[the-future-is-chrome]

irreversible damage? damn, i sure hope it is! (if you need context or an explanation i made one under the cut)

this art piece is based on the cover of the book "irreversible damage" by a terf named abigail shrier. the book is a transphobic shit show that fearmongers about transitioning, specifically for transmascs and trans people afab. i made this art to be a subversion of the book cover by showing the girl as a happy and fulfilled trans man. the phrase "damn, i sure hope it is!" refers to the "irreversible" part of the book title and how a trans person would want their transition to be irreversible

[mintopoleli]

:O !! I wanna join :)

[mintopoleli]

Getting my first ever binder soon!

Whatever I choose to do to my body better be irreversible. I better get a refund if it isn't.

[tboy-cock]

dropped several sources on a transphobe in a comments section but one of the links is actually just a jpeg of waluigi. he hasnt noticed it yet. he just made up a strawman and i said "well ive given several sources to back up my claims and you've given me none". please god just notice my waluigi

[the-amazeeng-idiot]

I recently found out that something like aplatonic exists and I have interesting things to say about the way I reacted to it.

My first reaction was confusion. How can someone not feel platonic love? Isn't that one of the most basic human needs? Is it even possible to live without platonic love? How are these people not sad?

My next reaction was indignation. No. That doesn't make sense. That's bullshit. I don't believe there is a single person on this planet who could go without platonic relationships. I can't imagine it. That person is definitely hurting their friends when they don't feel anything in their friendships.

And then... Well, I looked it up. I read about the concept. And I accepted it. Because who am I to talk into people's feelings? That thing can't be influenced by either of us. Best I can do is wish them luck.

So, why am I saying this?

These reactions are the same as those of allo people when they hear about aro/ace folk for the first time. A lot of the time without the last step. As an aro/ace myself, I've been affected by such behavior in the past (still am sometimes), so I try my best to be understanding.

I cannot imagine a world where I couldn't feel platonic love because it's basically the only thing I was given to feel connected to people. But that's the thing. I couldn't imagine. I would be so sad if I couldn't feel platonic love.

My circumstances are different.

Which is why I was ashamed. I went through stigma, I still go through stigma, as an aromantic/asexual person, and it's not fair of me to give the same treatment to others.

So, I simply... Won't. I have my opinion. I still don't understand it yet.

Doesn't mean I have to be an asshole about it

[probablyacolour]

Let me start with these are actual questions for people who see this I’m not trying to argue just understand but this sounds harsh. I swear I don’t mean it to

1: aplatonic as a label makes sense as a concept but I don’t entirely understand how that fits into queerness(saw this in comments/rbs). I can see how they would be close with/relate to queer people but the whole point of aro/ace is it being a romantic/sexual orientation, so queer. Platonic and familial love are different unrelated kinds of love I feel like we harp on that a lot right? So how is it considered queer? Just like?? Vibes? (This sounds mean I promise I am just asking. If it is because the vibes/experiences are similar I respect it)

2: kind of similar to it not being an orientation, and I apologize if this sounds weird but this is how I think of it, sexual attraction is because of evolution, romantic love split off of that when humans evolved to have complex emotions and all that. Liking people as friends doesn’t that just?? Happen? Does that make sense? Like if it’s not attraction how do you experience a lack of it

3: this one I know sounds bad i apologize but hold on coming from an aro/ace with low empathy and a rough relationship with relationships I feel like not wanting to be around people/not caring for other people like at all isn’t great for a person? In the way of humans are social beings etc like I’m not a psychologist but being lonely isn’t good right

So if I’m misunderstanding what this is and it’s “I have a hard time making friends” disregard this but just never wanting any relationships of any kind ever doesn’t entirely make sense to me is the summary of the last one

I know this sounds judgemental i apologize but i can’t find answers in the rbs so i am asking here. Hello tumblr users with different life experiences

[hrtdhmfr]

Heya I’m aplatonic aroace, maybe my answers to these questions can help?

1: how can aplatonic be a queer orientation?

I view queerness in regard to attraction and relationships to be anything that doesn’t fit the expected social norm. The norm here is based off the nuclear family model that is pushed on everyone. One man and one woman in a monogamous marriage who only have sex to procreate.

Homosexual and homoromantic people defy heteronormativity, thus being queer. Asexual and aromantic people defy amatanormativity, thus being queer. Polygamous and polyamorous people defy the monogamous norm, thus being queer. Kinksters have a long history with other queer identities and also defy the norm of sex being primarily for procreation, thus being queer.

And so on and so forth for every sexual or romantic orientation you can think of.

So what about aplatonics, afamilials, and others that don’t experience other types of attraction? They’re not quite queerifying the sexual and romantic norm, but they definitely defy the platonic norm of assuming everyone has friends, acquaintances, and family. I consider these orientations to be queer because they defy platonormitivity the same way other orientations defy heteronormativity, amatanormativity, monogamy, etc. and they receive similar backlash for not upholding these social standards.

2: what even is platonic attraction anyway? Is it real?

I don’t know how much I can help identifying what exactly platonic attraction feels like because I don’t feel it. However, I know platonic attraction is real because I don’t experience it. I have no desire to befriend others, so I don’t make friends. Logically, if everyone felt the way I do, friends wouldn’t be a thing. Therefore: platonic attraction must exist in order to entice people into making platonic relationships.

Have you ever met someone and wanted to be their friend? Have you ever seen someone and thought “they look cool, I want to be around them more”? Have you ever thought of a person and wanted to know them on a personal level? In A-spec circles, this is called a squish: the platonic version of a crush.

Perhaps the reason you haven’t noticed getting a squish is because friendship is so incredibly normalised and expected to form in groups that spend regular periods of time together that you try to make friends whether you feel a desire to or not? I’m not you so I don’t know your situation, but when I was a kid it was expected for everyone in school to have at least one friend to the point where teachers would try to matchmake kids who sat alone (me).

3: how can you not feel the desire to make friends?

Because friendship isn’t the only way to interact with people, and platonic attraction isn’t the only other kind of attraction thats not sexual or romantic. Some people only want a hobby buddy, and don’t care to know each other on a personal level. Some people are so introverted they cannot meet the social demands a platonic relationship requires. Some people meet their intimacy requirements from dating and/or sexual relationships without getting friendship involved. Some people prefer to bond with other animals instead of humans. There’s all sorts of combinations that aren’t just no relationships at all.

However, some people are like that. I’m like that, actually! I am content with my imagination and inner world. I do not feel the need to get other people involved in my life any more than I have to because I don’t experience bonus happy chemicals in my brain from interacting with others. It wouldn’t work for a lot of people, but I am content with being something of a hermit.

I hope this helps, and please feel free to ask more questions if you need!

[zykeroth]

Hi I'd like to report a bug where the fuck is my tail I want to speak to the manager demiurge

[0xeyedaisy]

Thanks tumblr

[ivyquinzel]

[hrtdhmfr]

Cock cage that looks like a dog sheath is this anything

[hemipenal-system]

petplay? oh you mean that kink for burnt-out neurodivergent people with abandonment issues who need simple easy directions and assurance that the person giving them will still be there at the end of the night. yeah i got you i know what you're talking about

[lichtwespe-deactivated20250323]

um. girliepop. i dont have "stubborn belly fat" thats my primordial pouch. Why are YOU trying to covince me to lose MY evolutionary advantages. YOU'RE the weird one here. YOU'RE the one that's not surviving winter here.

[lichtwespe-deactivated20250323]

this. this is where i wanted this post to go.

i too had horrid body issues as I grew up. hospitalized a few times because of it. and thinking of it in terms of "this is helping me live" and "this is naturally how im supposed to be ( with transspecies undertones)" is the basis of how i got out of that.

fat helps with living. fat regulates temperature; fat stores nutrients; fat protects your organs. losing fat unnecessarily only helps you appeal to people that you shouldn't want in your life anyways.

thinking of my fat in terms of how it helps me survive as an animal kickstarted recovery. now i dont need to put on thirty billion layers of clothing to go out in the winter. now im able to do physical activities that i enjoy, like boxing, wrestling, sex, and doing my dream job, without getting seriously hurt every second; im not joking! i wrestled in high school during the peak of my eating disorder and i had to drop it because i kept getting hospitalized for organ damage and internal bleeding. now im not constantly tired because my body is glucose deprived, which helps with the aforementioned physical activity.

and im not even shitting you, i look a lot better. before recovery i was deadass built like an analog horror villain. now im actually built like a being that a loving God would create. my muscles, although they're barely visible now, are now attractive to the people i actually want them to be attractive to (predatory women back then vs. loving gay men now 💕).

[raptorish]

i have Thoughts about how gender is a social construct in relation to my theriotype actually

because I know that my raptorself is a female velociraptor, but it doesn't care about human gender because raptor gender is mostly about feather patterns and comparison with other raptors - but it doesn't have that here. it's never lived with other raptors to compare itself with!

so for me, as a raptor, I'm effectively a genderless creature because my raptorself doesn't have a social niche to slot a gender into. which is very interesting!

versus, my human self is constantly engaging with human society with human genders and gender expectations, which means I'm transgender as a human! but I'm completely separate from gender as a raptor, because raptor brain doesn't live in a raptor society.

i think this is an interesting note, because this is not because raptors in general lack a sense of gender! as you can tell whenever you look at birds outside, birds are often very separated between their sexes, and they often have differing roles in their avian relationships - but as a raptor who doesn't have any of those avian relationships, i never developed that sense of having a raptorial gender role.

it's funny, I think it would go both ways? if I were a raptor in body millions of years ago, living with other raptors, I would have a raptor gender - I would be female in the ways so many other birds are female. and I would not be a trans man, as a raptor, because being a trans man relies on the concept of human masculinity. I wouldn't know about human concepts of gender, so I wouldn't have a human gender.

basically, right now, I'm a trans man and a genderless raptor, and it's a very cool intersection of species and gender that I'm going to chew on for a while

[corvid-canidae-art]

Vent comic abt being autistic and a therian

[infernalis-crypture]

Masterlist

Start: 21/10/2025

End: 07/01/2026

I write my posts in advance to research things and ensure I give accurate information and queue them to 3 a day, I will try to update this list as those posts are aired. Thank you in advance for reading them. 💙

Scope & Boundary Disclaimer

This blog documents lived experience, internal mechanics, and adaptive patterns. It is not a guide on how to treat others, a justification for abuse, or a moral framework. Descriptions of behavior are explanatory, not prescriptive. Analysis is not endorsement. Tone is not intent. If you’re looking for villains, victims, or simplified narratives, this may not be the space for you.

I. Lived Experience & Self-Perception

(First-person reality, identity, and internal state.)

About my NPD (and how it actually works, for me)

What vulnerable NPD actually feels like day-to-day

How Schizoid traits might have kept me out of prison

The difference between emotional detachment (SzPD) and lack of empathy (ASPD/NPD)

What “flat affect” really is, and why it’s mistaken for coldness

“Am I Insightful or Just Grandiose?”: The Self-Awareness Paradox in NPD

When “Early Intervention” Becomes Iatrogenic Harm

The “ASPD Boredom Curse”: A Personal Dissection of Chronic Under-Stimulation

II. Emotional, Cognitive & Moral Processing

(How emotions, empathy, morality, and meaning are processed.)

Emotional Neutrality and Analytical Empathy: What It Feels Like and How It Gets Perceived

How Validation Calms Me Faster Than Comfort Ever Could

Why Morality Feels Intellectual, Not Emotional

What “empathy” even means neurologically and socially

How Self-Awareness Changes the Shape of Pathology

When Detachment Overrides the Urge to Retaliate: How SzPD blunts ASPD/NPD reactivity instead of amplifying it

The Thin Line Between Self-Deprecation and Strategic Humility

III. Behavioral Patterns, Coping & Conflict

(Defenses, reactions, and regulation strategies.)

The anatomy of a “narc crash”: what it feels like and what triggers it (and why provoking a narc crash is cruel)

The Difference Between Genuine Anger and Ego Injury

The “I’ll disengage before I explode” pattern

IV. Social Dynamics, Power & Presentation

(Hierarchy, perception, misunderstanding, and self-presentation.)

How I Switch Personas Depending on Perceived Hierarchy

Why I Can Read People Easily but Still Misjudge Intent

How I Test People’s Reactions Without Meaning To: A Clinical Breakdown of Unconscious Interpersonal Stress-Testing

How People Project Morality Onto Your Tone or Diagnosis

The Cost of Maintaining Multiple Versions of Myself

How Being Misunderstood Triggers Both Shame and Superiority

Power Without Noise: Fear, Precision, and Respect

V. Systems, DID & Interpersonal Interference

(All posts below are DID-related.)

Internal Dynamics & Hierarchy

Internal Power Dynamics: Why the Host Is Not the Leader

Internal Power Hierarchies Between Alters With Different Disorders

The Shared Fatigue of Constant Internal Dialogue

How Trauma Roles Clash or Overlap

Emotional & Cognitive Interactions

How Empathy Varies Between Alters: Cognitive, Emotional, and Absent

When High-Functioning Alters Get Burned Out Carrying the Others

External Behavior & Influence

How External Relationships Get Filtered Through Whoever’s Fronting at the Moment

When People Deliberately Trigger Specific Alters (and Why It’s a Boundary Violation)

The Way Conflicting Disorders Between Alters Shape Social Interaction

How Different Alters Handle Stress

When an Alter’s Personality Disorder Traits Affect System Reputation Externally

Fusion vs Cooperation: Functional Multiplicity and the “Final Fusion” Debate

VI. Myths, Media, Therapy & Recovery

(External narratives, misdiagnosis, and treatment.)

Why “Narc Abuse” Rhetoric Is Harmful and Scientifically Empty

How Schizoid Traits Get Misread as Arrogance or Laziness

The Ableism in How Society Labels Some Trauma Responses as “Evil”

Being misdiagnosed as BPD and why that happened, how ASPD/NPD can look like BPD externally

“Sociopath” and “Psychopath” as Movie Tropes vs. Reality

How Therapy Feels When Your Default State Is Emotional Detachment

Building Systems of Trust When Your Instinct Is to Control or Withdraw

What Actually Helps When I Don’t Respond to Guilt or Empathy Appeals

Gender, Socialization, and Covert NPD

Why “Curing” Isn’t Always the Goal; Sometimes It’s Precision Self-Management

DID in Media: Sensationalism vs. Functional Systems

VII. Philosophy

(Meta-level synthesis and theory.)

How Multiplicity Challenges Traditional Definitions of Selfhood and Accountability

Personality Disorders as Adaptive Systems, Not Malfunctions

How Morality Differs Between Alters With Different Cognitive Wiring

The Ethics of Labeling Morality Through Mental Illness

[faolkin]

It’s very hard relating to humans as a wolf.

I shake your hand and smile at you, engage in small conversation, I do everything like a formula day in day out. But it feels like such a charade, useless gestures to maintain social stability.

Truthfully, I don’t wish to speak to you or ask you about your day. I want to run, keep running until I’m far from civilization. I want to sink my teeth into prey. I want to charge headfirst into the forest without worrying about branches getting in my way at a bipedal height.

When I shake your hand, ensuring a sturdy grip for your approval and stare at your face so you think I’m engaged, I hate it. And I hate you too.

[hrtdhmfr]

Y'all I just got clocked as nb today at the petrol station I work at by one of the regulars

Was serving this middle aged woman and she asked if I was a guy or a girl in that unsure way and I went uh. and told her my name instead thinking I'd get a stink eye

And instead she was so excited to meet me bc I was unapologetically myself and she told me I could grow up to be whatever I wanted and she was really proud of me and she'd noticed how l'd grown and gotten more confident in my six months of working there and she shook my hand like I was her age and not 18

Apparently whenever she saw me she couldn't decide whether I looked masc or fem and she'd always think "she? he? shim!" (pronounced like the first half of shimmer) trying to be respectful and that's actually so adorable

That shit made my fucking day. Made my week.

Made my year. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being edgy and pick-me but then my gender (or more accurately the lack thereof) gets validated and I realise that actually l'm just not used to gender euphoria bc my family is transphobic

I think I gaslit myself into thinking I don't care bc l'd only really had a negative gender fuckery experience but wow. I actually care so much

[ace-trainer-alice]

On the topic of training and kink, I think one of the most fun kink group activities for me over the past like half year has been playing the training game. I've probably spent at least ten hours playing it with friends over five sessions or so over the past several months.

So, the training game comes from Karen Pryor's Don't Shoot the Dog. A book on animal training that I highly recommend. It's played with anywhere from three to ten people, ideally in the same room (though we've made discord calls work for international friends). All you need is an open space (it doesn't even need to be clean), and something like a clicker (whistling or snapping works, if everyone can snap).

To play, one person is designated the 'animal', and sent out of the room, where they're expected to not listen in. One person is designated the 'trainer' and given the clicker, and the trainer along with the group will then decide on some simple task. I've seen "hug a blahaj", "sit still on your bed for thirty seconds", "twirl and then curtsy", "do a push-up", "put the dirty dishes away", "kiss two plushies together", "crawl towards me on all fours", "throw a specific plush", "put your head in your hands", "take off your shirt", and "touch your nose to the bed". To name a few.

Then, the animal is summoned back into the room. No one is allowed to talk (except the animal, though the things they say might as well be barking for all they matter), and the trainer must through using only clicks guide the animal into performing the desired behavior. Standard practice is for the first few clicks to do a full reset of the room (with the animal leaving and returning) after, and occasionally to do a reset from then on. Thus, the goal of the animal is to try different behaviors and through trial and error physically discover the task. Everyone except for the animal and the trainer is to merely watch, and while they are permitted to laugh or groan non-volitionally, they are discouraged strongly from attempting to communicate directly.

The fun of the training game, in a kink sense, is severalfold. First, the animal's behavior is directly being shaped by the game. They are being forced to think with their body, and they are simultaneously the center of attention and being analyzed. The trainer meanwhile is directly getting to shape their behavior, and enjoying that power dynamic. There is something truly special about guiding a sub into what might normally be a demeaning behavior, or just forcing them to do something cute on your command.

The utility of the training game, in a training sense, is simple. It teaches you how to understand how an animal perceives the world, it teaches you how to communicate without language, and it teaches you the importance of timing in operant conditioning. Finally, it teaches proper usage of a clicker. All of this is, if you have a kink for training, immensely useful.

I really enjoy the skill expression of it. Learning how to time the clicks to keep your animal satisfied with a difficult task, learning how to time the clicks to keep your animal from going down the wrong path, learning how to read what your animal is thinking on their body language and react accordingly. ...Also I'm probably like. one of the worst in my group at being the animal. There is a certain headspace with it, it rewards thinking with your body and not your mind. And I'm not good at that! I should also note that it can end up being a pretty good exercise for the animal.

The "discord call" adaptation of the training game works less well along a few factors. You'll all want to make sure you are intimately aware of exactly how long the ping delay for sending a "click" is, and I recommend highly using the soundboard for it. I will note that while the animal will need video, and a camera that can see a wide range to move, the trainer doesn't. I found the adaptation to be somewhat less euphoric but sometimes even more rewarding with difficult prompts.

Finally, playing it. I recommend rotating through animals and trainers, so everyone gets to be in each role at least once. Ideally, with every possible permutation. Additionally, try to start with very simple objectives, like picking up a specific object or making a specific movement. Gradually increasing the difficulty over time will make the game more exciting. It can be as quick as a single round or as long as multiple hours of play. It is fairly involved, but I think keeping it low stakes is for the best.

Anyway, the training game is, as you can see, not explicitly sexual in any way. And depending on the choice of objectives, it can lean more or less erotic, though being the designate 'animal' and 'trainer' will always be erotic to the right ppl. If you have a kink group, it can work as a pre-scene activity, or even just a casual thing to play while other things are happening. If you're interested at all, I highly recommend getting a group together and trying it sometime.

[hrtdhmfr]

14yo me: hey mum, guess what! I'm aromantic and asexual!! There's a word for when you don’t want to get married and have kids 🙂

My mum: lol it's bc you haven't hit puberty yet, just wait till you're 16, I was the same as you until my hormones hit (lie, she wanted to marry my dad at 12)

Me: 🥲

18yo me: hey mum, guess what! I'm still aroace!! And I'm sexually mature 😏

My mum: lol it's bc you're still young and fertile, wait till you're 35 and your body clock starts running out

Me: 😒

God I could only imagine the shit she'd come up with if I told her I'm aplatonic and probably low empathy

Can't wait till I'm 40 to see what other excuse she makes up for why I'm not actually aroace and don't want kids :/ it's literally in my calendar (assuming I live that long and am still in contact with her)

[screambirdscreaming]

One of the big things I struggle with functions-wise is getting stuck in what I call optimization loops. Where there's several tasks that need doing, and some would be optimized by having another task done first, but it can't be shaken out into a clear executable task list.

Simple example: I need to shower, eat food, and go to grocery store. I'm hungry and don't have energy to cook, so the easiest food option would be to get a deli item at the grocery store. But I want to shower before leaving the house. But I don't have energy to shower without eating first.

It feels very silly to get stuck on such a minor dilemma for as long as I have! But there are times I've spent hours looping through this list, trying and failing to start it anywhere. And the only way out, I find, is to manually override it: to catch it happening and say, fuck it! I can go to the grocery store stinky! It's fine!!

It could be considered a subset of perfectionism, because the override very much involves hitting yourself with the idea that it's ok to do things suboptimally. But it feels like it comes from a slightly different place. As someone who struggles with executive function, I get myself through a lot of tasks by trying to optimize to the smoothest, lowest-friction way through. The task order that minimizes having to do any step more than once, or having to remember too many things at a time. If I can arrange my tasks just right, sometimes I can get one task to cover part of the work of doing another! And if I can put my tasks in an order that feels natural and ideal, I can lower the energy of activation it takes to get moving. And, sometimes, avoid the choice paralysis of not being able to pick a task out of a list of equal priority.

Except that, obviously, sometimes the optimization process throws up glitches of its own. There's the closed loop I described, and there's also another catching point where a task I have the mental energy and wherewithal to do gets stuck behind a task that's too big/intimidating/difficult to tackle. For example: I just sent some emails I've been procrastinating on for over a month, because I need to set up a new email address, and I was telling myself it'd be better to get that set up before I contacted people, because it would save me the hassle of dragging a bunch of conversations over to a new account when I did get it set up. I still haven't made the other email! But I realized that hypothetical future hassle was not worth the delay of not sending those emails for as long as it's going to take to actually get my brain together to figure out a new email service.

Surprisingly, doing something like this often actually makes the difficult task I was stuck on easier! Another thing I struggle with is a flinch reaction from tasks that are both pressingly important, and unapproachable to do. The more I need to do a task immediately, the more stressed and overwhelmed and self-recriminating I get about the fact that I don't know how to even start doing it. It gets so bad I can't even think about it directly - I think about the general shape of it, flinch, and divert my attention so I don't panic.

And when I've got a minor, pressing task stuck behind a big nebulous scary task, it presses the unapproachable task forward, makes it urgent, and that makes it harder to figure out how to do. If I can get around it, and do the actually pressing task in some contrived way that pushes some miscellaneous messy consequences forward, it takes pressure off the big task. And then I can actually think about it, without panicking, which makes it possible to actually work on doing it.

That last point also often applies to asking for help. I have a weird hangup here: I find it excruciatingly difficult to ask for help if I haven't at least *started* the thing I need help with. Which gets into the same dynamic: I have a big unsorted task I can't think about directly without panicking, or the path of steps to doing it that I've managed to figure out starts with one I can't make myself tackle, so I'm stuck doing nothing with no way in. Asking for help means admitting to someone that there is going to be mess, that I can't tackle the problem in the optimal front-to-back way so there's going to be inconvenient problems generated in some of the steps that will have to be dealt with at other steps, and some of that inconvenience might be to people other than me!! But just managing to say this, to admit this upfront, is sometimes enough to cut the gordion knot of not being able to start anywhere.

So, ok, it is a little bit about perfectionism. But perfectionism that comes from a slightly sideways place: the desperation to avoid creating problems in the future, to the point where instead you create problems now.

[borderlinereminders]

One thing I often hear when talking about mindfulness is people mentioning that they can’t be mindful because they can’t do the focused breathing or focus on their bodies. This is really valid. I’m the same way. That sort of mindfulness actually freaks me out. 

But I want to talk about mindfulness a bit more because there are other ways to be mindful that are just as valid and may be helpful to you if the above does not work for you. 

Here are some ideas: 

Petting an animal or stuffy mindfully. Take notice of the texture. And if it’s a live animal, take note of any behaviour or reactions. 

Make or order a food you really love and pay special attention to the smell and appearance. Take note of the taste and texture of each bite. 

Go for a walk and notice the sights around you, and listen to nature sounds. Maybe you hear birds chirping or dogs barking. Really listen. 

Colour in a colouring book, or do your own drawing/painting. Really focus on what you’re creating. This can be a very mindful activitiy. 

Please feel free to share other examples of mindfulness that work for you!