Keeping on top of my HRT

Jaime. Scottish non-binary transfem. She/her. Blog for recording my moods, experiences and physical changes after starting HRT. Will be candid and nsfw in places.

[hrt-adventures]

Hormone Implosion

Long time no update. I’ve mostly been pretty stable, so there hasn’t been a lot to talk about. But this week. Oh boy. This week. My “period” coincided with the week I get my anti-T injection. And believe me when I say it has fucked me up my dudes.

I have been all over the place for the past 8 days or so. To begin with, I was just horny as all hell. More than I’ve ever been before on Wiggle Week. Quite a few tears over not having the same period experiences as my AFAB friends (only made worse by people telling me I was <i>lucky</i> not to have them), even more when thinking about not being able to carry my own children to term...

Then more being horny. This was a problem, because while I have 4 people lined up who’ve all said they’d like to sleep with me, 1 isn’t currently allowed by her relationship rules and the other 3 were also moonsick x_x

Then came my decapeptyl injection. And over the past few days, I suddenly went from (relatively) high testosterone, and Wiggle City, to low. I’m back to how I was at the beginning of last year, when I was randomly screaming at my flatmates because their faces upset me...

I should even out in a few days. But today is going to be spent quickly switching between raging, crying, giggling and being too fatigued to think or move.

[hrt-adventures]

Hormone Cycle

I wrote a post for this a while back, but I must have managed to delete it instead of posting it. Oops. Anyways, I’ve noticed that I’ve developed a monthly cycle. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but speaking to other trans women, a lot of them have experienced this as well, so I guess it really is A Thing? Looking back, it started back in September. Around the week of the full moon (yep, I’m a were-tran), I get much more emotional (mainly crying at things I wouldn’t normally) and super horny. I don’t really think about sex or masturbation much now, but that one week a month I sure do! (absolute nightmare dealing with that this month while I was super sick - sooooo frustrating!)

[hrt-adventures]

1 year on E today!

[hrt-adventures]

Libido’s (almost) back - nsfw -

I’ve noticed quite a significant upswing in my libido over the past two months. It’s not even close to its pre-HRT level, but its higher than it was. I’ve had a much more active interest in sex and pursuing sexual relationships with new people, and I’ve even masturbated like, 3 times over the past month (again, sounds like barely anything but that’s a big increase for me).

[hrt-adventures]

Non-update

I haven’t posted anything much on this blog for a while because everything’s been pretty stable. No big hormone upsets, the night sweats and hot flushes have calmed down mostly. No changes to my HRT regimen and I won’t be able to discuss SRS as an option until my next appointment with the gender clinic in February. 

[hrt-adventures]

Thinner/delicate skin (nsfw)

Got another reminder today that the skin around my genitals has gotten much more delicate :/ It’s been noticeable in the past, especially when it comes to sex (mainly a partner used to male penises not realising that trying to treat mine the same way would actually hurt me). Today though, my vibrator on a high setting actually left grazes all around my foreskin. Owwww.

[hrt-adventures]

Not so many night sweats

While I’m still getting a bit hot and damp and night, that’s probably because it’s summer and I’m overweight. But the past couple of days I haven’t woken up drenched in the middle of the night or had to sleep on towels, which is a massive relief. Buuuuut now that I’m not sweating all that water out I seem to need to pee like, all the time. *sigh*

[hrt-adventures]

Weight gain

Aaaaaah oestrogen whyyyy?  I was warned that oestrogen would promote weight gain. They weren’t kidding. I’m putting on something like 1kg every month. FML. I wouldn’t mind if it were all going to my boobs, but my thighs REALLY don’t need the extra stretch marks.

[hrt-adventures]

Moving to Decapeptyl

Forgot to update my blog on the day! - Thursday 1st June - So, last Thursday I had my first decapeptyl injection! The nice nurse stuck a needle in my butt (well, the area kind of above it actually, but that’s less fun to say) and that was that. One of those every three months for the rest of my life, in theory (unless I have an orchiectomy or SRS, but that’s a whole other thing). I’ve been advised by other friends that for the first two weeks, I should keep on taking my cyproterone as the decapeptyl takes some time to take effect and I don’t fancy the testosterone spike that would follow just dropping my anti-androgens completely. - Tuesday 6th June -  Unfortunately, like all HRT meds, there’s an adjustment period. I felt very downbeat in the days after the first injection. Then last night, I crashed super super hard. Sudden and extreme mood dip, lasting all the way through from about 6pm til midday today. I was crying, moping, hating myself and fantasising about hurting myself, which is not a place I go to very often these days. Not fun. I guess I should have been prepared for this, but everything I’ve been told about decapeptyl has been focused on the long term, not what it would do to me immediately after taking it. The doctor at Sandyford didn’t actually warn me about any short term side effects. I wish she had, I might have actually delayed the injections by a month til after my next set of uni deadlines. Oh well.

[hrt-adventures]

Getting creeped on

Well, it’s a sign of how much my breasts have developed that today some gross asshole sat opposite me in the labs un-apologetically staring down my top every chance he could get. This is the part of womanhood I have not been looking forward to.

[hrt-adventures]

+1 in Estrogen

Up to a whole THREE mg of estradiol a day now. Wooooo (only slightly sarcastic, while I’d like to go up more, it is still an increase in dose...)

[hrt-adventures]

Medication change incoming!

Guys, gals and non-binary pals, it’s FINALLY happening. From I’m getting my first decapeptyl injection next Thursday. Not long til I finally get away from cyproterone and it’s nasty depression side effects! Bonus, my oestrogen is being upped slightly from 2mg/day to 3mg, It’s not a lot, but it’s super welcome ^__^

[hrt-adventures]

Stretch marks

Goodness heck. My booblets have got their first stretch marks. Guess it’s time to start frantically rubbing on bio-oil so that maybe doesn’t become too much of a thing (ok, I know stretch marks aren’t the end of the world, but I’ve got enough of them already, I’l like my new boobs to be as pretty and pristine as possible).

[hrt-adventures]

Breast tenderness (returns)

After a few weeks of relative stability, my boobs are back to being a pain. The areolas are... not quite itchy, but it’s a sensation like that, which makes me want to run at them, which is super sore.

[hrt-adventures]

So, it turns out my nipples bruise REALLY easily. Found that one out the hard (but fun, at least) way.

[hrt-adventures]

Night sweats

Urgh. That’s over a week of night sweats now. Waking up feeling clammy and gross every morning is not ideal. Well, I guess this is what towels and washing machines are for...

[hrt-adventures]

Tears of joy

Cried from happiness for the first time ever after finding out my friend and his girlfriend said “I love you” for the first time. Heck.