was lay down and inhale her own vomit until it led to her last breath.

[hotdamnpyroboy-blog]

He was standing far enough away to avoid the vomit. But it still made him stumble backwards. His mouth dropped open, his nose crinkled at the smell, and he stood there frozen in shock. He hadn’t been expecting that, hadn’t realized how hard he’d been --

He shook his head, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Staring down at the girl he hated and loved, laying next to a pool of her own sick. It was disgusting. It was heartbreaking. It was awful. 

Andy didn’t know what to do. His first instinct, even now, was to kneel down next to her. To pull her hair back and offer his sleeve so she could wipe her mouth. But he didn’t do that. For a long, horrible, strangled moment, he didn’t do anything.

He didn’t even offer to go get help. He had done this to her, it didn’t feel right to undo it. To help her up when he had knocked her down. It’d be like apologizing, when he wasn’t even sure if he was sorry. Had he wanted this to happen? Had he wanted her broken and shattered on the bathroom floor, looking like his mother, like his sister, like himself --

He felt the tears pricking behind his eyes again, and he bit down to stop them. Without a word, he stalked to the bathroom door, leaving it swinging open behind him when he ran into the hall.

He didn’t stop moving until he reached the nurses’ station, where three bored nurses were talking with a couple of orderlies. “Girls’ bathroom,” was all he said, pointing down the hall. The orderlies ran off, one of the nurses trailing after him. The other crooked her finger, motioning for him to sit down beside her.

He sighed, knowing that he was probably heading for solitary. They’d be able to put together what had happened pretty quick. But he sat down anyway, and when she asked, he told her everything that had happened.