Some people aren't worth trying for
So, yeah. We were supposed to go and watch "into the spiderverse" on dec 20th, and yeah, she looked better couple of weeks before the day, tho I had to change the day since was going to take her finals on the 21th so I change it for the 27th instead and, that was when everything stared to go to hell.
She's super forgetful, so like 3 days before the day I remembered her that we were supposed to go out on the 27th. She didn't respond.
I texted her again on the 26th, again, telling that the next day we were supposed to go out. She didn't respond. Again.
Before I invited her, I already had planned go w my bestie, I was supposed to go w both but on separated dates bc they don't like each other but, everything went to shit with all that was happening (her accident, the days, etc). My bestie told me that if I wanted, i could go w her instead(such a good soul) and I was like "ok" stabbing him on the back.
So, the day came and I had no news from her, I was anxious, I was frustrated, powerless and didn't know what fck do. I talked w my bestie abt it the day before, we agreed that I'll come to his house, try to call her(btw she didn't respond) and ask what happened, tho later at night I decided to call her to cancel, I mean, she obviously wasn't going to go anyway.
I ended up going w my bestie but, since shit just got from bad to worse, all kinda went wrong that day, our closest movie change it's schedule, the movie was going to start very late, so we decided to go the other nearest one, even tho it was kinda far, the movie was going to start like at 4 which was perfect, however since the day fcking sucked, our bus got out late, we got stuck on traffic yada yada, we arrived late to the movie, the next round was going to start at 7, meaning that if we stayed, we wouldn't see the end of the movie. We did stayed, I mean, we weren't going to see it all but it was better than nothing.
When we were on our ride back home I received a text from her, she wouldn't had come anyways bc she had been taking meds that basically blacked her out bc they were too strong. But I'm sorry did Ms. "Don't worry, I'll be fine for that date" was trying to say that she indeed wasn't OK?!
So yeah, she text that, and I was like "ok" but oh man that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wasn't all mad, people make mistakes, but boi oh boi, I had plenty of other emotions to share.
After that she texted me again with an excuse also saying that "my thoughts will be empty without you on them" and it felt... I..felt So worthless... I don't even know how to put all that in words, but I was fourious more bc of that sentence than anything else, it was like she though that telling me nice things like that(she's always saying stuff like that btw, abt how much she loves and appreciate my friendship) that I was just going to calm down. The never god, THE NERVE.
Also to clarify, I don't believe any of it, I don't think that if someone appreciates you so much as a friend will do all the stuff she does or maybe, I just put to much of myself on people and wait the same in return or whatever.
But I do deserve some respect!
Anyway I've spent the last few days trying to ignore her and asking her for time to think this through w a cool head, but I'm apparently speaking in Chinese bc fcking hell she's doing all the opposite.
Even tho I told her that I don't want to see her for the time being she said that she wants to see me and give me a present.
And I don't want this present whaterver it is bc, it doesn't feels natural, it doesn't feel like something you give someone bc you appreciate them, instead it feels like "I'm sorry, so chill out" kind of thing. I mean, she has never given me anything, no even for my birthday( also, she has never, never! congratulated me on my birthday, and every year in there like a dog wishing her a good b-day) so, I'm just guessing that, for some reason she wants to return all stuff that I've gave her, Idk that's the only thing I can think of.
I've replay different scenarios to solve this in my head and I just got 3 options left, and each leaves me w a bad taste in my mouth.
never speak w her again, and even I wanted to, my pride wouldn't allow me to do so. So this is a for good thing.
Act like nothing happened, mistakes happen, "don't worry I don't care as much as it looks" she will forget abt this trust me, but I'm risking myself for the same thing to happen again.
Or I could keep talking to her, but it will no be the same, I wouldn't talk to her like I used to and every thing will be awkward, we're not even that close, I'm closer to the people I've met this year on college than this five years that I have w her, however it looks like she doesn't see it like this.
I'm kinda pointing to the 3rd one, whatever I do, it not will be the same anymore.
Also she seems very determined and convicted that I will stop talking to her so....
IDK. I don't know what to do. I was hopping to go to my psychologist and ask for advice.
I still have a light crush on her, that's why this is so difficult, Idk, she kinda makes me feel wanted, even if it's a lie, it's nice to hear someone that they're grateful for meeting you. I'm not that mad anymore, I'm more mad at the fact that she didn't cancel me when I offered her and that she couldn't take half a second of her time to text me and say that she wouldn't go than the whole thing. I know she's sick and have a complicated life, but Fuck, think abt how you affect others w your actions.
