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blake kathryn
Color Me Curious
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Origami Around
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Not today Justin
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@theartofmadeline
The Stonewall Inn
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almost home
taylor price
Fai_Ryy
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@howdidyoufindthisblogat
To the people worried that Caduceus' new cut is an Emotional Breakdown Haircut… Please. The man has always balanced aesthetics and practicality.
Have you ever worn a hat all day over long hair? Tangles are inevitable. And it gets ice in it, gets ratted up in coat collars… And sheared sides would be cold if he left them uncovered.
His new cut is:
a) Easier to maintain
b) Warmer
c) Fly as hell
I can't relate to anyone.
I think I'm pretty.
Or at least, pretty enough for someone to fall in love. People have done so a few times already.
But I think I'll be lonely and alone forever.
I feel like any kiss from me would automatically be disgusting. Any contact would be unwanted, deep inside.
It feels like I'm constantly excreting an invisible layer of all things disgusting and vile, and I don't want to expose anyone I like to it.
I can't relax around people because of it.
Not even around my closest family.
I'm just gross.
It's pretty damn easy to have sex with me when I'm drunk, but I can't seem to draw any comfort out of it or search it out myself. That's funny. I sure didn't seem to mind people touching me like that when I was twelve.
No one enjoys my company. I'm 80% certain of it. I can't tell anyone to stop forcing themselves to hang out with me, because they'd lie to not seem like a bad person and that hurts more. I've found myself dreaming of taking advantage of these social constructs by asking people if they want to meet up, even though I know no one does. Not with me. Saying no is uncomfortable, though... I won't ever do such a shameful thing, people don't deserve to put up with me. Sometimes I wish they'd invite me to hang more often. I'm selfish like that. Only caring about myself.
Reasons why I think I'm the person I am today
I grew up in rot. I grew up alone and never learned how to communicate with people who aren't my sister. I'm the worst mix of an idiot and a bezzerwizzer. My neighbor molested me when I was a kid, and I was fine with it back then because I liked the attention. I've been depressed since I was like 12 years old. My brother would threaten me with violence a lot. I never had to do anything at home. I didn't have chores. I never learned how to do them, only how to handle living in mess.
I grew up crooked
I often wonder if there's anything I could've done to change how I am now. My bed room was hell. The walls were red. The furniture was random and old. The curtains were a bright yellow. The floor would be messy, but I never had the energy to clean it. There was also only one small window, and no functioning lamps. There was a dirty clothes basket in the corner of the room that reeked of cat piss. There were dead birds and mice rotting on the floor, discarded by the cat. I'd lie in bed, trying to sleep through the stench of death. Eventually, the rot almost became a comfort. No one ever noticed. No one ever entered my room besides me and my twin sister. No one was ever there to enter. The house was empty and messy. It was very, very old, and surrounded by nothing but forest and fields. We had no neighbors, just me and my twin sister, growing up almost all alone in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes I wish there had been someone taking care of us. Maybe I wouldn't have grown accustomed to the smell of rotting flesh. Maybe I wouldn't feel so fucked up in the head. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten myself raped. Maybe I wouldn't be scared of talking to people. Maybe I would've been better at things. Maybe I wouldn't have given up.
But has anyone heard the original demo?
The superior version for real
I like how in dating apps and websites, people act almost like I’m an easily startled bunny, nervous cat or something like that.
“Hello beautiful, you have such pretty eyes”, “Hi gorgeous”, “Hi beauty how are you” sounds all like things I’d only say to some random cat to coax them over to me
Like when would you ever say that irl if not to a cute animal
Sometimes you are on the precipice, the moment where everything could topple. Maybe it is danger, or a hard choice, or just change (which is, in our perception, the biggest danger of all). And sometimes we are on the smooth flats, where everything is stable, and the precipice is just a tickle in the back of the back of our minds. But deep down, we know the truth. We see it sometimes, driving at night through a rainstorm, or when the phone rings at the wrong hour, or when the plane starts to shake, there are no smooth flats. It’s all precipice. Always. And sometimes we are facing the precipice, and sometimes we are turned away. But it is always there, and we are always teetering. And maybe the fall isn’t even the worst part. Maybe, when we fall, there is at least the relief that we know we’re falling. No more uncertainty. Maybe the worst part is the teetering, the teetering for years and years.
Welcome to Night Vale episode 92: If He Had Lived
meow
Drabbled down #002
Sometimes I wonder if you feel as dead as I do, because I constantly feel your ghost next to me when I am in bed.
Drabbled down #001
“How about a last dance?” He asked, smiling softly like he always did.
“You know, I don’t think you have grasped the concept of the word ‘last’ completely”, I muttered as he grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. “Which one of these last dances will actually be our last?”
Haiku #001
Disappointment is
Distant, less evident when
It is to expect
Things I’ve never confessed in public before now
Not that this really counts as public, as I have exactly 0.00000 followers... More like, things I’ve never confessed until now, as I’m whispering it to myself in the middle of a huge-ass forest. Like, what’s the chance someone’s actually reading this ever
1. I might’ve been statutory raped when I was like 12 or something, and it was probably my fault
2. Even as I tell people who are interested in me that the thought of romance grosses me out, that couldn’t be further from the case. I love the thought of romance, I just can’t see anyone really liking me that way, and I’m too awkward and scared of affection to manage to keep a relationship without running away
3. I can’t sit still, I can’t stop fidgeting, I can’t focus
I’m terrified of affection so please keep it ten feet away from me thanks
Please don’t “fall in love” with me, I’m terrible I promise
If only you could see this blog
damn it this is the fourth guy in three years
You don’t even know me, man
I wish I was hotter
Then I could get a sugar daddy and live my life semi-comfortably
