why I have to love people just for life to show me how I'll never be enough for them

oozey mess

#extradirty
Jules of Nature
occasionally subtle
wallacepolsom
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Cosmic Funnies
hello vonnie

pixel skylines
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Kaledo Art
RMH
Sade Olutola
$LAYYYTER
cherry valley forever

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Today's Document
KIROKAZE
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Not today Justin

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@houseofoblivion
why I have to love people just for life to show me how I'll never be enough for them
still alive still waiting for the moment that i’ll wake up feeling so so bad that i’ll finally convince me to kill myself
basically now my days consist in: go to college and while i wait for the train to come i’ll think that if i’m lucky enough today is the day that a fucking crazy person will come from nowhere and just push me on the train line.
just saw aftersun and...it’s like it gave me the answer I already knew I had that there’s really nothing I can do about it and I’m just watching people’s lives go on
i guess one of the worst parts is feeling this constant chestpain and difficulty to breathe as I’m about to die but
i just. don’t. die.
honestly at this point my parents are the only reason why I haven’t swallowed 5 boxes of sleeping pills or something like that. I could never do this to them.
but I really don’t want to stay here anymore.
this week i realised that my birthday is next month and the last thing I want to is to celebrate that I’m still alive.
plus when november starts I’ll celebrate one hole fucking year in what at this point I guess I can self diagnose as depression. not making any moves to get help though, just wishing everything could end.
still waking up every fuking single day
staying alive is so hard and it’s not even worth it
i can’t get used to being alone again and i’m afraid to feel this way to the end of my days
im hating weekends more and more and can’t wait for them to end and it’s monday again and I barely have time to go to the bathroom and I finally can replace depression with exhaustion
i guess this is the first time that i get very fucked up in my head for a very long period of time but still am so calm about it...like i got used to it finally ‘cause it always comes back again and i don’t trust any happy moment at this point. a while a go it seemed that i was starting to get better but nope. not at all.
guess i’m never getting back to normal (i used to be more sociable, talkative and stuff) but still im okay wth it? i guess
i miss drawing for myself, i could vent about this without writing, or just writing in my drawings
once again reading my old “depressive episodes” entries and getting to the conclusion that this will go on forever and the only way to be really at peace is dying
Mago do Tempo / Time Wizard
I just forget about this account.
Yu-gi-oh’s Book of Life just ‘cause I’ve been trying to play DUEL (this shit is full of pro players so it’s already impossible to play casualy)
Phillipsia subpurpurea (day 16)
seal and penguin (day 15)