AM I SANE?

You decide. This is a Chronicle of my Life and what it has to offer. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Drugs are good for you.

They make you forget, most not permanently but for the time being. You are more captivated by the visual, physical and audible. The Present, not worried about whats to come, not worried about what happened, a distraction among all the chaos that surrounds us on a personal level and even abroad. Quit my job, so to pass a drug test for any possible NEW jobs, I'm sober. I know some people would blame irritability as one of the symptoms, but real life situations cant be superficial. Why do they all seem to happen at the worst times? 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Long time coming... still coming.

Its been a good minute since last logging onto this thing. I'm pretty sure I have no one watching at this point, and thats fine. Saves them from reality. Took an off day... well I worked in the morning but it wasn't bad. The rest of the day.... me, alone in the house, and enough weed to keep me high until bed. I don't know if its helping or just helping to forget. Ive teetered on the edge of wether or not its morally just to smoke. Oh well. Nothing has changed, not for the good anyways. Car broke down, and my second is falling apart, money is short, still fighting my little love triangle, and I'm fighting over quality of weed with my friend... turned bad and now we are talking. Boom Boom Boom. 

My names Lutho. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Couldn't make a Love letter to the Angel.

Am I proud of what I did? Today, yes. Yesterday, no. The day before that, no. The day before that, no. Mmmm Still hurts. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Sending Love Letters the Devil.

Your what I dreamt of as a child, what I yearned for as a teen, and what I ask for as an adult. As selfish as it may seem, I'm talking about beauty amongst everything I COULD have asked for. Your just so fucking hot. How can I be expected to let you go? I grew up on the larger side, still am. Never would I have thought I would get to know someone of your stature as well as I have. Much less for you to have this underlying desire for me. You cant bring yourself to act on it. I've told you multiple times the distance between us isn't an issue. I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. You just leave me with a yellow light. These fucking idiots you fall for, they tore you up and I still don't think you have learned your lesson. I assure you, I'm not one of those ignorant children, and I think you know that. I have, and continue to sit in an un-describable amount of mental pain waiting for you, because you ask me to. Im thinking about the Total Recall thing again. 100% reset. What do you think? Im afraid it will cause your suicide. We used to joke about death. Will I still be able to if you did?

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Honesty

I haven't been sober since my family left for NYC, not out of “missing them”. No, haha. Out of the fact that I can. As I suspected, Weeds paranoia comes from an overall feeling of un-acceptance. Everyone I know at this point and time is ok with me smoking, and without anyone to hide it from, just brings an intense peacefulness, that wasn't there back when I was hiding it. That being said, thats not why I logged on today. Two girls. Two girls are fighting for my heart right now, or better yet, MY heart is fighting itself to decide which is the one for it. I've never seen such an obvious example of The devil on my right, and an Angel on my left. I'm sitting here, I KNOW, that the devil can hurt me, she is toxic. The probability is there. Yet, intoxication cant be spelled without TOXIC. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Split

Everyone kept telling me to watch the movie Split, why go see something you have experienced in real life? Haha no I'm sure that it gets slightly more violent in the movie than it did when my mother turned, but I was 12 and I'm sure it seemed just as bad back then. Yea, here we go.

[howsaneareyou-blog]

The Best Part

The best part of this whole Tumblr thing, is that no one I now, unless I give them access to such, can see what I post here. No questions, no backlash, no issues. Friends birthday was yesterday. Between the two of us, we killed a bottle of my favorite Liquid in the world, also known as the Green Fairy! A very sensual woman indeed, and I can 100% truthfully say, the most intoxicating one as well. We get real while we are drunk, its a rarity for us to be in the same room drunk. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Kujo

The earliest Memory that I have from before shit hit the fan was a day me and my mother were headed into another town and the topic fell to “Her scariest experience”. I was like 8, so I was curious. She stopped and thought for a bit and bullshitted her way out of the conversation. later she pulled me aside as if it was something serious and answered something about a dog who was vicious, who had cornered her sister and her and had went to attack them but jumped completely over them. The rest of the story is hazy to me, just as most of my memories from back then. Weeks later she fell into the floor, blacked out and let her inner most thoughts take form. Mmm. My age of ignorance, failed me, and I was oblivious the the LITERAL hell I was soon to see with my own eyes. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Batting for two at once.

The night after getting home from the Festival I went to save my Ex from Loneliness. She was house sitting and was getting dark. I ended up with her cum on my pants and my fingers inside of her, and my beard soaked. Im so fucking confused at what I need to do. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Coming out strong.

This weekend was a step in my life I am not sure helped me or hurt me. Came out thinking it helped, now that I'm back to my thoughts, that may not be true.    I physically met someone I knew online for a year and a half. I spent the whole weekend with her, infact. There was a lot of Dope smoked that weekend. its still hazy. The only clear memory was of me staring at her for what turned out to be all day. I knew it was weird, I didn't care. I couldn't stop admiring her. 

[howsaneareyou-blog]

Well, it was this or Youtube. I needed somewhere to let it all go. Im Nic, nice to meet you. Im twenty years old, I am six and a half feet tall, and I'm redheaded. Don't worry, you will get to know me more, come later posts. Wanna know something specific? Just Ask.