[reikomiu]

Vincent Bercasio

[wintercorrybriea]

“safety curtains” by cy twombly, vienna state opera (2010-11)

the vienna state opera has transformed its curtains, a relatively bland and practical feature, in an ongoing exhibition series titled “safety curtains”. every year since 1998, the opera house invited an artist to showcase their visionary through the canvas of their curtains.

[luthienne]

Mahmoud Darwish, from The Butterfly's Burden; "Maybe, Because Winter is Late" (tr. from the Arabic by Fady Joudah)

[claireverything]

existential agony and the 12H

It’s amazing how much better I feel in the dark. In a way, it’s like it’s the answer to all my problems. This whole day I’ve been feeling like I’m trying to access something I can’t reach. Like I’m trying to reach an unknown destination - one I just can’t quite put my finger on. And now that it’s night time and I’m in complete darkness, I kind of feel like I’ve gotten there. I guess this is what I wanted - to disappear. To escape. To be nothing. And yes, this is about to turn into another 12H-moon-is-the-pits post, because it is. I literally feel comfort in not existing. In not being embodied. In not being a person whose personhood is perceived and acknowledged. But the thing is, I am a person. That’s something I can’t deny. I am a person and I do have a body and I do have to exist and so I’m uncomfortable. I’m almost always uncomfortable. 

A thought that often pops up in my head is, am I destined for suffering? Is it inevitable? Am I chasing peace and comfort in vain? Because it often feels like yes, discomfort is inevitable, and trying to pursue feeling normal, at peace, and like I belong is ultimately futile. I want to wake up and be a cloud for fucks sake. A marshmellow. An amorphous energy bubble - anything that would allow me to not have to be a person with a body and a supposed fucking ego. 

In many ways, 12H moon is agony. Why would you make me a human who only finds comfort in being as far away from her humanhood as possible? What kind of life-long agony is that? Why would I choose this for myself as a soul? Because yes, we’re going there. The thing about me is that I can’t stay in the victim space for very long at all. As much as it may feel easier to yell out to the Sky Gods, “WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?”, I know that that approach is futile. I know I willed this. I know this is what I wanted. I wanted to heal people, I guess. I wanted to contribute to humanity in a way that was worthwhile and truly meaningful and transformative. But fuck, this is exhausting. Having to live everyday as this person-that-is-not-a-person is excruciating.

I really wish I had a void I could go to - like Janet from The Good Place. My own personal space of nothingness that I could just disappear into whenever I wanted. That would make this so much easier. If I could just have a few days off from humanhood. I often just want to disappear. That’s why I feel so good in a pitch black room. That’s why I crave nighttime and wait longingly for it the entire day. That’s why the frequency of daytime - with its (albeit beautiful) blue sky and strong sun (I live on the equator btw) - just doesn’t feel right to me. It doesn’t feel comfortable to me. As much as I can admire its beauty, it just doesn’t feel aligned with me. My comfort zone is non-existence, and I have to step outside of it every fucking day. 

Me: When will this end?

When you die. And that’s not going to happen soon, is it?

Me: *sighs*, no. 

The 12th house asks two important questions. The first is, “how much can you withstand suffering?”, and the second: “how much can you love yourself?”

[flowerytale]

Virginia Woolf, from The Waves

[flowerytale]

Virginia Woolf, from The Waves

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Sanna Wani, “Who is the Sun, Asking for Sleep?”, My Grief, the Sun // Brenna Twohy, A Coworker Asks Me If I Am Sad, Still

[deviika]

Jane O. Wayne // Kate Jacobs

[ousia-poetica]

[chillpotato]

Mieko Kawakami, from 'Heaven'

[wispygirl]

transparent sticker of my anniversary cake <3

[houzelspeaks]

[thoughtkick]

“Making love was never about you and me in a bed. We made love whenever we held hands.”

— Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You

[sweetaswine-deactivated20181218]

[wiacollections]

[fairytaleeditorials]

Lara Stone in “Le Temps de L'Innocence” photographed by Mario Sorrenti | Vogue Paris, May 2008

[dekonstruktivisme]

Martin Margiela spring—summer 1998. The Japanese idea of flat-surfaced clothes has had a strong effect on Western fashion, especially in the 1920s and 1980s. Martin Margiela, who embraces the Japanese mentality of Kawakubo and others, presented a show together with Rei Kawakubo in the spring—summer of 1998. The pieces presented included the item shown here. The armholes were moved to the front, and pressed after the sewing process. While hung on a hanger it looks flat, but when it is worn a dimensional shoulder line appears.