[howwonderfulisthemoon]

Oh baby… am starting to be only a memory for you?

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

I dreamt of you today. It was good. My dreams are weird and I had few dreams that night but one of them was that you came. I did not dream about your coming back but about you that I have always wanted - happy, eager to tell me the smallest thing, running to me to tell me. It felt like we were home

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

It is harder today. It feels heavier knowing that you slowly remove me from your life, steadily slowly. Same as I wanted to work it out with you. This aches. But!!! I have made a note with all the things I need to work on.

Baby I do believe in us, I believe that we can do it together. We both know it. Let’s take a moment to reflect and come back stronger, wiser and with this love that tangled us in the first place.

[nonbinarythorin]

[soluksuret]

[landsccape]

[fluffygif]

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

My old friend reached out to me out of nowhere. This can help me. Though with every tiktok or reel I am learning that there is way more to us than we think or than I think and we have so many things to talk about and to repair. I just hope you will reach out to me soon so we could start doing this the right way. I am willing to learn you all over again and I am willing to learn me just right so we can be two souls in love together. I am really hopeful although some say I shouldn’t be

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

one whole ass conversation will make the difference. One whole conversation with everything that have not been said, with understanding, with listening and thinking about it, with being 100000% honest about every little thing that was off. Not with fighting but with understanding, listening, love and thoughts. I believe in that. I also believe in us, that we will be and are the proof that this will make us, our love and our relationship stronger. I believe in you, I believe in me, I believe in our love, I believe in us

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

it is easier believing that you will come back especially with signs telling me that, harder to know that there is many things you did not tell me or I did not realised you said. We do have a whole conversation that we should have had earlier about all the things that bothered us. I do think now that you made your choice earlier, I do not know why you stayed for so long, maybe you waited for the day it will feel light to make this decision. I really want to believe that we just need time and space for us individually, so we can come back stronger to love each other as we do but I get the feeling that you did make up your mind and decided this not to have a break or come back to each other but to leave me, me as a person.

[midnightglances]

it hurts to remember and it hurts to forget

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

I did start a note with my thoughts and updates for you and for me. It is not the same as here. I do not know why tho.

Over 70 voice memos and few messages as I thought writing would be easier but no. I just walk around and talk. Some are just a few seconds, some are few minutes. I talk about everything that is happening, about my conclusions, my feelings, my everyday life situations, everything. There’s yearning to you, the conclusions I made, the i love you’s I can no longer tell you, the i miss you’s you probably can imagine, the bad thoughts and the good thoughts, updates on my life which were kind of big that I can no longer share with you

This, I guess, is a way of letting my thoughts go somewhere else than my depths, I don’t know. Maybe there is something in expressing this in English, maybe the fact that it is public. I do not know. But I guess I need it. I have always use and thought of this blog as my journal. Although I have not blogged here for years I still do think about it like that. Maybe also this was a mistake of forgetting about this journal of mine.

[howwonderfulisthemoon]

i think i need to come back to writing here. Thats how i can let the words and thoughts come out of me without bothering people so much.

I had signs, signs saying that it’s not over yet. That we will come back together. I still cannot believe I did this to us. But Im holding onto the signs, I will make the change within me, I will listen to you and give you space you needed. I just wish I would be more sure that you will come back to me soon. I think that’s what is killing me. The uncertainty or the certainty that is over but also my hopes and your words and our feeling and connection and our love. I wished I listened to you sooner or actually did something sooner. Now I know which parts of me need work. I kind of new before but I and also we did not focus on what we should have on earlier. I do believe in our love, I do believe in us. I believe in chances, I believe in this connection. I know you need space and time. I understand that, I don’t want to take it from you, I honour that.

I wanted to reach out so bad tho, I couldn’t hold it in me. It broke me, it destroyed me, I felt like a garbage, I have not been so devastated before. I did not imagine a feeling like this before but I am strong, I am trying to be strong for me, for you, for us. I know you need this and I really really hope you will find peace in this and come back soon to star things from the top, from dates, from cute nicknames, from loving and wanting each other to be able to find us again, work on us and be stronger that ever. Like the time before when I told you, many times, over again, with different tries but with you and only you we will be stronger.

For now I will try to focus on me, on going to the roots of my flaws and change them for myself, for you, for us. I love you so so much I can’t even imagine. I am mad at me for not realising that earlier, for letting myself forget that and making you feel less than you should. I will do it. So whenever you’re ready we can try again

[missinyouiskillingme]

I am afraid I will love you forever and we will never be in the same room again.

— Clementine von Radics, In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive

[vexheart]

[inkpressedpetals]

[tobiasforms]