(WARNING: This post may be triggering to sensitive individuals, and if you feel like you should read this, then don’t. Scroll past and continue to enjoy your blogging experience)
There are too many situations in life where you can feel completely alone. When you feel like there’s no one else who knows what it’s like, nobody else could possibly understand your situation, now could they?Well whether or not you believe it, there is always someone who understands.
You see, I know what it’s like to feel completely alone, and to feel lonely. There’s a difference you see, because you can be the only one in a building and not feel lonely, or you can be surrounded by everyone you’ve ever called friend, and yet feel totally isolated. To sit next to the one you care about most, and not dare speak a word for fear of breaking the silence.
I know how it is to be weighed down by a sadness that refuses to leave you in peace. To have a hollow pit inside you that no matter how you try won’t be filled, and gets heavier each day. However, it’s often others that fill this void rather than yourself.
I understand how it feels to be afraid of everything. For a simple question to be an insurmountable trial. To see threats in every situation, and to find it so very hard to ever feel safe. Even a friendly hand on your shoulder can feel like an attack. Remember that there are honest people out there, friends, kind hearts who wish you no harm.
I also know what it’s like for food to turn to poison in your mouth. I know how it is when your lunch joins a half-finished breakfast in the bin, and when your ribs are a common site in bathroom mirror. When you insist that you’re not hungry even though your insides are wanting something. You need to keep in mind that some food is always better than no food at all. It can be so easy to do your body damage and think that you’re trying to be healthy, or to change how you look, when in reality you could be doing more harm than good. Never change yourself to suit how others think you should look. It’s not their choice to make.
I even understand how it is to to take a blade to your own flesh. When the pain of the outside world is so overwhelming, when everything is too much, it creates a release that nobody else could comprehend. With a simple cut comes a fresh pain that seems to cleanse everything else. It’s a release, and an escape; a way to express your innermost emotions in a way that words cannot decipher. So easy to make a line, easy as drawing one.
That doesn’t mean that you should add another to it though, and it won’t help things get better. It won’t help you.
I know what it’s like to feel nothing. I know how it feels to stand on the edge of everything and hold deaths hand in my own. So easy to take that final step. I know what it’s like to cling to a book, or a person, or a show in order to survive. I understand what it’s like to hide your tears or your scars, to hold everything inside you let nothing out, or to let nothing in. To lie in bed with your music loud enough to drown out your own sobs and make an effort to forget the world’s even there.
But it is there. And so are you.
So next time you feel sad, try making someone else happy and you’ll soon follow. When you’re afraid and the world is your enemy, remember that you don’t have to face your fears, but you can accept them, and you can live with them. When everything is telling you to stop eating, remember that the only one you have to listen to is yourself, and somewhere you know that you have to eat to live. And whenever you feel like picking up a blade, pick up a pen instead, draw your lines, but it’s better in ink than in blood. Dull your razor, make the motion, but you don’t have to hurt yourself to feel something. Remember that pain doesn’t cure other pain. There is always another option.
No matter how hard it may get, despite everything this world and the people in it can throw at you, things will change, but most importantly, even if the world doesn’t get better; you will. There is always someone or something that can help, and there is always someone who cares about you, no matter what you may think of yourself. Whether it’s a kind word or a hug, a conversation that needs to be had, or just someone who listens, remember that you are not alone in whatever you may be facing.
I’m here if you need me, & in a world of change I can be your constant.
jacobvanloon
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