“Oh, that sounds like a marvelous idea. Absolutely fantastic. One hundred percent foolproof.”
“I was gonna say that I don’t need you, but I actually do.”
“At least I’m able to admit what I did was wrong - unlike you.”
“My pride is just fine, thank you. Why shouldn’t it be? I mean, I totally let that happen.”
“Hear me out. Say ‘heck’ was the lovechild of hell and fuck, wouldn’t that make heck a swear word?”
“…What is that even supposed to mean?”
“Should we talk about this?”
“Say [insert whatever here] one more time - I dare you.”
“Oh God not another one.”
“Someone took Star Wars way too seriously if that’s how they kiss their sibling.”
“For the love of - for the last time, I’m not an energizer bunny on crack!”
“What was the purpose of Jar-Jar Binks anyway?”
“Why would anyone drink liquefied bees?!”
“I… I love you. I really do. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”
“Don’t you dare touch me!”
“It’s been nice knowing ya.”
“We… we shouldn’t have done that.”
“It was broken when I got here.”
“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do for them.”
“That’s right, asshole, I’m still alive.”
“Seriously though, Donald Trump is like a humanized carrot with a toupee and no brain. Either that or he’s like Jabba the Hutt. Maybe a cross between the two.”
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you.”
“Oh, yeah? Why should I believe you?”
“Please tell me that’s your hand.”
“I don’t believe in fate or destiny.”
“I’ve trusted the wrong person one too many times.”
“Everything’s written in the stars.”
“That is utter bullshit! Don’t you dare tell me that I need to love myself before I can love [insert name here]!”
“I shouldn’t be trusted with hot or sharp objects.”
“Then why did you give me one?”
“TLC stands for thin layer chromatography. Wait. Shit. No it doesn’t. Tender loving care. It means tender loving care. Ignore what I said before that.”
“I swear to God, if you put your hand over my mouth again, I will lick and/or bite you.”
“I really don’t feel good.”
“You don’t have the right to keep my here.”
“And what did that prove, huh?! That you’re - you’re some kind of hero?!”
“It’s the end of the world, [name]. Are you ready?”
“I had everything under control!”
“Hey, whoa! Don’t kill the messenger!”
“I’m not a soldier! Don’t expect me to behave like one!”
“I don’t believe in Ouija boards but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna fuck around with one of those things.”
“Go ahead, shoot me. I dare you.”
“I’ve seen too many people come and go. What makes you think you’re any different?”
“You’re no hero. Not now and not ever.”
“I’ll see you again. I promise.”
“Of course the United States is in the lead when it comes to teenage pregnancy; their sex education classes are complete shit.”
“And I should care because…?”
“Did I tell you how amazing you look today? Because you look absolutely stunning.”
“Okay, either you want something from me or you’re trying to hide something.”
“I may or may not have broken that thing you told me to avoid.”
“When I die I want you to sprinkle my ashes all over [insert theme-park here].”
“I shouldn’t have told you that. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You’re venturing into dangerous territory, my friend. I’d stop where you are now and leave before you regret this.”
“Didn’t you hear? Someone was murdered here.”
“No, no, no. That’s supposed to go on the left.”
“That’s it! Next time, I’m driving!”
“Why are there always two teams in fiction? Why not… five or something?”
“I’m gonna bust you outta here.”
“That’s great, but how the fuck are you going to do that?”
“I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“In all honesty, I didn’t even think I would be able to get here.”
“Don’t the music videos for Maroon Five’s ‘Animals’. It’s fucking disturbing.”
“Don’t you dare die on me!”
“Seagull noises make it all better.”
“You run slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.”
“Nothing is impossible to wrap!”
“Have you ever tried slamming a revolving door?”
“Uh… no. I’m not an idiot.”
“What do you think you’re doing?! Put that back!”
“I thought that… maybe… maybe it would work.”
“That one is definitely on me.”
“Y’know, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t supposed to explode.”
“I’m honestly scared that I will always be alone. That no one will love me.”
“I know it’s stupid, but it still doesn’t hurt any less.”
“What did you expect was going to happen?!”
“Did you ever think of me?”
“I don’t even remember when adults started to freely swear around me.”
“I feel my time is running out.”
“I tried to save them. Don’t you dare say that I didn’t try.”
“Just drop it; it’s not worth it.”
“Took you long enough to get here!”
“Look at me. Look at me! Ignore everything else, just look at me. Please.”
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