Salem

my name is salem and i long for a secret magical little place that i can go to that has infinite yasai seikatsu, melon soda floats, arcades, all my friends, and everyone gets angel wings

[hotdogdances]

I feel really guilty about not spending more time with my mom

In my last school year I was very flimsy with keeping in contact with my family

I was basically ghosting them because I was way too keen on my own independence and freedom

But I think freedom is a pretty lonely thing

I prioritize what I want and myself but i feel much more fulfilled when I have a duty to sacrifice some of my freedom for someone's happiness

But I didn't realize that at that time

It was also a time of darkness and hopelessness for me and I was too scared of reaching out and making my mom worry about me

But because of that I ended up worrying my mom anyway (funny how that works)

And even more I kept going against what my mom wanted for me because I still wanted to do things as I wanted

It was really selfish

And she expected that I would come home for the summer and spend time with her until school started again

But I still persisted in doing what I wanted and distancing myself for the sake of my independence

I think I hurt my mom a lot by doing that because she said she felt lonely and that no one was on her side

And when my parents realized that my vitality is a bit feeble they started acting in ways which I believe would allow them not to have regrets if they suddenly lost me

It had been a long time since my heart was touched by the warmth and care of my parents and I have a great guilt about my independence

Now I'm questioning if independence is worth it

I think it's better to stay closely enveloped in the love and care of what I deemed as "chains"

And I feel really sorry for having an ungrateful attitude towards the people who supported me and kept praying and hoping for me to get well and learn to live with my depression

But I will take this guilt I have to propell myself to love more and understand that sacrificing my freedom is not a violation to myself

There truly is no such thing as freedom

Because no matter where I go I will be chained to something

I guess it's just a matter of what I am willing to be chained to

It will be good to find out how to love through sacrifice

Sacrifice has always sounded like a bad word to me but I can sacrifice little things

I hope the little things can help build a beautiful and joyful big thing

I believe it can happen

[hotdogdances]

I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and walked back to my room in the complete darkness. My fingers were glowing and I was so confused. I forgot I put glow in the dark nail polish on

[hotdogdances]

listen

[hotdogdances]

Today's CKC (Creative Korean Conjure)

친구들이 사라지면 외로울 거야.

근데 내가 계속 친구들에게서 도망치다.

문제가 생기면 내가 화해를 잘 안 해.

그래서 오해랑 소문이 자꾸 나를 따라다녀.

친구로서 ㄹㅈㄷ 실망은 바로 나야.

🛌🏻

I'll be lonely if my friends disappear.

But I keep running away from my friends.

When a problem arises, I don't reconcile easily.

Because of that, misunderstandings and rumors keep following me.

As a friend, the legendary disappointment is me.

[hotdogdances]

We take the art of sending posts to one another for granted

My brother and I used to ask each other to go to each other's computers to watch videos we thought were funny

Now he just sends reels to me

But I kind of miss the journey that was made to watch the video in person, right there on the spot

[hotdogdances]

I saw a shooting star for the first time yesterday

[hotdogdances]

I miss the Sunday waffles at the university dorm where they would give you a giant ass fucking waffle and let you put whipped cream sprinkles gummy worms chocolate sauce m&m strawberries blueberries blackberries

[hotdogdances]

Day one of new manager: I like my new manager she's nice

[hotdogdances]

when i was 15 my main THING at the time was playing osu!taiko and i was in a tournament. i had asked my teammate (who was 25 at the time and knew i was 15) if we could do a map i wanted for the next match and he said no, and since i was an annoying 15 year old of course i was extremely resilient about it. and eventually he said "we can do your map if you send yourself doing a picture of this" and he sent this picture of a shirtless anime girl with her nipples covered by some strands of her hair and it caught me so off guard that i thought he was joking. but with further investigation he was dead serious. i never did it but what i did get was one more point towards my philanthropy that would emerge later

[hotdogdances]

I think its incorrect to call myself avoidant but at least in the scenario i am in, i feel trapped, im denied independency, i see the other as overly clingy and needy, my reaction to verbal and physical affection is apathetic, i make excuses to be alone, and my room/workplace feels like a million dollars, and when that space is invaded i feel like ive been violated. Wowzers!

[hotdogdances]

[hotdogdances]

I know EXACTLY what my type is. And it is a gentle person. And when they make jokes they choose the words very specifically and that action in itself is very gentle. But they are sometimes so hectic and energetic that when they are calm the gentleness feels extremely gentle. And even when they have to fight, their mind is not violent, it's gentle. And they're gentle to themselves and take things step by step. And when they give you a hug it feels so safe and gentle, and there's enough room to breathe and let out a nice gentle sigh. And in their brightest and most impressive moments their shininess isn't blinding, it's gentle. And you're never afraid to approach them or be judged by them because they're so gentle. And they're honest about their wrongdoings no matter how terrible because sometimes being a safe person can give the impression that they have no wrongs, and the fact that they are aware of that is quite gentle. Gentleness is my favourite virtue. Put everybody onto gentleness RIGHT NOW!

[hotdogdances]

Today's creative Korean conjure

CKC

천사가 성격 없어서 하루 종일 자랑 많이 했어요

Credits to shoehorseconstant.

[shoehorseconstant]

天使가 性格 없어서 하루 終日 자랑 많이 했어요

[shoehorseconstant]

how do you feel about dancing hot dogs

omg i think they're soooo cute

[shoehorseconstant]

i wanna see a HOT DOG DANCE

HOT DOT DANCE

i wanna see a HOT DOG DANCE

[hotdogdances]

Today's creative Korean conjure

CKC

천사가 성격 없어서 하루 종일 자랑 많이 했어요

Credits to shoehorseconstant.

[hotdogdances]

Why is it that all the Asian adoptees with white parents that I've met always have a strong barrier to prevent people from knowing them or they do unbearable shit that also steers people away from knowing them or they do a combination of both